Chapter 349
Chinese New Year is just a few days away. Last year, Wang Jiazhi was in a state of disarray, constantly contemplating how to escape or how to die. She hadn't celebrated Chinese New Year in years, simply feeling uneasy and unprepared. But this year, with a child at home, she felt it was best to decorate with a festive touch, for the child's benefit. While she might call it decorating, it wasn't much more than cutting window paper-cuts to hang in the bedroom and their study, and placing a few bright red roses, amaryllis, and gladioli in vases around the house.
She had no idea what his office was up to, but it seemed to get busier as the Lunar New Year approached. Could it be that spy work, like other departments, was difficult around the turn of the year? He hadn't come home the day before, calling to say he had work, but from the sound of his voice, he probably wasn't home. Even if he was home, what difference would it make? He should have been at the main residence for the Lunar New Year.
She woke up very early on New Year's Eve. She could hear the faint sound of firecrackers early in the morning, and the child was still sleeping with his stuffed rabbit in his arms.
She got up, cleaned up, and put up the window paper-cuts. On the bedroom window, there were a pair of flower baskets; in her study, there were a pair of mandarin ducks and lotus flowers; on his study window, there was a similar pair of mandarin ducks and lotus flowers; on the desk lamp, there was a pony, the girl's zodiac sign. She also placed flowers that had been awake all night in vases in several rooms.
At that moment, she recalled the time she and Xiaoshuang had prepared flowers for the awards ceremony. They'd taken a nearly two-hour drive up the mountain in the midday sun, walked a lot, and gathered countless flowers, pondering how to put them together. The heat was so intense that their clothes were soaking wet. Each of them carried two large buckets of flowers down the mountain, still filled with water, making them incredibly heavy. On the way back, people getting on and off the bus stared at them, some even asking what they were going to do with all the flowers.
After returning home and showering, I was incredibly exhausted, but I forced myself to stay awake. I started making bouquets, working until three in the morning. The floor was filled with buckets and basins filled with flowers, leaving me with no place to get out of bed. To accommodate the flowers, I borrowed pots and jars from several dormitories.
Thinking back to those days, it felt like a lifetime ago. Xiao Shuang probably felt the same way when she thought about it now.
After she finished all this, she sat on the bed, feeling a bit lost, not knowing what to do. After a long while, the child woke up, and she finally had something to do.
She fed the child, washed her face, changed her into new clothes, and then put the gold locket on her head. He had brought it back a few days ago and said he would give it to the child during the New Year.
She remembered and took the children to put bells on the necks of several cats, strung with colorful strings. A few kittens put them on too, and they were fun to watch as they jumped around and tinkled. He had also brought back a purple wind chime a few days ago, and she figured it was for the children, too, so she hung it up today.
The little girl came in and asked if she wanted to eat breakfast, but she shook her head. She spent the morning playing with the child, and at noon, after putting the child to sleep, she came downstairs and saw all kinds of fruits, nuts, and colorful candies on the table in the living room.
She walked around downstairs and went back upstairs. The child fell asleep, and she sat on the bed in a daze again.
This year is so strange. Last year I could read, and it felt like normal. But this year, I don't feel like reading at all. I just sit there and feel lonely.
She leaned against the headboard, the white gauze curtains drawn, and could see a faint red tint peeking through the window grilles. Even in this bustling and quiet house, she could still hear the distant sound of firecrackers, but at this moment, the sound only made the house feel more lonely and empty.
Wang Jiazhi leaned her head against the headboard and looked around the room. She suddenly felt like she didn't recognize this place anymore. Most of the things in the room were bought by her, but it was as if she didn't recognize them.
This place is different from what it was in her previous life because she moved in and changed a lot of things.
It's already the second New Year, and I'm still alive. Or maybe I'm already dead and just returned as a ghost. In my previous life, I never spent a single New Year in Shanghai.
She opened a book, trying to distract herself. This atmosphere was terrifying; it was easy to let her mind wander again. It was New Year's Day, so she didn't want to get sick again.
She read the words in the book but forgot them. She should never have read the sentence: I just want to see you again.
True love needs no words; simple, heart-piercing words are more powerful than any embellished rhetoric.
She remembered her last day, playing mahjong from morning until afternoon, then waiting for him in the coffee shop, then going to the jewelry store with him to get the ring, then being taken there, Secretary Zhang threatening her, then being in that bumpy truck, and then she died.
Originally, that day should have been one she remembered deeply, but because of the complicated emotions at the end, she quickly returned to the beginning of her relationship with him. After they broke up, she tried hard to forget the past and started over, and she didn't even think about that day.
She was deliberately avoiding it. The feeling of walking aimlessly on the street was truly terrifying. Death wasn't the most terrifying thing, but the process of dying, even though it only took a few hours, felt like a thousand years.
Without seeing each other for the last time, the two of them broke up completely and the child was not born.
She looked at the ring on her finger, which happened to be on her finger now. And this ring, which she had worn for only a few hours, ultimately left nothing behind.
She still gave it back to him. He probably understood her meaning. It was a farewell. It was a pity to let such a beautiful thing go with her.
She remembered once hearing an aunt chatting with her mother, and they talked about a woman who had just died. Her husband melted her gold jewelry and made new ones for the new bride. The jewelry was also her dowry.
Her mother said, "People are dead. What's the point of keeping them? After all, people come with empty hands and leave with empty hands."
At that time, she thought her mother was just being perfunctory, but later she understood the melancholy and helplessness behind those words.
The aunt also seemed deeply moved and said, "If that day ever came to me, I would have agreed with him in advance to melt down my gold jewelry and give it to the newlyweds. That would be good for the child."
Wang Jiazhi thought of the ring. Even if she had only worn it for a few hours, it was still hers. She didn't know what he'd done with it. After all, it was something so valuable, he wouldn't be willing to throw it away. If he truly no longer had feelings for her, he certainly wouldn't keep it. He could give it to someone new. But with something that valuable, someone would surely wear it frequently, like Mrs. Ma did. Wouldn't he be bothered by it? But if he was willing to give something he'd given to another woman to another, then that person was probably just a plaything, not that important to him.
Every time she saw the ring, she felt a wave of melancholy. Even wearing it, it didn't feel like her own. She'd wanted to wear it and leave it, but in the end, she'd returned it to him. She wanted to leave him something. No matter what he thought or how he handled it, she always wanted to leave him something. And then… she felt like she would never possess anything good. In the end, even her only emotional connection was gone. The man she loved no longer had feelings for her, she couldn't have children, and her life was over.
Thinking back to the time he gave her the ring, she couldn't believe it. It was probably because she had too much to think about, and her mind was too tense.
Kuang Yumin and the others told her she was under suspicion and that going there would be dangerous. She already hated them, but at that moment, her hatred was at its peak. They simply didn't want her best, so everyone else should treat her as a dehumanizing person. Ever since that outburst, she'd become even more disgusted with them.
That night, back at the apartment, he was gentle, relaxed, and wonderful, even better than before. They couldn't help themselves several times, and afterward, he even slept with her in his arms. He never fell asleep next to her, and sometimes, when he closed his eyes, it was to rest. She knew whether he was just pretending to doze or not. If he had suspected her, how could he have dared to fall asleep?
At that time, Kuang Yumin and Old Wu were discussing, and after Old Wu left, he told her how to ambush and protect her. She listened carefully, but she didn't think about it, thinking about the back and forth they had that day, sometimes he did this, sometimes she did that.
Finally, the two of them cuddled together, sweaty, and he actually fell asleep. His hair was damp, and his furry pants were so comfortable against his body. His breath fluttered against her like a fur puff, damp and warm, as if a cat was sleeping in her arms. She even reached out and ruffled his hair; he looked especially boyish without it combed. She had always suspected he kept it combed to appear more serious.
"We will protect you when the time comes, don't worry."
After Kuang Yumin finished speaking, he saw that she was in a trance and didn't seem to hear what he said. She seemed to be thinking about something, and her whole body was absent-minded and empty, which made him very angry.
Wang Jiazhi thought they had been ignoring her, but in fact, it was her fault that they didn't pay attention to her. How could they not pay attention to her when they saw her good side? How could they see her good side?
Lai Xiujin and Kuang Yumin once said: "Whenever she goes to see that person, she will dress up to the nines, that coquettish look!"
Kuang Yumin had never paid much attention to her appearance, but he began to notice it later. It seemed to be true: whenever she went out on a date, she always wore something elegant and brightly colored, unlike when she met them, when she wore a smart dress, looking a thousand miles away. The rare time she wore a cheongsam, it was as plain as could be. And as time went on, her expression became more and more deadpan, especially after that falling out. She was even more stern and cold, with no trace of gentleness left in her.
"Who owes you money!" Kuang Yumin said angrily.
Wang Jiazhi couldn't control herself either. She was already unhappy meeting them, and they were all so aggressive. After that outburst, she couldn't control herself any more. She knew she always looked impatient and angry, but she was already tormented to the point of no return. Not getting into an argument was her limit.
Even at the beginning, no matter how angry Old Yi was, he never went as far as they did. The more time went on, the more anxious and sad she became. He became more and more gentle and caring towards her. Old Wu and the others became increasingly mean to her. At that point, the sight of them made her want to go crazy, but the sight of him made her forget everything. She increasingly wondered why Kuang Yumin's face was so long, like a donkey's, and why Old Wu's face was so swollen, as if he'd been beaten. The more she looked at them, the more disgusting and abhorrent they seemed.
That night had been a very ecstatic and intoxicating one, but after hearing what Kuang Yumin and the others said, all those beautiful memories were ruined. She even felt that they were disgusting and truly abominable. Could it be that he was lying to her? He was already worried about her, but he was still pretending to be sincere, deceiving her feelings. After hearing what they said, she began to tremble with fear. Could he really be going to do something? It didn't look like he meant that, but what was going on?
"Wang Jiazhi!"
She was startled by Kuang Yumin and then came to her senses.
"We will protect you then."
"Really?" she asked blankly.
She was tortured like this and couldn't sleep all night. The next day, she went to the store with the envelope in her hand, trembling with fear. It turned out that he wanted to give her a ring. It took her a while to recover. She felt exhausted and limp.
This guy is incredible! He's so serious and so earnest. She originally didn't believe what Kuang Yumin and the others said, but his seriousness made her increasingly suspicious that something was amiss. He's making her so nervous, really!
On the way back, she kept thinking about this matter over and over in her mind. After she changed her clothes and fell on the bed, she realized that he wanted to give her a surprise.
She had never been in a relationship, and no one had ever given her a surprise or a gift. This was the first time, and she was a little slow to realize it.
It was like she realized it so late that she had no idea how she fell in love.
Lying back in bed, she thought of that huge pink diamond, so sparkling and glittering, bigger than any of the other ladies at the card table. Perhaps he noticed they all had them, and she didn't, and was always laughed at, so he gave her one too.
But at the time, she still resisted out of habit, thinking about how Madam Ma also had a diamond ring, and especially since she came, she had been wearing that huge diamond ring, as if to show off her past favor. Perhaps it was his habit to give diamond rings as gifts to lovers when they were close enough in their relationship, and he couldn't just expect her to follow him for nothing.
Wang Jiazhi didn't think so. In fact, in her eyes, it was hard to tell who served whom more when the two of them were together.
But… after all, this one was much bigger than Mrs. Ma's, and Mrs. Yi had never worn one this big. She thought about the style she'd chosen; it was a bit exaggerated, but it was beautiful. But she wondered if it would be too ostentatious. She'd been concerned about it being too exaggerated, and considered switching to something more modest. But she still found this style beautiful and couldn't bear to give it up, so she ultimately chose this exaggerated one.
Mrs. Yi had made an appointment with the other ladies to go out for dinner today, but because she was facing a major crisis today, she had turned down all social engagements. Now the house seemed so large and empty, with only the servants and her as an outsider.
She was thinking about what she had experienced throughout the day and she still hadn't recovered. It was like a complicated and unrealistic dream.
It was already dark, and when she heard the sound of his car, her heart began to beat fast.
Old Yi would come back whenever there was nothing to do at the yamen to see how she would react.
All day long, I've found it fascinating to think about what she's going to do. I picture her trembling as she goes to the jewelry store, as if she were facing a major threat, and then her shocked expression when it turns out to be a false alarm. Someone has already reported back that she's sent several more people than usual, and just thinking about her surprised little cat expression makes me excited. Thinking about this all day has made me lose the mood to do a lot of things.
Wang Jiazhi deeply understood from him what it means for a man to die young.
When she heard him come back, she went to the door and quietly opened it a crack, hiding behind it like a kitten and revealing a pair of eyes.
Will he come upstairs? The study is downstairs. Sure enough, when she heard the footsteps coming up the stairs, she felt so excited and expectant.
She was bending over behind the door and looking outside. He reached the door and saw a pair of kitten eyes through the crack. He also bent over and looked inside through the crack. Their eyes met.
He entered the room and closed the door. The two of them clung to each other. She said, "Why did you give me such an expensive gift and act so mysteriously?"
"I just want to give you something. Do you like it?"
"I picked a really big pink one. It's actually that big." She nestled in his shoulder and started acting coquettishly.
Wang Jiazhi was very affectionate towards him and would act like a spoiled child. But this was the first time for him to act like a little girl, and he was very happy.
In the eyes of others, women will definitely think that they are greedy for money and are so happy when given expensive gifts. And women will deliberately restrain their emotions and not show their happiness and excitement too much, otherwise the man will think that they are greedy and vain, just for his money.
But they were different. Neither of them thought about it that way. They were just very intoxicated and happy.
For the first time, she had actually taken the initiative to keep him here. He had come to see her several times in the past, but he had always come on his own initiative. She was actually a little scared. Although the servants knew he had come into her room, it was still in his house, so this was really too much. Because they had acted like that in their home, her mother hated Wang Jiazhi very much, thinking that she was the one who seduced men and acted shamefully. In fact, she had only seduced him twice in her home.
No one knew when Mrs. Yi left that day, or when she would return. If she had come back and seen his car, she would have definitely asked about it, but the servants would have said he had gone into the study. Mrs. Yi usually didn't dare disturb him. But what if she saw him coming downstairs? Mrs. Yi might have known he had been in her room, but she still felt it was too much. If Mrs. Yi came back with a few other wives to continue playing cards, they would have to pass by the living room door on their way downstairs. They would be seen by so many people. Even though they knew, it would be shameless to do it so openly in their own home.
Although Wang Jiazhi was concerned about all this, she was clear-headed but couldn't control herself. It didn't matter what happened that day; she just wanted to be with him. She was so embarrassed by the forced kiss she'd received yesterday. She hugged him and kissed him profusely, much more than usual. Luckily, his mouth wasn't very swollen afterward.
Around nine o'clock, Mrs. Yi and a few other wives returned. It was hard to describe what A-ma was saying. She had actually been keeping an eye out, waiting to see when Mrs. Yi would return. But when she did return, it was too late to call her. It would have been even more rude for her to have hurriedly packed up and left.
At that time, my mother kept scolding Wang Jiazhi in her heart, calling her a vixen and shameless. This matter seemed to be getting out of hand.
The two were sleeping in each other's arms when they heard Auntie say outside, "Madam wants Madam Mai to go out and play cards."
Wang Jiazhi said, "I feel a little uncomfortable, so I won't go out."
Outside the door, my mother gnashed her teeth, saying inwardly, "It's strange that she can get up!"
Her state that day was very abnormal. He was always fearless and indifferent to everything, but she was different. She was always a little scared at home. But on this day, she was out of character and smiled lightly, "What should I do?"
He didn't answer, but just smiled softly, and the two of them continued to sleep.
They could hear the sounds of laughter and shuffling cards outside, and gradually they fell asleep again. Then they were woken by the noise outside, and then they fell asleep again quickly, and slept for a long time.
They played mahjong until late that night. When Wang Jiazhi woke up, it was already the next morning, and no one was around. She didn't know when he left, but it must have been after the game. She wondered if Mrs. Yi heard him go downstairs.
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