Chapter 52: Enjoying this moment of affection in a despicable way
Even Gustav couldn't find him.
"So..." Li Wenjing pressed her fingers against the tablecloth, her whole body burning. "You want me to go find him?"
"I can't help it. Ciel wants to die or live. I can't control him."
After not seeing him for a while, Gustav's once sharply defined eyebrows and eyes seemed to have grown grayer, while the wrinkles beneath his eyes became more distinct. For the first time, Li Wenjing felt that he was getting older. His once sharp and romantic temperament seemed to have been rapidly oxidized by time, deeply sunk into his wrinkles.
Li Wenjing laughed inappropriately, and Gustav was stunned.
"He's your son. I'm not your wife, much less his mother." Li Wenjing relaxed her fingers, her hands numb from nervousness. Her forearms trembled slightly. She picked up her bag and stood up. "It's no use telling me this. You have money, connections, and resources, but you can't find him. What can I do? Goodbye!"
"Wen Jing!" He stopped her, even spilling the coffee on the table. Drops of coffee fell to the floor and onto her feet. He grasped the corner of her clothes, "Family, Dad, I'm a failure. I didn't mean to hurt him. He's a fragile child..."
He paused, "Really, that's all we can do."
"Do you really understand him? Do you know how dangerous his job is? There's malaria, Congo virus, Ebola, AIDS, parasites, bacteria, viruses—all of which can be fatal if you're not careful. He's not fragile. In fact, he doesn't care whether he dies or not..." Li Wenjing said, her voice choking. "The saddest thing is being hurt by someone you call family. He trusted you so much."
The coffee had congealed on the back of Li Wenjing's foot, a sticky mess, like menstrual blood. She had just reached for a tissue when Gustav pulled out a handkerchief and wiped the coffee stain away for her.
He apologized to her, hunched over. Li Wenjing looked down and could see his gray hair. She felt sad. She realized that like Gu Weiyi, she had developed many complicated feelings towards Gustav.
"It's okay, Dr. Gu will be fine, he will come back."
"Why?"
"I believe him. He's not a child anymore. He's very good at treating patients and knows how to survive here. Besides, he..."
Li Wenjing wanted to say, "He won't abandon me," otherwise she would chase him and scold him. But now she wanted to scold him. She took out her phone and was about to leave him a message when a stranger called.
She was worried it was a scam call, so she didn't answer the first one. Then the same number called a second time.
"Get lost! You think of me now!"
Li Wenjing answered the phone, cursing. Before she could even call out his name, a girl's voice rang out from the other end. It was Anna. She was crying on the other end. Li Wenjing pressed the phone tightly and asked her what was going on. Anna said Charles was shaking uncontrollably for several minutes. The other doctors didn't know what was going on and were worried he had epilepsy. She was at a loss and could only ask Li Wenjing what to do.
Li Wenjing's heart felt like it had been scratched by a kitten's claws, bruised and bleeding. But she was afraid of scaring Anna, so she pinched the arm holding the phone and said to her, "Don't worry! It's okay, let him lie down. Oh, and hug him, gently..."
Li Wenjing was still offering words of comfort when Gustav took a call, chatted briefly, and hung up. Li Wenjing continued to counsel Anna. After about ten minutes, she finally calmed down when Anna said he was fine. Her arm was aching, and when she lowered her grip, she noticed several fingerprints, embedded in the skin. As it slowly rebounded, blood oozed out.
She realized that she still missed him and that she still loved him, so she quickly asked, "Can he still talk to me?"
"Sorry, my call time is up. I have to go." A deep male voice came from the other side, speaking Chinese. Hearing the familiar language, Li Wenjing was also stunned and asked who he was.
"Hello, Miss Li. I'm Lu Cong, captain of the third team of the United Nations peacekeeping force's special operations team. Don't worry, Dr. Gu is fine now. Anna is taking care of him."
"I want to talk to him."
"We don't have time now. Maybe next time." Two gunshots rang out as he spoke. He continued, "I'm going to go on a mission. So, Ms. Li, call me tomorrow morning at 8:00. Remember to be on time."
"I just wanted to remind you not to be late..."
Before she could finish her words, Lu Cong hung up the phone. Amid the beeping sounds of the phone, Li Wenjing still didn't put it down, as if she was expecting him to call her right away. It wasn't until Gustav patted her shoulder and reminded her to relax that Li Wenjing breathed a sigh of relief. He also said that her face was covered with tears and hugged her gently. After going through so much today, Li Wenjing was really exhausted. Her mental spring loosened a little, and her forced calmness was broken. All the grievances in her heart over the past few days came flooding back. She sobbed loudly, and her snot and tears stuck to Gustav's shirt. He patted her back to comfort her, repeating that it was okay, it was okay, and that she could cry if she wanted to, and just treat him as her dad.
Even though he wasn't her father, and was a terrible father to Dr. Gu, and her real father had never done anything like that, he still soothed her inner uneasiness at the moment. For a moment, she felt like she was also terrible, enjoying this moment of care in a despicable way, even if the other person was a terrible person. When she calmed down, she quickly got out from under his armpit and took a tissue to wipe the tears from her face.
Gustav first asked how she was, and then asked how Gu Weiyi was. Li Wenjing said he was fine, and Gustav sighed.
"Philip called me and said he met Charles and talked for a while, and then he fainted."
"Little Philip?"
Gustav nodded. "They're preparing for the election, so they're visiting Africa."
Li Wenjing remained silent, not responding. After that embrace, it felt like speaking another word to Gustav would be like stabbing Dr. Gu in the back. She'd thought it through, realizing that the deepest hurt comes from those closest to her—their last argument had been a mistake on both sides. As long as he still loved her and she still thought about him, they still had a chance to talk it over.
She left without saying a word, and Gustav followed her out, still asking about Gu Weiyi's situation.
"You shouldn't ask. You are the least qualified person to ask. In this matter, you are also a perpetrator, no different from little Philip."
As Li Wenjing spoke, her eyes felt sore again. Seeing Gustav pull out his handkerchief again, Li Wenjing was afraid of falling into the same predicament as before in the restaurant. She walked a few steps toward the street to distance herself from him, then turned around and said, "You're so fake. I don't need you! You only talk about profit and money. Look at what you've done to him. Are you going to hurt him again now?"
He tried hard to explain that he didn't know little Philip would come, it was all a coincidence, and he would not harm Charles.
Li Wenjing didn't listen to his explanation and turned to walk towards the corner of the street.
After saying so much, he still hasn't changed, everything is boring.
The reply that can't be waited for, the phone call that can't be made, the misalignment of emotions in most cases, is often self-righteous affection and one-sided giving.
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