Chapter 28 She Feels Bad for Him
It was Mombasa's rainy season, and it had rained for three or four days straight. The sky was thick with dark clouds, with no sign of clearing. A milky white fog drifted in from the sea, with only the pointed peaks of buildings piercing the surface. It seemed as if the rain had fallen across all of Kenya, all of Africa. Its distinct scent, like damp cement, tinged with the bitter salt of sea salt, fell upon her entire world, a world like another, where her body gradually grew silent and dysfunctional. After that night with Gu Weiyi, Li Wenjing felt as stiff as if covered in cement, slowly solidifying and locking her into the tiny space of her office. She didn't want to go out, didn't want to answer calls or text messages, terrified of all the sudden events that would come crashing down on her.
The day of the energy company's construction discussion meeting finally arrived. Li Wenjing went to attend it with gritted teeth. As expected, she was kept back by Gustav, who asked her where Gu Weiyi was.
Of course she knew where Gu Weiyi was. She had always been with him, just not together. These past few days, they had embraced each other intimately, their touches on each other's skin—he called it a "little scratch." She memorized the feel of his skin, the shape of his body, the sensation of his touch. It remained with her, leaving her with an immense unease and a repression she couldn't release. The sorrow he had revealed to her was deeply engraved on his fingers, seeping into her body. It weighed on her, weighing her down, dragging her into a deep sleep. When they woke up the next day, they both understood each other's situation, neither asking what their relationship was at this point. Neither of them wanted to touch upon this relationship, so they had to put it on hold for now.
Her side of the matter was put on hold, while Gustav's questions kept pressing.
"I don't know either," said Li Wenjing.
Gustav was processing documents. The arc drawn by the pen in his hand made a "squeaking" sound, as if cutting the white paper under his hand, breaking his gentle and affectionate voice into only the indifference of each word.
"You can't possibly not know that it was you who took him away that day. You must give me an explanation."
From the moment he entered his office, he sat behind his rosewood desk, glasses on, never looking up for a moment. Li Wenjing stood to one side of the desk, where the floor-to-ceiling windows faced the sea. The desk was like a giant ship, him on one end, Li Wenjing on the other. The sea, foaming, engulfed her, completely submerging her and exerting immense pressure.
"I really don't know. He said he went to work at the hospital and hasn't contacted me in the past few days."
"Call him."
Li Wenjing remained motionless. He stopped what he was doing and raised his eyes slightly. "Now, thank you."
The voice was quiet, but Li Wenjing shuddered. She clenched her hands into fists in her pockets, fearing he'd give her another order and that she'd actually do it. Luckily, he said nothing, finishing his work, removing his glasses and squinting at the person before him. Li Wenjing didn't meet his eyes; she felt him frowning, assessing her, judging her rationally.
"Please sit down. Would you like some tea?"
He stood up and sat on the sofa beside him to boil water. The sound of water gurgling emitted a burst of hot steam. Li Wenjing did not sit down, but just watched from the side.
"Sit down, you are not my subordinate."
"You are my landlord."
"We've finished discussing work at the meeting. I want to talk about Charles."
He poured a cup of tea and pushed it to an empty seat. Li Wenjing had no choice but to sit on the sofa opposite him.
"He's sick and needs treatment. There's no such thing in Africa. Wen Jing, you can't love him too much and just play along with him no matter what he wants to do."
Li Wenjing remained silent, the teacup scalding her palm, just like the confession he made that night. It hurt her, but she couldn't let it go. Gustav poured the tea, but he didn't say anything else, just waiting for her to speak. Li Wenjing gripped the teacup even tighter, letting the water burn her hand. The pain was love, the pain was anger. Driven by the pain, she could go back and continue: "He's a doctor who graduated from Oxford. He's cured many patients here and saved my life. Why can't I trust him? He will get better."
"You don't understand yet. This is where his illness lies."
He pointed to his head, put his hand down, and looked gentle again.
"Indeed, his disease is in you."
He was stunned at first, but after a blink of an eye, the doubts disappeared and only anger remained. He stared at Li Wenjing.
Li Wenjing's heart was beating so wildly that her chest was deformed, and her legs were shaking so much that she lost consciousness. She took a deep breath and put down the teacup. The pain from the burn gave her a fulcrum. She had to calm down for him.
"Why is he like that? Don't you know?"
Gustav didn't move, didn't even blink, and his eyes instantly turned cold. He didn't answer. Li Wenjing continued, "Someone bullied him, and he was so scared that he fell down the building."
Gustav narrowed his eyes and said, "It's just the kids playing around. They all came over to apologize."
"I thought you loved him very much." Li Wenjing also smiled at him, "It seems it's not love, but guilt."
The two of them were silent. The kettle boiled again, unattended, making a continuous squeaking noise, as if both were suppressing their anger. Li Wenjing glanced around the office, then fixed her gaze on the large desk. "Your workplace is so good, it's worth trading a child for it."
"I had no choice in this matter. What I did at the time was also the best thing for him."
"It's not good for him, it's good for you."
"I don't think you have the right to criticize me." He raised his hand to turn off the kettle. After a moment of silence, he said, "You're smart and hardworking. If someone like you had the opportunity to make a deal with the devil for money, you would do it. Choose."
He didn't say it explicitly, but Li Wenjing understood what he meant. She was just a small person in charge of this construction project, and it was a simple matter for the owner to ask her to be kicked out.
"You're right." Li Wenjing's legs were numb. The only sound in the world seemed to be the pounding of her heart, hammering against her chest. "Ever since I was little, I've been dealing with demons. My grandmother hated me and deliberately abandoned me while selling vegetables. A human trafficker wanted to sell me, but I ran into the police. When I got older, I had no money and worked outside. I sold my eggs once and wanted to sell them again, but my roommate found out and stopped me from harming myself."
She took a breath and said, "I'm different from you. I care about others and I don't do things without a bottom line. I think you are no different from my grandma. No, you are even worse than my grandma. You sold your own child with your own hands."
After saying all this, my originally confused mind suddenly became clear, like cleaning up a room that had been neglected for many days and taking out the trash, and the whole room became clean.
After leaving Gustav's office, she felt as if she had lost consciousness. Walking in the drizzle, she didn't feel the cold. Men and women passed by, curiously eyeing this strange, wandering Oriental woman. Li Wenjing briefly encountered a couple, only to vanish in the blink of an eye. She felt their appearance was inexplicable. So, what about her? Was she, too, an inexplicable presence, vanishing without a trace, a mere NPC in everyone's eyes? Rain pelted her face, and she couldn't tell if she was crying or the rain. She couldn't understand why she had just said those words, words that could have cost her her job. Rationally, she couldn't make sense of it.
Until she saw Gu Weiyi, walking towards her from the bus stop, umbrella in hand. The sea was behind him, and his figure was small. She felt that he could be easily destroyed, and she felt sorry for him. If she were given another chance, she would still choose to take him with her. And he, not a child without the ability to choose, was willing to go with her. Her memories of him were the pure sound of the ocean, the smell of earth on the grasslands, the aroma of barbecue. In Africa, in Kenya, all the beautiful moments were with him. She could also clearly recall him crawling out from under the car, the mud clinging to his neck, the tiny particles falling on his shoulders, and she wanted to brush them off for him... Perhaps Gustav had already keenly noticed this feeling. Li Wenjing suddenly felt that she was a burden to him. If it weren't for her, he wouldn't have to go back and face the things he had escaped.
While she was still thinking, he had already opened the umbrella and held her hand. Li Wenjing did not move. He probably sensed that she was in a bad mood and let go of her hand.
"Gustav..."
"It's over." Li Wenjing smiled. "Maybe I should pack up and go back to China."
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