The dream ended in my terror, so after waking up, I sat on the bed for a long time... I looked at Yang Sisi next to me again, but she was sleeping soundly... only the blanket on her body had slipped off.
I struggled to get out of bed and then covered her with the blanket.
It was raining outside, but I didn't go back to bed right away. I just stood outside the window and watched.
I was thinking about the meaning of that dream. Why did I feel so tired in the dream? Why did I try to stop but run faster and faster?
I have always believed that dreams are derivatives of the subconscious, so some seemingly strange dreams often reflect inner desires or fears.
But this time, I didn't understand the outcome, which made it the most absurd dream I've ever had.
...
Listening to the sound of the rain, my heart gradually calmed down. My gaze remained fixed on the two streetlights at the intersection. I felt that they were just like Yang Sisi and me. They were always in a visible place, accompanying each other... but could never truly touch each other... The only thing they could connect with was the light they emitted, like whispers or inner communication.
Perhaps, they are happy.
I smiled, reached into the cigarette pack on the table, took out a cigarette, lit it, and then opened the window…
The wind blew in the damp air and dispersed the smoke that was seeping out from between my fingers.
...
Yang Sisi hugged me from behind, took the cigarette from my hand, and stubbed it out in the ashtray...
She was silent, and I didn't speak either... We seemed to be frozen in place, but I could feel her face pressed tightly against my back.
Another gust of damp wind blew by, and only then did I speak to Yang Sisi, "You should go back to Shanghai..."
"Are you really that unwilling for me to stay here?"
I remain silent.
Yang Sisi wasn't angry. She said to me in a very soft voice, "I told Cao Xiaobei that I was with you; I also swore to your dad that I was his future daughter-in-law... You know what? Sometimes when you lie, you start to believe it yourself... I've never felt so happy before... So, I don't want to leave, whether it's true or not."
"I'll come find you once my leg is healed."
"I'm not leaving, that's no reason for you to kick me out."
Breathing in the damp air, I hesitated for a long time before softly saying, "What if... on that day, I want you to be my woman?"
"What did you say?"
My heart, which had been beating steadily, started racing. I pulled another cigarette from the pack, lit it, took a deep drag, and said, "There was a moment when, holding you, the feeling was different from any other time... I want... some space to figure things out... Actually, saying things like this is pretty disgusting..."
"You feel disgusted because you haven't figured out what kind of feelings you have for Ye Zhi right now... You don't want to be caught in the middle and become a scumbag, right?"
"No... what I'm afraid of is an irresponsible start... that won't end well!"
So you want me to wait for you?
"Um."
I responded and then looked back at Yang Sisi... This was the first time in my life that I had made a woman wait for me.
How will she respond? I'm curious to know.
After a long silence, Yang Sisi finally spoke to me, saying, "Okay... I'll be a silly woman... waiting for you in Shanghai."
"Um."
"Then I'm going to sleep... The earlier I sleep, the earlier I leave... the sooner that day will come."
As Yang Sisi spoke, she released her grip on my arms and lay down on the bed without saying a word.
A short while later, I heard her sobbing...
Was she happy, or sad?
I don't quite know what she's thinking... I'm just imagining what that day would be like amidst the pattering rain...
If that day ever comes, I'll definitely put on my best suit and get a smart hairstyle... And her? Will she be wearing high heels and a beautiful long dress?
...
The next morning, I woke up in the damp air; I subconsciously stretched my body, and found that the bed beside me was empty... I turned my head and looked, and the blanket that Yang Sisi had been covering herself with was neatly folded at the head of the bed.
She's gone, taking with her the promise she made to me.
I felt quite empty inside, especially when I saw the wheelchair next to the bed, I felt even worse... I just sat on the bed and looked at the rainy day outside for a long time before I got out of bed and took a piss.
This situation continued until my mother arrived.
The reason Lao Mi didn't come was probably because he didn't want to see Yang Sisi...
As my mother made the bed, she asked me, "Where's that girl from yesterday?"
"Back in Shanghai."
"So, she said she was staying here to take care of you just to spite me and your dad?"
"No...it was me who told her to leave..."
"It's good that you know how to consider my and your dad's feelings."
I forced a smile and then fell silent... After a long while, I tentatively asked my mother, "Mom... what do you think of Sisi?"
"What do you mean, how about it?"
"I've had two girlfriends before... Lu Jia and Ye Zhi, you've both met them... Compared to them, what do you think of Sisi?"
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