Chapter 62 I'm still angry, so I have to punish you
"hiss--"
The car screeched to a halt in front of them. The window rolled down, and the first thing Li Wenjing saw was Nika's golden eyeshadow, still gleaming in the night. She smiled at the two of them, revealing her shell-like teeth between her red lips.
"Finally found you. Come up, I'll take you back."
Li Wenjing asked, "Are you here to see us on your own, or on behalf of someone else?"
Before Nika could speak, Gu Weiyi had already opened the car door and said to Li Wenjing, "Get in."
Li Wenjing didn't move. "You two...know each other?"
"I've met her a few times. The last time we met, Nika was with Philip. Don't worry, she's different from Philip," he explained softly, pulling her into the back seat. "Many people call her 'Angel.' She sponsors children to study in Nairobi. And Anna and the others you met weave handicrafts. Nika helped them find stable buyers."
Nika looked at the two people in the back row through the rearview mirror and joked that what they had just done was really amazing. Philip's election as a member of parliament was now in vain, and he might even be taken to the police station. There would be a lot of trouble over there.
"I'm scared now that I think about it. No wonder Gustav beat me up," Li Wenjing said, catching a glimpse of Nika's slightly furrowed brow. "Can Philip really be put in jail?"
"It's not that simple," Nika returned her gaze to the dark road ahead. "Of course, as long as you're still in Africa, Philip can't do anything about it, but... Charles, you have to be careful too."
After a moment of silence, Gu Weiyi asked, "Don't you have anything else to say to me?"
"I don't know much about him."
"And your sister?"
The car braked suddenly, and the two people in the back seat were caught off guard and bumped into each other's seats. He helped her up and gently rubbed her forehead. In the rearview mirror, Nika buried her head, her hands gripping the steering wheel trembling uncontrollably. "She's...fine, recovering well."
"She's not as good as you think, or you don't want to admit what happened? She's not sober sometimes, especially when she hears a dog barking. Do you know why?"
Nika remained silent, like a statue struck by a bullet, its lifeless form suddenly gone. Gu Weiyi continued, "He once had a German Shepherd, which he even took to school. The dog barked at everyone it saw. He called it his 'comfort dog'..."
"Charles, stop asking. I can't possibly say anything. I'm living a good life now, my mother is doing well, and even though my sister is in the hospital, it's much better for her to be alive than to starve to death. Otherwise, the three of us would have to sell our bodies to different men. If you ask me again, you're pushing me back to the life I had as a child. I won't answer."
The car restarted, and the rest of the journey was spent in silence. Nika dropped them off at the hotel entrance and left without even saying goodbye.
After entering the room, Li Wenjing felt as if every bone in her body had been pulled out, sinking limply into the armchair. Only then could she fully recall the events of the day, and the more she thought about it, the colder her hands and feet grew. Gu Weiyi sat across from her. Behind him, a blood-red artwork hung on the wall. The shattered, cracked blocks of color seemed to be flowing uncontrollably.
"Actually, Nika just wants to live, to live with a little dignity," Li Wenjing said, breaking the silence. "Have you really made up your mind to send Philip to prison?"
"This is their crime. The poor, and Africa, are not their playground. They can't do whatever they want. If there is no punishment, the world is truly rotten."
"The world is just like this, it's a mess," Li Wenjing said. "To be honest, Nika and I have the same idea. Enough is enough for now. In Chinese, it's called 'Don't chase the poor enemy,' which means don't push others too hard. You don't have to send them all to jail. I only care about you! Even though I have my own problems, there's something pure about you that I can't understand. Ultimately, what I want is simple—to live a free life without fear. Listen, you've broken away from Gustav, and I think we can start a new life."
A glint flashed in his eyes. "I'm happy you said that. I also feel that I've changed for the better. There are more possibilities for us to be together, and I can think about our future life. It's just that Wen Jing, sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to get. You know my personality. Even if you told me to forget the past, I can't do it. Those things will torment me just by being there. Even if I run away from them, escape to Africa, run to the ends of the earth, I can't get rid of them."
"You're just too kind." Li Wenjing sighed. "You have to learn to isolate yourself from the outside world. You have your own boundaries. If too much dirt from the outside comes in, you will get sick and die. They are like bacteria and viruses, they are always there. Even if you are a doctor, you can't make the whole world sterile. Do you understand what I mean?"
"I agree with you. Bacteria and viruses are everywhere," he said with a wry smile. "But the situation now is that there's a dying patient lying in front of me, and I can't help but save him. Even more extreme, if someone else is killing someone nearby and I don't save them, or even help cover it up, I'm equally guilty."
"The point is, I don't want to see anything happen to you. Before you do anything dangerous, can you please think of me?"
He had things he needed to do, and she didn't want him to do them. Intellectually, she knew he was right, but emotionally, it felt like she was being torn to pieces. Her entire body, like a delicate instrument, slowly fell apart as this core component crumbled. She stared at Gu Weiyi, only to see his shoulders begin to tremble slightly. He lowered his head, covering his face with his hands, his heavy breaths escaping through his fingers, hammering against her eardrums.
"Of course I think of you. I keep you in my heart all the time. Without you, I wouldn't be where I am today. You gave me courage. No... you are everything to me. I love you more than I love myself, really. That's why I always feel sorry for you, including the last time we argued. I don't want you to get hurt. Whether it's selling yourself for Gustav's money or anything else, it makes me feel terribly uncomfortable..."
"But...if I help you, will I end up losing you? This is not what I want."
"I don't want that either."
He stood up and held her close to him. After a moment's silence, he continued, "Of course I hope to have many years with you, to be happy with you, to grow old together. I'll give you the best, to heal all your wounds, physical and emotional. The time I've known you has been like a dream. I always feel like I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve to be with you. I wish I were a good person with a clean record. I'm desperately trying to cleanse the rotten flesh from my body, but it's never enough... I'm often unsure whether to go all the way. I ask myself, 'Is this good? Am I at peace?' The answer is 'No.' I can't accept myself like this."
"You're just too serious! Why do you set such high standards for yourself? People are inherently incapable of many things, so I'll learn to make peace with myself. For example, I don't have money now, I'm still working like a slave when I'm old, and I haven't accomplished anything great. It doesn't matter. We can still be alive, eat and drink well every day, and that's enough for ordinary people."
She hugged him tightly, and his trembling was transmitted through her hands around his waist. She said, "Then will you promise me? This is the end. Just consider it for me."
Gu Weiyi did not answer immediately, his heart was beating very fast, the two hearts seemed to be tied together by a rope, entangled with each other, and every movement and traction would make the other party feel heartache.
"Let me think about it."
"I don't want to wait, right now! One minute at most, I want your answer."
He remained silent, his eyes cast down, unblinking. Li Wenjing suddenly found him deeply repulsive. His innate arrogance also led to excessively high moral standards. And for someone like her, whose black and white had long since blended into gray, she always felt an inexplicable sense of embarrassment in his presence, as if her overly utilitarian and pragmatic nature now seemed particularly dark and negative. She sat still in the chair, her heart sinking. She rested her head on his arm, seeking some stability.
"Okay, I understand. Then at least promise me to pay more attention to yourself..." Li Wenjing sighed and shook her head. "Forget it, even if I told you, you wouldn't listen to me."
"I promise you, I swear to God, I will never do stupid things again and try my best to live - for you."
He clenched the cross necklace he had been wearing around his neck, as if it were a heavy arm. When he put his hand down, the necklace left a clear red mark on his neck.
"What's the point of swearing to God when you see him?"
Still suffocating, Li Wenjing lay down on her bed, her back to him. Her sleep was restless, drifting between sleep and wakefulness: one moment she was in the dim mourning hall of her hometown, a pitch-black coffin, the men of her family dancing and singing around it; the next moment she was back in the refugee camp, flies crawling over her rotting wounds, and there was no water. She was thirsty and wanted to drink.
Her chapped lips were suddenly covered with warmth. In her dream, she desperately sucked at the only source of water until a rusty, sweet taste spread through her mouth, and she regained some consciousness. In the darkness, she was embraced by a pair of broad arms, and he was still kissing her.
"I'm sorry, I had a nightmare and didn't know where I was." She raised her hand to touch the wound on his lip, and her finger was immediately sucked. The warmth of his tongue moved in her palm, and her body became hot, and her lips became even drier. An unquenchable thirst was steaming from deep within her body.
"Do you want to do it?"
As she asked this, she took off her pajamas and turned over to sit on top of him.
"But I'm still angry," she put her hand on his neck, "so I have to punish you."
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