Chapter 107 The Last Memories of Senior Year...
The last memories of senior year are always a bit hot and humid, because the college entrance exam is in June, and everyone hopes that June won't be so hot and humid that year, so that it will be easier to bear.
When pondering difficult problems, Ye Yuying would sit at her desk, her forehead propped up by her hand, pen in hand. The more engrossed she became, the more the sweat on her body would slowly evaporate with this rhythm. She would memorize lessons in the morning, do practice tests in the evening, and when she still hadn't finished her exercises late at night, Cheng Mingdu would stand at the door and remind her through the half-open door, "Get some rest."
In the solitude of the late night, she suddenly realized that she was not entirely alone.
As she approached adulthood, she finally developed a sense of kinship with someone other than her aunt and grandmother, a feeling that was more complex than anything else—
It's not pure at all.
Hiding secrets is like imprisoning a monster. If you lock the monster up completely, it will only drive it mad and cause it to fight back even more fiercely.
Under the lamp, Ye Yuying sat up with a start, quickly covering her wildly beating heart with her hand. The writing on the exercise did not continue.
She looked out the window with some fear and unease at the dark lake that stretched almost to the horizon under the night sky.
The monster inside her heart pounded against her heart again and again, gathering its strength and taking a running start, as if it wanted to smash her heart to pieces.
She was very worried about what would happen if the monster went out of control under inappropriate circumstances.
But she had locked all the evidence of her guilt away in a box, and she hadn't confided in anyone on paper for months.
Many writers have said that writing is a form of spiritual healing, and when she stopped writing, she could only let her illness progress.
Her inappropriate thoughts about him were, in a sense, a sudden bout of typhoid fever. However, when she took her medicine properly, her condition improved; when she stopped taking it, it naturally worsened.
As my thoughts drifted, I heard the sound of a car driving by downstairs, and the auntie who lived there went to the door to greet me.
Ye Yuying got up upstairs and stood in front of the window to look at his car. Only when it came to a complete stop and the person in the car lowered his long legs did she quickly draw the curtains and stop her spying, feeling a little guilty.
She found a spot in a corner of the second-floor corridor where she could see Cheng Mingdu from upstairs. It was also very close to the restroom, so she could catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye when she went to the restroom.
That unease and heat, a thrill akin to walking high in the air, made her hide her gaze in the dark corridor. For several moments, she hated that this body was too young, that her temperament was so different from his, and that they were completely mismatched.
When her emotions were at their most turbulent, she could only force herself to focus and repeatedly force herself to re-enter the increasingly tedious world of studying.
She really wanted to ask Cheng Mingdu if he had spent his time like this several years ago.
They should be much more at ease than I am.
When Jiang Xinxue first brought him into the Cheng family, he was only a little over eighteen years old. However, over the years, he has become more mellow and mature, like fine wine that has undergone careful fermentation.
As for her, it seems that time has settled down to only those thoughts that are like wild grass, blown about by the wind.
The restlessness in my heart was like a flame ignited by the wind, flaring up endlessly.
Ye Yuying forced herself to take a deep breath, picked up her phone from the table, and opened the chat window with her aunt.
She typed a line: "Auntie, the secret in my heart is suffocating me, but I can't tell anyone because it might ruin my life."
Her fingertip hovered over the screen. She wanted to delete it, but hesitated for a long time. She wanted to clear the input box as usual, as if nothing had happened. She didn't want to cause her aunt any more trouble, but her aunt was the family member she trusted most right now, her only one.
While hesitating, she accidentally pressed the send button. She had plenty of time to retract it, since her aunt usually didn't reply until the next morning.
But once the thought crossed my mind, I realized that even if the secret wasn't said so bluntly, even just a few complaints would lessen the pressure in my heart.
After a long while, she calmed herself down and continued typing: "How are you feeling today? Maybe I should come see you this weekend."
After the message was sent, the screen remained lit silently.
The lake breeze outside the window rustled through the shadows of the trees, making the night seem to sway along with it.
She huddled in front of her desk, her forehead pressed against the back of her hand, and focused on analyzing the mistakes she had made. After a short while, she forgot about her troubles from a moment ago.
The next day, as soon as the alarm rang, Ye Yuying reflexively opened the chat box, and sure enough, her aunt's reply arrived quietly.
Her aunt replied with her usual gentle and kind tone: "It's normal, Aying. When I was your age, I also had many secrets. A youth without secrets is abnormal. Actually, look at your friends; everyone keeps secrets to themselves. And if they keep them hidden, they might just sprout someday."
I know you were anxious before the college entrance exam, perhaps a little afraid of how such a bleak future might turn out. But as time goes by, every stage of life has its own themes that require reconciliation with oneself, and you just happen to be experiencing one right now.
Finally, my aunt said, "I'm doing well, you don't need to come see me. There's only one month left until the college entrance exam, so studying is the most important thing. Mr. Cheng has hired a caregiver for me, and I'm recovering well in the hospital. You should also take good care of yourself at school."
Ye Yuying stared at the screen, reading those few lines of text over and over again.
The restlessness in her heart was soothed by her aunt's gentle tone, like a puppy whose head had been patted, finally curling up in a corner and quieting down.
But these long words made her heart tighten slightly. Given her aunt's physical condition and her presbyopia, it must have taken a lot of effort for her to type these words.
She secretly decided that next time she wouldn't worry her aunt anymore, and she wouldn't make her aunt type so many words and feel so stressed.
Finally, she typed: "Don't worry, I'll do well on the exam. I'll come find you as soon as I finish, without stopping."
Without hesitation, I clicked send.
The screen went silent; there was no reply.
She wanted to do well on the exam, and she was very curious about where her deadline was.
There were people watching her from behind, witnessing her progress, and she didn't want to let anyone down.
*
On the day the college entrance examination ended, the sky was blindingly bright, the cicadas were chirping noisily, and the area outside the campus was bustling with noise.
The moment Ye Yuying stepped out of the examination room, her palms were drenched in sweat.
She let out a long breath, feeling as if she had finally reached the eye of the storm in her heart, and the surrounding noise had finally quieted down.
The students rushed towards the school gate, some crying, some laughing, and the sounds of hugging filled the air.
Someone shouted, "We are free!" and rushed towards the sunlight outside the school like a tide. Exam papers were thrown down from the teaching building like snowflakes, and the air was filled with white, which was a testament to the madness of youth.
Ye Yuying, carrying her schoolbag, walked through the swirling snowflakes and slowly came to a stop.
Among the eagerly waiting crowd, one figure stood out, appearing serene and graceful.
She was surrounded by the vibrant energy of youth, with laughter, shouts, and exam papers flying like snowflakes in the air, but in her eyes, everything seemed to be isolated and become a silent background.
She felt a deep sense of peace and moved, knowing that Cheng Mingdu had come to pick her up.
He, a person who dislikes crowds so much, actually stood at the entrance of the college entrance examination hall under the scorching sun, just like countless other parents.
He walked over slowly, his throat dry, and his voice trembled slightly as he spoke: "Brother..."
Many things have quietly changed the moment you step out of the exam room.
But she couldn't quite put her finger on what had changed; it was probably her state of mind.
Cheng Mingdu lowered his eyes, glanced at her, a slight smile playing on his lips, and took her schoolbag from her, his tone calm yet caring: "You've finished the exam, you've worked hard."
His eyes seemed even deeper than usual, unlike his usual gaze.
After the two got into the car together, he calmly asked, "Where to?"
Ye Yuying couldn't describe the inexplicable panic in her heart, and said, "Let's go back to No. 1 High School first. There are some books in the classroom that I need to take with me."
Despite the scorching sun and the well-ventilated air conditioning in the carriage, her palms were still sweating profusely.
She planned to finish her school affairs and then head straight to Qingcheng to see her aunt. She had so many things she wanted to share with her aunt, and she even made a list of things she could talk about for at least three days and three nights.
Cheng Mingdu parked his car at the school gate, but didn't get out. He just leaned against the car and waited for her quietly.
Inside the school gate, Ye Yuying was surrounded by her classmates. The playground and corridors were filled with hugs, laughter, tears, and screams, and someone stood on the teacher's desk shouting "Happy graduation!"
Everyone pulled out their pens and left clumsy but passionate words on each other's school uniforms: "Friends forever," "Keep going, see you in the future," "Don't forget me."
She was also pulled along to write her name, signing one word after another on the snow-white fabric. The ink blurred, and laughter continued. But deep down, an urgent thought kept churning within her.
As the crowd dispersed, she pulled out her phone and quickly typed: "Auntie, I've finished my exams! I can finally see you! I'm coming to see you today; I have so much to tell you."
After sending it, she held her breath and waited, but the screen remained silent.
A sense of unease flashed through Ye Yuying's mind, which gradually fermented over time. After hesitating for a moment, she directly pressed the voice dial button. The dial tone lingered in her ears until it automatically disconnected.
My heart inexplicably plummeted for a moment.
Undeterred, she dug out a note from when her aunt was hospitalized, which contained the nurses' station's landline number.
The call connected, and an unfamiliar voice said, "Hello? Internal Medicine On-Duty Room."
Ye Yuying lowered her voice: "Hello, I'm a patient's family member... I wanted to ask, how is Ye Qiong's condition now? Could you please transfer her to another patient?"
After verifying the information with her, the other party began to look through the list.
Then, the nurse said casually, with a hint of detached indifference, "This name... doesn't seem to be here. But I remember, she had surgery before, right? Hmm, I recall, that patient had complications after surgery, and later... passed away peacefully, without pain."
At that moment, the world collapsed.
Ye Yuying gripped her phone, frozen in the corridor. At the end of her vision, darkness spread as if black ink had been spilled on the screen.
Her throat suddenly felt like it was blocked with cement, but all she could hear were the laughter and hugs of her classmates. The ink stains were still spreading on her school uniform, the sunlight was bright and dazzling, and everyone was welcoming a new life...
Her life, however, collapsed into an endless abyss in an instant.
“How… is this possible…” she murmured, her lips turning completely white. “No one ever told me this.”
All the messages, the gentle conversations, and the words of advice from the past six months... have shattered into nothingness.
It turns out that she had already lost her last remaining family member, but this had been carefully kept from her for six months.
The phone slipped and fell to the ground.
It felt as if a screaming soul that didn't belong to her was being forcibly shoved into her chest, and she hysterically pounded, roared, and tore herself apart.
"how so……"
"Then what have I been doing all this time..."
The last thread supporting her mental strength snapped completely, and everything seemed meaningless...
She murmured, each word growing hoarseer than the last.
The next moment, her voice suddenly exploded into a scream: "Ah!!"
The shout pierced through all the hustle and bustle of the campus, like a sharp arrow cutting through the heavy summer air. The students who were signing autographs and taking photos all froze, turning to look at her.
Tears welled up in her eyes instantly, but her sobs transformed into the force of her running. She burst out of the crowd, like a wild deer unleashed, and ran straight toward the teaching building.
"Ye Yuying!" someone called from behind.
"What's wrong with her!" a teacher exclaimed anxiously.
But no one could stop her. Her legs belonged to a former sprint champion, and at that moment, all her explosive power was unleashed.
The crowd reached out and brushed past her, but could only touch the air.
She smashed through the crowd, rushed into the teaching building, and sprinted up the stairs, her steps as swift as the wind, her long hair flowing behind her.
Outside the school, Cheng Mingdu had just seen the words "missed call" on his phone and felt heavy-hearted. Before he could even think, he heard chaotic shouts and noise coming from the campus.
"Someone is running onto the roof! Call the fire truck!"
"It's Ye Yuying!"
He froze for a moment, then immediately realized what was happening and sprinted into the school gate. Under the blazing sun, his face darkened inch by inch as he searched for the direction of the stairwell.
In the distance, he saw a small, thin figure rush up the teaching building, moving as swiftly as an arrow.
Cheng Mingdu had no time to think. He took a long stride and rushed into the campus, passing the teachers and students who were still shouting, and headed straight for the stairs on the other side of the teaching building.
"Ye Yuying!" His voice was out of control for the first time, low and tearing through the air.
The sound of wind and breathing mingled at the stairwell as he and the others ran towards the rooftop.
When he arrived, Ye Yuying was standing on the edge of the rooftop, her toes already protruding beyond the concrete boundary. She seemed to have lost her soul, her steps hovering between the sound of the wind and the prospect of falling.
It's like being completely cut off from the entire world.
Someone spotted her on the playground, and screams erupted one after another, with shouts of her name growing louder and louder. Teachers and students ran desperately upstairs, but the distance above them made all their shouts seem to be weakened by the wind, leaving only intermittent echoes.
Cheng Mingdu rushed up the last flight of stairs and pushed through the crowd.
Her figure was so thin that it looked as if she would be swept away by the wind.
His heart suddenly tightened.
"Ye Yuying!" His deep voice, for the first time, was filled with utter panic, his shout lashing through the air like a whip.
Ye Yuying slowly turned around, but her eyes seemed to be through a thick fog, making it impossible to see him clearly. Her lips trembled, and a tearing sound squeezed out from her throat: "Grandma is gone, Aunt is gone too... I have nothing left... I have absolutely nothing... Even you are lying to me!"
My whole body was trembling, my heart was breaking to the extreme.
"She's been gone for six months! What have I been doing for the past six months?!" She suddenly looked up, her tears dried by the wind, but her laughter was tragic and sharp. "I studied hard every day, I told her all my secrets, and I foolishly thought she would wait for me... In the end, nothing is left!"
What is the purpose of living?
Her previous belief was to give herself and her aunt a better life than they had ever had before.
But her aunt had already passed away, and she couldn't even see her aunt off on her final journey.
Her eyes were bloodshot, like a trapped beast struggling for its life in an octagonal cage, its head raised high, bloodied and poised to smash its head against the wall and end this farcical life.
The wind was too strong, so he stared at her intently, his voice barely audible: "Do you want to know what your aunt's last words were?"
This statement worked as expected; Ye Yuying, who had been taking steps to move away, paused for a moment.
"Come down first, come down and I'll tell you..." His eyes were red, and for the first time, he completely let go of all his calmness and aloofness in front of her, his tone gentler than ever before.
Ye Yuying shook her head, swallowing her saliva with tears streaming down her face.
"...It's meaningless. My aunt is gone, everyone is gone, and no one in this world will call me by my childhood name..."
“Aying!” He interrupted her in time, his voice strong and resolute, like a vow, “Auntie hopes you will live a good life. Whether she is here or not, you can live a good life. Otherwise, what was the point of her painstaking efforts to keep everything a secret before she died?”
"From now on, I will take their place and call you A-Ying, okay..."
She seemed to be half-convinced, as if some soft spot had been hit, and her toes twitched in mid-air... In that narrow moment, he suddenly reached out, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her back with all his might.
The force was so strong it almost broke her bones; her knee slammed against the concrete with a dull thud, and blood instantly seeped out.
"Why didn't you tell me... why didn't you let me see her off on her final journey..."
In the chilly wind on the rooftop, she cried uncontrollably, like a homeless person drenched in rain. She felt powerless, weak, and helpless, with only a torrential downpour to accompany her for the rest of her life.
"She pleaded with me... You've reached the crucial final step. Let me protect you on your path. Make sure you finish your college entrance exam. After you're done, go pursue what you love most and live your life to the fullest..."
"Since the Yellow Springs are ahead, we should stride forward without looking back."
— Ye Qiong
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