Chapter Twenty-Nine
Li Nan shook her head and reminded her, "Sweet love really exists. My parents are like that, so you don't need to be so pessimistic."
Xu Weiwei's eyes lit up, and she said, "Oh right, I almost forgot. You told me that my memory is really bad sometimes, and I can't remember things at all. I just mentioned it not long ago, and now I've suddenly forgotten it. I'm sorry, it's my fault, I apologize."
Love can be incredibly beautiful sometimes, but unfortunately, that kind of love won't come my way. I'm the kind of person who's extremely afraid of bothering others and utterly detests being bothered.
If I'm doing something I really want to do, and someone else makes a noise, I find it extremely noisy and annoying, even if that person is someone I love. I won't show favoritism.
Love doesn't seem to be anything special. There might be a moment when I suddenly stop loving anyone, and then at another time, I'll be loving passionately again.
But is this kind of love, which won't last forever, really okay? I absolutely don't want to have such a flawed love.
Also, if I were in a relationship, would I want to show it off to the whole world? I think most likely I would. I would want to receive blessings and envious glances from the whole world, or even jealousy.
I am incredibly lucky to have someone I love so much. It's something to be proud of. I feel incredibly excited when others know that we love each other. It's like we're taking off our clothes and dancing happily together—it feels so good.
I've never thought the saying "showing off your love will lead to a quick breakup" is true. If we break up, the reason will definitely not be that I love showing off too much, but that you don't love me anymore, or that I don't love you anymore.
Does not loving need a reason? Absolutely not, just like loving doesn't need a reason. So I can choose my favorite way of dating, and the outcome won't be affected by my choice of dating style.
There needs to be a reason to dislike something. People always have all sorts of things they find fault with and can't stand. Just like you hate it when someone eats with their mouth smacking their lips, thinking it's rude, doesn't follow table manners, and is very impolite.
But actually, you make even louder smacking noises when you eat, yet you don't feel ashamed of yourself; instead, you feel there's nothing wrong with it.
People are all hypocritical, and I am no exception. I am always so harsh on others, but incredibly lenient on myself. I always allow myself to make mistakes.
But if others are too stupid, I can't stand it at all. But sometimes I'm stupid myself, so how can I look down on someone who's just as stupid as me? That's not right.
But that's the truth. I'm not a particularly good person. I can't always do the right thing. I always have strange, wrong ideas and do unreliable, wrong things.
Focusing too much on the outcome often leads to disappointment, because the result is never what you want. It's like you initially only wanted 100 dollars, but later you got 1,000 dollars and you're still unhappy.
You have completely stopped caring about your original intention. In other words, you may have forgotten your original intention. It's like you planted two saplings. You take good care of one sapling, watering and fertilizing it on time every day, while you completely ignore the other sapling and let it grow freely in the soil.
The final result was quite unexpected: the saplings you neglected grew very well, while the saplings you carefully tended withered early on.
It's strange, like many things that happen unexpectedly but thrive, or things you try to plant but don't. Sometimes you really want something, but you just won't get it, while something you've stopped thinking about suddenly becomes a pleasant surprise and arrives unexpectedly.
I started paying attention to someone, hoping to have some kind of connection with him, so I would secretly watch him every day, and passing by his classroom was all on my own initiative.
Did he see me? Did he know me? Did he notice me? I don't know, and I think it's highly unlikely, but maybe one day he'll tell me that he actually knows me.
I don't think I can fully understand other people's thoughts, just as I can never fully understand myself. I know who I like, but I really don't know who I love.
My liking refers to all the celebrities I follow. I have no possessiveness towards them; it's just pure appreciation. So I know I don't love them.
I also hope they become more and more popular, that more people like them, and that their careers develop smoothly. I don't mind that more people see them.
But the person I love is completely different. I have a wicked mind. I want everyone else to be blind to his good qualities, to be the only one who can see them, and to be the only one who loves him.
No matter what he becomes, I will love him. So I can understand why a handsome guy might gain weight when he's with an average-looking girl. It's because the girl might intentionally fatten up her boyfriend. If he's too handsome and she loves him too much, she'll feel insecure. So she'd rather he become less attractive so he can be hers alone.
I also have this kind of unhealthy mentality: if I fall in love with someone, I want to lock them in one place, where they can only talk to me, eat with me, and play with me.
Everyone else is unimportant; I don't need to pay attention to them. It's just that I'm terrified of losing my lover, and I want him to stay by my side forever.
However, this approach is wrong. Imprisoning someone and depriving them of their freedom is something only bad people do. I am a good person, so I cannot do it. At most, I will only think about it and will not take any actual action.
It's wrong to hurt strangers, so it's even more wrong to hurt your loved one. I would never do something so heinous.
Another point I find unreliable about marriage is the bride price. If I were the man and the woman asked me to give a bride price, I wouldn't be willing to do so because I would doubt that she loved me that much.
If I were the woman, and I asked the man for a dowry, and he refused, I would doubt his love for me. Love would become a game of suspicion.
Trust is hard to come by. Even if I say I love you a thousand times and do countless loving things for you, if you still don't believe me, there's nothing I can do.
Do I have to lay my heart bare before you'll believe I'm truly in love with you? But if my heart were truly exposed, I would die.
If I die, I won't be able to continue being with you, I won't be able to do many of the things you like to do with you, I won't be able to stay with you anymore, how could I bear to die?
I think women who get caught up in love are really foolish and stupid, but there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not a smart person to begin with. I didn't do very well in school. I tried hard, but I always got distracted and couldn't concentrate on what the teacher was saying.
I hate school, I hate my classmates, I hate going to school. I don't think that having good grades is anything special. I didn't have good grades, but I'm still doing just fine.
Of course, I know that some academic geniuses lead very exciting lives, participating in all kinds of competitions and winning first prize every time. In addition to the certificates, they also receive prize money.
I've never received a certificate, let alone any prize money. I thought about receiving an award in front of a lot of people and I still hope that I can have that experience, but if I don't, it's okay.
I've seen many things that I envy immensely, but if such things actually happened to me, I wouldn't be very happy; on the contrary, I would feel very uncomfortable.
Just like some people, you can admire them from afar but not up close. You might really like them if you don't know them well, but once you really know enough about them, you'll stop liking them.
Like a fan I once had. He was incredibly handsome, had a great personality, was very talented, and was charismatic on stage. He really attracted me, and I liked him a lot.
As a result, after getting to know him better, I found out that he especially liked to flirt and sexually harass women. He would touch any woman who was even slightly attractive, without any sense of boundaries, and deliberately take advantage of women.
It's only because the other person is good-looking that such behavior doesn't seem so lewd; it gives off a feeling of a perfect match, like a handsome man and a beautiful woman. At first glance, they seem very well-matched.
But in reality, the girl didn't mean it that way at all. It was just a chance encounter at work or during a social gathering. Some girls felt offended and uncomfortable by such sudden intimate behavior.
After all, most of them lead fulfilling lives, don't follow celebrities, and aren't his fans. They're completely unfamiliar with him and don't know him at all, so naturally, they don't have any biases.
I really don't understand why he's so bold as to prey on women he doesn't know, and so many times at that, without any fear. What if one of the women exposes him? Wouldn't he be finished?
All I can say is that after seeing enough awful male idols, I understood his mentality; he was probably already the best one in the group.
His group members have had far more extravagant lifestyles than him. They've ordered takeout countless times, even had children, and yet they still don't stop cheating.
He might think, "What did I do wrong by just touching a girl's hand? I just liked her so much that I couldn't help myself. Besides, I've attended countless fan signing events and have already held hands with many female fans."
The fans who were able to get into the autograph session had all spent a lot of money to buy the album to get a spot. He's providing these perks for free, so these girls should be grateful to him. Why would they blame him?
It just goes to show that being an idol for a long time makes you really think you're everyone's darling, that everyone will like and love you—it's incredibly arrogant.
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