Chapter 385
Xiaoshuang wrote to Meihui, saying that Deng Fanrou from the drama club had broken up with her boyfriend, but they'd still be friends. She'd met his new girlfriend a while ago, and she said she wasn't as pretty as she was, had darker skin, was always pretentious, and was mean to her boyfriend. She'd gone home and cried. Meihui met the new girl, and she was definitely not as pretty as Deng Fanrou, and she had a bad temper. It was like some men are just servile, and there's always someone to take advantage of. Deng Fanrou was so gentle, considerate, and accommodating, yet she was dumped.
Wang Jiazhi recalled a girl in high school who had a good family background, was pretty, and reasonably smart, but she simply fell for ugly, stupid, and poor men. She always went after these unbelievable losers, and every time she tried to be gentle, considerate, and accommodating, she was always abandoned. Every time a handsome, outstanding, and well-connected man pursued her, she was always rejected. Everyone around her was talking about her being mentally unstable and having a fetish for ugliness and stupidity.
Things like emotional taste are hard to predict. It's like Xiao Shuang, who said she didn't want someone too rigid, chose a warm and gentle one.
However, Wang Jiazhi's emotional practice and the mate selection criteria she initially set have remained consistent and have never changed.
Wang Jiazhi always felt that while good looks were a must, her requirements were modest. She was definitely not a lecher. Liu Xianglian's insistence on finding a stunning beauty struck her as superficial, focused solely on appearance and ignoring the all-important inner qualities. Wang Jiazhi considered herself someone who prioritized inner qualities. If both appearance and temperament were each a perfect score, a score of 70 or 80 would suffice, or even 60 or 70 would be fine. There was no need to demand near-perfect beauty. As long as her temperament and demeanor were close to 100, she was more than satisfied.
She is a person who pays more attention to inner qualities than appearance (she has never been willing to admit that the temperament and demeanor she requires must be close to ten times the perfect score, which is much harder to find than peerless beauty).
But this is just the most basic thing, and then people must be smart and capable.
Even at the age when Wang Jiazhi had romantic fantasies, she believed that love was her own business. She wanted someone she loved madly, and whether or not the other person loved her was unimportant. So, how could someone who wasn't as smart and ambitious as she was truly worthy of her? This also had to do with her family dynamic: aside from her younger brother, she and her parents were all beautiful, intelligent, and hardworking. The fact that she and her younger brother didn't get along, that their father was partial, and that her younger brother was vicious wasn't the main point; the main point was that her younger brother had been spoiled by his father, becoming foolish, clumsy, and unmotivated, driving her to a state of idiocy.
Wang Jiazhi has a very serious aversion to stupidity, and the more capable a person is, the more serious this disease is.
Because of this, she was extremely miserable after that incident and felt she was so stupid. For a while, she didn't even hate her father for abandoning her. She felt that she was so stupid and deserved it. Raising such a stupid daughter was better than letting her die.
Later, she thought, she had only had a crush on Kuang Yumin at first, and then she hated him so much that it was impossible for her to be together again. If they really started dating, after getting to know him, she probably wouldn't be able to stand Kuang Yumin's stupidity, and it would be a dead end.
But she could understand Deng Fanrou's feelings, even if they seemed foolish and silly to others. If you truly love someone, you naturally think they're the best. Then, no one else deserves them, let alone slander them. How could you bear it when the person you long for, yet can't, constantly criticizes them?
Wang Jiazhi had this kind of mental illness in her previous life.
Since he was young, he has always been quiet and steady in front of others, but his conversation is not dull or boring. This is very similar to that person, so he is more respected in front of others.
In fact, ever since she met Mrs. Yi, Mrs. Yi has always been showing off and saying the opposite of what she means.
Whenever someone flattered her by saying something good about him, she would always be pleased to say something sarcastic, but these sarcastic remarks were particularly irritating to her.
"He has a picky mouth." (What do you mean by picky mouth? He just feels uncomfortable and can't eat.)
"He's very picky about the material of his clothes. He won't wear them if they're not to his liking." (Of course he won't wear them if you try to fool him with discounted items.)
"Don't look at him like this in front of you, he's just putting on an act for you." (He doesn't make a fuss, doesn't even speak loudly to you, and you still say he's putting on an act.)
She also knew that she was mentally ill. When other couples showed their love to each other, she felt heartbroken for him. If he wasn't sick, then what was he? Why did she, an outsider, have the right to have such wild thoughts?
Wang Jiazhi always thinks of her parents without any prior arrangement.
When others talk about how good her father is, her mother always smiles with restrained pride and affection. Her father does not cherish her mother, but he is sure of her goodness. When someone tells him how good her mother is, her father also smiles proudly and says, "She is really..." or "Our family is..."
Whenever Wang Jiazhi thought about this incident, she felt like she was mentally ill. Why was she angry with Mrs. Yi in her heart? What happened to her husband? Did she provoke her again?
Wang Jiazhi thought she was the only one who knew about her abnormal love thoughts, but in fact he had noticed it a long time ago.
If it were someone else, he would definitely feel that he was overestimating himself and was crazy. They were just bed partners who got what they needed, and it would be stupid to take them seriously.
But he was also very abnormal at that time. When he saw Wang Jiazhi's little expressions and movements, he loved them so much and was especially intoxicated by the feeling of being cared for by the person he loved.
They had just gotten to know each other, and besides her favorite woolen trousers, she also liked to stroke the scar on his arm. She had never asked, and he thought she must know it was a gunshot wound.
In fact, she was not a professional, but she had experienced war and knew what gunshot wounds looked like.
After a long time, she once asked casually, "How did this happen?"
"When I was young, a long time ago."
He is now too embarrassed to mention the glory of his youth, as if it has become a shame.
She probably understood, and seemed to sigh, then rested her head on his arm like a kitten, with a thoughtful, regretful and sad look on her face.
One misstep can lead to eternal regret. Everything she once worked so hard for is gone. She's become someone others look down upon, even herself. Her past glory seems a joke. She understands the pain, the torment. She once worked so hard to excel, to be proud of herself, but now it's gone. Now, in the eyes of others, she's just a dirty whore. She doesn't want to think of herself that way, but she foolishly ruined herself back then. She no longer has any right to be proud. This world is truly strange. It takes countless efforts to achieve even a tiny bit of success, but a single misstep can easily undo all that hard work.
Wang Jiazhi had always felt that those idiots wouldn't feel this kind of pain, because they were just a bunch of idiots, never achieving anything or feeling proud, so how could they possibly lose anything? In fact, those idiots felt the same way. They never realized how foolish or bad they were. Their parents' doting made them feel worthy of love and care. They always believed they were excellent and kind, proud of being university students and chosen by heaven. They believed they would have a brilliant future and a happy love life. But in a ridiculous patriotic game, they ruined others and themselves.
In the end, it was a scene of mutual destruction.
Wang Jiazhi wrote a novel about an ordinary family where the housewife was addicted to playing mahjong. Every day when her husband came home, there was a house full of noisy people and the incessant sound of mahjong.
He had never been dissatisfied with Mrs. Yi's addiction to mahjong. It was as if he said, these women, besides shopping, playing cards, and having affairs, what else can they do? Playing cards is fine. He rarely went home anyway, and when he did go home and into the study, he wouldn't hear anything, so what was the big deal?
But ever since Wang Jiazhi left, he no longer liked anything at home and was even more reluctant to go back. In the past, not going home was unnecessary, and it didn't matter whether he was at the government office or at home. But at that time, he really hated going back.
He didn't know if it was because they were so close that they had a telepathic connection, or if he was really possessed by her. He felt the same way as Wang Jiazhi that the house was neither here nor there, a mess, and completely incoherent. In the past, he also thought the layout of the house was strange, but he didn't care. He didn't come home often anyway, so Mrs. Yi could do whatever she wanted. Now he just felt irritated and couldn't stand it. Finally one day, he couldn't stand it anymore and removed all the paintings in the house. But what he couldn't stand the most was playing mahjong all day long. Whenever he came home, he would find a room full of people, a group of women chattering and competing, and the endless sound of mahjong.
This has been the way it has been in his family since he was young, but now he can't stand it anymore, he just can't stand it.
Wang Jiazhi also played mahjong with them, but later, after she became disenchanted with these upper-class hypocrites, she regained her original rationality. She saw that wasting her life in such decadence every day was meaningless. Of course, many people would certainly ridicule her for being a poor and jealous person, but Wang Jiazhi believed that the meaning of life should not be just superficial enjoyment of wealth and glory, but should be something higher.
One day he came back and walked through the living room, where he could hear the sounds of mahjong and a group of women chattering.
He suddenly remembered a line from "Jin Ping Mei": Thousands of good people have died, so why keep these ones?
He also knew that his thoughts were unreasonable, but he couldn't control himself.
Another time, I hadn't been home for many days. A group of people were noisily listening to an old woman tell fortunes in the living room. As I walked by, I heard the old woman talking nonsense: "Your husband wasn't supposed to be your husband, and you weren't supposed to be his wife. His wife is someone else, because there was a calamity in this life, so..."
He walked up the stairs silently, entered the study, and opened the "Chu Ci" which he had read countless times.
…
He was wearing a light gray shirt, writing at his desk. It was late at night, and the lights in other houses were out, leaving only the crickets chirping incessantly. In a slender white glass vase on the table was a white peony. He looked up and saw its petals silently fall onto the table, like a snow-white feather, then gently glide forward. She had bought a bottle of soda specifically for this vase, saying it was perfect for a vase, perfect for just one flower. Since it was mint-flavored, which she disliked, he had to drink it.
At this time she came in with a plate and a kettle.
She saw that the bottom of the plate was covered with white lotus petals, and on top of it were lotus seed cakes made in the shapes of lotus flowers, lotus roots, lotus pods, and lotus leaves.
"I thought you were still writing something next door, but you're secretly doing this again. Don't work so hard in the future."
"No, it's very easy to make and doesn't take any time at all. Mother-in-law said you like it the most. Now that lotus seeds are in season, it will definitely taste even better."
She picked one up and popped it into his mouth.
"It looks so good, but it would be a waste to eat it. Where can I find the mold?"
She said proudly, "Of course I carved it myself. My craftsmanship is very good."
"We're like the Jia family, making a special mold just for one dish."
"They're the ones who want others to cook for them, but we're the ones who make our own food. Is it delicious?"
"Okay~"
He was eating a snack while she filled the thermos with hot water and refilled his teacup. Then she reached out with her paws and ruffled his hair. She was wearing a cream-colored, pink-green plaid cheongsam, her hair braided back in a long braid tied with a light blue gauze ribbon. She bent down to play with his hair, the braid cascading down their necks to him. He stroked her braid with one hand and played with it.
He woke up in a daze, realizing he had fallen asleep and was dreaming about his youth. As expected, dreams are unrealistic.
During the last days of her life, Wang Jiazhi was extremely gentle to him. He was afraid of her because he already liked her. Later, she treated him even better. It was difficult to go from extravagant to frugal. How could he start over?
Since childhood, people have said that Wang Jiazhi's face resembles her mother's, revealing her to be a gentle, virtuous wife and loving mother. At the time, Wang Jiazhi didn't care, even finding such a comment cheesy. She didn't want to be like her mother, devoting all her energy to her husband, children, and the drudgery of housework. She wanted freedom, romance, to be a writer, to paint beautiful paintings—she wanted so much more.
As she grew older, her perspective changed. A woman should have her own career, of course, but emotionally, being able to live a peaceful life with her beloved husband and children was more precious than any novel love story in a novel or movie.
In this life, from the very beginning, she couldn't help but continue to be gentle and considerate as in her previous life, and he, who had lost his memory, couldn't resist at all.
Before moving into the apartment, he felt good everywhere he went home because she was there. Ever since she moved out, there was no more mahjong playing in this house, no more boring chattering of women competing with each other. She coaxed him tenderly and considerately, acted coquettishly, talked to him about literature, history, painting, raising flowers and pets, and cooked for him with all her heart. She made him wonder what kind of life he had been living for most of his life. Even when she ran away from home, he would rather stay here than go back. Once he returned, he could no longer bear the noisy women in the house and the endless sound of mahjong.
He returned a little after eight o'clock. Entering the living room, he found her, dressed in light purple pajamas, her hair loose, embroidering on the sofa. One leg was crossed, the other stretched out to caress the peacefully lying Dabai at her feet. His daughter, wearing the same color dress and also with her hair loose, sat on the sofa, brushing a small white cat with a small brush. A purple stuffed rabbit sat beside her. Seeing him come in, she happily called out, "Dad."
From a paper bag he pulled a large, deep purple hydrangea, the size of a large grapefruit.
The kitten cried out "Ah", took the flower and held it in his arms, so happy that he didn't know what to do.
When they saw their daughter wearing lavender clothes and holding the big hydrangea, she looked like a little flower fairy, so beautiful and lovely.
Wang Jiazhi's impression of children was that her younger brother, as a child, always wanted to destroy everything. She assumed all children were like that. But having a daughter completely changed her mind. Her daughter never breaks anything, especially things she loves. She can't let go of them, and she handles them with extreme care, fearing they might break. The same goes for her furry friends: she only breaks toys she doesn't like, but cherishes the ones she loves.
She rested her chin on his shoulder, and together they watched their daughter happily play with the large flower. The little girl brought some snacks, and he saw that they were lotus seed cakes made in the shapes of lotus flowers, lotus roots, lotus pods, and lotus leaves.
"I made it. I carved the mold too. Do you think it tastes good?"
"If you have time, do something else instead of working so hard on this."
"It's very easy to make. It's not difficult at all."
"Our family is just like the Jia family. We even have to make a special mold for each dish."
"They ask others to do it, but I do it myself."
My daughter crawled towards them holding the flowers, started to act coquettishly with them, and rubbed a lot of cat hair off their bodies.
One day she took out the cigarette box from his suit pocket and refilled it. She found that there was still more than half a pack left, and she smoked much less, thinking that this was good.
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