Chapter Fifteen
Li Nan frowned and said, "I want to say that your view on love is really abnormal and wrong. No one has the right to hurt your body. You should put yourself first and love yourself. You still love someone who doesn't even care about you. That's really wrong."
A hint of sadness flashed in Xu Weiwei's eyes as she said, "I might be the kind of person who likes to hate and be passionate. If you don't love me anymore, you should hate me too. You just can't completely forget me."
Regarding love, can a person truly love many people in their lifetime? If I had a first love and we broke up, can I completely forget my first love?
If my first love were to break up with me, I don't think I could do it. But if I were the one to break up with you, I could. I wouldn't care about my first love, and I would love her again.
In the former case, with everyone I met later, even if we got together, I would still recall my first love, and I couldn't truly commit fully to a relationship.
I can only love once, love one person, not many people. My first love is the most special and unforgettable. And if the man who abandoned me came back to me, I think I would agree to get back together with him.
I know this isn't good, it's too love-struck, it's degrading, it's pathetic. But I know I'm capable of it. I think it's my way of showing self-love.
I don't need other people's judgments; I just want what I want. Do you know the story of Emperor Gaozong (Li Zhi) and Empress Wu Zetian in history? I really ship them.
I think this is a love story between equals. Li Zhi was very intelligent, and could be said to be a very talented monarch. He was willing to openly marry his stepmother, which was an extremely rare act in that era.
He was also willing to share half of his throne with Wu Zetian and personally teach her how to handle government affairs, transforming her style of doing things into that of an empress. It can be said that he was the one who cultivated Wu Zetian's ambition.
Moreover, he was extremely fond of his children with Wu Zetian. Ancient emperors would have many children to maintain the stability of imperial power, but after he personally welcomed Wu Zetian back, he did not have any children with anyone other than Wu Zetian.
One thing that bothered me before was why Li Zhi wouldn't remain chaste for Wu Zetian and would have children with other women. Later I realized it's because if I fall in love with a very promiscuous person...
He and I were together, then we broke up. I'll get revenge on him by hanging out with different people. Even if he's not clean, I'll still play the love game. I don't need you.
In reality, I'm not invested in relationships with anyone other than him. I only love him, but I don't want him to know how much I love him and how much I can't live without him.
I chose to let myself sink into depravity, playing pornographic games, kissing and hugging, and engaging in sexual activity, because I knew he had dated many girlfriends after me.
What exactly is love? Is it a comrade-in-arms or a rival in love? I think I'm the latter. My love is full of conflict.
I just didn't want him to know how deep my love was. I loved him a million times, but I only showed a fraction of it. I was just putting on an act, pretending that I didn't love him that much.
Because I don't want to lose. In love, the loser is always the one who loves more, while the winner is often the one who loves less. Many times, I get hurt because I love too much. If I didn't love, I really wouldn't be so hurt.
I'm afraid that if he knows how much I love him, he'll take advantage of me and won't cherish my love. I'm even more afraid that he won't love me anymore. Human nature is inherently base; people always think that what they can't have is the best.
Li Zhi only began to uphold male virtues and start a one-on-one relationship after he had completely won over Wu Zetian, confirmed that she loved him, and felt secure.
The heart is both the hardest and the easiest thing to guess. Li Zhi was a man who was both ruthless and deeply affectionate. When faced with a child who was not his and Wu Zetian's, he showed almost no fatherly love and was extremely cruel and indifferent to him.
But it was clearly him who conceived the child; if it weren't for him, the child would never have been born. The child was innocent, but for Wu Zetian's sake, he still chose to take his anger out on her.
Similarly, his deep affection extended to his children with Wu Zetian; he loved them all dearly, and this love extended to them as well. Wu Zetian did not betray his deep affection; after her death, her will stipulated that she be buried with Li Zhi as his empress, not as an empress.
Wu Zetian fulfilled her dreams and found her true love. Her life is one I deeply admire. The only female emperor in history, she is a figure etched in the annals of history.
Does love necessarily need to be perfect? Is it unacceptable if it has flaws? I don't think so. Love is full of uncertainty and chance.
A once perfect match may one day fall apart, while former bitter rivals may later become an incredibly sweet couple.
In anime, the male protagonist needs to have a highlight moment, which is winning a match against an opponent of similar strength. But if it's a one-sided victory, does that highlight still exist? No, it doesn't. People get bored after seeing that too often.
If an extremely talented person in a competitive sport never encounters a strong opponent and wins every match easily, then the competition will be boring for him.
After a while, he might get tired of it himself. Similarly, in novels, the protagonist is always opposed to the biggest villain, who is incredibly powerful.
For me, meeting a worthy opponent in love is a joyful thing. We test each other, speculate about each other, and compete fiercely.
Even if we break up, if you're the one who initiated it, I'll still keep bothering you. Don't even think about actually getting rid of me.
Li Nan looked at him with a puzzled expression and asked, "Become opponents? Isn't that exhausting? Do you really enjoy arguing? I find all arguments quite annoying."
When we argue, my emotions get too intense, and my anger is hard to control—these are things I can't tolerate. I think it's really pointless to be in a relationship where we have to argue every day.
I'd rather live alone; that way, there won't be any disputes. I find arguing the most annoying thing, and fighting even more annoying. Maybe my life alone is just too wonderful.
I find it hard to accept that another person has entered my life, turning my once peaceful and serene life into a chaotic lake, always turbulent.
If a relationship can't make you truly love it, then there's no point in even starting one. I think it's a waste of time.
Xu Weiwei shook her head and said in disagreement, "No, I think arguing and fighting are both ways of flirting. As long as you control the degree, they are both fun, exciting and novel."
I'm easily moved to love, but what I fear most is a love that's uneventful and unchanging. That way, I can't feel the other person's care for me or experience their true love.
If today and yesterday are exactly the same, then what's the difference between them? Doesn't that mean today and yesterday are both equally dull and uninteresting? That's why they're so unmemorable.
You know what? I'm a really weird person. I can ship couples who have completely broken up. I already know their final ending: they broke up.
But I was able to watch their CP videos when they were in love. I know that not all people who love each other will be together forever, but will only be together for a certain period of time.
Love is so irrational. Does the so-called seven-year itch mean that love can only last for a maximum of seven years? And the reason why people can still be together in the eighth year is that love has transformed into family affection and friendship, or perhaps it has become a habit.
Every seven days brings change. How many days are there in a week? Seven. But why seven days? Why not eight or nine? Because seven is the only variable.
Whether things get better or worse, it all happens after the number seven. My wife, wife is the same as seven, so what about lesbians and gay men? How do you address your partner? Do you also say "wife"?
I'm pondering the meaning of marriage for me. Do I really need marriage to secure my love? Even after marriage, my husband might still cheat on me.
Those who don't belong to me will eventually leave. It's not that I can stop them from leaving just because I want them to. I can't change the final outcome.
So marriage isn't a necessity for me, but I might still want it. Would I mind being an unconventional person? I wouldn't mind.
But often, I feel that most couples will get married, so I don't think marriage is a bad thing. If he is willing to marry me, then he is being responsible to me.
Many couples who have been dating for years without getting married do so because one of them doesn't want to. Often, the one who doesn't want to get married is preparing a backup plan for themselves, realizing that they may not love each other as much anymore, and therefore are unwilling to become a lifelong bound together by marriage.
But people who don't love me can be incredibly cruel to me. Even if we get married, if he changes his mind, he might see me as a burden and want to dump me quickly.
Sadly, I still don't believe that someone can truly fall in love with another person in their old age. I've met couples who were childhood sweethearts, inseparable since childhood, and loved each other for fifty years.
They were deeply in love, and many people thought they would stay in love forever, until they grew old together. However, in their fifty-first year, the man cheated on her with a twenty-year-old girl.
That saying is absolutely true: men will always love younger women. I felt like I'd given up on love when someone I'd loved for so long cheated on me.
It's like, no matter who I date, the ending will likely be bad. Sometimes I ask myself, why do I enjoy masochism so much? I really enjoy watching videos of couples who once loved each other but ended up in a bad relationship.
I've been thinking, if I were the woman in this video, would I cherish this love? Would I forget this love? I don't think I would; I could never forget it in this lifetime.
Because you truly loved, how could you possibly erase the memory? Humans aren't that powerful; we're not machines, and we can't selectively delete our own memories.
Even if I initiated the breakup, because I didn't love him at all, I will never forget the wonderful days we had together.
I probably will reminisce from time to time; everyone is the same, no one can truly be completely without nostalgia, such a person doesn't exist. I really enjoy reading astrological analyses, and after reading a lot of them, I've found that it seems every zodiac sign has aspects that resonate with my personality.
I can choose to believe either one. The so-called "i" and "e" people: i people gain energy through solitude, while e people gain energy through social interaction.
Even an "i" person can have an "e" value. If you're with someone you love, even if they're just an "i" person, you won't feel like you're wasting energy, but rather recharging.
Love is about breaking the rules, it's made up of countless exceptions. Just like how my behavior and emotional patterns are always the same for everyone else, but with you, it's unique.
Besides, people change. A person who was once an "i" might become an "e," and vice versa. Even leaves turn yellow; how can a person remain completely unchanged? That's impossible.
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