Chapter 21: Arousing Her Most Primal Desire
Li Wenjing thought he would be angry, even furious, but he just frowned, blinked his dry eyes twice, and seemed to be still.
"And then? You guys..."
He hesitated and couldn't say the two words, so Li Wenjing asked him if he had them.
"No, I believe you are not a casual person. At least when it comes to relationships between men and women, you are very conservative."
Li Wenjing's eyes curved into crescents as she smiled. She tilted her head, gazing at the baobab trees in the distance, and said, "I'm not what you think. To be honest, I think I've fallen a little in love with your father. You shouldn't have given me the room card that night. If he had taken me to his room, I wouldn't have been able to resist. In Africa, everyone is so lonely."
He froze, as if shaken. His eyes were empty, his brows lowered in thought, his teeth biting his lips, leaving them white and red. "What do you like about him? Is he rich? Do you like older men?"
"He was charming, thoughtful, and very kind to me. Even my dad wasn't that kind to me."
"Gustav is not your father, he is my father, and no one knows him better than me. He treats you well because he wants to sleep with you, and you say I am like a child," he shook his head, "You think I am nothing, don't be silly."
Li Wenjing suddenly felt at a disadvantage, unable to find a rebuttal. She could only stare at him. He continued, "Even if you had sex with him, he wouldn't love you alone. You're just one of his many lovers. He wouldn't be left with nothing. He might even buy you a car."
"What car?"
"Car? Why don't you listen to what I say?"
Gu Weiyi got angry at this moment, his eyes turned red as if burning, and his cheeks wrinkled like shaking leaves.
A breeze blew across the grassland, carrying the scent of wild grass and shrubs, the moisture of the soil, the fragrance of wild animal fur, and the sunlight woven into a primitive desire, blowing on her deep soul, blowing her to breathe in and out of herself. That self was not perfect, and what she saw was vast and boundless. There, every wild grass tried hard to grow, even though there were no flowers and they were trampled on at will. They were just showing the truth, wanting to live, wanting to grow. These alone were enough to be dazzling.
"I'm not telling you this to get your opinion, nor am I asking you to criticize me. In fact, what you think of me is not important to me." Li Wenjing said calmly, "I can't control my feelings. I don't know how this feeling came about, my liking for you and my affection for Gustav. You don't care about me, and my feelings are not important to you."
He uttered a soft "ah" as if in surprise, his lips slightly parted, staring at her in a trance.
"Besides, you have nothing to do with me. It's okay for me to like your father. I'm almost 30, not a little girl anymore. I can take responsibility for myself. Whether I date him or stay with him, or whether I get dumped or break up with him, it's all my business. I won't regret it. It might be a little sad, but it will be fine in a few days."
Li Wenjing's words to him might have offended him, and even though they were no longer possible, it didn't matter. She took responsibility for what she had said, and she felt no regrets. There was only a bitterness in her heart—an all-too-familiar feeling, one she'd often experienced on her life's journey, a feeling of loneliness and solitude, something hard to describe, like the tattered doll she'd held tightly as a child, only to have her mother throw it away because it was dirty. Her feelings had never mattered. If there was anything worth loving, they told her it was that money was good, that she should earn plenty for her parents, so that she could be a good girl, a good daughter, a good sister, the most promising and promising girl in the family.
He was in a daze, his pupils stopped moving. Li Wenjing asked again, as if deliberately joking with him, "So what kind of car is it? Tell me, I'm really curious."
"Well—perhaps Romeo."
"Only the car?"
"What else do you want?"
"I don't want Romeo, I want a Ferrari," she said. "Also, I want to leave Africa before I turn 30. I don't want to be poor. I want to have a lot of money, a house, and a car. I want him to drive the Ferrari here himself, filled with money and love."
"Impossible,"
Li Wenjing shrugged and laughed again. "Why don't you let me think of something good? When I was eighteen, I was going to college from home. The train station was so far away, and there were no buses. Before dawn, I walked and walked, from the dirt road to the highway, dragging two large suitcases, and carrying a bag half my height on my shoulders. I walked to the train station in the scorching heat, and I was lucky I didn't die of heatstroke. On the train, I made three wishes. The first wish was to find a good job and make a lot of money. The second wish was to have a fast car, preferably a Ferrari. I like red the most, and it makes me feel good when I drive it. The third wish was to find a boyfriend. Regardless of whether he is handsome or not, he must be tall and strong enough to carry my luggage. How about it, very practical, right? But now none of them have come true. I have no money, no car, and no boyfriend. It's so sad."
Li Wenjing was still laughing and talking, but Gu Weiyi's face had turned pale, like wallpaper. His eyes were frozen, as if he had held his breath, only his pores trembling to let out air. Li Wenjing put away her smile and asked if he was okay. He nodded and forced a smile at Li Wenjing. "I'm sorry, I can only say 'sorry to hear that'. I don't know what to say to comfort you. It's just like last time at the beach. I'm sorry about your uncle and your cousin."
"It's okay. I'm telling you my story not because I want you to sympathize with me. Only if you truly sympathize with me will I get angry," Li Wenjing said. "It's just that everyone has a strange desire to share. I shouldn't say so much all of a sudden. It's useless to say it."
"If you have anything on your mind, you can tell me. At least I'm a good listener."
"You are."
He held out his hand to Li Wenjing, and two flowers, one white and one red, were pressed down. After being "robbed" by the monkey, these two flowers were the only ones left for him. Even the flowers he loved to give were useless to Li Wenjing. Li Wenjing accepted the two flowers, returned them to him in a vase after returning to the village, and said that these two flowers suited him better.
A familiar farewell - Gu Weiyi still came to see her off, every time, even after she said that. This was a strange thing for Li Wenjing. Even on a date, after the first and second times of being attentive, men would no longer see women off. The worse men would drag it out until they went to bed and couldn't pretend anymore. Li Wenjing said, don't see her off anymore, there are only two or three roads in the village, she already knew them all. Gu Weiyi nodded and put the bag in his hand on the passenger seat of her car, with a few small yellow flowers peeking out. Li Wenjing was puzzled and was about to open it, but he put his hand on the bag to block her. The moment their fingers touched each other, they both withdrew their hands. In the sunlight, his cheeks flushed and there were beads of sweat on his forehead, like the warm breath steaming out of the sun after the rain.
"Go back and look at it later."
"Why can't I see it? Don't you foreigners open your gifts in person?"
As she spoke, she was about to open another present. Gu Weiyi sighed, blinking his large chestnut eyes a few times before smiling, a gentle expression on his face. Li Wenjing hesitated for a moment under his gaze, only to see the acacia flowers inside the bag. After a few more seconds of hesitation, he smiled and said goodbye. Li Wenjing looked around like a thief, seeing no one around. Only when a few birds flew by did she continue unwrapping the chocolates. A blue card fell out, its square Chinese characters, like those of an elementary school student, etched across the paper.
"Dear Wen Jing,
To me, you're a very good person. You work hard, are very capable at work, and have helped me a lot. I'm truly grateful to you. I've never been with a girl for this long, and I admit my feelings for you. I believe you deserve better, even though it's a little sad that I might not be able to give you those good things. Right now, I can't enter a relationship, commit to you, or foresee our future together. I hope you understand. I'm sorry that things have turned out this way and have caused you so much sadness. My father and I have caused you so much trouble, especially if you're feeling hurt. I hope everything is well for you and that you can find someone who's right for you. The time we had together was wonderful. I still want to go out for dinner, barbecue, and to the beach with you. If you're willing, give me some more time. I'll always be your friend."
Li Wenjing stared at his card, motionless, her eyes darting from side to side. The car was sweltering in the sun. She opened the window, one hand resting against it. The wind blew away the sweat on her forehead. Golden sunlight shone through her silky black hair, and a watery shadow drifted across her eyes. She picked up a pen and, leaning against the window, wrote him a reply.
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