Chapter 370
"We're stuck here," she laughed.
It's windy and rainy outside, and it really feels like being trapped on an island in this room.
"Then let's get stuck here," he said with a smile.
She nestled in his arms, her hands caressing his chest, her feet rubbing against his woolen pants.
"If only it kept raining, you'd be stuck here with me forever."
She turned around, held his head, put her mouth against his, and started kissing him again.
He said she looked like a kitten or a puppy, and she always felt guilty and couldn't refute it too firmly because they did look a bit like her.
They were already satisfied and couldn't move anymore, but they just did nothing. When he was beside her, she would hug him and kiss and bite him every once in a while.
She kissed and bit his lips for a while, then snuggled back into his arms, looking at the shadow of the big sycamore tree reflected on the curtains. The tree was swaying violently in the wind, with a leaf hanging on the branch. Even from the bed, she could faintly hear the rustling sound of leaves blown by the wind and rain.
She laughed and said, "Just wait and see when that leaf will be blown away."
He smiled and said, "Do you think it looks like the last leaf?"
She sometimes behaved in ways that seemed childish and boring, but he didn't mind, nor did he seem to be giving in. He was with her like a close friend. The two of them were silent for a while, just watching the shadow of the leaf dancing in the wind and rain, wondering when it would fall.
The only light in the room was the bedside table lamp, and the dim warm yellow light filled the entire space. The trees outside the window cast shadows on the wall, just like in the primitive tribe, in the cave, looking at the murals on the rock wall through the firelight, and the demons were dancing wildly.
"Look, it's like a primitive mural. What were humans like back then? What were their thoughts and how did they do things? Sometimes I wonder who my ancestors were. My surname has so many roots, it's impossible to trace them back. Unlike some special ones, where the 'tong' in 'tongxun' means they must be descendants of Sima Qian, your ancestors must be descendants of Zhongshan. Just by naming them, you can tell where they were from and what they experienced."
He laughed and said, "When I was in my twenties, I went to Shijiazhuang once and actually went there to take a look. I didn't see much, but it was so magical. I thought my ancestors had been here thousands of years ago, but I was born thousands of miles away in the south and grew up there."
"So, my hometown and your hometown are also thousands of miles apart. We've been traveling here and there, and now we're lying in the same bed."
He said, "Then you won't leave and will stay here forever."
"How could that be?" She changed her posture and buried her head in his arms. After a moment of silence, she said, "Have you read Tess of the D'Urbervilles? Her ancestors were so prominent, but she, the eldest daughter of the most legitimate family, with noble blood, was actually defiled by such a lowly and filthy person, and suffered poverty and humiliation and torture from her closest relatives all her life. She was hanged at the age of 21. So, wealth and honor are cyclical. Is she paying off the debt of her ancestors? But wealth and honor were enjoyed by her ancestors, and if there were any evil deeds, they were also done by her ancestors. She didn't do anything wrong, so why should they enjoy all the blessings, and then she should bear their sins?"
He ruffled her hair and said, "It's not a calamity, it's a crime of possessing a treasure. Only ordinary people are innocent. Good people are born guilty. Otherwise, why would the best people be called 'exiled immortals'? People who are too good are sinful immortals, sent to the human world to suffer, and after suffering, they return to heaven."
She laughed and said, "Don't talk nonsense. What's so good about heaven? Who wants to go there?"
"There's definitely no me in heaven. Wouldn't it be fun for you to go there?"
"You are so frivolous. Who wouldn't miss the human world? If there is anything in the human world that people are reluctant to give up."
They both pretended to be ignorant in the end, but neither of them said anything. He knew what she meant. She really wanted to know what kind of people her ancestors were, and whether they had done something wrong that made her suffer like this to pay off their debts.
She stayed quietly in his arms for a while, not knowing what she was thinking.
She laughed and said, "Sometimes I wonder if I could go back to a matriarchal society. Wouldn't I have a good life then? The eldest daughter would inherit the family business, sons would be the cheap ones, and the mother would be the head of the family. I could inherit the property and be with my mother. If I'm unhappy, I could kick my father and brother out."
"Um."
"Then, you have to listen to me in everything."
He laughed and said, "Will you still be interested in me then? I won't be able to reach you at all."
"No. Those with brains always prevail. Even in those times of fierce fighting between tribes, you will do very well. Then..."
Seeing how he couldn't help laughing, she knew that he thought her idea was ridiculous and not in line with historical facts at all, and he was just accommodating her and listening to her nonsense.
"Can't you think about it? It's impossible for me to really go back anyway."
"Yes, that's all I can think of."
It was originally just a joke, but both of them felt a little disappointed at this time.
It's because they can't go back that they're sad. She must have thought countless times, how much better it would have been if she hadn't been so foolish and hadn't let them scheme against her. He must have thought countless times, too, how much better it would have been if he hadn't made that wrong move. But time can't be turned back, there's no medicine for regret in life, and all the ifs are impossible to achieve.
After a while, he said, "Now it's my turn."
"I want to rest my head on you."
"I've been asking you to use my pillow for so long, it's time for me to use my pillow for a while."
He rested his head on her legs and stroked her soft and smooth legs.
She cleared her mind and continued, "My daughter and I will not abandon you when the time comes. We won't ask you and your son to go out and marry. I won't take in anyone who comes to do so. We'll just live together."
He smiled and said, "Okay, but if I really go out to marry, it won't be too miserable. There will definitely be many people who will take me in."
"I knew you were eager to go out and get married."
The first time she mentioned the child, he probably thought she was joking and didn't think anything of it. He rested his head on her legs, his head right on her stomach. She thought he'd never know he was right next to his own child.
"During the day I will go to pick fruits and you go to hunt. When we come back at night I will make you animal skin clothes and bone necklaces."
He couldn't help laughing and said, "What would it look like if I wore animal skins and a bone necklace?"
"It's fluffy, which is good. It's not like it's real anyway, so just think about it."
She ruffled his hair. The wind and rain outside were still strong. She said, "Let me get you to sleep."
She stroked his hair, back and arms as if he was lulling her to sleep.
A year later, he attended a colleague's birthday party. Someone had placed several movie magazines on the table. He flipped through them and saw the cover of one of them. He was a little surprised.
After a while, another colleague's daughter came over and said, "I couldn't find it, and here it is." Then she smiled and said to her father, "This person looks like Uncle Yi."
He laughed and said, "How could it be like me?"
The girl said, "They are very similar."
A colleague laughed and said, "Your Uncle Yi was more handsome than him when he was young." Then he looked at it for a few seconds and said, "It's just that they look a bit similar."
It was already late when he got home that day, so he asked someone to borrow a copy of the film. The next day, it was already late at night when he returned to the lounge, and the copy had already arrived. He sat on the bed in the small dark room and played the film.
After she died, he was packing up her things and found six movie ticket stubs in the bedside drawer. They were all from the same movie, and he had even seen it twice in one day. He wondered what kind of movie he had to watch so many times.
He watched the movie. It wasn't particularly good, so he wouldn't have watched it so many times. Halfway through, the second male lead said to the female lead, "I love you, but I won't be jealous and hurt him. I just want you to be happy."
She watched that movie for the first time because the actor who played the second male lead looked very similar to him. Actually, the movie wasn't very good, and the content was unremarkable. Towards the end of the performance, the second male lead said those words to the female lead. Wang Jiazhi was very averse to anything that was too corny, including the three words "I love you." She felt that this was the foreign way of romance, the kind that was instantly in love, without the subtle and lingering aftertaste of the Orientals. When she still had beautiful fantasies, she felt that the person she liked wouldn't say such corny things to her, and she wouldn't say such corny things to him either. But the two of them would be in sync, expressing their feelings to each other in a subtle yet romantic way.
At that time, she also thought in her heart: "How corny! Who would keep saying the word love? It seems worthless when it is said out loud."
She really thought so, but it was a little abnormal. She felt that it was corny and worthless, but she watched it over and over again. She didn't have to watch every scene. There were a few times when she watched the time just to hear the male second say those three words.
She also arranged to meet up at the cinema several times afterwards, and happened to buy tickets for that particular show. After Kuang Yumin left, she also stayed to listen to that sentence before leaving.
When he saw that paragraph, he remembered what she said: it's impossible to realize anyway, so what's the point of thinking about it.
In fact, even if Old Wu knew that she had liked Kuang Yumin and told him, he would not be too devastated by this incident. After all, he would never believe that she really didn't like him that much.
During those last few days, before leaving, he was packing his things and sorting through his old books when a picture album fell out. He happened to open it to a page that showed a primitive mural. Brick-red paint depicted a fire, and charcoal black paint depicted two adults on one side of the fire, with two children sitting opposite them. Next to the slightly older child was a four-legged animal, which looked like a puppy.
He remembered that stormy night when she said that things that cannot be achieved can always be achieved by thinking about them.
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