12. Love is a skill.
The period before the Spring Festival is often a time when family conflicts tend to erupt.
The fundamental questions of whose home to visit for the New Year, the financial considerations of what gifts to buy, and the social obligations of visiting which relatives... By the time these issues are barely resolved, the festive atmosphere is almost completely gone. This is one of the reasons why Yi Yi dislikes the Spring Festival more and more.
She just didn't expect that persuading her parents would be far more difficult than she imagined.
The phone call connected, and as soon as I mentioned not coming home for the Spring Festival, my mother's voice immediately rose eight octaves: "Not coming back? It only happens once every two years, and you're still not coming back?"
“Mom, don’t talk like you’re some lonely old woman,” Yi Yi tried to lighten her tone. “You just went back in the summer, didn’t you?”
“But I can’t not go home for the New Year! What will I say when my relatives ask?” The mother’s voice softened a little, but she still insisted.
“What do our relatives really have to do with us?” Yi sighed. “Don’t you often say that relatives, children, are just eyebrows on a face, drawn on for show?”
“You still have to keep painting, right? You can’t just ignore social niceties, can you?” Yi Yi knew that her mother cared about her reputation. Although Yi Yi never knew what some of that reputation was for, her mother would do everything she could to maintain it. Yi Yi preferred to simply go home in the summer, simply get together with her classmates, and chat about lighthearted, innocuous topics.
Yi Yi thought to herself that the greatest act of filial piety was listening to her mother's nonsense. So she always just smiled and didn't answer.
"Why don't you come to America with us, Mom?" Since we've already decided not to go back, why don't we call them along?
The father, who had been silent until now, spoke up: "Going out is a good thing."
If Dad hadn't said anything, Mom might have just nagged a bit about "wasting money" and ended the conversation. But Dad's comment, "Going out is fine too," ignited Mom's anger. "All you do is play, play, play! You don't know how to earn money, so how can you afford to play? All these years, you haven't known how to earn money, you haven't known how to keep the house clean, and all you do all day is play, play, play! How old are you?!"
Yi Yi felt she had let her father down. Over the years, her father had long been accustomed to remaining silent in the face of her mother's nagging. When she was little, she would feel indignant on her father's behalf, but later she realized that some patterns of interaction were deeply ingrained and couldn't be changed by the efforts of others.
"Hey Mom, stop arguing," Yi Yi raised her voice, pretending the signal was bad, "You two are doing fine! I'm hanging up now, I have something to do here."
She hung up the phone hastily and let out a long sigh of relief.
Why does the love from one's own mother always feel like a heavy burden?
Love is also a skill.
She escaped her mother's "loving" control, while Ding Xiaojuan on the other end of the phone was now caught in a different kind of storm born from love.
When Gao Sheng heard about the "micro-study abroad" arrangement, his reaction was almost furious.
"Why didn't you tell me you were going to America?" he asked, suppressing his anger.
“I told you, I signed up several months ago, back when you were still in Cambodia.” Ding Xiaojuan felt baffled.
Gao Sheng frowned and thought for a moment, seemingly recalling something. But had he agreed to it back then? Didn't his whole family go to Cambodia to be with him every Spring Festival? "You knew back then that I could come back now? I wasn't supposed to be transferred back until next year."
“Didn’t we say we’d come back after the New Year? We’ve been spending the New Year in Cambodia for years, and I was thinking we could finally spend it somewhere else. Didn’t you agree?” Ding Xiaojuan began to realize that the adjustment process might be more difficult than she had anticipated.
"If you didn't like spending Chinese New Year in Cambodia, you should have said so earlier! I've wronged you all these years." Gao Sheng said sarcastically, it seemed that things weren't going well at work, and it seemed that all the smooth sailing he had experienced over the years was coming to an end.
Ding Xiaojuan narrowed her eyes, her gaze sharpening. Over the years, she had traveled to Cambodia whenever she had free time, and she never missed a Spring Festival reunion with him—because she loved him and wanted to spend more time with him. This year, however, she was simply thinking about spending the rest of her life together and wanted to celebrate the holiday in a different way.
"Is short-term study abroad necessary?" Gao Sheng changed his attack point. "Your son can't even speak a fluent sentence of English. Isn't sending him there a waste of money?"
Ding Xiaojuan's temper flared. She had secretly sympathized with Yi Yi when Zhuang Jia acted this way, but she never expected the same thing to happen to her. "It's precisely because of a lack of fluency that an immersive environment is needed to stimulate interest!"
“To spark interest, there has to be intrinsic interest. Look at him, he’s always in a daze, he doesn’t do his homework properly, and he doesn’t pay attention in class. I think he’s a good-for-nothing, don’t waste money on him.” Gao Sheng’s harsh evaluation of his son shocked Ding Xiaojuan.
"He's only in first grade! Which child doesn't like to play? How can you make such a judgment about him now?" Ding Xiaojuan looked at him incredulously. So what if he's a top student? So what if he's successful in his career? When it comes to parenting, he's like a domineering blind man.
"You can tell what a child will be like at three, and what they will be like at seven! That old Chinese saying is true. I only said a few words to him, and he hasn't spoken to me for days. What kind of future can such an ungrateful child have?" Gao Sheng actually started arguing with his child.
These words completely ignited Ding Xiaojuan. "You say he's ignoring you? Isn't it you who's ignoring him? I've seen him avoiding you these past few days, acting all timid and fearful! Do you even understand children? Children need love and affirmation! A child raised with respect, even if they don't achieve great things, will still be a warm-hearted person!"
"Warmth? Did he respect me?"
"Did you teach him how to respect you?"
“They’re all so old, why are you still teaching them these things?” Gao Sheng said. “These are things that should be taught from a young age.”
"You mean I didn't teach him well, so he doesn't respect you now? Or did you originally mean that I taught him not to respect you?" Ding Xiaojuan pointed out his implication incisively.
“I…” Gao Sheng suddenly choked up, “That’s not what I meant.”
"What do you mean by 'not that'? You can tell what a person will be like at seven.' Now that they've been 'taught' like this, are you just going to give up?" Ding Xiaojuan pressed on.
"I...I..." Gao Sheng stammered, "I can't argue with you."
"It's not a matter of saying or not saying, it's a matter of principle. I've wanted to say this to you for a long time, and you've finally started it." Ding Xiaojuan took a deep breath, suppressing her anger. "Education is a long-term adjustment process, like driving. It's a process of constantly adjusting the direction, stepping on the brakes and the accelerator, until you finally reach the destination; it's not like launching a rocket, calibrating all the data, and then banging it into the right track in an instant. And you, although the absences over the years weren't your intention, the absences are already there, yet you expect the rocket to be on track right now. What are you thinking!"
She finished speaking in one breath, her chest rising and falling slightly. In that instant, she saw the anger on Gao Sheng's face slowly turn into a complex sense of bewilderment. He opened his mouth, but no words came out.
She didn't continue, turned around and went back to her bedroom, gently closing the door behind her.
In the living room, Gao Sheng sat alone on the sofa, motionless for a long time. The sky outside the window had completely darkened, and the city lights gradually came on, reflecting on his silent profile.
In the bedroom, Ding Xiaojuan leaned against the door, listening to the silence outside. She felt no triumphant joy, only deep exhaustion and a vague realization: love is indeed a skill; it requires not only the willingness to give, but also understanding, patience, and the wisdom to continuously learn.
She, Yi Yi, and He Miao are all learning this course—a course they may never "graduate from"—in their respective marriages.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
