After Ye Zhi left, I returned to the area where detainees were allowed to exercise. During the ten minutes I was gone, Zhou Sansan had been squatting next to the vegetable patch without moving. He had written many math problems on the ground that I couldn't understand at all. He seemed to be possessed, trying to find his own value or to make himself seem superior in these obscure math problems.
I squatted down next to him, then lit the half-smoked cigarette I hadn't finished earlier, and asked, "Want a puff?"
Zhou San looked at me with great surprise and asked, "Where did you get another cigarette?"
"These are from the guards, 25 yuan a pack of Furongwang cigarettes, wanna have a bite?"
Wednesday San clearly made a big decision, then held up two fingers to me, took the cigarette from my hand, squeezed the saliva off the butt, and then squinted and took a puff. Before he could even savor it, he looked around warily to make sure no one was watching us, and then quickly took another puff.
I lowered my voice and said to him, "You can't smoke like that. You need to learn to inhale properly. Smoking like this is such a waste!"
On Wednesday, he chuckled awkwardly and lowered his voice to say to me, "Brother Mi, is this cigarette really something you were taught to smoke?"
"Does it smell good...?"
"It smells good... but I still don't quite believe it..."
I interrupted him, then put my arm around him and said, "You really have to believe this... I just smoked this cigarette right in front of the guards... It felt amazing!"
After I finished speaking, I squinted and looked diagonally upwards from the high wall. I was somewhat dazed, and Ye Zhi's departing figure lingered in my hazy consciousness. Then I felt a sense of desolation. In my mental world, there was only a tree left, its leaves blown away by the wind, the air filled with the scent of autumn, and the afterglow of the setting sun was lazy and full of coldness.
It was in this state of mind that I asked myself a question: What exactly is Ye Zhi pursuing?
Is it really a privilege that is more tempting than money?
I don't have the answer. Maybe one day, when I have the opportunity to stand at her current level, I will truly understand her feelings and what she wants to pursue.
...
If you don't view time with a mindset of gain and loss, it passes quickly; if you're filled with desire for the outside world, then these 15 days will be extremely agonizing... Anyway, in any case, my days of punishment have finally come to an end.
This morning, I wrote the third tally mark on the shirt I was wearing when I came in, exactly 15 days.
I went to the ward to retrieve my cell phone, watch, and other belongings. When I was about to return the unused meal tickets, I thought of Zhou San. He still had five days before he could leave. Seeing how frugal he usually was, and how reluctant he was to eat anything good, I gave him the remaining meal tickets.
Zhou San was particularly disappointed by my departure, because I was the only one in the entire cell who was willing to talk to him. Everyone else treated him like a laborer, and if he disobeyed them, they would beat him up... Everyone in the cell looked down on him, especially his master's degree. He had become a laughing stock... The thieves laughed at him, and the people who went to prostitutes like him also laughed at him...
Before leaving, I whispered in his ear, "I hid two cigarettes under the pond next to the vegetable garden. When you're on lookout duty, remember to take them out and smoke them. They're good cigarettes... If you don't want to smoke them, you can trade them for meal tickets. Just don't waste them!"
Zhou San just nodded without saying anything... I could tell he was very upset and scared. He was afraid that after I left, the others would bully him even more.
I felt bad too. I knew he was cowardly. In a place that seemed to be full of rules, yet had no rules at all, his personality would be at a great disadvantage... I was very worried about him, and I considered him a friend because he was the only one who would use his meal tickets to exchange for cigarettes for me. But he wasn't very generous to himself. He was even willing to spend 60 yuan to go to a hair salon to find a prostitute.
I comforted you, saying, "You'll be out in a few days... Be tough, there's no hurdle in this world that can't be overcome."
On Wednesday, San looked at me, hesitated for a moment, and then said, "Brother Mi, can you come pick me up when I leave? I don't have any friends... I don't want to go back to my rented room alone after I leave... That room is completely dark, and I'll start having all sorts of wild thoughts if I stay in there!"
I smiled and replied, "No problem, I'll be there on time."
Only then did Zhou San smile...
I left amidst his smile... As I stepped out of the detention center, I couldn't help but think of Chen Jin again... What he did every day was exactly what Zhou San dreamed of. If there really is such a thing as fairness in this world, I would quite like him to give some of his luck with women to Zhou San.
If there is any fairness in this world, I would prefer that what I pursue is what Ye Zhi has now; and what she has is something I should never touch!
...
As I walked out of the detention center, the sunlight shone directly on me, and I saw my shadow lying quietly at my feet... It seemed more restless than me, but it belonged to me, and when I didn't move, it could only be quieter than me.
I let out a heavy sigh, then greedily inhaled the air outside the detention center; in my life, I've eaten so many fresh vegetables and drunk so much fresh milk, but at this moment, I truly understood what the word "fresh" really meant.
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