Chapter 60 Kill the Han envoy and you can send troops! Come and be my Tang Dynasty version of the Han envoy!
As an emperor, Li Shimin said of course he wanted them all!
"If you do a good job, I'll give you another panda at the end of the year, just the right size to pair with the one you already have!"
With this said, all modern workers are like being injected with chicken blood.
After more than two years of development, there are a lot more modern workers in Datang.
There are enough people looking for trouble.
For example, when Li Shimin was discussing matters in the Purple Palace that day, Yan Zhenqing criticized him for eating melon seeds.
Worker No. 5 immediately took out a handful of melon seeds and handed them to Yan Zhenqing, motioning him to take them.
Yan Zhenqing: ??? What are you overseas people doing all this time?
"It's not me who's going crazy, Master Yan, it's you who's going crazy!
Aren't you annoyed that Your Majesty is eating melon seeds? Then quickly peel all the melon seeds and give them to Your Majesty!
Look at how slow you are to react. His Majesty is hungry, and you won't let him eat some melon seeds to fill his stomach?"
"...No, I mean, Your Majesty, just don't eat melon seeds, okay?"
"Wait a minute, I'll look for it."
Soon, under everyone's gaze, Worker No. 5 took out his phone and connected to the Internet. Then he said to Yan Zhenqing:
“No, melon seeds, as a type of nut, are rich in linoleic acid and linolenic acid, as well as vitamin E and various nutrients. They can eliminate free radicals in cells and reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease. (1)”
Yan Zhenqing: ...What chicken?
"In short, for a balanced diet, eating some melon seeds occasionally has only benefits and no harm.
You, Lord Yan, since His Majesty is not allowed to eat melon seeds, then you should peel them for him!"
"That's right, you don't want to take action, but you don't allow Your Majesty to eat melon seeds by himself.
Are you so upset that our Majesty is so lively and healthy that you want him to eat only rice and die young?"
"That's right, your Majesty is good, and you are bad!"
A few workers confronted Yan Zhenqing so harshly that he had nothing to say with his mouth open.
However, the Tang Dynasty's local officials did not realize that this was just the beginning.
Soon, there was a large-scale rat infestation in Li Siye's mansion.
Li Siye was so angry that he ordered everyone in the mansion to find cats to catch mice. He caught two wild cats outside the house and was about to go in, but was quickly stopped by modern workers:
"You can't use these cats! You want to catch the mice yourself?"
Li Siye: ...?
Why? Are you overseas people sick?
"Didn't you advise His Majesty? Last time you criticized His Majesty for feeding and petting stray cats outside?
Well, you want to starve the wild cat to death and use people to catch mice. Don’t you have any conscience at all?”
"That's right, the cat is good, you are bad!
The cat won't catch mice for you, come and eat cat food from me, and let him catch mice himself!"
"That's right, it's worth all my hard work to find so many wild rats and throw them into your house!
You're a military commander, what's the point of getting involved with a bunch of civil officials? You can't even offer any suggestions that hit the point. You might as well catch some mice to improve your brain!"
A few modern people were afraid of being beaten, so they ran away with the cat in their arms, leaving Li Siye disheveled in the wind...
Li Siye: Oh, this, is this something a human could do?
Of course, Li Bai was also targeted by the workers.
Soon, several workers followed him. Every time he took a step, they immediately squatted down and took out a tape measure to measure the distance.
Li Bai glared at the group of overseas workers:
"No, what are you doing?"
"The distance and width of your steps are inconsistent. This step is only 30 centimeters, and this step is 80 centimeters?
No, that's not polite at all!"
"That's right, are you Mr. Li Bai? Did you just talk nonsense?
Otherwise, why can't you take an average 60cm stride? Or are you old and your walking is just a mess?"
Li Bai:……!
"No, I'm just going to the street to buy some vegetables. Why do you care how I walk?"
"Then why are you staring at Er Feng's long stride? Did you measure it with a ruler? What's with the dragon-like and tiger-like steps and the good manners? Is he a dragon or a tiger?
In the normal walking posture of a person, His Majesty has a very good posture, right? "
Li Bai was so upset that he no longer dared to speak nonsense, and the workers headed towards Xu Yuan's house with satisfaction.
Everyone rushed in without waiting for the owner's permission. After smelling the aroma of beef, they picked up the whole pot of beef he was eating and ran out the door:
“Oh my god, Master Xu is actually eating beef!
Last time, Your Majesty was scolded by him after eating only two taels of beef, and he actually dared to eat half a pound!
Everyone, come and take a look! Lord Xu's status is even higher than that of the emperor. He is going to be king!"
"That's right, Master Xu, please don't eat it. We'll eat it for you! Otherwise, you'll be considered a traitor!
We are so kind, you should say thank you and remember not to eat meat in the future!"
Xu Yuan was stunned: ...
Of course, many other officials were blocked at the door of their houses by the workers. When they came out, the workers caught them red-handed with their mistresses:
"Sir, does your wife know that you have a concubine?
Of course, this kind of thing is not illegal, so we don’t care. But does your concubine eat more than the birds your majesty raises?
By this calculation, your family has so many concubines. Isn't that more extravagant than His Majesty's?
You call His Majesty a tyrant for raising birds, so aren't you just like the great treacherous ministers Yang Guozhong and Li Linfu?!"
Soon, everyone couldn't stand it anymore. When they went to court, they complained to Li Shimin and complained that these overseas workers in the same dynasty were simply inhumane!
But modern workers just look up at the sky, down at the ground, and then pick their ears.
After they finished speaking, Wen Yuping stood up to refute:
"Your Majesty, I recently learned a new term, double standard, which is very suitable for these people."
"What is double standard?"
"Double standards mean using two sets of standards for yourself and others, often being stricter on others and lenient on yourself, holding yourself to lower standards and constantly making excuses for yourself.
But for others, making a small mistake can make them like Emperor Yang of Sui.
We overseas people usually call people with such double standards moral bitches or holy father dogs! My Lords, I really have nothing against you!
You must not take it for granted."
My Lords,
The local Tang Dynasty party members were hurt by these words and looked aggrieved and unable to refute. Their faces looked as ugly as constipation.
Li Shimin almost couldn't help laughing when watching from above.
Sure enough, modern people are indispensable in his court!
Otherwise, how much fun would we have?
Li Shimin pinched himself and finally managed to hold back, and continued to watch the quarrel below seriously.
At this point, officials from the Tang Dynasty's local party finally broke free from modern logic and tried to refute:
"No, we are not hypocritical. We are different from Your Majesty. We are just human beings, but Your Majesty..."
"Lord Liu, are you saying that His Majesty is not a human? Are you sure, Lord Liu?
Are you really not scolding His Majesty?"
Liu Yan took a deep breath and pinched his philtrum to avoid fainting:
"What I mean is that Your Majesty is someone who wants to be a sage monarch. The standards of a sage are naturally different from those of an ordinary person."
“Ugh, even your so-called sage Confucius said that no one is perfect.
No one or anything is perfect. Besides, people need to relax and have a balanced diet to better handle court affairs.
Unless, of course, you say His Majesty is not a human being!"
"That's right, Your Majesty, what's wrong with raising birds and dogs?
Your Majesty spends much more time handling official business every day than you do. You have so many wives and concubines at home, and you eat more than a bird!
If you insist on saying so, then you can abandon all your wives and concubines, and your entire clan, and then come and accuse Your Majesty of raising birds. I will definitely have nothing to say!"
"Besides, since His Majesty is raising birds, you need to use paper and pen to submit your memorials. How much manpower and material resources does it take to produce just this piece of paper?
Isn't that more than what a bird eats in three days? You are the ones wasting food and squandering nature's gifts!"
“That’s right!
We who don't have any clans have never accused Your Majesty of being wasteful in raising birds. You can't even bear to throw away your clans, so why do you say that Your Majesty is like Emperor Yang of Sui when he raises birds?"
[Fuck, I'm convinced. If they have the guts, why don't they go and tell it to Emperor Yang of Sui?
Think about how many people Emperor Yang of Sui killed who gave him serious advice?
I still don't dare. I just rely on His Majesty Erfeng's good temper!
The officials fell silent, and the modern worker continued:
"Who doesn't understand? Aren't all these hypocrites trying to use His Majesty to boost their own reputation?
But those double-standard people who tried to gain fame during the Zhenguan period didn’t leave behind any good reputation at all!
Everyone knew it, so no one remembered them.
When later generations read history, they will always say, "Isn't this person annoying? So annoying!"
Right, Master Liu?"
Li Shimin was so delighted by what he heard that he almost couldn't help but slap his thigh in praise. Then he remembered that the occasion was not right and quickly put his hand down.
Okay, okay, give them all pandas at the end of the year! We have to!
This panda is worth the money!
[Ahhhhhhhh, there's even a panda! I'm so envious!]
When the two pandas grow up, they can give birth to baby pandas. Some people have endless pandas and cats, while others don't even have a single hair.
I was so sore that I bit my fingers.
"No, Your Majesty is broad-minded, and he knows that we are being a little picky.
But Your Majesty is doing this precisely to encourage your ministers to offer advice and to open up the atmosphere of accepting advice.
What does this have to do with you? Aren't you meddling too much?"
"I think you all have bad intentions, intending to destroy the Tang Dynasty with this kind of thing!"
"That's right! What a good kid the eldest son of Emperor Taizong was back then!
But it’s because of those people who love to gain fame that they always find faults with teenagers every day!
It is because they acted like this and didn't realize they were doing anything wrong that His Royal Highness the Crown Prince became more and more rebellious, leading to the separation between father and son and the estrangement between brothers!
If it weren't for people like you who are trying to gain fame, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince would have been a wise ruler. How could it be the turn of those two retired emperors and the Anshi Rebellion now?
So, it was you who almost caused the downfall of the Tang Dynasty!"
"It's you, the double-standard party, who are bringing disaster to the country and the people!"
The matter is actually not that serious, and we should not arbitrarily accuse court officials, but modern people are well versed in PUA.
After some nonsense reasoning, all the officials of the Tang Dynasty began to doubt their lives.
Are we really the ones who almost caused the demise of the Tang Dynasty?
But we just want to leave a good reputation, why are the consequences so serious?
Many court officials showed expressions of regret, and many lowered their heads, blushed, and began to reflect on themselves.
The court was suddenly filled with dejection. Li Shimin finally got what he wanted and quickly played the good guy to smooth things over:
"Okay, okay, things don't have to come to this.
Of course I will listen to reasonable advice, but there is really no need to give many unnecessary advices.
Everything is excessive, and it took me a long time to understand this truth!"
Thinking of his son Li Chengqian, Li Shimin felt a little sad.
When he was young, he was busy with government affairs and did not personally educate his eldest son. Later, he did not know why his eldest son gradually became a prince who disappointed him so much.
But this time, he will definitely do better and will never allow such a thing to happen again!
[Don’t be sad, Erfeng. Let’s leave the professional matters to professionals this time!
Those court officials are not good enough, and neither are you. Just leave it to us modern early childhood educators and educators! 】
[When your child grows up, please hire our kindergarten teachers to ensure their all-round development in moral, intellectual, physical and aesthetic aspects!]
[Erfeng, think about Hu Hai, and the Crown Prince Liu Ju who was unjustly killed by Emperor Wu of Han, as well as Zhu Biao who died early in the future, and the Crown Prince of Kangxi!
In short, all the emperors in China over the past thousands of years cannot make up a complete prince!
If you think about it this way, are you comforted? 】
Li Shimin: ...
How come I feel both heartbroken and relieved at the same time?
The bottom line of ancient literati was often relatively high.
After experiencing the extremely vicious verbal violence of modern workers, everyone has realized that the consequences of this kind of reputation-boosting are not good.
The atmosphere in the court finally returned to normal, and everyone began to discuss state affairs again.
When it was almost over, Li Shimin said:
"Before, you overseas people always said that you were alone and had no relatives. After thinking about it carefully, I think this is not appropriate.
In particular, several ladies said that they wanted to be officials in the Tang Dynasty and did not want a husband's family or children.
Wouldn't that make me a tyrant?"
Wen Yuping really wanted to stand up and say that she really had no plans to have a child and it had nothing to do with Boss Erfeng.
But he soon thought of the ladies who would take the imperial examinations, so he kept silent and continued to listen to Li Shimin:
"If someone is unable to raise children because they serve as an official in the Tang Dynasty, then it is the fault of the Tang Dynasty!
Women need to take leave to give birth, but does that mean men don’t need to take leave when they get old or sick?
Who among you doesn't have a few substitutes and clerks to help you?"
[That's right, when women choose not to have children, we can't always blame them for it! The reasons lie in social and institutional issues!]
On the one hand, women are required to work 996 hours a day to earn money and be independent women, and on the other hand, they are required to raise children like widows and bear the risk of losing their jobs and positions during childbirth?
There is no such good thing!
This is something that society and businesses should consider, and not just leave it all to women!
[Yes, some countries have done better in this regard and have better welfare protection.
At the very least, you absolutely won't ask a woman about her marital status or childbearing status during an interview or resume writing! That's completely illegal!]
[Woo woo woo, China is a good boss from ancient times to the present! No wonder it is the Tang Dynasty Succubus!
What if I also let Er Feng fuck me to death! 】
Li Shimin quickly proposed a protection mechanism for some important official positions in the court.
For example, for important positions like assistant ministers, if they need to rest for four or five months due to childbirth, if there are any important matters during this period, they can go directly to their residence to discuss them.
If it is really inconvenient, you can find a substitute to share the duties, and when the person returns, the position will still belong to him.
There is no need to be so cruel as to cut off all nine generations of his clan, otherwise what kind of emperor would he be?
If people get to know that he exploits his officials like this, will he still have any shame?
The ancients paid more attention to offspring and family, so not many officials in the Tang Dynasty objected.
Otherwise, what would it look like if it were spread out? A group of men bullying a few women and not allowing them to have a family?
Do they still want fame?
In this regard, ancient officials were more respectable and had a higher bottom line than many modern capitalists.
As spring goes and autumn comes, the workers have been in Datang for more than two years and have become accustomed to everything.
Just as Li Shimin mentioned this, Wen Yuping and Lu Shuyuan both had some thoughts in mind.
Now that I'm here, of course I have to find some handsome guys from the Tang Dynasty to fall in love with and play some play that spans time and space.
Of course, it is impossible to marry an ancient person.
However, it is hard to find high-quality handsome men in modern times, but in ancient times, there were a lot of handsome men with big waists, chests and muscles in the imperial guards!
The two of them went in and out of the palace every day and had already set their eyes on several handsome young men.
That day, after Wen Yuping finished talking with Li Shimin at court, she immediately walked to a handsome young man from the imperial guards who was sitting in the corner next to the study.
In front of everyone, she hooked his chin and asked:
"How old are you, handsome? Are you still a virgin?"
Although the handsome boy didn't quite understand, the boldness of modern people made the ancient boy blush and turn purple, and his ears were steaming.
Wen Yuping soon learned that this handsome boy was eighteen years old and still a virgin. She immediately said with satisfaction:
"Handsome guy, want to date? Come to my house tonight and we can talk."
Li Shimin was shocked watching from the side, and then he smiled mischievously.
However, modern people don't care about trivial matters, so Wen Yuping ignored others and directly flirted with this handsome young man in front of Li Shimin.
[Ahhhhhhh sister, are you serious about this heart-to-heart talk?
An eighteen-year-old male DK is as hard as a diamond! He's also a member of the Imperial Guard, equivalent to the Central Bodyguard level. Sister, you're really eating too well!
[Wuwuwu sister, now that you’re done playing, can you let me play too?
Or show us a real-life photo, without armor or clothes!]
Li Shimin looked at his young imperial guards, whose faces were flushed and shy, and who were completely unable to resist and had to throw down their weapons after being seduced by modern women.
He has a strong desire to win and always feels that he loses inexplicably:
"Can you please show some courage like a Tang Dynasty man?
Just agree to it. Why are you being so shy?
Otherwise, I will grant you a marriage!"
He happily thought that being a matchmaker would be a good idea. Maybe these two women could settle down and start a family in the Tang Dynasty.
However, Wen Yuping immediately said in horror after hearing this:
"Boss, what are you doing?
I just like his face and figure and want to have a relationship with him!
Why are you going to grant me marriage and nail me to this small tree?
No, no! I won’t do this! "
Li Shimin and the Imperial Guards: …
Li Shimin looked confused as to why he didn't marry her, but Wen Yuping said confidently:
“Without a few more relationships and interactions with a few more men, how can I be sure who is the best?
"Deciding to be in love with just one man is love-brain, and needs treatment!"
Li Shimin was completely speechless. The key point was that everyone on the screen was still expressing their support with laughter.
So he completely ignored the love affairs of these modern women and went back to find his beloved wife.
Li Shimin complained to her about these modern people's affairs for a long time, then snorted and said:
"Anyway, the men of our Tang Dynasty are so outstanding, even if they have high standards and want to see both looks and talent, we can always find the right one!
I don’t believe they won’t be tempted and get married!”
As a feudal emperor, Li Shimin still could not understand the idea of these modern women who still did not get married even though they had fame, wealth and power.
Empress Zhangsun smiled and comforted him:
"Your Majesty, you just said that you don't care about the affairs of modern people, have you forgotten it now?
In my opinion, these ladies might be even more stubborn than Your Majesty."
Li Shimin didn't believe it and made a bet with his wife that he could definitely become the matchmaker!
However, as spring passed and autumn came, it was another harvest season, and he watched Wen Yuping get rid of the imperial guard.
The poor young man from the Imperial Guard was not very old, but he cried like a tearful man when he was dumped.
Later, every time he saw Wen Yuping, the young guard would run away crying, but Wen Yuping was calm and acted as if nothing had happened.
Later, these women had romances with several top scholars and military generals who came from humble backgrounds in the court, but nothing happened in the end.
The most important thing is that the ones who were heartbroken, drunk and didn't go to court were actually those Tang Dynasty men who had been dumped...
Li Shimin was completely helpless and decided to no longer care about the matchmaking affairs of these modern women and concentrate on state affairs.
This year, the Tang Dynasty had a strong army and sufficient food, and Li Shimin began to think about expansion.
Anyway, Tibet, Japan, Silla and Uighur will have to be dealt with one by one sooner or later, so let's find one to test the Tang Dynasty's weapons first.
“Let’s pick Silla first. Although this place is bitterly cold, they are the weakest.
Going to Japan would require a long-distance battle, and the Tang navy would need more training. The Uighurs and Tubo were both nomadic peoples, far more capable of fighting than Silla."
As the saying goes, a barking dog never bites. This kind of person who is annoying and weak every day is just a good training ground for him.
“However, Silla is usually very well-behaved and has not done anything out of the ordinary. What reason do I have to deal with them?”
Since ancient times, whenever China went to war against other countries, except for wars of unification, it always had to find a reason to send troops.
Otherwise, how can we prove in history books that we are the army of justice, and how can we boost morale?
[This is easy! Let's look through history. The Han envoys during the reign of Emperor Wu of Han are the best reason!]
[Joseon killed the Han envoys, and then Joseon was gone; Vietnam killed the Han envoys, and then Vietnam was also pacified, and so on and so forth...
Let’s not worry about the Han envoys cursing the emperor, killing nobles, sleeping with the queen, and rebelling in the country!
In short, the Han envoy was indeed killed. Doesn't that give us a reason? 】
[The Han envoy, a rare talent who can use his own suicidal nature to bring glory to the Nine Clans and expand the territory, if he hadn't died once, who would know his name!]
Li Shimin didn't want his court officials to do this.
He is not Emperor Wu of Han. If he doesn't recruit talents, he will just keep taking advantage of them. He is unwilling to let them die in vain.
"Of course we should be Tang envoys. Firstly, we have resurrection armor, and secondly, we're really good at courting death!"
[Han envoy, no, Tang envoy recruitment, isn’t that the boss here!]
This is so much fun! Hurry up and start recruiting! Let me go and get killed, Erfeng!
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