Cabbage heart
With an annual salary of one million, a lakeside villa awarded through a company stock placement, and a sleek black Mercedes in the garage, Lin Xiaoning's daily life was enveloped in a silent, expensive atmosphere. Especially in the two years since the company went public, she frequented high-end clubs, negotiating partnerships worth tens of millions. Her assets snowballed, making her the epitome of a "successful person" in the eyes of countless people. But every night, after returning drunken, kicking off her expensive high heels and sinking into the spacious Italian sofa, she surveyed this designer-designed yet always deserted space. A profound sense of emptiness washed over her like an icy tide, soaking her every limb. What is success? She sometimes questioned the figure reflected in the floor-to-ceiling window, her face delicately made up but with a weary expression. Is it the dancing numbers in her bank account? The awe-inspiring looks of her subordinates? Or the admiring glances from Xu Wu at the board meeting, tinged with a sense of measured exploitation? These external standards were once the driving force for her to climb, but now they are like colorful balloons hanging in the sky. They look gorgeous, but when you reach out to touch them, you find that they are just a thin, fragile and empty shell.
She found herself increasingly reliant on the feedback of others for validation. After a successful press conference, the fervent media coverage and sour compliments from colleagues could sustain a false sense of fulfillment for a few hours. A project setback, and the skepticism and pressure from all sides could instantly plunge her into an abyss of self-denial. Her emotions, like a kite tethered to someone else's hand, fluctuated uncontrollably. She became acutely aware that she was enslaved by a system woven of money and power, spinning involuntarily amidst the clinking of glasses and the game of numbers. Like a marionette dressed in lavish attire and impeccable makeup, she portrayed a "peak" life that others envied. Her inner innocence and sensitivity, however, were relegated to the darkest corners of her heart, where she least wanted to be, covered in a thick layer of dust. The pure feeling of joy at a sudden epiphany of a theory, at a sincere word of encouragement, seemed out of reach.
This feeling of being torn apart reached its peak during a trip to a remote mountainous area with Zhao Xianqi.
The trip was nominally a return visit to the primary school they had jointly funded. The car bumped along the winding dirt road for a long time before arriving at the small village hidden in the folds of the mountains. The donation ceremony was simple yet sincere. Afterward, Zhao Xianqi said he wanted to visit an old friend. In front of a slightly dilapidated adobe house, an elderly woman buying cabbage at a small stall outside caught Lin Xiaoning's attention.
The old woman looked about the same age as Zhao Xianqi, around sixty. Her hair was gray, tied into a tight bun at the back of her head. She wore a washed-out blue shirt, but her back was straight. She was carefully picking at the cabbages on the stall. Her fingers were thick and cracked from years of work, but her movements were calm and unhurried.
"Boss, the outer leaves of your cabbage are all wilted and yellow. They don't look good anymore." The old woman's voice was gentle, yet filled with undeniable persistence. As she spoke, she expertly peeled off the damaged, yellowed leaves one by one and tossed them at her feet. The stall owner, a simple, middle-aged man, rubbed his hands together, chuckling, and didn't try to stop her, clearly accustomed to this.
Only after peeling the vegetables until only the tender, yellow, firm heart remained did the old woman nod with satisfaction. She pulled an old handkerchief from her pocket, carefully counted out a few crumpled bills, and paid. Then, to Lin Xiaoning's surprise, the old woman bent down again and carefully gathered up the scattered, tattered leaves, gathering them together. Then, smiling, she said to the stall owner, "You have nowhere else to throw these rotten leaves, so it's a shame to waste them. I'll take them back and feed them to the pigs." Her tone was natural, almost unquestionable, as she asked the stall owner for an old plastic bag and carefully packed the withered leaves.
Lin Xiaoning stood not far away, watching the scene silently. She was familiar with the poverty of the mountainous region, but the almost harsh emphasis on making the most of everything, and the simple blend of commercialism and frugality in the old woman's words and deeds, shocked her, someone accustomed to urban consumerism and the tendency to discard items even if they were not in good condition.
At that moment, the old woman looked up and saw Zhao Xianqi standing at the alley entrance. For a split second, Lin Xiaoning clearly caught a complex expression on her face—surprise, trance, a hint of barely perceptible panic, and then an almost instinctive panic, a sense of helplessness, a desire to present herself in the best possible light. She subconsciously brushed off the dust on her body and smoothed down her hair.
"Teacher Zhao...Ms. Zhao?" The old lady's voice trembled with a little uncertainty. Her excessive politeness and excitement were completely different from her shrewdness when she bought the cabbage just now.
Zhao Xianqi stepped forward, his expression as calm as ever, but Lin Xiaoning could still tell something was wrong from the slightly slower pace he took and the elusive softness in his eyes. He responded gently, "A Xiu, it's me. Long time no see."
Grandma, A Xiu, instantly had an embarrassed but genuine smile on her face, and hurriedly greeted them: "It's really Teacher Zhao! Come on, come home and sit down, come home and sit down!" She carried the bag of rotten vegetable leaves for "feeding pigs" and enthusiastically led them into the house.
The adobe house was dimly lit and sparsely furnished, yet exceptionally clean and tidy. Ah Xiu frantically poured them water, using an old enamelware jar with a red wedding symbol printed on it. The water was clear, but she wiped the cups repeatedly. She nattered on about Zhao Xianqi's recent situation, his health, and whether he was busy at work, but her eyes occasionally drifted, as if she saw a vague shadow from many years ago through the graying man before her. She even fumbled from the back room and pulled out an iron box containing some cheap, slightly damp tea leaves, and poured tea for the two of them. Her pure, slightly clumsy hospitality formed a strange contradiction with her earlier shrewdness in asking for rotten vegetable leaves.
Lin Xiaoning sat quietly by the side, like a bystander who had strayed into someone else's precious memories. It was not until Ah Zhen's grandson came home from school that he reluctantly said goodbye.
On the way back to the city, the car sat in silence for a long time. The mountain road twisted and turned, and the setting sun outside the car window dyed the mountains a warm golden color.
Finally, it was Zhao Xianqi who broke the silence. His voice was low and hoarse, as if it had traveled through time, and occasionally there were one or two suppressed coughs. Lin Xiaoning noticed that he subconsciously rubbed his chest.
"Her name is Ah Xiu," he began, his gaze fixed on the winding mountain road ahead. His tone was as calm as if he were analyzing a case study, but Lin Xiaoning could hear a hidden undercurrent. "After graduating from university, I was assigned to teach here. Ah Xiu was one of the few girls in the village who had even attended junior high school. She was kind and resilient. We... had a very good relationship." He omitted the details, but the melancholy was palpable.
"But she had an older brother who was very successful and had already become an official in the provincial capital, the one who later became the Director of the Urban Construction Bureau. Everyone in her family felt that she should be like her brother, leaving the mountains and living in the big city. And in their eyes, I, a poor teacher, was destined to have no future." He paused, a complex smile playing at the corner of his mouth, like self-mockery, but also like relief. "Looking back now, the choice at that time seemed like succumbing to the pressure of reality, but wasn't it also a trade-off based on survival wisdom? Holding on might have proved the greatness of love, but it was more likely to exhaust all the beauty in poverty, even turning even the memories into something unbearable. Leaving and working hard on the postgraduate entrance exams was a way to save myself, and a dignified exit for both of us. It required rationality, and even a bit of courage—the courage to admit reality, the courage to cut losses."
Lin Xiaoning pondered, "So your wisdom in survival lies in assessing the situation, avoiding unnecessary sacrifices, and opening up new possibilities for yourself in the face of adversity?"
Zhao Xianqi nodded, then shook his head. "Yes, but not entirely. Wisdom lies in seeing the situation clearly, but true 'completeness' may also require a little... the tenacity to persevere to the end. Sometimes, taking a step back opens up a vast horizon; sometimes, taking a step back can lead to a bottomless abyss. The key is how to judge that 'critical moment.'" He finished, coughing again, this time for a little longer. Lin Xiaoning's heart tightened slightly, and he felt a faint sense of unease.
He continued, his tone growing graver. "Later, her brother, the director of the Urban Construction Bureau, got into trouble. It was the Jiangcheng Urban Construction corruption case. I was already a lawyer at the time, and I took on the defense of a builder implicated in the case, the primary source of his brother's bribes. When Ah Xiu found out, she came to me, crying bitterly, saying that her brother was the pillar of the family and couldn't fall." His fingers tapped unconsciously on the edge of the car window. "I took the case, partly out of professional instinct, and partly because I was a bit of a celebrity and the other party was drawn to me. Initially, relying on my understanding of the engineering field and meticulous legal analysis, I spotted a few procedural loopholes, and the situation seemed favorable."
His voice deepened. "But that was the height of the storm, with immense pressure from above and overwhelming public opinion. Most importantly, my client, the builder, under immense pressure, changed his testimony in court to protect himself, accusing me of inducing him to commit perjury... The evidence was in his favor and against me. At the time, the procuratorate's offensive was so strong that it nearly pushed me over the edge. Ah Xiu also came to me after she found out."
He let out a long sigh, as if expelling the heavy memory from his body, his slightly exhausted profile reflected in the car window. "That time, I chose 'retreat' again. I accepted mediation, withdrawing from the lawsuit and no longer representing similar cases. I saved myself and prevented the situation from escalating to the worst possible outcome. This is what it means to be forced, Xiaoning. Under the powerful pressure of the system, the betrayal of the client, and... (he paused) certain complex human relationships, personal wisdom and courage sometimes seem so insignificant. My wisdom allowed me to see the danger clearly and make the choice that seemed to minimize losses at the time, but ultimately I lacked the tenacity... to persevere to the very end, even if it meant everything would be shattered."
Lin Xiaoning listened quietly, her heart pounding. The scene of Ah Xiu peeling the cabbage—the shrewdness of stripping away the damaged outer leaves, leaving behind the heart, and the purity of cherishing the remaining leaves—intertwined with Zhao Xianqi's calm yet subtly turbulent narrative. Ah Xiu peeled away the unbearable parts of the cabbage, leaving behind the core; life, on the other hand, stripped away youth, dreams, and the possibility of another life. What remained was the bag of dried yet cherished "rotten leaves" Ah Xiu held in her hand, the sustenance she needed to survive; the gray hair at Zhao Xianqi's temples; the regret for not persevering, hidden beneath his wisdom and courage; and her own magnificent yet empty villa and her soul, homeless and quietly enslaved by money.
She suddenly remembered that when they left the next morning, they happened to pass by A Xiu's backyard. There were no pigs there, only washed cabbage leaves hanging on the clothesline in the yard. In the morning sun, they curled slightly, revealing a humble yet tenacious vitality that comes from being carefully cared for.
At that moment, Lin Xiaoning seemed to understand something. Zhao Xianqi's survival wisdom was a philosophy of surviving in the cracks of reality, a philosophy of self-preservation when faced with a critical moment. It was wise and practical, but also left a lasting flaw due to his "retreat" at that crucial moment. Ah Xiu's materialism and innocence were a contradictory unity honed by life at the bottom of society, a more straightforward and tenacious survival instinct. She herself, seemingly possessing wealth and status, had unknowingly allowed her soul to be bound by material desires, deeply buried her pure sensitivity. Gazing out the car window at the rapidly receding, still barren mountains, watching Zhao Xianqi beside her, occasionally showing signs of fatigue and coughing lightly, she felt for the first time that her villa at the top of the city might not be any more solid or warm than Ah Xiu's adobe house, where cabbage leaves were drying. And the road ahead seemed shrouded in uncertainty.
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