When discussing matters of love, An An was very insightful; she was right. As human beings, we do distinguish between liking and true love based on the depth of our feelings. Liking is missing someone after a long time, while true love is being constantly worried about them every day and every hour.
I understand it, but I'm not willing to say it out loud. So much so that it took me a long time to reply to An'an: "Thinking too much about matters of the heart can be very distressing... It's better to be a little oblivious."
"Look at you, you agreed to let me give you advice, but as soon as we delved into the topic, you retreated into your shell like a turtle."
You called me a coward!
"Then why don't you try to hide?"
I looked at An'an, who met my gaze with unwavering determination, and then said, "Actually, even if you don't say it, I know... It's not that you don't love that woman anymore. You just tried and realized you really couldn't have her, so you forced yourself to shift your focus and pretend to forget her... There's nothing to be ashamed of in admitting it, because most people around us are like that. After all, the phrase 'mutual love' sounds like a luxury. In a lifetime, there are so many people who don't find true love... Including you, including me."
After a moment of distraction, I habitually reached into my cigarette case, lit a cigarette, and after a long pause replied, "No... that's not what I wanted to talk to you about..."
"So what would you like to talk about?"
Do you think my feelings for Yang Sisi can be described as love?
An An shook her head and replied, "I think talking about love is too far-fetched."
"Why?"
"Only when you can truly treat Ye Zhi as an outsider in your life can you truly consider whether your feelings for Yang Sisi are love... Now is clearly not the time. I'm afraid you'll treat her as a substitute, enjoying the feeling of being loved... That's the beginning of tragedy... I understand women very well. Yang Sisi is still relatively restrained and doesn't seem to mind much about Ye Zhi because she's not really with you yet... If you're really together, do you think she won't mind?... She's also a woman who has lived in the spotlight. After you officially start dating, how can she tolerate your impure thoughts... So you have to be careful, because before and after dating are two completely different states. If she truly loves you, after dating, she will absolutely not tolerate a single flaw. She wants absolute possession... If you don't believe me, you can try."
An'an's words really resonated with me. After taking a deep drag of my cigarette, I replied, "I have the same concerns because I'm not very confident in myself... But I've already agreed to go to Shanghai to find her."
"Do you remember how you felt at that moment when you agreed to go to Shanghai to find her? ...Was it hesitant and uncertain, or did you rush in without hesitation?"
"I'm a little hesitant... The reason I'm letting her go back to Shanghai is because I can't see my own heart clearly. If I were truly committed, I wouldn't let her go... After all, dating doesn't have to be geographically separated; does she have to go to Shanghai?"
That's what it means to be in a relationship.
"So, sending her back to Shanghai is just a delaying tactic on your part?"
"No... there's a lot of trouble in Dali, and I don't want her to suffer... I'll go to Shanghai to find her."
After a brief pause, I chuckled and said, "Look at my leg, it'll probably be at least a month before I can walk again... A month is enough time for me to figure out a lot of things... To be honest, I really miss her... If she hadn't become so important to me, I wouldn't have brought this up with you, right?..."
"Yes, you'll only be bothered if you care and value it..."
I nodded in agreement.
An'an continued, "Honestly, I hope the woman you end up with is Yang Sisi... However, you have to be very careful... because you two are the kind of people who, if you get along well, will be happy for life; otherwise, there will be hidden dangers everywhere, and conflicts every day... You'll be overwhelmed... because her personality is very strong, and you are the kind of person who likes to keep things to yourself. Only when you are completely honest with each other and completely let go of your grudges can you be comfortable together."
I thought about those words very seriously, and then replied sincerely, "Um... thank you, my relationship mentor."
An An laughed at first, then looked dejected. She said, "Unequal love makes people feel inferior... So, I don't advise you to be with Ye Zhi... I'm not a very capable woman; I can only depend on him for a living. He comes to see me when he's happy, and it's normal for him to disappear for a week when he's not... I don't dare ask too many questions... Do you think that kind of love, even if you get it, will really make you happy?... It's better to find the right person. If you miss them, a phone call, a plane ticket... even at 1 a.m., you can see each other... Sometimes, liking someone is more touching than love... because it's freer and more capricious... Besides, liking someone can turn into love, so why not give it a try?... I think love that transforms from liking someone is actually more intense... Asymmetrical love only makes people feel tired... He knows I'm tired, so he keeps maintaining the relationship with money... It sounds pretty pointless. What if one day I don't like money anymore?... How much love will I still have for him?"
An'an is a woman with very clear logic, but her expression was obviously very confused, which also revealed her conflicted feelings... She and I are both in a whirlpool, but we can't find a way out.
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