Imprisoned in a dungeon, the Queen Mother admitted that she regretted it, she really did.
If she had known earlier, she would never have taken Tang Wan to that place.
Now the Queen Mother is suffering from double torture both mentally and physically, and she wants to die.
What she had been waiting for for many years was not what she wanted. She misjudged the person and hurt the one who truly loved her.
She was in the dark dungeon, frantically searching for a sharp weapon that suited her.
But even her hairpin was taken away, so now she couldn't die even if she wanted to.
She squatted on the ground helplessly, covering her face and crying bitterly.
Chi Yu settled Tang Wan down, and after she fell asleep, he went alone to the dungeon where the empress dowager was imprisoned with evidence.
The Queen Mother heard the noise, raised her tear-stained face, and looked up at him.
The upper half of Chi Yu's face was hidden in the darkness, making it difficult to see clearly, while the lower half of his face looked very much like the deceased Emperor Xuan'an.
The Queen Mother was stunned for a moment and murmured to herself, "Chi Heng, are you here to take my life?"
"You wish, but I'm afraid the Emperor doesn't want to see you at all."
Hearing the boy's hoarse voice, the Queen Mother became visibly disappointed and sat on the ground blankly: "What are you doing here? Are you here to laugh at me?"
"Don't you think you're ridiculous? Even now, you still want to maintain your ridiculous face?"
Chi Yu turned his head away, unwilling to look at her again.
He had long since given up expecting any maternal love, and had long since... stopped considering her as his mother.
The Queen Mother looked at her hands covered in mud and felt that she was not seeing clearly, as if she had lost her soul.
After all, she has had that bad temper for many years. For a while, even though she knew she was wrong, she was still very harsh in her words.
"What on earth are you doing here? If you hate me, just kill me. Why do this?"
Chi Yu sneered, "Kill you? Why should I kill you? Even if you want to die now, you have to drag me down with you and make me bear the infamy of a matricide?"
Those eyes, which were exactly the same as hers, were full of mockery.
She wanted to say, no, no, she didn't think so, but her lips trembled for a long time and in the end she didn't say a word.
"I just can't stand it. I can't stand that after all my father has done, some people not only shamelessly accept his kindness, but even think it's their due. Everything you want to know is here."
He looked down at the disheveled woman in front of him. Even though he hated her, he still felt sorry for her when he saw her like this.
He turned his head away: "I hope that after you have read this, you will have some conscience and write down with pen and paper how my father died."
"I don't want to kill you. You have to spend your whole life atonement for my father and Wanwan."
He threw down a few letters and left without looking back, disappearing into the darkness in an instant.
The Queen Mother stared at his back for a long time.
After a long time, he opened one of the letters with trembling hands.
"Ayi my wife, Zhan Xin'an."
"I don't know if you still deeply love Marquis Wu'an when you read this letter. I left a will under the secret compartment in your side hall. I'm sorry, I forced you to stay for so long."
"I know you hate me. Whether you believe it or not, I still have to explain that your parents' death had nothing to do with the emperor. They were trapped to death in the city, and Marquis Wu'an's parents were the ones who went to support them."
"Ayu is a good boy. He always wants to get some of your love, but I know that he is destined not to get it. He is just like me, he can't get any of your love."
"But I still want to ask you to be nicer to him. He loves you very much, more than he loves me."
"Ayi, I've always indulged you for so many years. Sometimes, I wonder if I've done something wrong. Maybe if I explain it to you, you'll forgive me."
"But I was also afraid, afraid that my explanation would push you further away, and later, you almost hated me more and more, as if hating me was the pillar of your survival."
"I dare not tell you, I'm afraid that if I tell you, you will not be able to bear it and leave me."
"I couldn't bear the cost of losing you, so I thought, it's okay to continue like this. Even if I die, our child will inherit the throne."
"But Ayi, I didn't expect that you hated me to that extent. I watched you torture Ayu and my heart was in great pain, but I couldn't bear to hurt you."
"After I die, you can choose another good husband and don't have to remain faithful to me. I have trapped you for too many years. I just hope you can live a happier life."
"Ayi, when we were young, I always loved seeing your smile, but you haven't smiled since you married me. I've watched you gradually change from being innocent and lively to being depressed and gloomy. I regret it."
"I've regretted it a long time ago. Over the years, I've also figured out a truth: perhaps some things are destined not to belong to me."
"Originally, when I was in power, I also thought about divorcing you, but you are a woman, and this world treats women harshly. I can't imagine how much gossip and rumors you would suffer if I really divorced you."
"So I was so selfish, I trapped you in this deep palace. So, whatever you give me, I should bear it. I never hate you."
"Ayi, you know what? The only thing that hasn't changed about you since you were young is that you can't hide things in your eyes."
"I know the medicine you gave me was poisoned, but I don't care. This is the only time in all these years that you've cared about me this much."
"I can't bear to do that, and I don't want to see your disappointed look."
"They say one man's meat is another man's poison. I never understood that before, but now I do."
"Ayi, live well. Even if you hate me, you have to live well, okay?"
"Ah ...
It seemed that in this way, she could get closer to the owner of the letter.
If it were in the past, if she had not seen the true face of Marquis Wu'an, perhaps she would have only felt disdain when she saw this letter. Perhaps, perhaps she would have even laughed at the author of this letter together with Marquis Wu'an.
She cried miserably and looked very ugly. In the past, she was a person who cared most about her appearance and even combed her hair meticulously. She had never been so sad for anyone.
But now, her face was distorted to the extreme, and her tears seemed to flow endlessly, soon soaking the thin pieces of paper. She thought, maybe she must be crying very ugly now, and Emperor Xuan'an might not dare to recognize her when he saw her like this.
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