71: The habit of liking to act like a father is something I'll never be able to break in this lifetime.
The doll receded into the distance, gradually disappearing into the flow of traffic and crowds. Faintly, Shang Zhi heard someone calling her name. Turning around, she saw Lu Ke.
"Was that you just now?" Shang Zhi asked anxiously, grabbing Lu Ke's hand.
"Just now? Oh, you saw me? Yes, I've been here the whole time." He smiled and ruffled her hair.
"So it was you. I thought it was him." Shang Zhi's tone carried a hint of disappointment.
Who are you talking about?
"It's nothing, Brother Lu, let's go." As she left, Shang Zhi glanced at the crowd in the distance again, but didn't see anything.
Back in the practice room, Shang Zhi's mind was filled with the image of the frog dancing oblivious to everyone else on the street. Sunlight shone on her shoulders, and she immersed herself once again in the rhythm of the music.
Forget those things, forget everything, forget your struggles and desires, forget the pain and desires, spin and leap, just enjoy the sunshine and rain, feel your body.
She felt like a butterfly, fluttering among lotus leaves and in the gentle breeze.
"Xixi, you're great, really great!" At the end, Lu Ke didn't hold back his praise for Shang Zhi.
"Don't worry, it'll be fine, I believe in you."
Lu Ke bought some drinks and food and took Shang Zhi to lunch in the park. Shang Zhi was also hungry, so she grabbed a piece of bread and put it in her mouth.
"Mr. Lu, is it alright for me to spend so much time on you? After all, you are a big star."
"What big star or not, it's all just acting. Filming is acting, being a star is also acting. Actually, I just want to live a simple life, a warm little house, people I love by my side, a cat and a dog, waking up in the morning to run together, and cooking together in the evening."
"If it were you, many people would be willing, after all, so many people like you."
"They like my filtered image, my image, not the real me. Just like you, Mr. Pei, you're so likable, why do you insist on running away?"
"That's different."
"It's the same. Outsiders can only see the surface. Only when you delve into it can you see the true nature of things, Xixi."
"Xixi, I want to tell you that you can try being with me, just try it. Even if you don't like me in the end, it's okay, I can understand. I just hope you can give me a chance to be with you, really just once."
Lu Ke moved his hand toward Shang Zhi and finally took her hand.
"I know it's not easy for two people to be together. Can you let me try? I always feel that we are destined to be together. Do you remember the day we met? Actually, from that moment on, I have never been able to forget you."
"I was really happy when I saw you get divorced. I know it might not be appropriate for me to say this, but I was so happy that I couldn't sleep all night. Xixi, I understand that he wasn't right for you. If you're with me, I won't let you suffer."
“It really breaks my heart to see you dancing so hard here. You don’t need to do this at all, you know? After we get married, you can stay at home and I can support you. You don’t need to work so hard.”
“It’s not easy to support me, I’m very expensive.” A person came to Shang Zhi’s mind. That person gave her a lot of money and gifts, but never mentioned supporting her.
He kept pushing her to go out into the world, to a bigger stage.
Use every means possible.
"It's okay, I have money, and I'll keep earning it. I think I should be able to support you, Xixi. I'm serious."
"After I graduate, I plan to take over Ruikang completely and let my parents retire completely. I can't stay at home."
"I remember you said before that you had an uncle? Why not hand over the company to him to manage? Or other shareholders? Xixi, I know you're very strong-willed, but you're a girl after all, do you understand?"
"I don't quite understand."
"There's no need to make things so hard for yourself. Girls are naturally suited to running a family. If girls also go to the battlefield to fight, then what are we men for? Xixi, be realistic. Do you really think you're suited to go into business? Your parents have worked so hard all these years just so you could have a good life. Now that you've achieved that, isn't it good to stay here?"
“Making Ruikang bigger, you make it sound easy, but it’s not that easy to achieve. It’s simply not something a girl like you can handle. Why make things difficult for yourself?”
Shang Zhi took a deep breath. She had heard many people say the same things Lu Ke said today.
Almost everyone in the world says the same thing. They say she can't do it, that she definitely won't be able to do it well, and that she should give up, saying that this is for her own good. Only that person says she can, and that if she can't learn it, she shouldn't sleep, and that she should just endure the pain when she's tired.
She remembered when they first got together, there was a time when she was really too tired. She was supposed to go dancing, but she threw a tantrum and refused to go. She thought he would indulge her, but he didn't. After she ran out of patience, he grabbed her hand and slapped her palm until it swelled up. She watched as the ruler danced in front of her, and then everything went black.
The road to freedom is not free, Shang Zhi later began to understand.
"It's okay, Xixi. You can go back and think about it, and give me your answer after your dance drama ends, okay?"
"Um."
When Shang Zhi got home and snuggled in bed, she wanted to say something to Pei Yanxiu, but when she opened her phone, he hadn't sent her a single message.
"Didn't you say you'd bother me for another month? Why haven't you even sent a message, you jerk?" For a moment, Shang Zhi felt lucky to have met him during her teenage years when many of her ideas were still forming.
Pei Yanxiu returned to his room. The mascot costume was piled up in the corner. He thought she would like the gift he had given her today. He took out his phone to call her, but was afraid she would be annoyed.
He saw her walking with Lu Ke today; she looked happy and relaxed, a completely different feeling from when she was with him.
The phone vibrated; it was Shang Zhi calling. He felt a surge of joy, but pretended to be calm: "What's up?"
"My performance is coming soon, do you want to come? I'll get you a ticket."
"good."
Shang Zhi arranged to meet Pei Yanxiu at a coffee shop she frequented. He glanced at the iced latte in front of her, put it aside, and went to order her a hot drink instead.
"It's cold, and your stomach isn't good, so don't drink something so cold."
“I knew it. Even if we get divorced, you’ll still be the same. You’ll never get rid of this habit of wanting to be someone’s father.” Pei Yanxiu’s hand paused in mid-air. He gave a bitter smile. She was right. Perhaps this was the biggest problem in their marriage, but he couldn’t change it.
Why aren't you saying anything?
"You're right."
"Thank you for the ticket. I will go to the show. After watching your show, I will go back to Hong Kong. I still have a lot of things to take care of, including Tian Cui."
"You...are you leaving?" Shang Zhi had a strange feeling in her heart. She was the one who had been hoping for him to leave, wasn't she?
"It seems like no one here expects me to stay, and there's no point in me staying any longer. But don't worry, I'll watch your performance before I leave, as a way to mark the end of our youth."
"But you said you wanted me to be available whenever you called, so why are you suddenly acting like this?"
“I’ve changed my mind. You can’t force things. You should have the right to choose. Xixi, I know I’ve caused you a lot of trouble in the past, and I know where our problems lie. You’re right, you’re all grown up now, and you should have the opportunity to choose. If keeping you by my side only brings you unhappiness, then I choose to let go.”
“After we return to Hong Kong, I won’t bother you anymore. You can live the life you want. Of course, you can still come to me with any problems you have. We can still be friends, okay?”
Why are you suddenly telling me all this?
"Because I've thought it through. I used to think that if there was a problem, I should find a way to solve it. But in reality, not every problem can be solved. If you and I are together, we can only continue to be entangled like this."
"But you don't like that. Rather than clinging to you and being hated by you for the rest of my life, perhaps it's a better choice to leave at the right time, don't you think?"
He looked at her and smiled, and she smiled back. The coffee seemed much more bitter than usual today.
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