Chapter 28
Compared to the beginning of my second year of high school, the words "college application" finally felt real. It was no longer just a thought I was pondering, but rather a possibility that this was the path I would take in the future.
During the morning meeting on the first day of school this semester, the teacher mentioned that the school had arranged a three-way meeting before the end of the month, which would be the most crucial meeting before the college entrance exams. Therefore, he hoped that we would go back and have a good talk with our parents about our future plans and directions, and that the whole family could reach a consensus. Then, we would submit this formal college application form on the day of the meeting, and any previous intentions would be disregarded.
The blank form had just been handed to me. I glanced at the blank space and was about to uncap my pen and write down the answer I had already decided on when the words my teacher had told me last semester flashed through my mind—that it is greed that prevents you from choosing what you want most.
After hesitating for a few seconds, I filled in the third category of science at Southeast University again.
I never thought I was greedy. I couldn't even understand why the teacher made such a complicated decision. I just wanted to choose the most difficult option out of all the choices I had. From the moment I got up from the judo mat time and time again, I knew that challenging the hardest level and winning first place was the simplest way for me to prove myself, and it would also make me look really good.
It sounds meaningless, but for me at the time, it was the whole meaning of my efforts.
After school, I tried to talk to my parents about my college choices. The ramen shop was preparing to close. While helping my dad move a chair to the table, I mentioned the three-way meeting to my mom, who was wiping the cutting board. They looked indifferent, just like when I mentioned that I wanted to eat tamagoyaki for lunch tomorrow.
"If you've thought it through yourself, we have no objections."
This is no different from what was said back when they were choosing between arts and sciences classes for college admission.
Strangely enough, a slight feeling of disappointment was planted in my heart at this moment, but because it was planted so deep, it was like a splinter from a piece of wood getting stuck in my finger. If I didn't touch it, I wouldn't know it was there, but once I touched it, it would hurt and make me uncomfortable.
Much later, when I was finally old enough to be fully responsible for myself, and when I thought I had forgotten that thorn, it and the others suddenly reappeared in my world.
My mother was afraid of the gunshot wound left on my waist, and my father was worried that my job would eventually become a stumbling block in my family life. Only then did they think to question me about why I made this choice, and the previous "we have no objections" became empty words.
A senior colleague joked, "That's how it is when you get older. Just put on a smile and say a few words. Anyway, we don't have time to go home."
That sounds like a different kind of heartbreak.
On the day of the three-way meeting, my mother's indifferent attitude may have provoked the class teacher. The three of us only exchanged a few words before the meeting ended. Before leaving, the class teacher looked up and gave me a meaningful look. I turned my face away and reached for the door, pretending not to see it.
After seeing my mother off at the stairwell, I waved goodbye and turned around. I heard excited voices coming from the interview room next door. The parents and students standing in the corridor all turned their attention to that door, but out of politeness, no one went to take a look.
"I never expected Niou-kun's mother to be so gentle," the girl from Group B whispered to her friend.
So I stood outside the door, looked up through the glass and inside. Niou's expression was still so calm and collected. I really don't know what that guy did to make Auntie get so angry in front of the teacher. The last time I saw this scene was when Kirihara almost failed all his subjects, except that it wasn't his parents yelling at him, but Sanada.
Niou, who had been half-lowering his head, suddenly looked up at me. I, who had been watching the show, was caught red-handed. I forced a smile, waved to him, and then quickly ran away, intending to disappear at the end of the corridor. The next second, I bumped into Sanada, who was going up the stairs, at the corner.
The two of them immediately bounced apart like magnets repelling each other, and I happened to trip on the steps. Sanada, who reacted quickly, stepped forward and grabbed my hand. With a little force, I regained my balance. Before I could even say thank you, Sanada took a few steps back again.
The moment I let go, I thought to myself, "His palms are so warm."
"Does your grandfather have to come personally even for such a small matter?" Skipping the polite thanks, I changed the subject to casual conversation.
"Going to a better school is no small matter, how could you..." I knew what Sanada meant before he even finished asking the question.
"I saw you submitting the application form for off-campus vehicles to enter the school yesterday," I smiled. "Besides the old man, who else in the Sanada family has such a grand entrance?"
Perhaps displeased with my less-than-polite tone, or for some other reason, I clearly felt Sanada glare at me before he finally spoke: "Will you go to Tokyo?"
"Of course," my smile deepened, "the top scorer in the third science class next year will be right in front of you."
"See you then." Sanada said and walked back to his classroom.
I don't know if he really wanted to see me again, but I know that the moment I said those words to him, there was no turning back.
As evening approached, Niou appeared on the tree-lined path of the campus as if nothing had happened. This guy walked without making a sound, otherwise I wouldn't have gone unnoticed when he was less than half a meter away from me. I did hear Yagyu's footsteps, though. They walked on either side of me, but I only noticed the person on my right.
In the short few minutes I walked, I glanced at Renwang several times. Perhaps sensing my curiosity, he spread his hands and said, "Ask away, ask away."
I didn't say anything, I just turned to the side, blinked, and clasped my hands together in front of my chest.
"His first choice for university was Hokkaido University." A faint smile played on Liu Sheng's lips.
"That's it?" I asked, looking at the room with a puzzled expression.
"My second choice is Nagasaki University," Yagyu continued.
"So your third choice is Kagoshima University?" I joked, and Yagyu chuckled and nodded. I then nudged Niou's arm with my elbow. "Get a little serious."
"It doesn't matter where you go," Niou said, putting his hands behind his head. "Going to unfamiliar places is more interesting."
"But choosing the southernmost and northernmost schools seems like a joke," I shook my head slightly. "Don't be so willful just because you can get into anything."
Niou stopped, lowered his arm, looked at me without saying anything, and then strode off, leaving me and Yagyu behind.
"Anyway, it's not farther than you." As we approached the school gate, I muttered to Liu Sheng. He paused slightly, then casually raised his hand to gently stroke the tip of my nose, brushing a stray hair aside.
"See you tomorrow." The farewell, carried by the sea breeze, lingered in my ears until sunset.
A week of light rain followed, ushering in spring in Fujisawa City early. The chilly air gradually warmed up, and I started going out for a morning run in just a light shirt. The judo club's outdoor physical training also increased, and we often ran into the soccer club on the playground, vying for the track to warm up.
The girl next to me kept sneezing, which reminded me of the changing temperature. The cherry blossom season had started more than a week earlier than usual, and sitting by the window, I could often see light pink petals drifting in. I picked them up one by one and piled them on the table to pass the time during self-study.
"Okada-kun," my neighbor handed me a thick Japanese-English dictionary while I was lost in thought, "if you don't mind, you can put the flower petals inside; they'll keep for a long time."
"Th...thank you." I never expected that a girl who never talked to me about anything other than studying would actually join in my boring activity of collecting flower petals.
Together we spread out the petals one by one, placed them under the dictionary with tissues, and a week later, she happily took out the big brick from her backpack and turned the pages one by one. I saw the finished petal bookmark.
She said that she had taken some time over the weekend to iron all of them at home, and then all she had to do was stick a thin ribbon on the film.
"I was so engrossed in doing crafts that I was more than ten minutes late for my tutoring class." She lowered her head and smiled shyly.
"But it was worth it," I said, taking a bookmark. "You're amazing."
"This is nothing serious," she sighed softly. "If only math problems were this easy." After saying that, she quietly opened a practice book and started writing and marking up a big question. I wisely kept quiet, as if the person who had been picking flower petals with me these past few days was just her soul that had temporarily left her body—quietly free.
At the same time, on the other hemisphere, Tezuka woke up from his dream.
Last year's season ended at the end of January. It would be an exaggeration to say that he won nothing, but it did go slower than he had planned. Anxiety often crept up on him late at night. He got up and groped his way to the living room in the dark. Just as he was about to pick up the kettle, the lid fell to the ground, and the water spilled out, wetting his clothes. He was instantly wide awake.
Sitting helplessly on the sofa, he turned on the DVD player and replayed an old movie he had seen several times. Vivien Leigh was in the movie, reciting lines he knew by heart. He recalled that night: the sound of the old air conditioner, the static of the old television, his grandmother's smile, and the profile of a person sleeping soundly under the dim light.
May you soar high.
When everything quieted down, he heard that whisper in his ear, and Tezuka looked up again.
Time will abandon all those who stop running. When April came, I inherited my senior's department head's notebook and officially started using the meeting minutes book marked with Sanae Okada in the student council. Thus, I ushered in my last high school years before turning eighteen.
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