Chapter 35 It’s over, it’s over, our Erfeng has been raped by the eunuch
[Erfeng Erfeng, please move!]
It’s over, it’s over! Er Feng was stunned and petrified on the spot like a statue!
[Hahahaha, this is the first time I see Erfeng with this silly expression, so cute, I get the emoticon pack!
But, we gave you so many sets, how come you still won the prize?]
[Yeah, you wouldn't put the condom on your hand, would you? (1)]
[Er Feng, you're not thinking you're being cheated on and that's why you're so stupid, right?]
[Where did this cuckold guy come from?! What's the matter? Do you really like being cuckolded? Get lost! What the hell is your business with this couple?!]
Li Shimin wiped his face with his hands at this time, and his mind gradually returned to rationality:
"I was really happy just now. It seems that your human cub catcher is not working."
Li Shimin would never doubt Guanyinbi. His wife was the person he trusted and loved more than his relatives in the world.
He had already made plans to wait until he was middle-aged to have a child, but he was caught off guard by the sudden decision to have a child now.
But no matter what, this is also God's destiny.
[That's true. There's a 3% chance that condoms won't work, and there's also the possibility of overexerting or accidentally slipping.]
[Er Feng is indeed quite good at this, hehehe, haha]
"What do you think I should name my child?"
After laughing foolishly for a while, Li Shimin began to think about the names of his children, and even thought about what titles to give them in the future.
The name Cheng Qian is too specific and must not be used before he ascends the throne.
[For girls, should we keep calling them Lizhi? No, no, we're still in the Tang Dynasty after all. Continuing to call them by their old names goes against the rules. So we have to choose a new one. We have to think about it all over again!]
[Then his name is Li Tiance, nicknamed Erha! His courtesy name is Shiqi.]
[Get lost upstairs! Er Feng, listen to me and call yourself Li Hua! You'll really become famous! Trust me!]
Li Shimin's eyes lit up and he thought the name Li Hua seemed really good and was a little tempted.
"Then, if it's a boy, how about calling him Li Hua?"
As a result, he saw that everyone in the audience was laughing, and they were laughing for inexplicable reasons. When he asked them why, they didn't tell him, which made him very depressed.
"No, what's wrong with Li Hua?"
[Ahahahahaha Erfeng, you don't understand. This name is good, really good. That's it...
Don't worry about us. I just suddenly thought of the many letters I wrote to my pen pals when I was a child, and suddenly I wanted to laugh.
[Rebirth and Time Travel: If I were Li Hua, would I continue to write letters to my foreign pen pals?
Even Crown Prince Li Hua has to write letters to foreign pen pals?! Too horrifying! When I think about this, I never want to travel through time again!]
Li Shimin had no idea what Tianmu was saying, so he asked someone to bring him a basin of cold water to wipe his face, and then he gradually calmed down.
Since Guanyinbi is already pregnant, he has to speed up and finish the things here and go back to accompany his beloved wife.
In my previous life, I wronged my wife and Cheng Qian by making them live with him in such a small house in the Prince's Eastern Palace. I can't wrong my wife and children again in this life.
He has to light up the map of the Taiji Palace in the imperial palace quickly!
Thinking of this, Li Shimin wrote another letter to Li Heng. After all, it was not the time to break up yet. It should be no problem to use military merits in exchange for Li Heng letting the imperial physician take care of his wife more.
It’s winter and the weather is cold, father, please remember to send a few more boxes of silver charcoal to my wife!
My wife is afraid of the cold, her hands and feet are cold, and her blood is cold. Father, please remember to give her more good supplements from the palace. Oh, and the imperial physician should visit more often.
Father, please remember to ask about Princess Yan's condition whenever you can, but don't summon her to the palace all the time. The bumpy ride in and out of the carriage while pregnant can easily lead to miscarriage.
Father, you must remember to be more considerate to your daughter-in-law.
Soon, Li Heng in Chang'an received the battle report of the great victory in Suiyang City and two memorials sent back by Li Shimin by express horse.
It was during the court session when news of the great victory in Suiyang City came back, saying that Prince of Yan Li Shimin led an army of less than 30,000 to defeat Yin Ziqi. Zhang Xun beheaded Yin Ziqi, and Li Shimin pursued him for thousands of miles, captured the rebel general Linghu Chao and sent him back to Chang'an.
Everyone was overjoyed!
Great, great, now the Jianghuai area is completely saved!
An Qingxu's dream of escaping southward was also shattered. It was a good opportunity to pursue the victory, annihilate the enemy in one fell swoop and recapture Tokyo!
So a group of generals requested to fight, and also suggested that Li Heng give Prince Yan more rewards and let him lead the nine military governors to capture Luoyang.
Li Heng said nothing about it and did not look very happy.
What's going on with this Prince of Yan? He was supposed to attack Prince of Yong, and it would have been fine if Prince of Yong had escaped, but why did he suddenly go to Suiyang, and then suddenly attack Luoyang?
Li Heng was not only wary at this time, he was even afraid that in a few days his son would lead his troops to attack Chang'an and Tongguan, just like An Lushan last year.
Fortunately, at this moment, he received two memorials handed back by Prince Yan.
After reading the first letter, Li Heng still had a cold expression on his face. It was not until he opened the second letter that he saw his son was asking for medical treatment, medicine and supplements for his wife again. He had written several long pages of nonsense and was suddenly speechless.
"Your Majesty, what did His Royal Highness the Prince of Yan say?"
Li Mi looked at Li Heng's expression and wondered if the Prince of Yan would be in trouble this time. Then he heard Li Heng throw the letter away and said angrily and amusedly:
"Look for yourself, my dear!
How come I, Sanlang, have such a strange mind? He only knows how to ask if his wife is okay, but doesn't even bother to ask me, his father?
Humph, you're so ungrateful after you get married, you've forgotten your father!"
After reading the letter, Li Mi felt like he was slapped in the face with dog food, and was caught off guard...
The corners of his mouth twitched slightly, and he spoke after a long while:
"After all, the Princess of Yan is pregnant now. His Royal Highness the Prince of Yan is only 25 years old and has a child, so he must be extremely happy..."
The court officials were also stunned when they knew what Li Shimin said. Then they reacted quickly to calm Li Heng down, saying that this is how it is for children of this age, they are all love-brained and like little fools.
The more Li Heng heard the court officials say that the Prince of Yan only cared about his own family, the more relaxed he felt.
The more the Prince of Yan indulged himself in women, the more at ease he felt about the Prince of Yan's Mansion.
"Humph, what else did this Sanlang say? He got lost and ended up in Suiyang City. He couldn't even handle such a small task as suppressing a rebellion, so why did he get lost and end up in Suiyang?"
Seeing that Li Heng was no longer as angry as before, Li Mi said carefully:
"General Li Guang also got lost several times in the desert back then. Even a general familiar with the desert terrain could do that, let alone His Royal Highness the Prince of Yan, who rarely ventures south to the Jiangnan region."
Fortunately, with the example of Li Guang, the famous Marquis of Lost, Li Heng did not intend to pursue the fault of Li Shimin for his unauthorized action.
However, Li Heng was still prepared to recall Li Shimin immediately.
This third son of his family has already made many outstanding achievements. If he adds another achievement of attacking An Qingxu and regaining Tokyo, how will the prince and himself, the emperor, deal with it?
However, just when Li Heng was about to issue an order to recall Li Shimin, Princess Hezheng entered the palace again.
Princess Hezheng disliked embroidery and the constraints of Confucian etiquette. She was usually too lazy to attend banquets with other women.
But since she met Princess Yan, she quickly became her close friend and they could talk about anything.
Yesterday, she heard the Princess of Yan say some sad words, and she started to think about it. Today, she came to persuade her father and said:
"Father, I have thought about it and feel that Yu Chaoen may not be appropriate.
Eunuch Yu has not attacked Luoyang, which makes me feel a little uneasy. Last night, I couldn't help but dream about what happened at Tongguan last year."
At this point, Li Heng's eyelids twitched.
Last year, Geshu Han defended Tongguan for half a year without sending out troops. Li Longji suspected that he was holding his troops for himself and forced him to send out troops. As a result, the 200,000-man army was defeated in one day. It was simply a nightmare!
But now, Yu Chaoen led an army of 200,000 to besiege Luoyang, but he did not deploy his troops.
Li Heng was already a little anxious, and after hearing this, he suddenly realized how similar the situation today was to that in Tongguan last year.
For a moment, Li Heng also began to suspect Yu Chaoenlai.
"So what do you think we should do now?"
Princess Hezheng immediately stood up and bowed, saying:
"Now is the crucial moment to recapture Tokyo. I heard that His Royal Highness the Prince of Yan has just arrived at the gates of Luoyang. Why would Father, instead of seeking the long way around, place the entire 200,000-man army on Yu Chaoen?
It would be better to give the King of Yan the right to act as he sees fit, lest Yu Chaoen really develop ulterior motives and be left without anyone to restrain him."
The two sides balance each other, and the Prince of Yan's princess is still pregnant and stays in Chang'an, which is equivalent to a hostage, so it is safer to use her.
So Li Heng quickly issued an edict. He did not give Prince Yan military power, but gave him two edicts.
One allowed him to join the army to attack Luoyang, and the other allowed him to secretly monitor Yu Chaoen.
…
Yu Chaoen, who complained to the emperor all day long, never thought that there would come a day when he would be suspected by the emperor and become a target of corruption.
Not only Princess Hezheng filed a complaint, but Cheng Qianli also heard that Li Shimin had fought all the way here, so he immediately rode over and complained about Yu Chaoen.
"Your Highness, Prince of Yan, I really can't stand it anymore! This Yu Chaoen has thrown these 200,000 soldiers and horses into chaos since his arrival. It's a mess, and there are internal strife and quarrels every day!
We had a great situation with an army of 200,000, but he messed it up. We even suffered a defeat a few days ago, losing several thousand men!"
Cheng Qianli was so angry when he thought about this that he quickly spilled the beans.
It turned out that the Shuofang Army had only obeyed Guo Ziyi. Now that Li Siye was in charge of the Shuofang Army, internal strife broke out within the Shuofang Army, and no one was convinced.
In addition, Yu Chaoen instigated Li Siye to station troops on the mountain, but Yu Chaoen insisted on keeping his troops at the foot of the mountain.
Li Siye said that the terrain was better on the mountain and it was easy to be ambushed at the foot of the mountain. The general then took Yu Chaoen's statement and started arguing with him on the spot.
This quarrel was a good thing. The enemy was delighted. This was a great opportunity for a sneak attack. It would be a waste not to take the free head.
So they launched a blitzkrieg on the spot, catching the Shuofang army off guard. A lot of food and supplies were robbed, and several thousand people were killed or wounded.
"This defeat was completely avoidable!"
Cheng Qianli slammed the table angrily for a long time, then found that Li Shimin was very calm, and was very surprised:
"Your Highness, Prince Yan, aren't you angry?"
Li Shimin touched his nose and thought to himself that compared with Yu Chaoen who had sacrificed an army of 200,000, what was Cheng Qianli's current anger compared to him?
"But why hasn't this matter been reported back to the capital?"
This matter was not mentioned in the decree given to him by his father, so it seemed that he was completely unaware of it.
"This makes me even more angry! Yu Chaoen actually stopped the battle report midway and replaced it with a bunch of good words of his own! He only reported the good news and not the bad news!"
[It turns out that announcing good news for funerals has existed since ancient times!]
However, Yu Chaoen is really brave, isn't he? He even dares to change the battle report?
[That's not all. After Yu Chaoen suffered a major defeat in Yecheng and wiped out the entire Tang army, he was still afraid that Li Heng would use Guo Ziyi to harm him, so he continued to whisper in Li Heng's ear and speak ill of Guo Ziyi every day.
But this time Li Heng finally came to his senses and wanted to use Guo Ziyi, so Yu Chaoen secretly changed the imperial edict.
In the end, Li Siye was forced to lead the Shuofang Army. However, a conflict arose between Li Siye and Li Guangbi, and the two men quarreled and fought a terrible defeat, resulting in the complete destruction of the army...
【!!! So what kind of match is this between Li Heng and Yu Chaoen? They just give away heads to the enemy every day, right?】
But fortunately, the enemy also gave away heads! An Qingxu killed An Lushan, and Shi Chaoyi killed Shi Siming.
Both sides stabbed each other in the back. After stabbing each other, they asked, "Do you think I'm cruel?"
[Hahaha, this is really hilarious. With the magical assistance of the two sides' Crouching Dragon and Phoenix, everyone fought each other for eight years and finally put an end to the Anshi Rebellion.
However, rather than saying that the war was over, it would be more accurate to say that the eight years had completely drained the Tang Dynasty. In the end, both sides were left with little wealth, so they just lay low and died...]
[So, since Er Feng is secretly monitoring Yu Chao En this time, it would be best to find an opportunity to kill him!]
Li Shimin's solar plexus throbbed as he watched, gnashing his teeth and beating Li Heng a hundred and eighty times in his heart, then snorted coldly and said:
"Don't worry, Yu Chaoen, that villain, will never make it back to Chang'an!"
Li Shimin quickly wrote a letter of complaint, secretly informing Li Heng of Yu Chaoen's defeat.
Li Heng was of course shocked when he found out, but even so, he did not take away Yu Chaoen's power as military supervisor. Instead, he temporarily gave the military power of the Shuofang Army to Li Shimin.
[Now Er Feng can finally unleash his might on Luoyang! But Yu Chaoen is still alive and kicking, what should we do?]
[It's easy to report him, but I can also secretly gather some negative information to report him! ]
"If you want to kill Yu Chaoen, it's no use just complaining."
Li Heng couldn't tell right from wrong, and he didn't even think about how many people in the court had impeached Yu Chaoen and Cheng Yuanzhen, the two powerful eunuchs. But what was the use?
[I wonder if Li Heng has some kind of obsession with eunuchs?
Li Shen impeached Cheng Yuanzhen for his monopoly of power, but Cheng Yuanzhen turned a deaf ear to it and said a few bad words about Li Shen, and Li Heng killed his own son.
Yan Zhenqing's family was almost wiped out because of the Tang Dynasty. These loyal ministers impeached the eunuchs and were soon demoted to the countryside by Li Heng.
[So, does Li Heng have any redemptive literary sentiment towards Cheng Yuanzhen and Yu Chaoen?
Is Li Heng some kind of eunuch-in-love brain? If he doesn't love the eunuch, the heartache buff will be triggered?]
"Humph! Eunuchs are castrated, have no wives or children, and in Li Heng's mind, there's no chance of them rebelling. Instead, they're more trustworthy than his own sons, Guo Ziyi, Yan Zhenqing, and the like."
Li Shimin really felt that there was something wrong with Li Heng's brain.
Even pigs know that a castrated pig is still a pig. How come you, Li Heng, don’t know that a castrated human is still a human?
"So what should we do? We should attack Luoyang and kill Yu Chaoen, but don't forget the six thousand Uighurs waiting to plunder Luoyang!"
Oh my god, why are there so many things going on? It's such a mess!
[Yeah, I'm worried about my hair falling out again! I'm almost going bald. Wow, Erfeng, how come your hair is still so thick? Please give me more shampoo!]
Li Shimin raised his eyebrows when he saw this, and said with a confident smile:
"Don't worry, the Luoyang matter will not be delayed until I return to Chang'an. I will resolve these three matters one by one in Luoyang.
I have the Shuofang Army at my disposal, so why should I worry about injustice in the world?"
[Ah ...
Always be confident, and you can always solve all problems! The King of History! 】
[This is the King of Qin Li Shimin who said that if I were given 30,000 soldiers, I could pacify the world!
Ahhh, so handsome, so handsome, so handsome that I want to sleep! Daily check-in post! 】
【Add me, I want to join the group! 】
[The guy above can just go to bed, as many groups are full and the post has over 100,000 likes now!
I can’t add any more people! I really can’t add any more people to the sleeping group.]
[That's ok, I'll just create a new group. I believe everything depends on human effort, and I'll be able to get in if I squeeze in!]
Li Shimin: ……… Don’t try to go in some weird direction!
Just when Li Shimin was secretly planning to stab Yu Chaoen, Yu Chaoen took the initiative to come to him.
Yu Chaoen became anxious because the strategy Li Shimin had given him before didn't seem to be very effective.
At this time, Yu Chaoen still regarded Li Shimin as a grasshopper in the same boat, and soon he opened his heart to Li Shimin, asking him to think of any ideas to quickly take Luoyang.
"I'm afraid that as time goes on, His Majesty will become suspicious and blame me!"
Of course, Li Shimin would not say that you still underestimated Li Heng, a severely suspicious person.
Those who constantly flatter others to get to the top, only to have others flatter them, can be considered a kind of reward.
Li Shimin smiled and said:
"Luoyang City is probably running low on food and fodder, so internal strife is sure to break out. But since you are so anxious, I will go down to the city and check on him first."
Seeing that the Prince of Yan was about to put on his armor and mount his horse to go out to check the situation, as if he was going all out for him and was willing to go into battle himself, Yu Chaoen was very moved. He stepped forward and held Li Shimin's hands tightly with both hands:
"Thank you, King Yan, for thinking of me!
Your Highness, Prince of Yan, rest assured that I will speak well of him in front of His Majesty in the future."
This white-haired and powdered eunuch made Li Shimin feel uneasy when he held his hand.
Li Shimin pulled his hand away calmly, and rode away on his horse as fast as he could amidst the laughter in the sky.
[Ahhhhhhh, let go of Erfeng and let me defile him! ]
[It’s over, it’s over, our Erfeng is dirty! ]
Li Shimin quickly took out a handkerchief and wiped his hands, feeling nauseous.
Thinking of this, he missed his sweet and soft wife even more.
I must tell this to Guanyinbi when I get back, and let Guanyinbi comfort his injured body and mind!
Tianmu was inexplicably fed another wave of dog food, and at this time Li Shimin had already put away the handkerchief sewn by his wife and rode his horse alone to the foot of Luoyang City.
Seeing that the enemy dared to ride forward alone on horseback openly, the soldiers in Luoyang city immediately prepared to shoot arrows.
However, they soon saw that the person coming forward wearing bright gold and silver armor was actually King Yan, and they immediately hesitated again.
Their Great Yan army was defeated by Li Shimin, and all routes to the south and north were blocked. In the future, perhaps they would all become Tang troops.
If we hurt the King of Yan at this time, who knows whether we will be able to get away with it in the future?
So, under the eyes of everyone, Li Shimin strolled back and forth under the city of Luoyang easily and unharmed.
[As expected of His Royal Highness the Prince of Qin, the Supreme General of Heavenly Strategy! This reputation scares the enemy into not even daring to move!]
[Ahhh, crazy starry eyes! Erfeng is so awesome! So cool! Hahaha!]
Li Shimin had already made up his mind after seeing this, so before leaving, he shouted towards the city wall:
"Within Luoyang City lie over thirty Tang soldiers, hundreds of officials, and their families. If you can provide them with the utmost care and spare their lives, I promise to greet them with courtesy in the future, and spare those who surrender!
But if anything happens to them, I will attack Luoyang one day, and all of you will be beheaded!"
[Oh my god, what kind of Mary Sue boss am I, Erfeng? Such ruthless words are so domineering!]
[Except for those like Yan Gaoqing and Zhang Xun who preferred death to surrender, this neutral stance is understandable; it is indeed difficult to do so during times of war. These generals, ministers, and their families are now in Luoyang City.
I remember that in history, Geshu Han was killed along with these people by An Qingxu when Luoyang City was captured.
[Only I, Erfeng, could still think of them. I almost forgot about this.]
After saying this, Li Shimin rode back to the camp, planning how to take Luoyang in one fell swoop.
Inside Luoyang City, An Qingxu heard Li Shimin openly shouting at the foot of the city wall, but no one dared to shoot an arrow. He was so angry that he chopped down several soldiers guarding the city.
He cursed loudly and wanted to drag Geshu Han and others to the city wall and behead them collectively.
"Your Majesty, this is unacceptable! If we do this, I'm afraid that the 200,000-strong Tang army will be furious and retaliate against us one day!"
All the generals around him tried to persuade An Qingxu, but the more they tried to dissuade him, the angrier he became.
Okay, now they are afraid of revenge from the Tang army?
Isn't it just thinking that if the time comes and they lose the war they can surrender, but what about him?
Even if he surrenders, his whole family will be beheaded!
An Qingxu's face was filled with ruthlessness. He was determined to drag all these generals into a desperate battle like him, with no way out. So he immediately drew his sword and chopped the table in half:
"I have made up my mind. I will drag Geshu Han and the others out and hang them on the city wall!
I will kill all these hundreds of Tang people in front of the King of Yan! Tomorrow I will do it myself and not spare a single one!
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