Chapter 47. I hope you won't have any regrets. ...
Gu Sui needed the butler to pick him up, but his reason was that he had been drinking.
As for the butler who came specifically to pick her up, seeing that the second young lady had no smell of alcohol on her and her face was as cold as ice, she didn't understand why, but she still obediently completed her task.
The housekeeper noticed that ever since he returned that night, the waterfront had become eerily quiet.
Miss Shang never came again, and the second young lady almost never spoke a word on her own initiative. When asked about her daily inquiries and conversations, she would keep her answers brief and to the point of being concise.
For several days in a row, Gu Sui didn't go out, or even leave her room. She locked herself in her study, reading articles day and night. When the housekeeper came to call her for dinner, she would mechanically eat a few bites, because she was afraid that the housekeeper would inform Gu Qi.
In the early morning, after finishing her breakfast as usual, she saw the housekeeper carrying Shang Shu's pajamas on her way back to her room.
Where are you taking it?
The housekeeper stopped in her tracks, making sure she wasn't hallucinating. This was the first time in so many days that the second young lady had spoken to her voluntarily.
The tone was chillingly cold.
“After Miss Shang left last time, these clothes have been washed and kept in the second bedroom. Now… I’m about to put them in the walk-in closet.” The butler said, while observing the man’s expression.
She had originally intended to say, "I thought Miss Shang would come back to stay that night," but she was so frightened by the livid look on her second young lady's face that she swallowed her words. She didn't want to lose her job.
"Leave it there." Gu Sui uttered two words in a deep voice, his expression indifferent.
"Okay." The butler, feeling a little intimidated by the man's aura, quickly fled the scene after agreeing, putting the clothes back on the bed in the second bedroom.
Gu Sui returned to his study and sat numbly in front of the computer.
She never stepped into the second bedroom because she felt that as long as she didn't see the empty room with her own eyes, she could pretend that her little girl would walk out of that door one morning.
Living mechanically for days on end has made her almost lose track of the days, only able to tell the time by distinguishing between day and night.
She couldn't even remember which day she wore orthokeratology lenses and which day she didn't, to the point that articles on the computer began to become blurry in her vision.
Gu Sui took out a pair of framed glasses from the drawer and put them on. They were thin silver-rimmed glasses that she had brought in as a backup, but the little girl had always liked to see her wear them, saying that they gave off a kind of ascetic sex appeal.
At that time, she didn't understand these trendy and novel terms, but she still took advantage of the little girl. In fact, she didn't spend much time using those glasses for serious things like reading.
After wearing them for a while, she slowly took them off and tossed them aside. The vision deteriorated less quickly after a short break from wearing orthokeratology lenses, so the prescription wasn't right.
I feel dizzy.
She started to feel a headache.
*
Shang Shu also stayed at home for several days in a row.
She entrusted all the company's year-end miscellaneous affairs to Song Lanye, instructing her not to concern herself with anything unless something earth-shattering happened.
She slept in for several days in a row, and the feeling of not having to do a lot of things when she opened her eyes was something she hadn't experienced in a long time. But as soon as she had free time, the mid-term reaction was interrupted, which came faster than she had imagined.
That numb calm came to an abrupt end on an ordinary evening.
Shang Shu stared at the movie screen as a lily that was briefly shown by the camera began to weep, followed by everything related to Gu Sui.
She started having insomnia, spending entire nights standing on the balcony in the cold wind. She didn't want to fall asleep with sleeping pills, as if she was fighting against herself.
Sometimes she would soberly tell herself not to think about Gu Sui, and other times she would throw herself into the quilt and wail, thinking about Gu Sui. She felt that she was finished and even considered whether she should go see Liang Wanzhi again.
Reason is defeated by emotion, and absurdity always triumphs over self-control.
She started drinking heavily at home again, and she was proud of herself for choosing to put that large liquor cabinet in her bedroom, after all, she was so prescient in knowing her own tendency to repeat the same mistakes.
Before meeting Gu Sui, she frequented various nightclubs and drank almost every kind of alcohol imaginable. Initially, she wasn't a good drinker, but in order to appear as someone who knew how to have fun and avoid being taken advantage of by malicious people, she started practicing drinking at home.
Looking back now, it's funny that she secretly did this ridiculous "training" just to save face.
She drank and vomited, then drank again. Later, she became adept at controlling her tolerance to different types of alcohol, knowing how many sips would make her slightly tipsy, how she would start to feel nauseous, and at what point she would black out.
So now, she soberly lets herself pass out on the carpet, listening to the empty bottles clattering on the floor. She really needs alcohol; only in this way can she prevent herself from doing anything worse.
It's worth mentioning that Shang Shu has excellent drinking manners. Even when she's tipsy, she just sits quietly by herself, becoming taciturn, like a well-behaved rag doll.
This stumped the housekeeper. She would rather her young mistress act drunk or make some noise, so at least she would know when to go in to "save her life," instead of being able to linger at the door like a pervert, peeking through the soundproof door.
After several days of back-and-forth with the door, the housekeeper finally called Song Lanye, transferring responsibility.
"You're here," Shang Shu greeted calmly, as casually as she would say "Come in" to Song Lan when she knocked on the office door.
Her mind didn't allow her to think too much, so she didn't investigate why Song Lan had also suddenly appeared there.
Her face flushes when she drinks.
If it weren't for her flushed, purplish complexion and her slightly squinted, vacant eyes, she would probably look no different from a normal person.
"Sit." She stretched out a limp finger, barely straight, and pointed haphazardly around the room before swaying back onto the thick, hand-woven wool rug, resting her heavy head against the edge of the bed.
"You can't drink anymore." Song Lan silently packed up the bottles. She didn't know what had happened between the two of them, but the scene was exactly the same as it had been three years ago.
Shang Shu reached out to snatch the unfinished wine, but Song Lan didn't dare to grab it too hard for fear of hurting her. So the two of them held onto the wine bottle together, locked in a stalemate.
“If you don’t let go, I’ll call Miss Gu right now.” Song Lan sighed softly, playing her trump card.
This trick worked as expected. Shang Shu's hand, which was tightly gripping the bottle opening a second ago, loosened its grip lightly the next second.
It's like willingly admitting defeat.
Of course she wanted to see Gu Sui; she missed him so much she was almost going crazy. But she couldn't. She was the one who couldn't accept that answer, and she was the one who suggested never seeing him again. She took a desperate gamble, blocking all her own paths.
The only solution she could think of to this problem was to wait for Gu Sui to confess.
"What did you do three years ago when there were no such sayings?" Shang Shu smiled and asked Song Lan as well.
These words seemed to be directed at Song Lanye, and also at herself.
Three years ago, when they couldn't call Miss Gu, how did they get through it, and what can they do now?
She really didn't know.
Song Lan did not answer the question, but simply arranged the wine bottles and sat down next to Shang Shu.
"Lan Ye, do you have someone you like?" Shang Shu tilted her head, the world was swaying, and she couldn't quite see Song Lan Ye's face clearly.
"Yes, I have." Song Lan shook her head and placed her hands on her knees. "That's why I think it's a rare thing to meet someone you like in this life."
Shang Shu blinked slowly and murmured softly, "You think I'm stupid too?"
It was foolish to push away someone I loved so much, someone who loved me so much in return.
Song Lan remained noncommittal: "I just feel that the world is too big, and if two people who are separated do not deliberately want to meet, it is too difficult for them to reunite."
Even though we're in the same city, even though it's such a small city like Macau.
Seeing the regretful look on their faces, Shang Shu reached out and touched her slightly feverish forehead: "Why...did you two break up?"
She had never discussed this topic with Song Lan before. She only knew that Song Lan had been working hard for her mother and seemed to have no time for a love life. So, under the influence of alcohol, she poured out all her curiosity.
Song Lan glanced into Shang Shu's eyes, then lowered her head again: "Because I don't want to be a burden to her."
“You know my family,” she added casually.
Upon hearing the word "burden," Shang Shu frowned. She shifted her posture, resting her chin on her knees: "How can you be so sure that the other party would consider this a burden?"
"I can't." Song Lan's tone was also somewhat dejected. She took a deep breath and then exhaled completely.
"But I don't want to gamble with her future, to bet on the possibility that I can give her happiness. She deserves a better life, and she deserves someone better than me."
bet.
Upon hearing this word, Shang Shu began to feel a bit self-deprecating again.
Humans are always so contradictory, selfless yet selfish. They can risk everything for the good of the other person, yet they never give the other person a chance to choose.
What is worthwhile, and what is not?
If she were fully conscious, Shang Shu might have argued a bit, but now her mind was a complete mess, and she simply couldn't grasp the logic behind it.
She became direct: "So now, haven't you thought about going back to her?"
She wondered if Song Lan's improved life and her mother's improved health meant she had reached the standard of a "better life" in her heart.
Song Lan smiled faintly, as if the girl's image had reappeared before her eyes. She shook her head: "She passed away last year due to complications during childbirth."
Upon hearing this, Shang Shu immediately felt much more sober. She then recalled that Song Lan had indeed asked her for a long leave last year.
"I'm sorry," Shang Shu said softly, her brows furrowing slightly.
Song Lan gently stroked her wrist, her tone soft: "I often think, if I had been a little more selfish and more determined back then, would our ending have been different?"
Unfortunately, there are no "what ifs" in life.
Is it a pity?
This is probably not something that can be simply summarized as a "regret".
Song Lan unconsciously let out a soft sigh, glanced at the wine bottle beside her, and then remembered the purpose of her visit today. She pulled her thoughts away from her memories.
"It's clear that you and Miss Gu are still very much in love. Although I don't know what happened between you, I think that no matter what, Miss Gu would not want to see you degrade your body like this."
Song Lan also spoke with some earnestness. She paused and looked intently into Shang Shu's eyes.
"If possible, I hope you won't have any regrets."
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