Chapter 45: Without a man, a relationship is necessary.
It was snowing at the equator. The distant snow-capped Kilimanjaro was reflected in the car window. Li Wenjing sat next to Xiao Qiao and Song Shuqing, who had opened the windows and taken out their phones to take pictures. Mu Tasha was driving in front, while Gu Weiyi and Zhang Zhaochuan sat behind her.
She hadn't wanted to take this troublesome trip at all. Just like now, she was surrounded by people and felt like she was being forced to do something she couldn't do. Before leaving, Li Wenjing complained that she was acting as a mediator in "Goodbye, Lover". Xiao Qiao ignored Zhang Zhaochuan, who insisted on coming with her. On the other side, Shu Qing also didn't say a word. Her face was always pale, and she was wearing a large sun hat, so her eyes were almost invisible. It was Wenjun who asked her if she wanted water or food, and took the initiative to take pictures of her. They had been here for several days. Li Wenjing didn't dare to ask too much about Shu Qing's health. She could only ask Wenjun to take good care of her and gave them some pocket money. They were told not to save money on what they wanted to buy or eat.
On the day her younger brother and his wife arrived, Gu Weiyi went with her to the airport to pick them up. Shu Qing was quiet, just like now, her head constantly turned to look at the scenery outside. Wenjun tried to please her by calling her "sister" and "brother-in-law," but Li Wenjing yelled at him not to, then sulked and remained silent. Gu Weiyi, however, said it didn't matter what Wenjun called her and urged her not to get angry.
Li Wenjing was just so angry. She had no idea what was going on between her brother and his girlfriend. If her mother wasn't in the hospital and couldn't bear the shock, she wouldn't want to be the toilet paper to wipe their butts.
Gu Weiyi reminded them that Qingqing might be experiencing postpartum depression and that she needed to be more careful with her words and not be so harsh. Wenjun was also worried. Qingqing hadn't paid him any attention in a long time, with a dazed look on her face. She came to Africa because her parents told her to forget about anything and go out and have some fun. Only then did she smile.
During their time in Mombasa, they took the two of them out to eat, go shopping, and see the beach. Gu Weiyi suggested that Li Wenjing spend more time with Qingqing, as girls are more likely to talk and comfort her. The two boys excused themselves to buy drinks, and Li Wenjing and her walked on the beach. She held her stomach, and Li Wenjing asked if it hurt.
"A little bit. Sometimes it hurts. I went to the doctor and she said I was fine and that a little pain was normal."
She hugged her shoulders. Qingqing was taller than she was, but she was younger and looked like a child. Li Wenjing was even more upset. She didn't know how to comfort people, but Gu Weiyi insisted on calling her. She thought, if only Yu Di was still here now. Yu Di had a lively personality and was the best at sparking conversation. But Gu Weiyi said not to worry, she was born with the ability to comfort people. As long as he stood there and stayed with her, she would feel her kindness, just like the comfort given by the earth. It was a wonderful ability.
"If you feel uncomfortable, just tell your brother. He's a doctor. If you feel embarrassed, just tell me."
"Sister Jingjing," she called her softly, "How long have you been dating my brother? How did you two meet?"
"We met in the countryside last year. He's a doctor, I'm a patient. We were dating..." Li Wenjing couldn't put it into words. She found it hard to pinpoint when their relationship began. Did it start when they lay together in the hotel, or when he confessed his love, or when he came to take care of her? The more she thought about it, the more she felt that relationships between people were so murky, like mist, descending on her without her even noticing.
"We just started dating this year." Qingqing was still waiting for her answer when Li Wenjing made up a random sentence.
"Junjun said he's a top student who graduated from Oxford. Is that true?"
She kept asking about Gu Weiyi and what his family did. Li Wenjing evaded the question by saying that his father worked in a company and she didn't know the details.
"Junjun and I were high school classmates and have been together for three years," she said. "Actually, I wanted to break up with him, but he disagreed. His parents wanted me to give birth to the child, but it was my parents who insisted I have an abortion. Your family..."
She didn't say anything else. As soon as she mentioned family, Li Wenjing immediately understood what she meant. She was still young, and Wenjing's mother was still in the hospital. Financially, Qingqing could find someone better. The question just now wasn't necessarily from Qingqing, but from her parents. After this incident, it might be difficult for her to find a partner in the future. They needed to understand their family situation before deciding whether to break up with Qingqing.
"I want to make one thing clear first. Is it you who want to break up and abort the child, or is it your parents' idea?" Li Wenjing asked.
Qingqing sighed and rubbed her fingers in her palms for a long time.
"I don't know. I wanted to keep her, but Junjun said I couldn't afford to raise a child and asked me to have an abortion. I didn't have enough money. I didn't dare tell my parents. If they knew, they would beat me to death. He had no choice but to ask his family for it, saying he needed a new phone, but they didn't give it to him. It seems that Jingjing was also sick a while ago..."
Her voice grew quieter as she spoke. Li Wenjing hooked her bare feet in the sand, digging a hole with her big toe. "If I had to kill him, I would have done it. He'd just told me what he wanted, and I'd have given it to him. My mom's still in the hospital, so it's best not to let her know. It's painful for her to hear."
Qingqing pursed her lips, as if she wanted to say something. Li Wenjing waited for her to speak, but in the end she didn't say anything. If Li Wenjing didn't ask, she would naturally say what she wanted to say.
"It's all in the past. No matter what, take good care of yourself. Let's break up. I won't hide anything from you about my brother, and I won't say anything good about him. He has no sense of responsibility. My parents spoiled him since he was a child, and everyone had to give in to him, like a local tyrant. By the way, in the future, no matter who you are with, you must pay attention to safety, okay?"
"But we're broken up..." She began to sob softly, "If I break up with him, I have to keep it a secret. I can't let anyone know, otherwise my future partner will dislike me, or I won't be able to get married. But... it seems that these things can be detected during a physical examination at the hospital."
"It's not your fault. Just forget it and pretend it never happened. This society is strict with girls. Don't ask so much of yourself." Li Wenjing patted her shoulder and offered her a tissue, but she refused and continued crying. Li Wenjing comforted her, "As for me, I haven't had this surgery, and I'm still not married, right? I used to be afraid of not getting married by the time I was in my thirties. What would happen if I still hadn't gotten married? But now that I've grown up, it's okay. Everything will be fine, really."
She looked up at Li Wenjing and took the tissue. "Won't you marry your brother?"
"Qingqing, let me be honest with you. His and my life plans are different. He wants to stay in Africa, and I want to leave. Maybe—no, that won't happen."
"But he looks fine."
"So what? Dating is just dating. If you really want to get married, you'll need a beautiful, wealthy, and well-matched woman. Forget it. It's not a bad idea to date her now. She's so handsome. If you wait another two years, she'll be gone. Even foreigners will be bald."
Even though she said, "It's not a loss," and tried to make some jokes to get past the topic, a hint of sadness ran through her nose. In front of Qingqing, she was the older sister, and she couldn't show her sadness. In the adult world, she could only feign composure. But Li Wenjing knew that one day she would understand: to live, to live well, the necessities were water and food, and the money to buy them, but not a man or a relationship.
The two continued walking for a while before Gu Weiyi returned with Wenjun. Besides the coconut water, Wenjun also bought Qingqing a frangipani wreath. Li Wenjing knew at a glance that Gu Weiyi had instructed him to buy it. He put the flower on her head, and things became awkward between them. Qingqing remained silent. Li Wenjing, however, knew how sweet the French were. He took the initiative to praise her beauty, praising her profusely and making the little girl smile. He then asked Wenjun to take a photo of her at the beach. Li Wenjing squinted at him and walked to the beach to order a drink.
Gu Weiyi came over and asked how the conversation went.
"fine."
"I knew you were amazing..."
"Let me make it clear first, don't say those things to me. I'm just a little girl who's falling for your sweet talk."
"Huh? Too greasy."
Li Wenjing nodded and couldn't help laughing, "Indeed, it's the same as Gustav's."
"No, I just feel like we're just raising a child." He shook his head. "Is this what life is like when you're married and have kids?"
"You don't want to get married anymore."
"Yeah, it's too tiring. I have to coax your brother, then Qingqing, and then come back to coax you. The key is you, I can't coax you no matter what I do."
"I'm easy to coax." Li Wenjing stretched out her hand to him. He slapped her palm and took her hand.
"That's not what I meant." Li Wenjing flicked his glass. "I meant, you should pay for the drinks."
He was stunned at first, then smiled and took out his wallet to pay, and ordered a beer to drink with her. Li Wenjing said that if they got married, not only would she be responsible for the beer, but also for his salary. Gu Weiyi just smiled and said that he would definitely hand over his salary card, but he had to leave him some money for drinks, like today.
Even if it was a joke, getting married was still too early, or even impossible. If they didn't get married, did that mean there was no future? And if another married couple divorced, did that mean their future was dead? Li Wenjing figured that even without a future, she could still maintain a glimmer of hope. When she got older, reminiscing about this beautiful relationship was ultimately better than a future doomed to fail.
Over here, a couple—Xiao Qiao and Zhang Zhaochuan—were arguing, while Li Wenjing watched over their two children. Gu Weiyi asked her if she wanted to get out of the car and take photos, but she waved her hand, "Just enjoy the scenery. What's there to take pictures of?"
Xiao Qiao took her arm and said, "Let's take a few pictures. It's been a while since we took a picture together."
"We took this photo together during our graduation trip."
"You know it's been so long." He then looked at Gu Weiyi, "Doctor Gu, I'm counting on you."
Xiao Qiao walked past Zhang Zhaochuan and handed the phone to Gu Weiyi. Li Wenjing frowned and sighed the whole time. Gu Weiyi asked her to smile and take a photo. She squeezed her lips and took a photo with a very strange expression - her mouth still couldn't smile, and was stretched into two long lines.
"Doctor Gu is such a great photo taker. Wenjing, why do you look like that? Doctor Gu, please take a few more photos. Look, you're making Wenjing look ugly. That's not okay."
Xiao Qiao is happy every day, but Li Wenjing rarely smiles all day long. Gu Weiyi said that she worries too much. Since they are out to play, they should put aside any unhappy things and have fun. The car continued to drive deep into the grassland.
"Look, a lion!" He pointed to Li Wenjing.
The lion, like a big cat, licked its fur, slept with its eyes closed, and quietly watched the cars pass by. Seeing a real lion, not one from TV, felt unreal. On TV, the lions in the camera were the ones being watched, but in the park, Li Wenjing had the illusion that the park belonged to the lions, and they, the people, were the ones being watched, being watched by the lions. All the rules of society seemed ridiculous in a place far from society; they didn't belong here.
Li Wenjing wants to go back and return the grassland to these animals.
Mutasha introduced them to the national park. He had also learned some Chinese these days and told them that they should visit it in the summer and the animal migration would be particularly spectacular, with wildebeests crossing the river, lions, leopards, elephants, flamingos... Li Wenjing didn't say anything, and Wenjun and Qingqing were even quieter. It was Xiaoqiao and Mutasha who were chatting animatedly.
When they returned to the hotel in the evening, Gu Weiyi brought her two bottles of soda and they both sat outside in the breeze.
"Are you unhappy? Is the scenery not nice?"
"It's beautiful. I used to only see it on my phone, but it was still shocking when I saw it in person. Look at the stars. I've been in the city for a long time, but I've never seen them so bright. It's like they're right in front of me."
Li Wenjing reached out her hand to grab the stars that looked like fireflies. She grabbed a handful and held it out to Gu Weiyi. He held her hand in his arms, as if there was a real star inside. He said, "I originally wanted to be alone with you, but after coming here, I can't spend as much time with you as I did at home."
"Yes, it's annoying when there are too many people. Middle-aged couples and young lovers are about to break up. No matter how beautiful the scenery is, they won't be in the mood."
After just a few words, Wenjun called Li Wenjing and asked where she and Dr. Gu were. After coming back during the day, Qingqing kept saying that she had a stomachache. His voice was very urgent, and he could also hear the moans of the girl next to him.
After arriving, the situation was more serious than expected. Not only did she have a stomachache, but she was also bleeding. The blood would not stop and kept flowing, as if it was going to cross the bed, pass through Li Wenjing's feet, and slide all the way to the corridor.
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