Chapter 304
Wang Jiazhi mentioned Mrs. Liao's daughter to him, saying that she seemed haggard and older, and was only twenty-two years old.
He said calmly, "I worry too much, of course it's like that."
"I'm not that old." At the same time, he thought to himself, "Do I still have to worry about it?"
He said, "Your worries are different from hers. You always have to pull yourself together and charge forward, holding on tight. She can't move forward, nor can she retreat.
I have lost all my energy. Once people lose their energy, they age very quickly.”
She rested her chin on his chest and said, "It's because you're young. If you keep on like that, you'll be old and look terrible soon."
But Wang Jiazhi thought that even if she hadn't experienced these things, she might not have lived to see her old age. Ever since her mother passed away and her father had abandoned her like a beast, she had been clinging to life with her last breath. After experiencing those terrible things, she struggled even harder to live. She certainly had enough reasons to commit suicide, and the thought of suicide often flashed through her mind, but she firmly believed that she would never commit suicide. Suicide would mean giving in, admitting defeat. But no matter how hard she tried, life only got worse and worse, and there was no hope at all.
At that time, a senior student finished her studies and couldn't find a job. Of course, her parents were willing to support her, and she soon found someone to marry. Her situation made it impossible for her to marry a good man, and even if someone did, she wouldn't have the nerve to do so. But she hadn't had that experience, and she was clean. She figured if she didn't find someone she loved, she'd rather starve to death than marry for survival. Then, most likely, she'd die young, tormented by reality.
In Hong Kong, she sometimes thought that even if she died in the bombing, it wasn't her own surrender and suicide, but rather God's will. Death would finally bring her freedom. If Kuang Yumin came to her again, as long as there was still a glimmer of hope, she would think about it. Of course, she also wanted to do something for her country.
He also felt deeply that he had aged too quickly in recent years. Every time he looked in the mirror, he felt melancholy.
Wang Jiazhi said that Mrs. Liao's daughter was a bit abnormal now. She was really pitiful. Her parents ignored her, and her in-laws bullied her. Now she even read those pretentious emotional magazines and romance novels for spiritual comfort.
Wang Jiazhi asked him if he had heard of the fish eye theory. She told of a young girl who had a boyfriend who always gave her the fish eyes, believing them to be the tastiest part. Later, the girl, disillusioned with her boyfriend's poverty, left to pursue a career. When she returned home rich and prosperous, he gave her the meat but the eyes to his wife. The girl lamented that she had sacrificed her most important part, her eyes, for the pursuit of wealth and fame.
"This kind of writing is just like a man who thinks he's writing in a woman's voice. That man is probably such a loser that he only gets to eat fish occasionally when he's at a guest's house. His wife gets to eat only the fish eyes. Drink!"
Wang Jiazhi felt that this wasn't a matter of money, but of attitude. Especially after seeing those foolish, unaware boys, he hated these unpromising, pretentious boys.
A while ago, Xiaoshuang wrote to me again, saying that she had forgotten to tell me that Meihui had once written to me about Bai Aiyan and her husband visiting relatives in Shanghai, and unexpectedly ran into Huang Lei on the way. Huang Lei was very down and out, and rushed over to find Bai Aiyan, which scared her so much that she just said she didn't know him.
Wang Jiazhi hated Huang Lei deeply. Kuang Yumin was the first person to pressure her, and he was the second. He thought that by spending two months renting a house, buying her some clothes, and losing money at mahjong, he could become a big shot. In reality, he and Kuang Yumin were in cahoots, and it was the two of them who had tricked her into joining. She was foolish, thinking he was pushing Kuang Yumin too hard and that she had to sacrifice herself. Later, she realized she was just too cheap. Huang Lei's family could easily pay back the money he spent, so how could he be so devastated by her?
Huang Lei was a very childish person, spoiled by his family. At the time, he felt he had spent too much money, and it was unacceptable for him to waste it if things didn't work out. So, he didn't care that Wang Jiazhi was ruined; he just didn't want his money to be wasted. Later, when Wang Jiazhi was ruined for nothing, he felt that she was even worse off than he was, and he felt better and stopped making a fuss.
Later I remembered Huang Lei shouting happily and excitedly on the street: China cannot perish!
What the hell, he has no patriotism at all and treats such a solemn slogan as a joke.
Wang Jiazhi was too honest. Later, she realized that she was set up by them, but she didn't resist. She could only blame herself. In fact, in this kind of situation, women are always the ones who suffer. But if a woman is willing to take risks, she will definitely get what she wants. Those white-collar gangs just need to have sex with men and then ask for money. If they refuse to pay, they will take them to court anyway. If they are taken advantage of, they will pay compensation.
If Wang Jiazhi were as bad as Lai Xiujin, she could easily have argued with them and demanded compensation. Huang Lei's family was wealthy, and the other families weren't completely broke. Since they'd abused her, she might as well demand some compensation; at least she'd have a better financial life ahead. Those people, fearing a case would end up in the school court, would have to find a way to give her the money. Regardless of whether she'd consented or not, now that she hadn't, what could they do to her? But she foolishly accepted the loss.
At the time, Lai Xiujin was elated, Ouyang felt it had nothing to do with him, and Liang Runsheng was even more proud of having gotten such a huge advantage. She hadn't been subjected to any action by Lao Yi, and he planned to return to school and pursue her relentlessly, thinking she was easy to bully and seemed so traditional. It was inevitable that she would actually become his girlfriend. Only Kuang Yumin and Huang Lei were concerned. Although they felt Wang Jiazhi was easy to bully, and that a girl in such a situation could only accept her loss in silence, she had no family to support her. But they both felt guilty. Huang Lei knew that he had forced them to keep their money safe. To avoid wasting money, he didn't care about Wang Jiazhi's feelings at all, fearing she would refuse. Wang Jiazhi didn't cry or make a scene, but she was in such a state of despair that she refused to eat, drink, or talk. This state was terrifying. What if she really did make a scene? Although he thought it unlikely, Kuang Yumin took precautions. If she did make a scene, he could comfort her, telling her that he would be responsible and wait for a while before breaking up. Even if she wanted to sue, she might not be able to do anything. Huang Lei was determined not to take any more money. Liang Runsheng had slept with her, and he hadn't gotten to sleep with her, so why should he take any more money? He had already taken enough money, and he wouldn't take any more, no matter what.
Wang Jiazhi also understood by then that it wasn't just because of their subsequent attitude. Even if he hadn't left and the matter was accomplished, she would still be ruined. Hadn't those people intended to destroy her from the beginning? How could she be so stupid?
She pushed her thoughts aside and instead became angry at Xiaoshuang for mentioning Huang Lei. Those people felt disgusted just by hearing his name. Of course, Xiaoshuang was trying to cheer her up.
Regarding the relationship between feelings and material things, Wang Jiazhi suddenly remembered the novel that had driven her crazy a while ago. The hero used half a month's salary to buy the heroine a ring made of gemstone powder as an engagement ring. She didn't like the hero in the first place, and the ring made her even less fond of him. The hero told her that the ring must have been too big and she could get it smaller. For such a big event as an engagement, he knew the ring was too big, but he still bought it like that. Moreover, the ring was so big that it dangled when he put it on. He took the yarn from the hero's sweater and wrapped it around his hand twice before he put it on. Even then, it dangled easily. The hero thought it was very romantic. The hero thought it was even more romantic, and the yarn used to wrap the ring was taken from the hero's sweater, which made it even more romantic.
At that time, she thought to herself, even if they weren't married yet and couldn't sleep in the same bed, they could still feel the heroine's ring when they were close. Wearing a ring wrapped in two coils of old yellow wool and still dangling every day, the heroine had to work several jobs. Wouldn't she feel burdened? And yet the heroine seemed very happy.
When it comes to love, the most important thing is attitude.
The two later broke up, and the male protagonist quickly married someone else to appease his grief. The engagement gift was a real diamond platinum brooch made from his mother's jewelry. It turns out he could afford real diamonds.
Of course, the hero has always been a romantic. Because he truly loves the heroine, he gave her a worthless ruby ring made of gemstone dust, bought with half a month's salary, so large it needed two wraps of tattered wool to hold it in place. Because he doesn't truly love his wife, marrying her for the sake of marriage, he gave her a genuine diamond and platinum brooch made from his mother's jewelry. I love you, so everything I give you is mine, nothing I owe to my family. Drink!
Of course, Wang Jiazhi had no right to laugh at others who were in love. Back then, Kuang Yumin hadn't even given her a jewel-colored ring, yet she had been so foolish as to ruin herself for him. She couldn't let Lao Yi know about this, no matter what. If he knew she had done something so foolish for another man, even if he wanted her, she wouldn't have the face to be with him.
She felt that the nightmare experience was more terrifying than death. She had experienced that lingering nightmare for Kuang Yumin. She had only died for him, and she was willing to die. This was really unfair to him.
She told him about the novel and said, "I think this plot is very infuriating."
If you truly love someone, you want to give them the best, both emotionally and materially. This comparison reminded Wang Jiazhi of another novel, in which the protagonist vowed never to rely on his family. His family could afford to support him, but he was too concerned about his reputation to accept any money. After marriage, he and his wife lived in poverty. Their family had a good relationship with their neighbors, and his wife enjoyed visiting them to listen to the phonograph. He overheard the neighbor's daughter gossiping about his wife, so he went against his will and borrowed money from his parents to buy a phonograph for his wife.
People say that it's hard for overly clear-headed and mature people to fall in love because they're less likely to make mistakes. Wang Jiazhi feels that if she had been as clear-headed as she is now, she might not have had any romantic experience at all.
She still overestimated herself. When it comes to love, clarity and rationality are useless. It's not that sober and mature people are less likely to fall in love, but rather that they're less likely to fall into relationships based on a profit-sharing arrangement. Because they're too clear-headed, they feel like they'll always be at a disadvantage. Lao Yi was clear-headed and calm enough, but he and her still ended up like this.
When Wang Jiazhi asked him what he thought, he said, "He feels that the two girls have different social status. His girlfriend comes from a very poor family, so a ring made of gemstone powder would be worthy of her. But his wife is from a wealthy family, so of course she can't wear a ring made of gemstone powder. She must wear real jewelry to match her. So no matter what, even if he asks his mother for it, he has to give her the real thing."
Wang Jiazhi thought, that's right, he always said he relied on his family, but when it came to giving her jewelry, he stopped mentioning that. And it was only half a month's salary, and there was still half a month left. And he'd been working for so long, I doubt he had any savings. It's not impossible for him to spend a little more and buy something nice to propose. An engagement is such a big deal. No wonder things didn't end well for them. That ring was unlucky enough.
The heroine's sister said she was getting married and gave him the ring back. He didn't even bother looking at it, feeling heartbroken and throwing it away as soon as he left. In reality, the heroine had been imprisoned at her sister's house after being raped. The hero is simply incompetent and cowardly, lacking any masculinity. If he had been more attentive, he would have noticed that the yarn used to wrap the ring was soaked with blood. Seeing the blood, he might have thought something had happened to the heroine, otherwise why would there be so much blood on the ring? But given his incompetence, he probably wouldn't have figured it out even if he saw it.
Wang Jiazhi glanced at him. If it were him, he was naturally meticulous. Even when he was young and not a spy, he would probably be able to see through it and rescue the person.
She recalled that Kuang Yumin had given her cheap and tacky flowers, and he thought she was only worthy of such flowers. The roses he gave Meng Shunying were very expensive. In fact, if she hadn't always rejected him, he wouldn't even have given her those cheap flowers. At the beginning, when he saw that she had been deceived into joining, he hadn't given her anything. Wang Jiazhi also came to her senses. In Kuang Yumin's eyes, he had been using her from the beginning. Even if those things hadn't happened and she was innocent, he wouldn't have had a future with her. He liked and felt that the girl who was worthy of him was a noble girl like Meng Shunying, who came from a noble family and could help him in his career. She didn't even have a family of her own, so there was no way he could have a future with her. If those things hadn't happened, he might not have dated her at all, or maybe he would have, but he would have treated her as a pastime and would never have married her. While dating her, he was looking for a marriage partner of his choice, and would break up with her when he found one. No, he wouldn't do that. He would keep her hanging, dating like a boyfriend and girlfriend, but he wouldn't acknowledge her as his girlfriend. That way, when he wanted to dump her, he wouldn't take any responsibility and would just say she was wrong and that he never meant that. If he couldn't find the right one, he would obey his parents' arranged marriage and not marry her, because the one his family found would definitely be richer and more powerful than her.
"I'm just stupid!" she hated in her heart.
It had snowed lightly the night before, leaving a thin layer of snow on the roofs and branches. It wasn't too cold, and sitting in the car was fine. Wang Jiazhi thought her daughter had never been outside before, so she thought she should take her out to see the streets; they must be bustling.
She changed her clothes and went out with her daughter and her mother. They went into the store to pick out some fabric. It was New Year's Eve, and the department store was bustling with people. She was worried she might be frightened, but the child, far from being frightened by the crowds, smiled and babbled, looking delighted.
Grandma said, "Our eldest sister is so amazing. She looks so majestic even when I hold her in my arms."
Wang Jiazhi picked out the fabric and said to her, "Which one do you think is good?"
The kitten seemed to understand and babbled to the blue-gray piece.
After shopping, Wang Jiazhi passed by a shop and saw through the window a tall red camellia in full bloom. She never dared to enter that shop again; now she felt uncomfortable seeing red camellias. It was already past the camellia season, but she went to the shop to try her luck and found a flower still in bloom on the branch. She thought it was providence. She thought to herself, "Every wrong has its perpetrator, and every debt has its creditor. Go find him."
Really, after hearing Zhou Minlin say that Kuang Yumin is still alive, Meng Shunying still can't bear to part with him.
When she got home in the evening, she showed him the fabric she had chosen for him and asked him if he liked it.
He said he liked it, and she smiled and said, "Your girl picked it out for you."
The little guy also babbled twice, which made him very happy.
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