I knew from a young age that I was beautiful. When I was six years old, I heard the aunt next door say to my mother with a frown: "Sister Cai is so lucky. Xiaotao looks like this. It seems that a golden phoenix will fly out of your poor nest."

At that time, I didn't know what a phoenix was, but I knew what poverty was. My mother gave birth to three more brothers after me, and they all depended on my father to cultivate the few acres of thin land to support them. One year, there was only a little rice and flour left in the house. My mother made some noodles and gave them all to my brothers, leaving only some noodle soup for me. That night, I was so hungry that I had to drink water desperately until my stomach was bloated and painful. I bent over and ran to the wall and vomited all over the floor. But there was nothing in my stomach to vomit, only bile that kept vomiting. The winter night was unusually cold. I held the wall and shivered constantly, watching the yellow and green bile on the ground flow into the cracks between the stones, and swore in my heart: I don't want to live like this again.

Since I started to grow up, boys in the surrounding area have loved to hang around me, and I have also learned how to use tricks to exchange more things from them. The boy who came to see me most often was called Hu Zi. His mother was a wet nurse in a wealthy family in the city. She often sent me many new and rare things. I knew he liked me very much, but I looked down on him. I knew that with my appearance, I could get a better life sooner or later.

But I pretended to admire him very much and begged him to teach me to read, even if it was just writing my name. He was very happy that I looked at him differently, and he became more and more attentive to send me all kinds of small things. One year during the Lantern Festival, he secretly brought me a very exquisite food box. The moment he opened the food box, he showed a strong desire in his eyes, but he still swallowed his saliva and handed it to me, saying: "This is called Rose Powder Ball, which was given to my mother by the lady of that family. As soon as I got it, I brought it to you immediately."

I looked at the pink carved food box, which was covered with light yellow brocade, and on top of it were eight soft and tender dumplings, with a sweet and flowery aroma. For the first time, I knew that in addition to pancakes and dumplings, there were such exquisite and beautiful foods in the world. I looked at the coarse cloth cuffs I had put on the food box, and suddenly my heart ached, and tears silently flowed out.

Hu Zi was so frightened that he was in a panic. He quickly wiped the tears from my face and asked anxiously, "What's wrong with you? Don't you like it? This is a delicacy that only young ladies in Beijing can eat!"

I avoided his hand without leaving a trace, immediately put on a sweet smile and said, "It's nothing, I'm just too touched, thank you Brother Huzi."

Later, I begged my mother to send me to the mansion in the capital to be a maid. My mother thought it was a good thing to save one person's food and earn some money to buy clothes for my younger brother, so she took me to ask Hu Zi's mother for help. Hu Zi's mother saw that I knew simple words and had good looks, and she happened to be in need of a maid in the Xuanyuan Marquis's mansion, so she stuffed me in.

Only after entering the mansion did I realize that there was such great wealth in the world. Even the maids in the mansion were clearly divided into different levels and were ordered around. The clothes I was most reluctant to wear were just coarse and low-quality materials in their eyes. Even the rose powder balls I had been thinking about were just ordinary snacks in their eyes.

I felt that this world was very unfair. None of them were born prettier than me, so how could they be superior to me in every way? I used many methods and schemes to climb up step by step. Finally, one day, I won the favor of Aunt Wang and entered her room as a second-class maid.

Aunt Wang was very proud and always boasted about how her brother was highly valued in the court. Many people disliked her, but I was able to speak to her heart in accordance with her temperament, so she liked me very much and always praised me for being smart and sensible. But I found that the Marquis did not often come to her room, and even less after she gave birth to the second young master.

After the second young master was born, her temperament changed a lot, and she became increasingly dissatisfied with her status as an aunt. Every time she went to the princess's room to pay her respects, she would get very angry, as if she was extremely resentful. Gradually, she began to do some things in secret, but how could a aunt fight against a princess? I quietly advised her not to do these stupid things, but she slapped me hard several times and took the opportunity to beat and scold me, as if she wanted to vent all her resentment on me. At that moment, I realized that even if I was loved by the master, I was just a lowly servant who could not be any lower.

One day she was drunk and I was the only one waiting on her. She treated me like a princess and scolded me for causing Second Young Master to be born with deficiencies. She said she would get back what he deserved no matter what. I was shocked and quickly forced myself to forget about it, fearing that she would see through it after she sobered up.

Just when I was trembling with fear every day, hoping to find a better way out, I encountered a golden opportunity. One night, the Marquis came to see Aunt Wang drunk, but she was coaxing the Second Young Master to sleep in his room.

I helped the Marquis into the room and saw that he seemed a little sad. He was lying on the bed repeating a name, which seemed to be Qianyue. I didn't know who that person was, but I could see that she must be very important to him. At this moment, a bold idea suddenly came to my mind, so I grabbed the Marquis's hand and said softly, "Are you looking for me? I'm here." At that moment, my whole body was shaking with fear, for fear that he would find out and drive me out of the house. But the Marquis stared at me and suddenly pulled me into his arms, so I knew that I succeeded.

After that night, Aunt Wang was furious and wanted to sell me out of the house. But the Marquis felt guilty because I cried so hard the next day and thought he had ruined me after drinking, so he didn't allow Aunt Wang to sell me at will. At this time, perhaps God began to take care of me, I found out that I was pregnant.

Later, I gave birth to a daughter. Her rosy little face and white and tender arms suddenly reminded me of the rose tapioca pearls that I once held in my hands as treasures. They were just as sweet and soft, making me feel unreal but reluctant to let go.

Although I was somewhat frustrated that I did not give birth to a son, fortunately, the Marquis seemed to like this daughter very much and named her Xuan'er. When Xuan'er was less than one year old, Aunt Wang came to see me and said to me: With my status, I am not even worthy of being a concubine, but if I am willing to give my daughter to her room to raise, she can agree to make me a concubine.

The offer was so tempting that I agreed to her offer without much hesitation. After all, my own life can be controlled by others at will, and I will lose my daughter sooner or later, so I might as well get some benefits now.

Later I learned that the Marquis liked Xuan'er very much. He felt that the child was too young to be away from her mother, and he disagreed with Aunt Wang's idea of ​​keeping the child and selling me. Aunt Wang was afraid that he would come to my room frequently and cause unnecessary trouble, so she coaxed and tricked Xuan'er away and gave me the false title of an aunt. But only I knew that no one in this mansion really respected me, and I was still the lowly maid who could be trampled under the feet of others at will.

But I can endure it. I still have a daughter, who is my biggest bargaining chip. I will endure it until the day when my daughter grows up, and then I will find a way to take back what belongs to me.

Later, I often sneaked into Aunt Wang's yard to see Xuan'er, looking for the right opportunity to meet her. Finally one day, I saw her staggering to chase a butterfly and accidentally fell into the flowers, but no one went to help her. She wrinkled her pink little face, sat on the ground and cried helplessly. At that moment, my heart suddenly twitched. I have never felt this way for anyone in my life. I suddenly felt a little scared and wanted to turn around and leave, but I remembered my plan, so I immediately rushed over to hold her in my arms and comforted her softly.

Xuan'er finally stopped crying and asked me with tears in her eyes, "Who are you?"

I knew the time had not come yet, so I lied to her and said I was a maid from another courtyard. I played with her for a while before leaving. Later, I often went to see her secretly and brought her her favorite candy. Xuan'er liked me very much and became more and more dependent on me. I knew that Aunt Wang did not value her very much and usually just left her to a wet nurse. The maids treated her differently and were very cold to her. Xuan'er was very lonely. I was the only one who treated her well, and I knew that this was my biggest opportunity.

One day, I cried secretly while hugging a scarf with her name on it. It was not until Xuan'er asked me about it that I told her that I was her real mother. Xuan'er was surprised and apologetic. She cried in my arms for a long time before she raised her head and called me "mother" softly.

When I heard her timid cry, I felt like my heart was about to melt. Everything was clearly in my plan, but I couldn't help crying with her. Later, she cried herself to death and fell asleep in my arms. I saw tear marks on her pink little face, and her chubby little hands tightly grasped my arm, as if she was afraid that I would disappear when she woke up.

That was the first time I realized that Xuan'er was a piece of flesh that fell from my body. Every drop of her tears seemed to drip on my heart, and every separation from her was as unbearable as peeling flesh and bones.

Perhaps fate had already determined that moment. My little rose dumpling was a luxury that should not have belonged to me in the first place. All my struggles and obsessions only made this treasure, which should have been beautiful, covered with dust and dirt that it should not have...