Chapter 73 A Cold Farewell I'm a person too, not your toy...
Sophia gestured for the maid to open the door, and William entered. He rushed over to the ladies, bowed to them, and then turned his gaze to Lilith.
"Madam, my brother has encountered some urgent business. He asked me to inform you that he will be leaving Venice by boat early this morning."
"Why are you leaving so suddenly?" Lilith frowned. Although she knew Heinrich was leaving, she hadn't expected it to be so sudden. She thought he would stay for at least another week. After all, they had prepared for two weeks before leaving for Zurich, and the journey to Frankfurt was even longer; how could they possibly finish packing in just one afternoon?
"There's been a problem with the Fuggerbank's operations in Zurich, and my brother needs to take care of it on his way back to Frankfurt. He also heard about Madame Ester and Madame Altay's return to Venice, and specifically told you that he hopes you can catch up with your friends and not worry about him; he'll handle everything."
"I understand." Lilith let out a long sigh, forcing herself to remain calm and not lose her composure in front of her friend. "Go back and help him quickly. Tell him to wait for me at the dock before he leaves."
"Yes, ma'am." William bowed to the ladies again and then hurriedly left.
“It’s alright, we don’t need to worry about him. I’ve spent enough time with him these past few days. But you two, tell me what happened at the Ferrara estate?” Lilith tried to convince herself to put Heinrich out of her mind.
He would leave eventually, and her life would return to normal after he was gone. She couldn't possibly give up the precious time she had with her friends just because he was leaving. But she would still find herself drifting off into thought when Sophia recounted idyllic stories, wondering about the names and effects of herbs when Isolde arranged for the maid to fetch medicine, and thinking of her travels with Heinrich when Cecilia described the splendor of Rome.
She could clearly feel her emotions being swayed by another person, which left her feeling helpless. Her thoughts were like ropes, her heart chained, beating for another's pulse. This was interfering with her, interfering with her judgment, interfering with her work… What was happening… Was this what they called love?
Lilith disliked this situation. She didn't want her career to be affected by her emotions. If this was the price of enjoying the beauty of love, then perhaps it was time to cut it all off.
She couldn't allow herself to continue her previous indulgent and chaotic life; she wouldn't let herself wallow in pleasure. That was irrational and unhealthy. Life had to get back on track, but she hadn't even taken care of her own affairs, with a mountain of tasks waiting for her to complete. Why should she bother caring about Heinrich? They weren't husband and wife, nor even boss and subordinate anymore; essentially, they were just two familiar strangers temporarily living together, destined to part ways.
Heinrich described their relationship as that of master and dog. Lilith now realized the deeper meaning behind his definition. A dog unconditionally submits to its owner, and in return, the owner must treat the dog as a pet, caring for it tirelessly, giving it attention and affection. The collar is around the dog's neck, but the leash simultaneously binds two people.
But what underlies this bond? Is it love? Physical contact? This uncontrollable flutter of the heart? That doesn't make Lilith feel at ease at all. It's not that she suspects Heinrich of being unfaithful. On the contrary, she knows very well that she is a cold-blooded person.
Even if she has experienced the joys of love, even if she still loves him deeply, she will forget him once he leaves. Just recently, she was lying in his arms kissing his scars, and now she's already ruthlessly plotting against him. There's no way around it; that's just the kind of person she is. All she wants to pursue is her career, to realize her own value. She knows she's incredibly selfish.
So she couldn't give him any promises at all—she regretted her thoughtless words. Just hours before, she had invited him to Venice to spend Christmas with her, but she couldn't guarantee what she would be thinking then, or whether she would even want to see him. And since she couldn't give him what he wanted, wasn't it cruel to keep him hanging on like this?
What should she do? Her mind was a jumbled mess, like a tangled ball of hair that she couldn't untangle.
The dock was quiet at midnight. Lilith, accompanied by Hannah, arrived at the dock where Heinrich was about to depart. Apart from the lantern Hannah carried, all was dark. Lilith heard the waves rising and falling with her chaotic thoughts, while Heinrich stood on the dock waiting for her, carrying another lantern.
Hannah consciously stepped aside, giving her two masters some personal space for their final farewell. Lilith walked silently to Heinrich with a blank expression. Before she could speak, he embraced her tightly. He carefully removed his mask, cupped Lilith's face, and kissed her lips repeatedly. However, Lilith did not respond to him as passionately as before. Instead, she stood there like a doll, silently enduring his declaration of love.
"Madam...?" Heinrich noticed something was wrong with her. "What's wrong?"
“It’s nothing.” Lilith coldly pushed him away. “I had Hannah bring you medicine to treat your burn scars. It was prescribed by Isolde and paid for by Sophia. They both asked me to give you their regards.”
"Please thank them for their kindness on my behalf. But Madam, why are you unhappy again? Is it because I had to leave suddenly and angered you?"
“No, I’m not angry. I just feel like I’ve had a very long dream, and now I’m finally awake.” Lilith forced an awkward smile, took a few steps back to deliberately keep her distance from Heinrich, and said, “Mr. Schmidl, I wish you all the best in the future.”
“Lilith?” Heinrich stared at her in disbelief, a lump forming in his throat as if he could hardly breathe. “What do you mean?”
"It means exactly what it says: May God bless you with peace and good fortune in the future. I sincerely thank you for your care and support over the past six months..."
"Lilith!" Heinrich suddenly grabbed Lilith's arm, forcing her to look up into his tear-filled eyes. "Is this what you wanted to tell me?"
“Hmm.” Lilith was in pain from his pinch, but she wasn’t angry. She only felt an indescribable sense of grievance and sorrow. “It’s better if we don’t see each other again. You know I can’t give you what you want. Not only can I never be your wife, but I also can’t give you the love you want.”
"But you promised me, you promised to wait for me to come back and spend Christmas with me—" Heinrich's tears streamed down his scarred face, and he trembled uncontrollably.
“Heinrich, calm down. You should understand that cutting all this off is for our own good. Just treat what happened in the past two weeks as a dream…” “But it’s not a dream! It’s reality, it really happened. Lilith, you once said you liked me, you wanted me, you would wait for me, but now you don’t want me anymore… So I really am just a dog that can be ordered around at will, summoned and dismissed at will?”
“No, Heinrich, it’s just…”
“You’ve ruined me. I’ve almost lost everything because of you. I’ve pulled you out of danger time and time again… But how have you treated me? You used me when you needed me, and then discarded me when you didn’t… Lilith, do you even know that I’m a person, not your toy? Don’t you feel even the slightest bit of remorse or guilt towards me?”
Lilith watched helplessly as Heinrich sobbed and wept before her. She felt her heart clench uncontrollably with his pain. It was so painful, so agonizing. Trembling, she instinctively reached out to hug him and comfort him, but he turned away, leaving her with empty air.
The crying subsided, and Heinrich wiped the tears from his face, staring intently at her with eyes hidden beneath his sharp brow. Anger and disappointment had completely overwhelmed his grief. He coldly put his leather Balta mask back on, concealing his face, and with it, his unbearable expression and turbulent heart.
“If this is what you want… then I won’t bother you anymore.” He cleared his throat, pulled his hat over his short, golden hair, and his cold tone felt both familiar and strange to Lilith. He seemed to have transformed back into the dark shadow she first met in Zurich, soon to disappear into the darkness and never be seen again.
"I've prepared the bank transfer documents, and I've drafted the power of attorney authorizing William to act as my agent. As for our marriage," Heinrich said, letting out a mocking sneer, "since we didn't meet when we were married, there's no need for both of us to be present when we divorce. If I successfully reclaim my title, I'll send a letter to the church to file for divorce. If I fail, then the black clothes in your wardrobe will come in handy again."
“Heinrich…” Lilith could no longer hold back her tears, but she forced back her sobs. She wanted to say something, but it was as if someone had choked her and she couldn’t say anything.
“Perhaps you’re right.” Heinrich put his cloak back on, took the medicine Lilith had prepared for him from Hannah who had rushed over, and handed it to the servant waiting for him on the dock. “It’s time to cut all this off. Whether I love you or hate you, being near you brings me pain, too much pain. Lilith, farewell.”
Having said that, he removed the sapphire ring from the ring finger of his left hand and placed it in Lilith's palm. Lilith stood there, stunned, watching him hurriedly board the ship, enter the cabin, and close the door. The sailors quickly untied the ropes binding the dock, and the ship departed. Lilith watched it disappear into the endless night, and she saw that Heinrich never looked back.
He's gone. No one will ever bother you again. Lilith told herself, trying to soothe her heart, which was still aching for some reason. Heinrich's ring still carried his warmth, a faint scent of leather quickly washed away by the salty sea breeze, and finally nothing at all.
It will all pass soon, these feelings will all pass soon... Life will be back to normal. Just pretend he never came... Lilith cried as she ran quickly away from the port towards home, accompanied by Hannah.
She returned home and opened the door to find a vase in the entryway filled with the bouquet Heinrich had just placed there yesterday. She rushed up the stairs to her room and found the bed still made as she had left it that morning. Heinrich's pajamas, as he habitually did, were neatly folded and placed on the bench at the foot of the bed.
Lilith clutched his clothes almost frantically, burying her face in the blankets, sobbing and breathing heavily. She closed her eyes; Heinrich's pleasant scent still enveloped her, as if he were still beside her, and the supposed farewell at the docks was just a nightmare…
Exhausted from crying, she opened her eyes, still blurry with tears, and saw the rabbit doll on the bedside table—this was the third rabbit doll Heinrich had made for her. The first one was stolen by bandits in the forest, and the second was burned to ashes in a fire.
She suddenly realized that she had never really looked closely at this newly made doll. Its stitching was beautiful, the shape was perfect, and it was no longer like the previous two, which were ugly and looked like they might fall apart at any moment. Thinking of this, Lilith couldn't help but continue to cry again for some reason.
Why? Why am I so sad? This was the path she chose, a path that would be good for both of them. One day, the pain will heal, the wounds will gradually close, but until then, she can only cry helplessly like a child.
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Author's note: Next update will be on Wednesday!
Separation is for a better reunion!! A little bit of angst is nice, but then it'll be really satisfying... Next, we'll gradually move into a series of exhilarating moments in Lilith's career storyline... After that, we'll get back to romance, hehehehe...
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