But many things, once started, cannot be turned back. From the moment I voluntarily was sold into the Marquis's Mansion, I had no choice but to work hard to climb up, and I could not afford to be soft-hearted or retreat.

After Xuan'er woke up, I touched her head and asked her if she wanted to go back to her mother. She nodded desperately, and the desire flashing in her clear eyes made me want to escape as far as possible. But I still followed the original plan and taught her that the first step was to please her father and stay away from Aunt Wang's control, so that we mother and daughter could have a chance to reunite.

Xuan'er is a smart child, and she is also well-behaved and lovely. It is too easy for her to do this. She secretly hurt herself according to my teachings, and cried to the old man, saying that the maids around her always ignored her and she accidentally hurt herself. The old man was very angry, and later he took her to his own courtyard, replaced her with a group of loyal maids and old women, and hired someone to teach her. When she told me all this, I felt satisfied and proud. My little pink ball will grow up to be a real lady of the marquis's mansion.

But as Xuan'er grew up, my status remained low. No matter how she asked about her mother in front of the Marquis, the Marquis only asked her to serve the princess well in the future. It was then that I realized that my careful management had made me farther and farther away from Xuan'er.

Wang Shuyao, on the other hand, was gaining more and more power, and even took charge of the government affairs in the mansion like a mistress. I was unwilling to accept this. Why did she cause me to lose my daughter, and why did she want to keep me under her feet for the rest of my life? I never knew what it meant to admit defeat. I no longer wanted to be the girl who could only lean against the wall and tremble with hunger. I would take what God was unwilling to give me.

But Wang Shuyao has a family background and a son. It is said that her brother has been promoted in the court, and even the Marquis has to give him some face. What can I use to compete with her? Just when I fell into deep anxiety, that person came to me for the first time.

I was surprised that she would notice me despite her status. But she told me that we had the same enemy in this mansion and that if I listened to her, she would definitely help me get my daughter back and even give me a position that was not inferior to Wang Shuyao.

I knew she was using me, but what did it matter? I would rather be a useful person than an ant that was ignored. So I agreed to cooperate with her almost without hesitation. I followed her instructions and asked Xuan'er to use the trust of the Marquis and the Young Master to secretly eavesdrop on all their secret discussions and pass them to her without leaking anything. I secretly found out all the news in the back house for her, hoping to catch Wang Shuyao's handle.

But I always felt that she wanted me to do this for more than just dealing with Wang Shuyao, so I kept an eye on her and secretly wrote down all the secrets I found out under the guise of learning calligraphy. Gradually I fell in love with this feeling, being able to know everyone's secrets like a shadow, gave me the pleasure of control for the first time in this mansion.

Later, the eldest son took the title, but Wang Shuyao became more arrogant because of the princess's seclusion and cultivation of Buddhism. Her brother also began to put pressure on the old man to make her a concubine. I was anxious, but I knew that person would not sit still. The higher Aunt Wang climbed now, the more she would fall in the future.

But the older Xuan'er got, the more she realized that what she did was wrong. She told me countless times that she wanted to give up, but I always persuaded her with tears and promises. Xuan'er was still too young to fight against my years of planning. But every time I saw the helplessness and fear in her eyes, I felt a little pain in my heart, just like that year when I saw her accidentally fall in the bushes and looked up but couldn't find anyone to help her. At that time, she had no one to trust. This time, she trusted the wrong person.

So I secretly swore in my heart that one day, I would compensate you and return all that I owed you. In this life, there are too many people who owe me, and the only one I owe is Xuan'er.

All the changes started from the day when the young marquis got married. I didn't understand what happened, but I could see that many things were starting to change. Xuan'er told me that she liked this sister-in-law very much and she couldn't bear to hurt her. What a silly girl, how could I have the courage to touch the new wife of the marquis's mansion? But I knew that someone was secretly watching her in the dark. In addition to Wang Shuyao who didn't want the scandal to be exposed, there were other people. But I didn't dare to investigate further because I vaguely felt that there were some things and some people that I couldn't touch no matter what.

Later, Aunt Wang failed, and failed completely, at the moment when she thought she would be the most glorious. At that time, I stood in the crowd, watching her hysterical and crazy, and suddenly felt a little scared. Maybe we are all the same. Because we are unwilling to give up, we can only be pulled and manipulated by others for a lifetime. But no matter how we struggle, we can't fight the silk thread behind us, and we can't escape the fate of being abandoned at will.

The death of Aunt Wang made me feel like I was being abandoned after my husband's death. The only consolation was that I finally got Xuan'er back. When she was finally able to come and go in my room openly, I suddenly felt that this was enough. As long as I could see her smiling face every day, what else was there to fight for?

But that person was unwilling to let me go. She told me that she had fulfilled her promise to me, but I had to continue to listen to her instructions. I was caught in a dilemma and broke my promise to Xuan'er. In order to complete that person's plan, I had to let her create a gap between the young marquis and his wife. I knew Xuan'er was in pain. She looked at me with doubt for the first time. She didn't understand why we were already reunited, but I still forced her to do something she didn't want to do.

Only then did I realize how terrifying that person was, but it was too late. In order to protect myself, I had no choice but to piece together all the things I had ever recorded, hoping to find something wrong with that person. Who would have thought that I would discover a shocking secret.

When I first discovered this, I was so shocked that I couldn't believe it. When I came to my senses, I found that many things had answers. I finally understood why Aunt Wang repeatedly targeted the princess, and why the relationship between the princess and the old man was always very subtle. It was not until this day that I realized that a person's desire could be so terrible.

So I wrote this down and secretly searched for evidence. When necessary, these can help me and Xuan'er save our lives. But I never thought of exposing this matter. I am not as stupid as Aunt Wang. I have long understood that the roots of this mansion are rotten. This matter has been covered up for so many years. There must be someone who knows it tacitly and someone is running around to plot. If we dig deeper, the whole mansion will be in danger. And I am just a little woman who wants to be rich and safe. As long as she doesn't come to harm me, what else does it have to do with me.

But I didn't expect that Xuan'er would be the first to get into trouble. The Marquis discovered everything she had done behind her back and set a trap for her to confess. Fear and guilt almost changed her. When she asked me what to do with her dazed eyes, I suddenly realized one thing: she could have been an innocent and carefree young lady in the Marquis's mansion, with a loving brother and father, and a good marriage, but I destroyed all of this with my own hands, pushing her to the edge of the cliff step by step.

This discovery terrified me. I had nightmares almost every day during those days. In my dreams, Xuan'er was so thin that she was just skin and bones. She put her bony fingers on my shoulders. Her eyes seemed to be just black holes. She looked at me and cried sadly, "Mom, why do you want to hurt me? Am I not your most beloved daughter?"

Every time I woke up from a dream, I could no longer fall asleep and could only bury my head in the pillow and cry until dawn. At that moment, I realized that what I had sought in this life was nothing but a joke. If I could get back the innocent and beautiful Xuan'er who relied on me wholeheartedly, I would be willing to pay any price.

So, when that person made that request on the last day, I didn't feel any pain or hesitation. Instead, I felt a deep sense of relief.

I still remember that day, when I changed into Guihe's clothes, said goodbye to Xuan'er for the last time, and prepared to escape from the Marquis' Mansion temporarily, that man appeared again.

She told me that many people were beginning to notice me, and I must not leave, nor be caught by the Marquis, and the only way out was death. I was unwilling to give in, and tried to snatch her away with the secret in my hand, but she just laughed. In her mocking smile, I felt like a mouse being toyed with by a cat, and all the resistance and checks and balances were nothing more than self-righteous procrastination.

She has evidence of Xuan'er's secret spying on the Marquis' Mansion over the years. As long as I'm alive, she will let everyone know about it. I can use that secret to buy my freedom, but Xuan'er's life will be ruined.

So I knew it was time. Xuan'er, my life has been a failure. I am not qualified to be a good mother, but I can't bear to be selfish. I once told myself that as long as I can become a superior person, I don't have to live a hard life anymore. There is nothing I can't calculate and use. But from the moment I saw you again, I knew that nothing can compare to you.

Therefore, it is time to return everything to you. From now on, you will no longer have the stain of your mother. You can be your third daughter with dignity, find a suitable husband, and have children around you. Will you still think of your mother when the time comes? Oh, it is better not to.

But in the end, I didn't want to let that person have an easy time, so I deliberately wrote her name in the suicide note. I believe that someone will understand the meaning of it, and many interesting things will happen at that time. It's a pity that I won't be able to see it.

Fortunately, she chose a good way for me to die. I asked Guihe to move in the pot of weeping angel and crush the juice from the rhizome and hold it in my mouth. The juice was a little bitter, just like the most common taste in my life. Soon my mouth began to feel numb, and then I had hallucinations.

Everything in front of me gradually blurred, many things emerged and mixed up in a mess. The only clear thing was that there was a pink, white and tender baby, stretching out her hands towards me and calling sweetly, "Mom." But I just turned my back and let her go. Although my face was full of tears, I smiled very happily.

Finally, I seemed to be back to the time when I was twelve years old. Brother Huzi and I sat with our backs against an apricot tree. He handed the box of rose powder balls to me, swallowed his saliva, and said, "This is called rose powder balls. It was given to my mother by the lady of that family. As soon as I got it, I brought it to you immediately."

I smiled gratefully at him, then picked up one and stuffed it into his mouth first, tilted my head and asked him: "Is it sweet?" He looked at me in surprise, blushed and said with a naive smile: "It's so sweet. ”

At this time, a shower of flowers fell from the trees, the sunlight was dim beside us, and the years were leisurely.