Chapter 305
He was on a business trip. I packed his suitcases yesterday and he left early this morning.
At night, she stood at the window holding the child, one hand holding the child's little paw, looking outside and saying, "When will your father come back?"
The little girl came in and thought, since he just left in the morning, how could he come back on the same day.
The little girl was talking about choosing fabrics to make clothes, saying that it was almost Chinese New Year and it would be too late if she didn't make them now. He had asked her to buy new clothes and jewelry for the New Year many days ago, but she hadn't made any yet. She had plenty of clothes left, so it wasn't worth it to make new ones.
The little girl said, "Look at those ladies. How could any of them wear the same dress for a year? They're all so particular about appearances. We can't lose our composure in front of them."
Wang Jiazhi said, "I won't socialize with them anymore."
"I can't always avoid seeing Madam Yi. Those ladies are so vicious. If not for myself, I have to save face for my eldest sister."
Wang Jiazhi felt sorry for her child. Technically, the child was illegitimate. But that wasn't entirely true. Having a child didn't mean she had no status at all, but at most, she was born out of wedlock. But then she thought, since she was born to her legitimate wife, so what?
"My husband specifically reminded you to make clothes for the New Year before he left."
The little girl's intention was that if they didn't do it, it would be a disgrace to him. Grandma and the little girl always felt that although he was very indulgent and accommodating to her on the surface, given his status and style, she should still be very afraid of him.
Wang Jiazhi was never afraid of him, but since he had said it several times, she couldn't refuse again.
"Even if we don't spend this money, it will just benefit others," the little girl said again.
Wang Jiazhi smiled and said, "That's not the case."
He probably has no one here now. He had given the money for the clothes and jewelry to the store in advance, because he thought she would not be willing to buy them if he gave them to her directly.
While shopping, she spotted a bright red dress with ruffled cuffs and hem, a round yellow and white collar with a bow underneath, and a sash tied with a bow at the waist. The store happened to have a bright red bow hairpin. She let her hair down, put the hairpin on her back, and turned left and right in front of the mirror.
"She looks like a schoolgirl." The little girl clasped her hands together and smiled.
Wang Jiazhi suddenly thought of Meng Shunying. She loved wearing bright red and emerald green, and they were indeed beautiful. Jin Qiaochu's favorite was gold. It seemed that the noble ladies around her all favored such exceptionally bright colors, like rubies, emeralds, and sapphires. She thought those colors were beautiful, but some were too crude and simple. One or two such pieces were fine for occasional wear, but as the mainstay of their outfits, like the two of them, it was a bit garish.
Wang Jiazhi also asked the little girl to pick out a piece of clothing. The little girl was afraid at first, but she saw that every time she accompanied her, she would happily look at this and that, but she felt really pitiful that she could not buy anything even if she looked.
In fact, although this little girl was young, she had been a servant for quite some time and was already accustomed to being a bystander in the splendor and wealth. The servants chosen by Old Yi were all very careful and capable. Although this little girl was young, she was more discerning than those who were several years older than her. Maids in wealthy families who had worked for a long time and saw their masters' splendor and wealth inevitably lost their sense of status, feeling that they were also noble and doing foolish things. People who can understand their status and avoid unrealistic daydreams can actually live a more relaxed and happy life. Just like this little girl, she looked at her master's wealth and glory without feeling that it had anything to do with her, nor did she feel distressed by the fact that she was not related to it. She didn't feel sad when she saw her master buying things in the beautiful garden, but was happy to be brought out and see the world.
Later, the little girl picked out a pink and green dress with ruffles and a round collar with a small lace. She also let her hair down and accessorized it with a green bow from the store. She came out wearing a pair of blue cloth shoes and also bought stockings and black leather shoes.
They went out wearing this and continued shopping. Passersby thought they were ladies from wealthy families, two friends shopping together.
The little girl had chosen the dress herself, but later they both felt that Wang Jiazhi's dress was more elegant, and bright red, like a young lady. Hers, standing next to it, looked a bit like a maid, or the younger sister or friend of the heroine in a novel or movie. But when they were taken alone, they didn't seem to matter. The little girl didn't mind, as she was a servant after all.
After shopping, they ended up going to a jewelry store. Actually, they only shopped at the same stores, and it was fine to have the items delivered to their home to choose, but she wanted to go out for a walk. He insisted she choose the jewelry, and while she was away, several jade pieces were given as gifts. But for a girl her age, always wearing jade seemed a bit too old-fashioned.
After picking out the jewelry, Wang Jiazhi finished her shopping for the day. She took the little girl to a cafe for coffee and cake, then called home to ask for a car to pick her up. She had walked so much that she didn't have the energy to walk back.
After getting in the car, Wang Jiazhi said to the little girl, "Why do I feel like someone is watching us?"
The little girl looked outside and said, "It doesn't look like it."
Wang Jiazhi didn't know if she was being overly sensitive or if someone was really watching her.
When she got home, she took out the clothes and toys she had bought for the child and showed them to her. She also gave the little girl money to give to her mother and the cook. She bought clothes and shoes for the little girl and she had to give them some too.
Wang Jiazhi changed her clothes and lay in bed, wearily waiting to fall asleep. Before she drifted off, she recalled a novel she'd read. It told the story of a girl whose family was extremely poor. She was a girl, starving and ill-treated by her parents. Her greatest joy was to beg for a mere slice of meat, a delight she could only dream of. She was even willing to commit herself to an old, ugly, wealthy man, just to have the meat.
Later, she was spotted by a demon and became his servant, gifted with special powers. Wherever she desired, she simply closed her eyes and silently recited the thought, instantly arriving without the need for travel. No matter how much money she desired, the same method would manifest it before her. Furthermore, she would neither age nor die, free from the struggles of ordinary people to strive for and plan things due to the fleeting nature of time and the finiteness of life. At first, she was extremely happy, but later, she became deeply depressed. Things that ordinary people had to strive for, she could achieve simply by closing her eyes. Unlimited money, endless destinations, eternal beauty and life—everything seemed so within reach that it became boring. Even the most delicious delicacies had become tasteless to her. She would buy a ton of things while shopping, only to toss them aside when she got home, never bothering to open them.
Wang Jiazhi thought it was like when people brought clothes, fabrics, and jewelry to her house, it was much more interesting to stay there after choosing than to go to the store to choose. In some cases, the process is the catalyst for the result.
I remembered back at the coffee shop, where the waiter mentioned the crazy girl obsessed with actors who had died. She was hit by a tram. She didn't die immediately, but her leg was crushed. She lay on the ground howling for a long time, but no one cared. It was said that her brother's family took her home, but they didn't provide her with medical care, so she died soon after. Even before she died, she didn't want to die, begging for help.
There's always something tragic about the death of a young life. Wang Jiazhi recalled that she only lived to be twenty-three, and died quietly. Who wouldn't want to leave something behind in this world?
Before she knew it, she fell into a drowsy sleep.
It gets dark very early in the winter. When she woke up, her daughter was already awake, and the two cats were still cuddling together and snoring. She picked up her daughter and fed her, then coaxed her to play for a while before going to the study to write.
The day before yesterday, I met with my editor to discuss a recently published novel. Someone had criticized it, and the editor asked if she'd like to write an opinion piece. Wang Jiazhi doesn't like to engage in literary battles unless she's truly outraged. This criticism wasn't biased. Wang Jiazhi feels that everyone has their own opinions; they simply disagreed with hers. This opinion is open to expression, and there's no intention to deliberately attack her, so there's no need to write about it.
Instead, the magazine staff was discussing a recently released film about a helpless girl who lets the boy she loves scheme against her and then, using her charitable spirit, is tricked into giving her to the male protagonist as a plaything. This film has sparked widespread public controversy, with one point alleging that the heroine's love for him stems from their "sleep together," mistaking passion for sex.
None of this is the point. Wang Jiazhi read several different arguments, and without even looking at the author, she could tell which was written by a man and which by a woman. This filled her with righteous indignation. Yet another group of "males" who felt they were "given their destiny" were distorting right and wrong, and shamelessly shifting the blame onto women.
It was obvious there: the scoundrel, while lustful, was far from perfect. The girl, despite being defiled by him, felt nothing. The scoundrel, however, didn't feel a thing, believing he was powerful and that the girl, inexperienced, had no feelings for him. It's clear that the less experienced one is, the less likely they are to feel incompetence. If an inexperienced girl had no feelings for him, even the dumbest guy would have felt something. But the scoundrel, however, felt perfectly fine with himself, never considering anything to be amiss.
The female audience all saw that the scoundrel wasn't acceptable. However, a group of shameless men expressed a completely different opinion, either claiming that scoundrels were normal; or that women's lack of feelings stemmed from their own excesses, like those of a womanizing woman. So, while scoundrels were normal, there was no way to force her to feel anything. The hero, being stronger than average, could satisfy the heroine's shameful desires, which is why she fell in love with him. Their relationship was never truly romantic; it was like the heroine, like Pan Jinlian, was simply slept with and satisfied, his shameless lust blinding her mind.
She wrote: "…Whether shoes are comfortable to wear, the shoemakers have no say; the wearers have the final say. Whether men can do it, men have no say; women have the final say. I believe most women can see that this scoundrel is terrible. Even if a blind person can't see, they can still hear and understand that it's terrible. Are the majority of men who express their opinions deaf and blind?
Men who think scoundrels are okay are probably just like them, confident in their own abilities and prowess in bed, believing that others like them are powerful. If someone thinks scoundrels aren't powerful, then they're empathizing with them, believing they're not powerful. If someone rushes to put shoes on themselves, they're filled with righteous indignation, believing that women must be promiscuous and difficult to satisfy, and that's why they think there's something wrong with them.
Eastern tradition dictates that men are superior to women, and nowhere is this more evident than in the bedroom. Since ancient times, men have been valued for their bravery, while women for their aloofness. Ancient women were considered to be sexually apathetic, and unless driven by the need to continue the family line, they should remain celibate like nuns. Male impotence was considered a profound shame. If a man truly was incapable, or suspected he was, a normal person would keep such a private matter to themselves. But to express this in writing, to present one's inability as something truly remarkable, perhaps touches a visceral sore spot, forcing them to resort to ridiculous, almost evasive, excuses. Personally, I believe the more incompetent a man is, the more he becomes irritated by these quirks of nature.
Zheng He was a eunuch, yet he didn't let his limitations make him feel inferior. He spent his entire life as a navigator, military strategist, and diplomat. He made seven voyages to the West, earned military prowess, and established ties with nations. Yang Sixu was a eunuch who fought on the battlefield, slaying over 200,000 enemy troops and fighting countless fierce battles, never losing a single one. Cao Teng (Cao Cao's grandfather) was a eunuch, prudent and generous, employing talented individuals and even posthumously being crowned emperor. Wang Chengen was a eunuch who led the army in defeating bandits and ultimately died alongside Emperor Chongzhen. As you can see, eunuchs can achieve immortal feats, be granted titles of nobility, become generals, and even become emperors. You may be less capable, but not completely incapable. Why are you so self-conscious, afraid the public won't know that you're not capable? And yet you're even making a fuss about it in newspapers and magazines, not only bringing shame upon yourselves but also earning the public's sympathy for your companions? It's better to channel that ridiculous anger and passion into a serious career, perhaps achieving something. Instead of throwing mud at women because you're incompetent, you're not only incompetent, but also incredibly shameless. Some people only see the bedside, not the obvious emotional connection. As the saying goes, the difference between lotus and dirt: what you see is what you think. Clearly, all they think about is primitive desires. Even after civilized humanity's spiritual evolution, they haven't evolved to understand this. Not only are they incompetent and shameless, they're also completely ignorant. Therefore, men who are labeled incompetent shouldn't do this themselves. They should be taking tonics, not accusing women of being promiscuous..."
However, Wang Jiazhi is still very traditional, and she changed her pen name to publish this article. It is really embarrassing to discuss this issue so openly, but this group of incompetent and shameless males is really infuriating!
There's also the idea that men are no good after 40. Nine out of ten people who say that are men. Women who generalize like this will say: "No man is good." But they don't say all men are no good, only that certain individuals are no good. A man who has just turned 40 is no good, and to comfort himself, he'll say all men are no good after 40, so there's nothing to be ashamed of. It's like a man who is good for nothing and can only afford to buy a wife, but he doesn't have the money, so he says all women are vain and money-hungry, and that without money, they can't get a wife. They completely ignore those men with great personalities who women are willing to marry even if they don't have money.
As expected, after this comment was published, a group of sanctimonious, incompetent, and shameless males criticized the author for his shameless and dissolute adultery. On the contrary, many women empathized with him and expressed their support.
Wang Jiazhi felt that human inferiority was universal; the only difference was the way it was expressed: illiterate and uncultured people used curse words, while intellectual hypocrites used nitpicking. Humph!
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