Chapter 1
-Xiao Lan-
I need to tell you all about the current situation.
I, Xiao Lan, the number one genius girl of Henghe Sect in the cultivation world, have actually transmigrated!
Yes, you read that right, time travel, time travel.
I've traveled through time, I've traveled to...
Of course, it's not the kind of opening you often see in storybooks.
As for why I know the word "time travel"... do you think we don't have stories in the cultivation world?
Or do you think I don't read storybooks much?
No, no, no, this girl is a loyal fan of "Linglong Wattsakara Mengyue" (a very famous melodramatic novelist in our cultivation world).
Ahem, I've gone off on a tangent.
Now let me explain why I consider the current situation to be time travel.
The current situation is that just a second ago I was in the sect competition with my best friends, a lightning-gathering talisman was cast, and the next second I found myself in this... godforsaken place... wait, that description doesn't seem quite right, so let's correct it, it should be... a strangely desolate place?
That seems even less right now.
Never mind, it doesn't matter. I'm not very good at verbal communication and I often get criticized by the sect leader... But anyway, everyone should be able to understand what I mean, right?
Everything here is quite strange and unusual; I've never seen anything like it before. There are ferocious beasts of various appearances running around making random noises, and incredibly tall buildings that I have no idea what they're made of.
In short, I quite like this other world—after all, it's quite novel to see it for the first time, and I've never seen anything like it before.
I got up from the ground, dusted off my clothes, and randomly grabbed an innocent passerby to ask for directions: "Hi, hello, excuse me, where is this place?"
The other person stared at me with wide eyes and uttered a long string of mysterious characters that I couldn't understand.
"...?"
These six ellipses and one question mark accurately describe my mental state at the time.
—Dude, is this... oh... where... is this reasonable?
It seems this really is another world!
I blinked and gestured to him—
Hello, where is this place?
The other person's facial expression looked even more confused, and they uttered a series of mysterious characters that I couldn't understand.
"..."
Okay, okay, is this how you play it?
In the end, I let that innocent bystander go. My initial feelings of riding the waves like a protagonist in a storybook after being transported to another world have completely vanished. Now, only one thought remains in my mind—God, are you ever going to stop? Are you kidding me?
But God was kind to me; at least I wasn't the only one who time-traveled—because while I was idly sitting on the street drawing circles, I spotted my dear best friend.
Holy crap! Angela!
She was startled and instinctively tried to dart to the side. But who am I? How could this genius let her get away? I pounced like a hungry tiger, heading straight for the... steamed bun in her hand.
...
"It smells so good..." I sat down on the ground, tears streaming down my face, and babbled as I bit into a large steamed bun. "I haven't eaten in ages, and I wish I had kept some food in my storage bag more often..."
Shaohan sighed: "So what exactly is going on?"
Me: "No, I don't know. Who are you asking me?"
When I asked her that, she fell silent. Finally, she could only sigh and tell me a painful truth—
"There are no more steamed buns," she said. "You've got the last one."
"...?"
I stood there, seemingly not understanding what she said, even forgetting to chew the steamed bun in my mouth. I finally managed to swallow it, nearly choking, but that wasn't the important thing now. The important thing was—
"What? I remember you took a big basket of steamed buns from the cafeteria when you left?"
She shrugged innocently.
"Yes, we packed quite a lot, but don't forget we had a big eater with us. She ate it all."
"..."
I couldn't believe my ears: "So much, you ate it all?"
"Pretty much. Anyway, she only left me three, I ate two, and you just took one from me."
...
Now we are facing the most critical problem of traveling to another world.
They couldn't speak the language, they didn't know the currency, and they had no food at all...
Oh, there are some.
There are a few fasting pills that smell like stinky feet.
We both still prefer eating regular meals. Having gotten used to freshly cooked food, we have to force ourselves to swallow fasting pills by holding our noses. Finally, Shaohan, who always loves to eat, complained:
"I remember the sect clearly launched other flavors of fasting pills, why did you buy this one?"
I said matter-of-factly, "That's so expensive. Besides, I haven't bought fasting pills in ages. When I bought them, they only had this one flavor."
"..."
Shaohan was stunned by my words: "But the Bigu Pill was only sold in this one flavor three years ago?!"
Towards the end, her tone suddenly became exaggerated. She immediately snatched the bottle containing the fasting pills from my hand and went straight to look at the expiration date at the bottom. I leaned over to look too, and the long number at the bottom immediately caught my eye.
Shelf life: 41st year of Xuanhe reign to 45th year of Xuanhe reign.
Shaohan: "...I remember that before we traveled through time, it was the 47th year of Xuanhe."
"……Um."
Shaohan: "...It's been expired for two years! Why are you still keeping it! What if you get diarrhea right away? This place is terrible, where can you even find a toilet!"
"...I trust our physical condition now."
I spoke with righteous indignation: "We cultivators don't need to defecate!"
"...Get lost! Could you be any rougher?"
"But the words may be rough, but the principle is sound."
This expired, smelly-foot-tasting fasting pill didn't last us very long—when I found it, there was only the bottom of the bottle left. After three days of "wearing it out" with three meals a day, we've now completely "cleaned our plates."
"I'm starving to death."
Three days have passed since I finished the fasting pills.
We haven't even started practicing fasting yet; three days is already my body's limit. I lay on the ground with my hands crossed over my stomach, peacefully awaiting death: "We won't be the first cultivators in the Henghe Sect to starve to death, will we?"
"No, I don't think so."
Shaohan hesitated before asking, "Cultivators shouldn't starve to death... right?"
"What you said is as good as nothing at all," I said. "You're just repeating what I said."
"...But starving to death is too shameful." Shaohan pointed to the strange monsters not far away, eager to try. "Do you see that long string of ugly monsters? Tell me, can we eat them?"
I opened one eye and glanced at the monster Shaohan had mentioned. The next second, I quickly sat up in a sit-up: "Are you alright?"
I couldn't see my own expression, but I guess it was one of utter disbelief: "This thing looks awful...it must taste even worse than my fasting pills...are you trying to get diarrhea?"
Shaohan glanced at me and said, "We cultivators don't need to poop."
Fine, fine, this guy actually used something I said to shut me up. I gritted my teeth, angrily got up, and prepared to give him a good whack on the head to wake him up.
“But starving to death is really shameful!” Shaohan shouted at me. “Do you want your future records to say, ‘In the 47th year of Xuanhe, Xiao Lan and Yu Shaohan died. Cause of death: starvation’? Look around now, what else is there to eat? Only these monsters are worth trying!”
I stopped in my tracks.
I must say, she has a point. However, this kind of thing only threatens people like her who value their reputation above all else; it poses no threat to me.
Guh—
My stomach gave a very encouraging growl.
I'm starving. I feel so hungry I can't move.
Are you sure it's safe to eat?
I lay on the ground, unable to muster any strength.
Okay, I admit I spoke a little too fast earlier. "How do we eat it?"
"Let's have a barbecue," Shaohan thought for a moment. "Do you want some barbecue? But I might need to borrow your sword."
"What—" I exclaimed in shock, "What are you doing? You're going to use my wife! I protest! Why don't you use your talisman?!"
"Protest denied." Shao Han shrugged. "Have you forgotten that I used up all the talismans I drew last time, and haven't even started drawing a new batch yet?"
"A live drawing! How could I allow my pure and innocent wife to be defiled by you!"
"First of all, your suggestion is excellent. Secondly, I don't have a pen and paper."
I'm now physically and mentally devastated. On one hand, I'm starving, and on the other hand, I'm torn between offering my wife up and the thought of her coming into contact with those ugly monsters and becoming a barbecue grill is unbearable.
Shaohan held up my wife and looked at it for a long time, but she didn't know how to use it.
"You do it." She shoved my Instant Sword back into my hand. "Go and skewer them, make them into a skewer of candied hawthorns. I believe you can do it!"
"I can't believe myself!" I exclaimed in shock, my face filled with disbelief. "I've already offered up my wife, what more do you want from me? You actually want me to use my Instantaneous Movement to skewer the monster's candied hawthorn? How is that any different from killing my wife with my own hands?"
"Enough with the nonsense, hurry up and get going! At worst, I'll buy some talismans when we get back and go with you to get your sword fully serviced, okay? Go now! Let's solve the hunger problem first. As long as we're alive, we can always make something out of it!"
Ugh...
Clearly, my resistance did not move the indifferent woman's heart. I tearfully picked up the Instant, channeling my grief into strength, and forcefully skewered the monster in front of me like a long string of candied hawthorns.
"Is that alright now?" I said with a bitter face. "You cold and heartless woman, I will never smile again."
"Oh."
Shaohan rolled her eyes, clearly already used to my occasional crazy antics. She was holding a candied hawthorn berry, ready to find a secluded spot for a barbecue, when she bumped right into a strange man.
He was wearing an eye patch, so I couldn't see his eyes. He mumbled a bunch of mysterious symbols (yes, it was their local language), but unfortunately, we couldn't understand a word.
"I'm so hungry." I said with a pained expression, completely ignoring the other person. "Forget about him, let's finish the barbecue quickly and then clean up my wife."
"Okay, okay... By the way, that dessert he's holding looks really delicious. Is it really a dessert?"
"That's great... I also want to eat dessert. How about when we get back... I splurge and buy a few desserts?"
"Sure, sure, let's share. They share the rice, we share the dessert."
"..."
Seeing that none of us were paying attention to him, the blindfolded man finally couldn't hold back any longer. He reached out his claws towards us, and Shaohan stared blankly at him, finally understanding what he meant: "It looks like he wants to take us away?"
"You can understand what he's saying?"
"I can't understand his words, but judging from his movements, it seems like it."
So you're going with him?
"If you leave, I'll leave."
"Let's go then. After all, the dessert he's holding looks delicious. I wonder if we can get a share if we go with him?"
"...If all else fails, should we beg him?"
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