Lu Jia walked to my bedside, placed the shopping bag on my bedside table, took out a pear from it, smiled, and said to me, "Let me peel a pear for you... You smoke a lot, eating more pears can cleanse your lungs."
I continued to look at her with cold eyes.
Why are you staring at me like that?!
I finally spoke to her, saying, "Stop peeling the pear, I want to talk to you about something."
Perhaps it was because my tone was icy cold to the bone that Lu Jia took it seriously. She put down the fruit knife in her hand and asked me, "What do you want to talk to me about?"
"I want to talk about your life abroad... no, let's talk about me first... I need to put myself in your shoes to understand your situation better!"
After a brief pause, I continued, "I've been quite lonely this past year... especially at night. I really wish I had someone with me. I also have physical needs, and since we're adults, I don't think it's something to be ashamed of... We had an agreement that if someone more suitable came along in this situation, we both had the right to pursue a better happiness... That's good. Even though we weren't together, we still respected and tolerated each other... But you didn't do that. I feel like you hurt me and were incredibly disrespectful... Why did you do that?... While I'm still calm, you'd better give me a plausible reason... I'm not sure I can still speak to you so restrainedly in the next second."
I don't know what you're talking about!
“Look me in the eyes and repeat what you said.”
Lu Jia seemed very uneasy... She is a smart woman, so she did not choose to respond directly. She just said to me, "I'm going out to make a phone call," and left the ward. However, I already knew the answer from her actions. Her call must have been to that man... As for what they said to each other, it was no longer important to me.
It's good that she doesn't deny it, so I don't have to bring out those disgusting photos to take to court. That would be undignified and make me feel disgusted.
...
Five minutes later, Lu Jia returned to my bedside. She looked very downcast and stood there for a long time before finally speaking to me: "I got drunk that night... Yes, I admit I was lonely and had physical needs... So, I didn't reject him... I regret it now... I didn't mean to play with you two... So, on the first day after finishing my studies, I went back to China... I... I'm very clear that the person I love is you."
"How do you think I would feel if you said something like that?"
“I really hope you can ask me… why I got drunk that night.”
I won't ask.
Yes, you might think I'm making excuses... I won't shirk the consequences of my mistakes, and I know what kind of person you are; you can't forgive me...
But I still want to tell you some of my feelings... Otherwise, keeping them in my heart will be the biggest regret of my life!
"Say what you want to say."
Lu Jia looked at me, but remained silent for a long time.
Finally, she wiped away the tears welling up in her eyes, then smiled and said to me, "Forget it, no matter how much I explain, I'm still wrong... Why can't I be more carefree? Why is it always you men who betray women? Why should all women revolve around you? If you think there's a romantic relationship between us this past year, then I've cheated on you... I cheated on you with Michael... So what?"
"Anyone can say hurtful things... Haha, I never felt there was any love between us this past year... All the promises we made, and everything I did for you, were based on guilt... I stopped loving you a long time ago... So whether you were emotionally or physically unfaithful, it doesn't matter to me... I won't care... On the contrary, I should congratulate you on finding a man who loves you so much... He'd use any underhanded trick to be with you..."
"Is this what you really think?"
You can interpret it however you like.
Lu Jia stood there for a long time, sometimes lost in thought, sometimes in tears. Finally, her gaze fell on the supermarket shopping bag she had just brought back. She laughed self-deprecatingly, "Why did I buy you pears?... It sounds like a farewell... I'm going to Chengdu, my career is there... As for us, since I can't get your heart back... then I'll be a woman you hate... You'll hate me..."
She paused briefly, then choked back tears as she said, "Before you truly hate me, I still want to peel this pear for you... Remember to eat it."
After saying that, Lu Jia picked up a fruit knife and began to peel the pear little by little... She was so emotional that she cut her finger... She didn't care at all, until she had finished peeling all the pears and placed them neatly on the cabinet.
She left with her suitcase... I never imagined that when we met again a year later, we would only spend half a day together.
I slammed my fist into the wall, and my head started ringing... Why did I say such awful things to her? ...Wasn't it supposed to be an amicable breakup?
...
After Lu Jia left, I deleted all those indecent photos and didn't want to argue with that man. I just sat on the bed alone for half a day... I felt physically and mentally exhausted and didn't know how to deal with the aftermath. At least, I need to give Lao Mi and my mother an explanation. What should I say?
If my parents ask Lu Jia about it, what will she say?
For a fleeting moment, I inexplicably recalled some scenes from when I first met Lu Jia. Back then, she was still an innocent girl… Looking at her now, I feel quite sad. Although I've never considered her my possession, thinking about those exposed photos really…
It's awful!
In my mind, her body was only possessed by me.
...
As evening approached, Chen Jin arrived at the hospital with some chicken soup he had prepared. After putting the soup down, he asked me, "Where's Lu Jia...? I've come twice and haven't seen her."
"She went to Chengdu."
"You're half-dead here, how could she go to Chengdu?... You're kidding me!"
"I'm not kidding... Did you bring any cigarettes? Give me one."
(End of this chapter)
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