kiss
After returning to her dormitory and packing her luggage, Zhu Shiyi decided to take the subway to the Lantern Festival in Jinrong Old Town to join in the fun.
Pan Yue said he would stay with her, but he had a dinner engagement that evening and could only wait until the dinner was over before picking her up later.
The Lantern Festival was quite fun, with ring toss games, glutinous rice ball sales, and riddle guessing. The lights were dazzling, and it was very lively. However, most people came in twos and threes, and walking alone in the crowd inevitably made me feel lonely.
Feeling sore in her legs, Zhu Shiyi casually found a corner of a dessert shop to sit down and ordered a bowl of small glutinous rice balls.
I wonder if Pan Yue has finished his work yet.
Which young couple has to break up so soon after getting together?
Although this parting will only last a few hours.
Pan Yue is really busy; he has to attend social events on Saturdays and during the Lantern Festival.
......
Jinrong has a thriving nightlife. Even after 8:30 p.m., the noise on the long street only increases, and the dessert shops gradually fill up with customers, making the corners seem even more deserted.
Zhu Shiyi couldn't wait any longer and wanted to send a message to Pan Yue. Just then, a phone number named "A" called, as if they were telepathically connected.
"Send me the address." Pan Yue said this without even saying hello as soon as he answered the phone.
Has he arrived?
Zhu Shiyi's heart skipped a beat: "Where are you? I'm at the dessert shop over there by the door, the one with the purple sign, it's called this..."
"I see you." A sound broke through the surrounding noise, mingling with the magnetic voice from the electronic device, and then a "ding" sounded as the other party hung up.
Zhu Shiyi was taken aback for a moment, then glanced to the side and saw a tall figure standing beside him.
......
"I thought you wouldn't arrive until much later."
"Today is the Lantern Festival, and the suppliers also want to go home as soon as possible."
Sitting down face to face with Pan Yue, Zhu Shiyi stared at Pan Yue intently, unable to get enough of looking at him.
"I just took so many pictures! Look at this little fish lantern, it's so cute! And this child, dressed up so well! And this..." She excitedly flipped through the photo album, sharing all her thoughts.
Although they were just trivial matters, Pan Yue listened very attentively, and only asked at the end, "Why didn't you send a message to say so at the time?"
"That's because I was afraid of bothering you."
"Oh, right!" The girl exclaimed, then burst into laughter. "There's also an uncle here, cosplaying as the God of Wealth! Oh dear, I completely forgot to take a picture! What a pity, I couldn't let you see him and share in his good fortune!"
"It's alright," Pan Yue said, his eyes crinkling as he gazed at the girl before him, a bittersweet feeling welling up inside him. He tightened his grip on her hair and gave it a firm squeeze. "We'll have plenty of opportunities in the future."
Zhu Shiyi shrank her neck, pouting with dissatisfaction, and complained, "Don't touch my head!"
Pan Yue's smile remained unchanged: "Okay."
Then he rubbed her again.
Zhu Shiyi: ...Hey!
What's so good about this?
Looking up, she angrily smoothed her stray hairs, deciding to treat Pan Yue like Zhu Shijie and not hold a grudge against her younger brother.
"Did you eat well tonight?" Zhu Shiyi scanned the QR code on the table. "Would you like me to order you a dessert?"
“No need,” Pan Yue glanced down at her, “You eat.”
"I don't want to eat anymore, it's a bit too greasy."
Pan Yue silently moved the bowl and naturally finished off the remaining half bowl of glutinous rice balls.
Zhu Shiyi blushed.
Does this count as an indirect kiss?
Although she had an ex-boyfriend, she was only good at talking; before that, she had never even touched a man's hand.
He silently grumbled to himself.
I never expected that Pan Yue, who is usually too shy to say a few words, would be so proactive!
My thoughts drifted away with the wind.
...Does that mean that Pan Yue might kiss her tonight?
Zhu Shiyi sat up straight instantly, secretly pursing her lips.
It smells so good!
Is this what a seemingly reserved but actually passionate guy is like? He's got something amazing; he actually managed to get her a girlfriend!
As they strolled through the lantern festival, the thought of Pan Yue possibly kissing her at any moment made Zhu Shiyi too shy to look him in the eye, yet her heart was filled with anticipation:
Hurry! Come here! Kiss me!
Hurry up and get on it!
Don't be so polite with me!
......
However.
Pan Yue had already escorted her to the school gate, but she hadn't even managed to say a word to him.
"It's getting late, let's go back." Pan Yue leaned against the car door and waved to her.
The scene she had been fantasizing about all night hadn't even materialized. Zhu Shiyi was unwilling to give up. She shook her head, threw herself into his coat, and said in a soft, nasal voice, "No. You're kicking me out."
The person holding him said helplessly, "Your dorm has a curfew."
“There’s still time,” Zhu Shiyi hugged her even tighter. “Don’t you love me?”
"I do love you."
"You didn't even cry!" Zhu Shiyi pretended to wail, rambling incoherently, "You didn't even feel sorry for me!"
"I don't regret losing you."
Zhu Shiyi: ......
Is this some kind of standard phrase used by straight men?
Capricorn men are incredibly boring and only know how to talk like idiots!
"You never say you love me, nor do you say you can't bear to part with me."
Why aren't you kissing me yet?!
Zhu Shiyi grew angrier the more she thought about it. She pushed him away, turned her head to the side, crossed her arms, and sulked, almost as if she were hiding in a corner drawing circles.
Pan Yue was at a loss. He wanted to look at her face, but as soon as he turned away, Zhu Shiyi immediately dodged. If he tried to look at her from another angle, she would turn almost halfway around, determined to turn her back to him.
Pan Yue panicked a little and grabbed her shoulder, turning her around: "You really cried?"
"Pfft—" Zhu Shiyi couldn't hold it in and burst out laughing.
"What?!" she exclaimed, covering her face in bewilderment. "You're so funny."
Are there really men in the world who are this straight?
Pan Yue breathed a sigh of relief, shook his head, and pulled Zhu Shiyi close, holding her tightly.
Smelling the faint fragrance emanating from him, Zhu Shiyi quietly closed her eyes, feeling at ease.
"Say you miss me," she commanded coquettishly.
She felt the force tighten around her waist, but the person who exerted the force remained silent.
Zhu Shiyi tilted her head back in dissatisfaction: "Is it so hard to say something?"
Pan Yue lowered his eyes slightly, gazing into her dark, moist eyes. Suddenly, he placed his hand on the back of her head and pressed it against her chest.
"Are you free tomorrow night?" he asked gently.
"...Yes." She pressed her ear against his chest, listening to his slightly rapid heartbeat.
"What do you want to eat? I'll pick you up tomorrow night."
"Anything is fine."
"good."
Zhu Shiyi felt extremely comfortable and couldn't help but rub against him: "Couldn't you have come to pick me up earlier?"
She wanted to stay with him all the time.
She was willing to get up early just to see him.
"I have work to do during the day."
Zhu Shiyi had no choice but to give up.
Her boyfriend has to work on Sundays; his life is so tough.
......
In the evening, in bed.
Zhu Shiyi tossed and turned all night. Although he had been up all day and his body was tired and sore, his mind was incredibly sharp.
So much happened in just one day.
Everything was too wonderful, too smooth, and there was a vague feeling that something was wrong.
My mind involuntarily drifted back to Pan Yue from last night.
He traveled thousands of miles late at night, offering money and other favors, as if he were fighting a desperate battle; this was not normal.
What else did he say... the prisoner's dilemma?
Something suddenly flashed through my mind.
Family background, economic situation, power struggles...
Zhu Shiyi recalled what Pan Yue had said: "The purpose of a game is to achieve balance."
He said that no matter what she chooses, he will always choose to cooperate. This means that in their relationship, whether she chooses cooperation or betrayal, he will firmly choose her, even at the cost of personal gain.
This outcome does not achieve a balance.
He's likely to suffer losses because of this.
Zhu Shiyi couldn't quite describe how he felt.
Is it being moved? Is it feeling sorry for someone?
Yes, but not entirely.
There are countless men in the world who, when pursuing you, will say things like "I will always love you," "I will never betray you," and "I want to give you my whole life."
Are they telling the truth?
That's possible.
At least for this moment, the instant they uttered those words, they were sincere.
Moreover, Zhu Shiyi believed that there were still good men in the world, although they were probably few in number, but she believed that Pan Yue was one of them.
Why believe?
Perhaps it's because he's someone who can't bring himself to say those things.
He is down-to-earth, methodical in his work, and has his own set of logical thinking in dealing with people and things—he calculates the nutritional ratio when eating, pays attention to the body's function when exercising, and considers factors such as protein, insulin, cortisol, calories, and various game mechanisms.
These objective and world-enhancing "laws" had already been thoroughly reviewed in his mind before he did anything, ensuring that his words and actions were in accordance with rational logic.
But he has now broken that rule himself.
Did he change for her?
Zhu Shiyi cannot be confirmed.
Words like "change" and "sacrifice" are too heavy. With these conditions in place, their relationship was placed under an invisible shackle.
People are not so easily changed. If you keep doing things that contradict your own beliefs, sooner or later you will make a huge mistake due to cognitive dissonance.
Perhaps one day, during a disagreement, this incident will become a time bomb, suddenly detonating in their mundane lives, shattering their relationship into pieces.
Zhu Shiyi was worried.
She feared he wouldn't be able to withstand the pressure, and that in such an unequal situation, he would engage in another power struggle and gradually change his mind.
Pan Yue might not change, but Zhu Shiyi dared not gamble, nor did she want to. She didn't want such a barrier between them, nor did she want him to make this so-called sacrifice for her.
"Prisoner's Dilemma".
Do lovers really need to consider so many complicated factors?
In an era of rampant materialism, it seems so.
But Zhu Shiyi didn't like that.
She felt that relationships shouldn't be like this. She didn't want to be a prisoner, nor did she want him to be one.
She wanted to defuse this time bomb.
She grabbed her phone, opened Baidu, and started looking up information on her own.
Economics, game theory, Nash equilibrium, the prisoner's dilemma; each term is familiar and overwhelming.
Zhu Shiyi, however, became increasingly clear-headed the more he looked at it—
In Pan Yue's mind, simply talking about emotions won't solve the problem; to solve the problem, you must first enter his mind, understand him, follow his line of thought, and find the loopholes in his logic.
Then--
Deny him, break him down, tell him a new logic, and cut off his idea at its root.
After thinking for most of the night, Zhu Shiyi decided to write a letter to Pan Yue.
--
Zhu Shiyi slept until noon, ate something casually, checked the time, and sat down at the table to do her makeup.
Today, she's going to dress up stun Pan Yue and make him unable to resist kissing her!
Tomorrow is the start of the new semester. This afternoon, my roommates returned to school one after another. When they saw that she was already in the dormitory, they all looked incredulous: "Oh my god! Winter break is only a few days long, and you actually dared to come back to school early, and even put on makeup!"
Zhu Shiyi's face flushed slightly, and she said mysteriously, "I'm here to see my boyfriend!"
Ni Yuqi was so shocked that her jaw almost dropped to the ground. She yelled and demanded that Zhu Shiyi confess honestly.
"Zhu Shiyi, what makes you think you're single?!"
"I'm so anxious, tell me what happened!"
......
"My roommates almost beat me to death," Zhu Shiyi said, sitting in the passenger seat, recounting the funny gossip from the dorm that afternoon. "Xiao Ni, that's my roommate, she likes to hit people when she gets excited, she kept patting me."
Does it hurt?
"It doesn't hurt...it hurts! It hurts!" Zhu Shiyi stretched her hand out in front of him. "Blow on it."
Pan Yue reached out and pinched her arm twice.
Zhu Shiyi refused to cooperate: "Just cooperate!"
Pan Yue then lowered his head and breathed softly.
Zhu Shiyi was satisfied. She withdrew her hand to support her face, and in the blink of an eye, she blurted out, "Hello! Is there a handsome guy here?"
Pan Yue wanted to answer yes, but then felt that admitting he was a "handsome guy" would be too narcissistic.
He glanced at Zhu Shiyi, the girl's mischievous thoughts clearly visible on her face.
Pan Yue immediately sensed something was wrong.
The next second.
"Do you think I look beautiful today?" Zhu Shiyi blinked her eyes, looking lively and adorable.
Pan Yue answered without hesitation, sincerely: "Beautiful."
"Where is it beautiful?"
“Everywhere is beautiful.” Pan Yue secretly breathed a sigh of relief.
That's it? This question is so normal. It seems my earlier worries were just an illusion.
In the blink of an eye.
"Are you just giving me the runaround!" Zhu Shiyi glared at him, angrily saying, "If we're going to talk about details, didn't you notice that I'm acting very differently today?"
Pan Yue's eyes twitched, and while waiting for the red light, he carefully observed Zhu Shiyi.
Two eyes, one nose, fluffy eyebrows, rosy cheeks—still so beautiful. But... how is it different from usual?
He leaned closer to take a closer look. Her eyes blinked, sparkling, and seemed especially large today.
“I understand,” Pan Yue said confidently. “You wore eyeshadow today.”
He had heard of eyeshadow; it seemed to be something you put on your eyes.
Zhu Shiyi clicked his tongue: "I wore makeup yesterday too!"
What the heck?
She wanted him to see the fairy-like hair she had specially put on!
Pan Yue suddenly reached out and poked her eye: "Then what's this black thing on your eyelid?"
"What?" Zhu Shiyi was dumbfounded. Her false eyelashes had fallen off? She took out her phone and looked at herself. Her makeup was intact, and she was still as beautiful as ever.
Something black?
She glanced at the area around her eyes again.
......oh.
"That's my eyeliner!"
"......knew."
What is eyeliner? Why do we draw a black line on our eyes?
Pan Yue dared not ask any more questions, fearing that Zhu Shiyi would ask even more difficult ones.
--
At the barbecue table, Zhu Shiyi sat facing her beloved boyfriend. The reason was simple—her carefully applied makeup made her face look even more beautiful from the front.
However.
As the exhaust fan stood rigidly in front of him on the barbecue table, completely obscuring Pan Yue's handsome face, Zhu Shiyi realized—
Her boyfriend, too, couldn't see her beautiful face at all!
"Try it." Pan Yue picked up a piece of roasted meat and continued to eat with great concentration, completely absorbed in his meal.
Zhu Shiyi picked up a piece of meat and put it in his mouth, eating while lost in thought, when suddenly he felt his teeth throbbing.
......rough.
Does anyone care about her little mood swings?
My first proper meal with my boyfriend, my first piece of meat, was just a mouthful.
Zhu Shiyi licked wildly with his tongue, but to no avail, so he quickly tore off a piece of paper and secretly wiped it.
At this moment, she was incredibly grateful for the range hood in front of her. It was like the great Qinling Mountains, shielding the southern land from the northward winds and sandstorms, and preserving her elegance in Pan Yue's heart.
The next second.
Pan Yue took a piece of dental floss from a small compartment next to the tissue box and handed it to her.
Zhu Shiyi: !!
She wants to submit her death request to heaven.
......
After taking care of personal matters in the restroom and using mouth spray a couple of times, Zhu Shiyi returned to her seat. This time, she sat down next to Pan Yue, gazing at him tenderly with loving eyes.
"What's wrong?" Pan Yue seemed oblivious to everything. "Eat a piece of pineapple to cut through the grease."
Looking at the food Pan Yue had picked up from his plate, Zhu Shiyi was filled with grief and indignation—all he could see was the food!
When Pan Yue invited her out to dinner, they really did go out for dinner. Aside from being able to openly exchange a few words, their interaction was exactly the same as before they were together!
What's the meaning?
Is it really impossible to kiss?
"Thank you," Zhu Shiyi said, her anger flaring, her tone sarcastic, but she channeled her grief and indignation into her appetite. "I won't eat the pineapple, I'm not tired of it at all!"
Straight man, what a waste of her false eyelashes!
Zhu Shiyi boldly picked up two large pieces of meat and ate them heartily!
--
The car drove to the school gate once again.
Pan Yue, as if he were a machine, uttered the words programmed for parting: "It's getting late, let's go back."
Zhu Shiyi was already used to Pan Yue's manipulative remarks.
It was almost 10:30 p.m., quite late, and Zhu Shiyi didn't linger any longer. She turned and left, saying, "I'm leaving."
"Um."
She turned her head, and sure enough, Pan Yue was watching her back as she silently saw her off.
A certain part of my heart inexplicably sank in.
"Oh, right," Zhu Shiyi turned around, jogged a few steps forward, "I have something for you."
She looked down and took out the letter she had written in the early hours of the morning from her bag.
"...A red envelope?" Pan Yue's expression was a little puzzled, yet also a little amused. He weighed the envelope in his hand, then pushed it back, "No need, I didn't even prepare a red envelope for you."
"Take it if I give it to you!" Zhu Shiyi blushed. Last night she was in a hurry and didn't have time to buy an envelope, so she stuffed the letter into the red envelope. "It feels thick, but there's not much inside at all, just a dollar!"
She forced the item on Pan Yue and ran away without looking back.
"I'm really leaving now," Zhu Shiyi said, running a little further away, then turning back every few steps to remind him, "You can dismantle it when you get back!"
He always felt ashamed if he saw things written down in front of her.
......
Back in the dorm, I took a quick shower, removed my makeup, and felt completely relaxed as I lay down on the bed.
Zhu Shiyi received a new message.
Pan Yue: [Goes downstairs.]
Zhu Shiyi was completely confused: [?]
Pan Yue: [I'm still at the school gate.]
Zhu Shiyi's heart skipped a beat for no apparent reason: [What? I already showered and removed my makeup.]
Pan Yue: [You forgot something.]
Zhu Shiyi thought for a moment and realized she hadn't left anything important behind: "What is it? If it's not important, you can give it to me next time we meet."
Pan Yue: [Important.]
Pan Yue: [It won't last until next week.]
Zhu Shiyi, puzzled, put on a large coat, applied some light-colored lipstick, quickly went downstairs, and rode her bicycle towards the school gate.
Pan Yue was indeed standing at the school gate, but he wasn't holding anything in his hands.
That's really strange, what did she leave behind with him?
Zhu Shiyi's face was full of displeasure as his beautiful night was interrupted.
She staggered towards him, her body limp, head held high, like a zombie: "What exactly do you want to give me...?"
A flash before my eyes, and a wave of dizziness washed over me;
A cool sensation covered my lips.
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