Chapter 350
Wang Jiazhi could only make out the footsteps of four people: her mother, father, and brother, and then his. But now she thought she couldn't make out her father and brother's footsteps anymore, as they hadn't lived together for so long.
His footsteps were so light that if they weren't on the wooden floor and stairs, they would be completely silent. They really were like a cat, light and agile. She vaguely seemed to hear his footsteps again in her dream.
Wang Jiazhi groggily opened her eyes and saw him sitting next to her, playing with the child. She whimpered, and as she gradually regained consciousness, she realized that it was New Year's Day, it was still bright outside, and he was home.
"Why are you back at this time?"
"I came back with nothing to do."
"No, why don't you go back over there?" She looked at the clock. It was just past three o'clock.
"I've been back."
"Mrs. Yi will be angry."
"No."
"Go back, when have you changed your clothes?" When he came back, he had already changed into a long gown.
At this time, the child stretched out his two little hands, hugged his neck, and threw himself into his arms and started to act coquettishly.
"The girls don't want me to leave."
"We have to finish offering sacrifices to our ancestors first."
He held the child in his arms, and said face to face, "Our ancestors were humble, neither officials nor businessmen, so why should we care about those things?"
The child actually let out an "Ah".
Wang Jiazhi looked at the scene in front of her. At this moment, she really felt like an outsider. They were a family.
He just came back and saw her sleeping. The little one heard the sound and sat up from the crib, like a kitten popping its head out. It was so cute. He took the kitten out. Today the kitten was wearing red clothes and gold lockets, like a small red flower bud, so beautiful.
When the little girl saw that she was awake, she came in and asked what she wanted to eat for dinner.
"Are you really not going back?"
He nodded.
She said helplessly to the little girl, "Then heat up the eight-treasure rice and glutinous rice balls. As for the rest, just add a few more."
She made two New Year's snacks and planned to eat them when he came back tomorrow.
She thought Mrs. Yi was pitiful, spending the New Year alone. Grandma and the little girl seemed very happy and cheerful. She thought to herself, "What does this have to do with you?"
Wang Jiazhi had also sensed this long ago. Although her servants and the servants over there should have been communicating with each other secretly, they were also secretly competing with each other to see who was more favored, her or the main wife, and which side's servants would get more benefits.
Old Yi was quite good at balancing both sides. Mrs. Yi's side always had card games, and the ladies would give each other some money after the games. She was quiet and had almost no socializing. The monthly salary and holiday gifts he gave her were larger than those there, so that no one would suffer any loss.
When the two aunties were chatting, the auntie on the other side said, "It's good over there. There's no playing cards or entertaining, so it's not too bad." What she meant was that she was suffering and the money she earned was about the same as theirs.
The mother here said, "We didn't play cards or entertain guests or anything like that, but the eldest sister in the house is more troublesome than playing cards or entertaining guests. The eldest sister is one of the least worries, but her father is always worried about her, which makes it difficult for the servants to do their jobs." She said with a proud smile.
Initially, the mother on the other side had a stronger sense of superiority. After all, she was the main servant. Especially after Wang Jiazhi left for a while, although the mother on the other side still managed the family, she felt inferior to the mother on the other side. Without her master, how long could they live freely? But she never expected that after Wang Jiazhi gave birth to the child and the kitten, the mother on this side instantly perked up and felt confident, thinking that she could surpass the mother on the other side.
Every time, the mother on the other side would resentfully think, "He's just a cheap fellow who can't even pass on the family lineage. What's the point of being so proud?"
But she couldn't say it out loud, after all, she didn't even have a cheap one on her side. More importantly, Lao Yi loved this girl so much that no one dared to say a word.
Wang Jiazhi, of course, was unaware of the complexities involved. She went downstairs to check on the food being cooked in the kitchen and mentioned to her mother that his behavior was truly inappropriate and unbecoming.
Unexpectedly, my mother laughed and said, "What's the big deal? She has enough food and clothing, and we haven't moved our home back home, yet she's still not satisfied."
"Um?"
Grandma said, "When she was in the countryside, she was also very friendly. But after becoming a wealthy lady and moving to the city not long ago, she's always calling everyone "your yours" and acting pretentiously when she returns to her hometown, fearing that others won't know her noble status. She's so high and mighty, but she's different from us country bumpkins now. Unlike Mr. Yi, he's always polite, just like when he was a child. Now when he meets people from our hometown, he still treats them as people from our hometown and our village. That's what it means to remember one's roots."
"Forehead……"
Wang Jiazhi suddenly realized something. The aunties here and there were not only from his hometown, but also knew Mrs. Yi when they were humble. They had always had complaints about Mrs. Yi, so he didn't have to worry that they would be conquered by Mrs. Yi and become alienated from him instead.
As for the mother over there, no matter how much she hated me and was a bit impulsive, she always disliked me secretly and always covered up for me in front of Mrs. Yi.
Wang Jiazhi went upstairs to play with the children with him, listening to the sound of firecrackers outside. Suddenly, she felt very scared when the phone rang. She was especially scared today because she had something to ask him and he was going out.
Actually, this kind of thing didn't happen often, only once or twice, but those once or twice were enough to make people tremble with fear. She was usually fine, not like today.
After dinner, they played with the child as usual. It was already dark and fireworks were set off outside. The kitten still looked energetic.
"Do you want to stay up all night too?" he said, holding her in his arms.
He put the child in the crib and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
He also noticed that something was wrong with her today, but she herself didn't know what was wrong with her.
She nestled in his arms, neither of them speaking, only listening to the sound of fireworks coming from far, far away. She didn't know how much time had passed, but it must have been a long time before she suddenly said, "They wanted me to come, but I didn't want to. There were too many of them, and I couldn't fight them off, so they kidnapped me. They also killed my aunt. Even if I could escape, they would say I'd committed murder and put me in jail."
She didn't know why she had said that today. He was momentarily stunned. He understood the meaning, but it hadn't crossed his mind. After a moment of silence, he finally understood and felt very upset.
After a while, she said, "Because I was afraid to come find you."
"Um."
"Now that you're here, I have no choice. I can't leave you. But I don't know when you'll want to leave me, and I'll have to leave you."
He didn't know what to say for a moment. He didn't expect her to say that.
"How could I not want you?"
"How could you not?" She started to cry, and then said, "You just left like that, leaving me alone. Do you know what I lived like in Hong Kong for those three years? I might as well have died."
Wang Jiazhi thought of that small warehouse, those nightmares, the endless sound of planes passing by, the bombs in the streets, the hunger and cold, the endless things to copy, the inescapable self-loathing, the loneliness and pain, and the despair of having no way out.
She now understood more clearly than ever that they were not the same kind of people, not at all the same kind of people, and should not have met or known each other.
Unreasonable things can't have any results. She should have been the same as the two before her. His liking for her was even more absurd and unreasonable, and the final result was even more tragic.
Kuang Yumin, that idiot, what he did was ridiculous from the beginning. He is also an idiot. It is ridiculous upon ridiculous, and then even more ridiculous. How can it be good?
The one he liked was Mrs. Mai, but Mrs. Mai was fake, she was Wang Jiazhi.
It was the first time he heard her talk about her past sufferings. It was a very intense heart-wrenching pain, as if it had accumulated for thousands of years.
In fact, they had very little contact in Hong Kong, so how could she have such deep feelings for him? But now that she said this, he didn't find it strange at all.
"I won't do that again, I really won't do that again."
She buried her head in his arms and cried even more sadly. Her whole body was shaking, and even her voice was trembling. She said in a hoarse voice: "Even if I am stupid, I am foolish. But I have never done anything against the will of heaven, and I have never hurt anyone. Why did I meet that group of people, why did they want to hurt me. Why are the people I meet not good people, why did my mother die, why is my father worse than a beast. Why can they still live well, and I have to suffer all that torture, why did my mother, who is so good, have to die, why can my father, who is so bad, live well. Why no matter how hard I try, there is no way out, no way out, only a dead end. Why do you also not want me?"
"I really won't abandon you, I really won't."
She stopped crying and said calmly, "You only like the me in your imagination. If you knew the whole me, you wouldn't like me anymore. If we were in a different situation a few years ago, you wouldn't even look at someone like me."
"Believe me, it's not what you think. You're really good, but you always think you're not good enough. Sometimes I think if I had met you when I was young, I would never have agreed to get married like that with my parents. Those things are not your fault."
"No, it's all my fault. If it weren't for me, it wouldn't have happened like that."
"I always think about it. When I was a teenager, I started working so hard. Back then, it wasn't for myself, but I wanted to do something for... I didn't expect the end result to be like this. Now when I think about the things in my youth, they're nothing special. I always wonder how I got myself to this point. In fact, it's not just us. Even Mr. *, at the end of his life..."
"Don't talk about this person! I don't want you to mention this person!"
Wang Jiazhi didn't understand what was going on between them, but she just hated that person. If she hadn't followed him, all her life's achievements would have been wasted, and she would have been ruined and ended up like this.
"Then let's not talk about him." He took a deep breath and continued, "Anyone who has achieved something has one or two past events that will make them want to die. But as long as you can keep moving forward, the past will not be in vain. My life can only end here, but you still have infinite possibilities."
"I'm going with you."
"You can't go with me on that day, or I won't be able to rest easy. I've already made arrangements for the two of you, so nothing will happen then."
She sat up suddenly, looking at him with tearful eyes, and said hatefully, "You just think that I can live on even if you die. In your eyes, do you think I came to you because I have nowhere else to go? You think I won't go with you. You pave a way out for me, give me enough money to live on for the rest of my life, I'm still in my twenties, and I will find someone else. As long as I raise the child well, you will be very relieved. Isn't it?"
"That's not what I meant."
"Isn't it? You told me that you would find a good person in the future. A person's life is either zero or only once, it's impossible to love twice. I'm not the type of person who can't stand loneliness and must have someone to accompany me. If you can't be with me, my best bet is to live alone. If it weren't for you, I could have found someone to marry when I was in Hong Kong. Why should I endure all the loneliness and torture alone? I'm not the ideal person for you. I have a lot of shortcomings, but in this life, there has never been anyone else in my heart except you."
He held her in his arms and said, "I know, I just don't want you to suffer alone for the rest of your life."
"The happiness you think you have is not the happiness I want. I only like being with you. If one day you are no longer by my side, I will keep you in my heart, and it will be good to live like this for the rest of my life. It is impossible for me to have feelings for others. If you ask me to be with anyone you think is good, it will be a great torture for me."
She was not surprised by what he said. After all, she was Wang Jiazhi, and unlike ordinary girls, she was completely idealistic about love at all times.
But he couldn't bear it. If he died, she would live alone for the rest of her life, wasting her youth. If she had someone to accompany her, even if they didn't have such deep feelings, she wouldn't be too sad.
But as Wang Jiazhi said, the happiness he imagined wasn't what she wanted. It was as if, in a previous life, he'd thought he'd paved the way for her, that they'd forgotten each other, that they should never have met. Everything would return to square one, and he'd continue on his path of no return. She'd found a good man and lived a happy life. Of course, he hoped she'd come back for him, but he couldn't be so selfish as to ruin her life a second time.
"I know."
"What?"
"If I die, you will continue to find someone new."
"I really won't."
"I will. Go ahead and find me if you want. I want you to be well. I'll be relieved if you're happy. Anyway, I don't deserve what you do to me."
"How can you say that? I've always been the one who wasn't worthy of you. Don't ever talk about yourself like that again."
She cried again in his arms. He always mentioned that person, and even now he didn't blame that person because that person truly appreciated him, promoted him, and treated him well, so he was still grateful to that person. Moreover, they were both hurt, and that person was no better off than him. What about herself? What good did that group of people do to her? Why was she so stupid and foolish? She was harmed by them, and in the end, she was the only one who was left dirty. She was a whore, a slut, and a shameless traitor, while they were clean heroes and martyrs. Why?
But when she thought of the word "traitor", she seemed to feel a little comforted and said to him: "In the end, you and I are the same."
He didn't understand what she meant.
She smiled and said, "In the end, even if we go to hell, we can still be together."
But Wang Jiazhi believed that even in hell, she would be a better ghost than them. If she really had to take out the notebook and confront the bad deeds she had done in this life, she wouldn't be able to just write it off. Why couldn't the merits and demerits offset each other? He was much better than those people who had done nothing but evil their entire lives. She wanted them all dead, so what? They had harmed her first. They despised her based on the ancient concept of chastity, and according to the ancient concept, losing one's chastity was worse than death. What they had done was even more terrible than killing her. She had only taken their lives, which was considered mercy.
"I can't have you with me."
She had calmed down now and smiled, "The human world is probably more terrifying than hell. I've been alone in that hell for so long. If you could stay with me, I would feel much better."
He felt very uncomfortable. What on earth had she been through? Perhaps what she had been through was far more terrible than he could have imagined.
She smiled and said, "Perhaps we did something wrong in our past lives, so we have to be teased like this in this life. If we are clean in this life, we can start a new life with a clean conscience in the next. If we are still not clean in this life, we can pay it back in the next life. There will always be a day when we can be clean. Regardless of whether the next life is good or not, are you still willing to be with me?"
"Of course, if you like."
"Of course I would."
After that, the two were silent for a long time, just hugging each other and crying silently.
After a while, the sound of fireworks outside grew louder, and the clock struck ten. He shuddered again, and she felt it as she nestled in his arms.
"What's wrong?"
He breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Nothing."
She had no idea what time she died, nor where she died. She only knew that it was a deep abyss, very cold, and full of stones.
The only thing that comforted him was that people said she was not afraid and was very calm when she died, unlike the others who were very embarrassed.
He knew she wanted to see him again, and he always wondered what she was thinking about in the end. Or perhaps, there was no greater sorrow than a dead heart, and she had no attachments, completely despairing, and that was why she was so calm.
He thought that if she hated him so much, she might turn into a ghost and come after him. But he didn't believe she would become a fierce ghost. She was so kind and foolish, she would never bear to torture him.
By then, they had calmed down and returned to normal. There was no way they could argue, and even the rare outbursts of sadness like these would just fade away. Since nothing could be changed, the more they argued, the more upset they would feel. Why bother asking for trouble?
They looked over and saw the child sitting in the crib quietly playing with the cat.
He went over and took the child out again, thinking that the child probably wouldn't remember him, and he wouldn't be able to see her grow up. He couldn't let her be without a mother. At this moment, he thought of Wang Jiazhi, who had lost her mother and lived a miserable life alone. His child couldn't be like her mother.
They washed their faces and played with the children for a while. Before they knew it, the clock struck twelve. The servants came to pay their respects and pay their respects. Outside, the sound of fireworks filled the air. It was a new year.
The daughter was already fast asleep at night, and the light from the fireworks outside shone on them through the curtains.
She nestled in his arms and said, "Last year during Chinese New Year, I thought it was the first and last time we would celebrate together. I didn't expect that we would still celebrate together this year, and with one more person. It felt like a dream."
"We will spend every year together from now on."
"good."
They all knew it was impossible, but they still said it, just to have an intention.
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