Chapter 371
Mrs. Liao's second daughter was getting married, and she hadn't seen them since she'd spent a day with them. Mrs. Liao's daughter had asked her out, but her mother or the little girl had always turned her down on her behalf. It was Old Yi's idea, fearing she might get upset again.
Wang Jiazhi hadn't considered this, but she certainly didn't want to waste her life walking aimlessly with them. She thought Lao Yi was worried about her hardship and wanted her to answer the phone, but she couldn't resist the pressure of life, so she asked the servants to refuse on her behalf.
"Do you think I should go?"
He was reading documents in his study, holding a kitten in his arms, stretching out his kitten paws to look through the things in front of him. Behind him, the kitten's mother, a big cat, rested her head on his back and stretched out her two big paws to hug him.
After a lifetime of hard work, Lao Yi, like most men, has reached middle age and, like most men, has fallen into the trap of empty talk about family life. The private space he vowed to maintain before has finally come to nothing.
Wang Jiazhi rarely came to disturb him when he was in his study, but this time she had something to discuss with him, so she brought her child to play with him.
"Go if you want to."
He spoke calmly. He was actually worried, wondering if she'd been upset by something. But then he realized she was indeed lonely, and even the most aloof people needed friends. The people at the newspaper were almost all much older than her, and the only people her age were the daughters of some wives. And if he didn't want her to go, it would be like she couldn't see anyone, which would inevitably make her sad.
She rested her head on his shoulder, stroking it with one paw, and said, "The ladies are going too. Do you want to go?"
"I'll go if you go."
"That depends on what they say."
"Don't worry, do they dare to say anything now?"
Wang Jiazhi thought, if they don’t say it out loud, who knows what they’ll say behind her back.
He said, "If you want to go, go. If you don't want to go, don't go. It's not a big deal."
From what he said, it seemed that the wedding of Mrs. Liao's second daughter was not such an important social event, and the person getting married this time should not be very prominent.
Wang Jiazhi went that day anyway. She felt that although they weren't the same kind of people, Mrs. Liao's daughter considered her a friend after all, so she should go and show up. Because she went, Old Yi also went. If Mrs. Yi were there, she would definitely go too, but he wouldn't go, fearing she would have another attack.
In fact, Wang Jiazhi herself didn't know the reason why she was ill. He just tried to avoid all the possible reasons.
Wang Jiazhi was sitting with several other ladies, but she was surprised that Mrs. Ma was not here today. Mrs. Ma looked down on Mrs. Liao and deliberately refused to give her this face.
Wang Jiazhi glanced at the table diagonally in front of her when she had nothing else to do, and just happened to catch a glimpse of his silhouette. He was wearing a gray gown today, and he wondered if he would have to go back to the government office soon, or if he could just go home.
Seeing the two sisters traipsing through the mountains looking for wedding dresses, she suspected they'd be overwhelmed and end up choosing the most unlikely option. They knew it wasn't suitable, but their energy was exhausted and they didn't have the energy to choose anymore.
I remember when I was little, I was shopping with my mom and saw a newly opened hair accessory store. They had so many beautiful designs. I spent a long time choosing, and every one looked good, but none seemed the best. In the end, I ended up picking one that wasn't as good as I thought it was. I knew I'd made a mistake, but I didn't have the energy to reconsider.
Mrs. Liao's second daughter's wedding dress was indeed not very good. The style was a bit old-fashioned, like one of those cheap studio wedding dresses for photo shoots. It was tightly wrapped from the neck down, and the large ball-shaped skirt with a crinoline looked particularly stiff, like a seriously injured person in a movie, with gauze wrapped all over his body.
Mrs. Liao's daughter came over and said, "I was saying this one wasn't very good, but in the end I chose this one."
Wang Jiazhi thought to herself that even the few weddings she'd seen that day were better than this one. A lifetime only lasts once, so it's always better to have a good memory. But then the groom showed up, and she felt like the memory didn't matter anymore.
Mrs. Liao's eldest son-in-law is dark and stupid, while the second son-in-law isn't stupid, but he looks very unfashionable. That exquisite suit looks like it was stolen. If you threw him on the street, you'd mistake him for a Huangpu River smuggler, not just the son of an official.
Wang Jiazhi looked at his table again. The first generation is better than the second generation after all. It’s not about appearance, but temperament is more important than appearance.
Mrs. Liang said, "Mrs. Liao's son-in-law isn't as good as the one in your previous family. But he's still marrying up."
Mrs. Xiao said, "Their family is really climbing up the social ladder. This is not bad either."
Mrs. Liang said, "She is in such a hurry to marry her daughter off, as if no one wants her."
Another wife said, "No matter how anxious she is, she must find a good partner. They can't do a business that loses money."
Mrs. Liao believed that women were money-losing goods, that their purpose was to please men, and that their only asset in pleasing men was their youthful, radiant appearance. She strongly supported marriage at sixteen or seventeen, when the body was already fully developed and the appearance was at its peak. However, in their circle, marrying at that age would be a laughingstock. Otherwise, she would have wanted her daughters married at sixteen or seventeen. She believed that once a woman passed twenty, her value decreased with each passing year, and her attractiveness to men decreased. Therefore, even though her second daughter was not yet twenty-one, she was eager to marry her off, fearing that no one would want her if she waited any longer. Furthermore, her eldest daughter was causing trouble at her in-laws' house, and she feared that further disruption would damage her second daughter's reputation and prevent her from getting married.
Mrs. Liao thought her daughter was a cheap commodity. She treated her equally and also felt that she was a cheap commodity. Mr. Liao treated her very badly. The worse he treated her, the less she dared to complain and the more she had to accept it. She felt that the meaning of a woman's existence was to serve men and be liked by men. The less she could please men, the more useless she was and it was a very shameful thing.
She had the courage to be with Lao Yi at the time. Besides liking Lao Yi, she also wanted to regain her self-confidence and prove that she was not useless and that there were still men who liked her.
But Lao Yi's relationship with her ended only briefly, which further frustrated her. She felt that Lao Yi was dissatisfied with her. Her diamond ring was two carats, while Mrs. Ma's was three carats, very ostentatious, and it was obvious that she was still with Lao Yi. This made her feel even more ashamed. And when Wang Jiazhi arrived, she brought out the six-carat ring, which made her feel completely worthless.
In reality, Lao Yi wasn't satisfied or dissatisfied with her. He always discarded women once the novelty wore off. She was just another ordinary plaything among his many. Mrs. Ma was favored because she was beautiful and good in bed.
He would give gifts to every woman he slept with. If a woman liked diamonds, he would give them diamonds. He couldn't let them suffer for following him. He would never imagine doing something as shameless as Kuang Yumin, who was stingy with both material and spiritual matters and constantly abused others to help him succeed.
The diamond rings he gave to ordinary lovers were all two carats. Mrs. Ma, being more favored, got an extra carat. Whenever he gave someone a diamond ring, he paid in advance for a certain number of carats. Wang Jiazhi's case was special, so he paid several times more than usual, enough to get the top-of-the-line ring. He told her she could have any ring she wanted.
The jeweler, hoping to rip him off, had deliberately withheld his best jewelry. Wang Jiazhi was momentarily stunned, and he mistakenly assumed she didn't appreciate the jewelry. Although a foreigner, he'd dealt with young women for a long time and knew that many were capricious and might refuse to buy in a fit of rage. Fearing he'd lost this great deal, he quickly pulled out the pink diamond.
Mrs. Liao and her husband have known Old Yi since they were young. Mrs. Liao watched helplessly as Old Yi became more powerful while her own family fell into disrepute. She was also very dissatisfied with Mrs. Yi. She was the daughter of a wealthy family in the city, while Mrs. Yi was a bumpkin from the countryside. When she first came to the city, she knew nothing, couldn't speak or do things, and made a lot of jokes. But such a person actually lived a better life than herself. Not only was her husband better than her, but she couldn't even have a child. Her husband never beat or scolded her, and he gave her a lot of money to spend. His wife was honored by her husband and became a noble lady, with a bunch of people fawning over her. Then she looked at what kind of life she was living, it was simply unbearable.
In fact, Mrs. Liao also had the same problem as Wang Jiazhi. She really liked Lao Yi a little bit, and she always felt inferior in front of the person she liked, becoming more sensitive and feeling that she was not worthy of him, and she was deeply afraid of being rejected.
Mrs. Liao's two daughters were both beautiful, but not to the point of outshining all the others. However, today, a girl came to the wedding who was truly stunning. Although her father held a sinecure, as he was a member of the imperial family, no one dared to neglect him. She was far more famous than her father, incredibly beautiful and a master of fashion. Of course, her wealth played a role; her family was well-off, and she loved to dress extraordinarily glamorously. Even without looking at the people around her, her dazzling attire alone would have made her a focal point.
Today, the girl wore a gold-colored cheongsam with silver maple leaf patterns, covered in white rhinestones. She had long, wavy hair, a pearl shawl draped over her shoulders, and a pearl headnet on her head. The shawl and headnet were adorned with butterflies made of yellow diamonds. She happened to be sitting at this table, and Wang Jiazhi felt like she was made of diamonds, so dazzling that it was hard to open your eyes.
A colleague nearby said to Lao Yi, "This kid is dressed too ostentatiously."
Lao Yi said, "Clothes are meant to complement people. This child has got it all wrong and has become the complement of the clothes himself."
Old Yi admired the natural beauty of lotus flowers emerging from clear water, unadorned by refinement. He believed that even coarse linen clothing was beautiful enough, and the more beautiful a person, the simpler their attire should be, avoiding overwhelming attire. Ugly women needed elaborate and ornate attire; if a truly beautiful woman overdressed, she would be wasting her natural gifts and ruining her own beauty. He particularly endorsed a line of poetry: "But I despise the stain of rouge and powder, and I lightly sweep my eyebrows before the Supreme."
Wang Jiazhi no longer dresses like she did in her previous life. Back then, she was in the age of fashion, as girls often do, but she had no money, only a few washed-out cloth clothes, and no jewelry. So, she dressed up wherever she could, on her ears, neck, and hands. Those false imperial edicts also wore everything they could, with their hair permed. Seeing them do the same, she tried to imitate them. Things are different now. It seems that the more people experience, the more they appreciate simplicity and indifference, and their appreciation of beauty becomes more sophisticated. She still wears jewelry, but only a few exquisite pieces for social events, seeking refinement over quantity. She no longer perms her hair, and she rarely wears makeup; she finds her natural look beautiful. At home, she wears no more than one ring; any more feels cumbersome and uncomfortable.
Old Yi had originally been able to choose whether to come today, but he only came because Wang Jiazhi was there. Unexpectedly, several colleagues and classmates he hadn't seen in years also showed up. Mr. Liao was an old acquaintance of theirs from their youth, and after hearing his daughter was getting married today, they all came too. Everyone's main purpose wasn't the drinking; it felt like they were using the opportunity to have a small class reunion.
A colleague laughed and said, "Look, Zhao Yuanmei seems to be stealing glances at Zhenhe. It's been more than 20 years, and it seems she still can't let go. When Zhenhe pursued her, she had to pretend to be proud and tried to make him give up in various ways. She didn't expect Zhenhe to really give up, and she was too embarrassed to win him back. So she missed out on this life."
He laughed and said, "She wouldn't care much about Zhenhe. The eldest lady is used to being arrogant. If there is someone who refuses to condescend to be manipulated by her, she will feel unwilling. Over time, she even thinks it is love. If you really like someone and he expresses his feelings to you, you will be overjoyed. How could you bear to torture him?"
"That's true, especially since the one she found was a little inferior to Zhenhe, and she couldn't forget Zhenhe. The one Zhenhe found later was a little mediocre in appearance. I heard that she was even more indignant when she saw that the other one was not as beautiful as herself. Zhenhe is not bad. You asked him which one is better. He said that he loved his first wife and he also loves this one now. He is lucky to marry both of them. Zhenhe is really like this. He has been so infatuated all his life. He only remarried after his first wife passed away. He said that he originally thought he would never love again."
He laughed and said, "Zhenhe was like this when she was young. She does have a romantic nature. But it's a bit frivolous to be so prone to falling in love all the time."
A colleague laughed and said, "How dare you criticize someone like that? He's only had two wives in his life, how can you be so frivolous?"
He laughed and said, "I'm more casual, but I never said I've loved anyone. People only love once in their lives. If you think you'll love twice, then you probably haven't loved anyone. Zhenhe's words are a bit disrespectful to love."
A colleague laughed and said, "You've been a playboy all your life, but you seem to understand love better than other people. I really didn't see it when I was young."
Lao Yi said, "I don't deserve it. Just take it as my opinion."
A colleague said, "Did you know that Teacher Yang passed away a few days ago?"
"I know." He said softly.
"He lived to be over eighty years old and died of natural causes. Speaking of this man, he lived a long and peaceful life, living a pure and unselfish life."
When talking about the death of his college teacher, Lao Yi felt melancholy.
Both Wang Jiazhi and he went through a period of cultivation in love, and both of them began after the other had completely left them. Wang Jiazhi's period was during the three years in Hong Kong, and his period was during the three years after Wang Jiazhi's death.
Although they were inseparable when they were together, desperate to be together all the time, they were overwhelmed by their concerns, leaving neither of them with the energy to truly consider the true nature of their relationship. Wang Jiazhi tried hard to think about it. She tried not to believe it, then felt sad when she didn't believe it, then tried again to believe it, then tried again to believe it, then tried again to believe it. This repetitive torture exhausted her physically and mentally, and it was only during those years in Hong Kong, when she was able to calm down and think things through, that she was able to truly understand it.
Before he met her, he only knew how to play with women. He had never been in love and never knew what love was. He and Wang Jiazhi had the same idea. If you really like someone and know that person likes you back, you would be so happy that you would not be able to bear to torture the other person intentionally. In his previous life, when he was with Wang Jiazhi, he deliberately tried to cool her down and put an end to her rebelliousness. He also ignored her when he wanted to see her again. When he saw her so angry during the opera, if he was young, he would have gone over to coax her in various ways. But things were different then. He could not be as reckless as when he was young. But in fact, when he was young, he would never make her angry.
Because his resistance was so strong in his youth, no matter how many beautiful girls liked him, he just wasn't attracted. People called him cold-blooded, but he also felt that he was born without the ability to fall in love. Back then, seeing girls shed tears and be heartbroken because of him was extremely disgusting to him. He was very rebellious in his youth, believing that nothing was more important than self-respect. Whether men or women, abandoning their self-respect for love is truly lacking in ambition. Girls should also have independent personalities, instead of being like dodder, crying and weeping when they can't get a man.
But twenty years later, his retribution finally arrived. Wang Jiazhi didn't need to cry, only slightly showing anger and displeasure. He no longer thought that he was lacking ambition, but was at a loss. On the surface, he pretended to be indifferent, but deep down, he felt that his sins were monstrous and he didn't know what to do, how to appease her. Especially later, when she cried, he felt as if his heart was broken, as if the whole world was guilty and he deserved eternal damnation.
He no longer hated girls who were as clingy as Dodder, and he had no patience for her. Instead, he really liked Wang Jiazhi's clinginess and wanted her to cling to him to death.
He studied history at university. One of his professors was named Yang. He was over sixty, his hair half gray, but he stood straight and his expression was always gentle and calm, giving him the air of a sage. His scholarship and character were both excellent, and his students and colleagues all spoke highly of him.
When he was in his twenties, his wife died in childbirth. He never remarried and left no children, leaving him alone. People said he came from a wealthy family, and his parents pressured him to remarry, but he refused because his father's dying words meant that his inheritance would be kept by his brothers and would be passed on to him when he had children. However, because he refused to remarry and had no children, he never received the inheritance and lived entirely on teaching.
There were many rumors about why he didn't marry. Some said his wife went into premature labor while fleeing, and couldn't deliver the child, so she jumped into a well and died to avoid implicating him. Because she had done him a favor, he couldn't marry again out of moral obligation. Others said he was probably like Emperor Gaozong of Song, who later developed a hidden illness and couldn't marry, but out of dignity, he wouldn't even tell his parents and would rather give up his family property. Some said he wanted to remarry, but he kept dreaming of his dead wife and child, saying they would take his life if he dared to marry, so he didn't dare. Anyway, all the rumors were spread, but no one believed that he was truly deeply in love. After all, in that era, only women remained chaste, and no man would not marry at such a young age to end his own family line.
Lao Yi's impression of this teacher was that of a sage, detached from the world, in a state of being neither joy nor sorrow. He always wore the same few old, bleached robes, and when he wasn't teaching, he would drink plain green tea and read ancient books. His lectures were entertaining, with a kind smile for everyone, and he never once looked angry or sad. Only once, while recounting a historical story, he casually recalled a poem by Su Shi. He was still smiling, but when he reached the line "Even if we meet again, we shall not recognize each other, with dust on our faces and hair like frost," he suddenly choked up. Then he quickly smiled and stopped talking.
He could sense that if he continued, the teacher might burst into tears. He was still young then, and he also felt that the teacher couldn't be truly lovesick if he didn't marry. He believed there were lovesick people in the world, but he didn't believe they were so numerous that he would encounter them. But that time, he seemed to understand the teacher. He must have remembered that his wife had died when she was only in her twenties, while he himself was now gray-haired. If his soul were to truly become aware and they met in the afterlife, he worried that his wife might not recognize him, or despise him for his age.
Later, he learned that the teacher was over eighty years old, living a very hard life, with no family to take care of him. He wrote to a former classmate, asking him to send some money to the teacher, and he would give him the amount later.
The classmate wrote in the letter: "You are in such a high position and have so much power, why don't you just ask someone to send you off yourself?"
He wrote back: Teacher Yang has been a noble and decent person all his life. He will definitely not accept the money I give him. Even if he is willing to accept it, accepting the money that passes through my hands will not ruin his lifelong noble character.
Later, when Teacher Yang passed away, a classmate happened to mention it, "Teacher Yang's life was not easy. For over sixty years, he was alone without a wife or children."
He said, "Maybe he doesn't feel it himself."
As he spoke, he seemed to have returned to a time twenty years earlier, when the teacher had mentioned that poem, and he seemed to understand it all again. He wasn't being hard on himself; he simply couldn't begin a new relationship. Perhaps he had tried, but you only love once in your life. Now that person was dead, he couldn't feel strong feelings for another. Forcing another woman into his life would be torture. It wasn't out of any moral constraint; he simply chose the most comfortable lifestyle.
When Wang Jiazhi was alive, he never thought about whether he liked or loved her. He just wanted them to be together, and live one day at a time in the precarious days. He never thought that she would die before him, and leave so quickly.
In the years after she left, he realized that liking and loving are different. A person can like many people in their lifetime, but can only love one. The difference between love and liking is sometimes unclear; it takes time to discern. Liking fades over time, ultimately becoming unrecognizable from its original state. Love, however, retains its original form even after the passage of time. It is something you can only find in her, and never in anyone else.
When Wang Jiazhi was in Hong Kong, she once heard a song with a line in it: I will never find that kind of heartbeat again.
She burst into tears instantly. Time also made her understand that a person will only have their heart moved once in their lifetime. It's not that they don't want to have it again, but that they can't have it again.
At the same time, it also understood that even if Kuang Yumin was a good person and not so despicable, she would have dated him, no matter what the outcome was, it was at most liking him, not love. It was also because of this that she felt even more pain for the past, for someone she only had a superficial liking for, but not love at all.
Zhao Yuanmei asked the women around her, "Which one is it?"
The woman laughed and said, "It's at that table anyway, guess."
There was not only Wang Jiazhi at that table, but also several other young ladies.
Zhao Yuanmei looked around and said, "The one in the green windbreaker?"
The woman laughed and said, "You have a very sharp eye. You are right."
"That's what he likes."
Mrs. Liang smiled and said, "Newly made clothes."
"ah."
Wang Jiazhi only agreed, feeling somewhat guilty. The legitimate wife was suffering in the countryside, while she seemed to be living a luxurious life. She already had enough clothes, but he insisted she make new ones, including jewelry. No matter what she said, he refused, always paying in advance. She was afraid he would be upset if she didn't go, and the little girl also said, "How can I pay back the money if I don't go to those shops?"
Now she is willing to do anything as long as he is happy.
Today she wore her new dress, a white satin cheongsam with pale gold branches of daffodils, lilacs, hydrangeas, azaleas, and gardenias. Over it, she wore a light lake green windbreaker. She looked like a gardenia.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
