Chapter 52 "Don't lie to me."
Chapter 52
When Yu Pan woke up the next day, he still had a little hope. He sidled up to Shen Yanzhou and begged him to take him with him, but Shen Yanzhou didn't change his mind.
With all her hopes dashed, Yu Pan began a one-sided cold war against Shen Yanzhou.
He and Shen Yanzhou lived under the same roof, but he no longer spoke to him. When Shen Yanzhou asked him anything, he would only nod or shake his head in response.
That evening, after taking a shower, Shen Yanzhou returned to his room but didn't see Yu Pan. His heart sank, and he quickly searched the house. Finally, he found her on the small bed in the study, where she was curled up in a ball, hugging her knees.
"Panpan," Shen Yanzhou approached quietly, "go back to your room to sleep."
Yu Pan ignored him and instead shrank further towards the wall, lying down with her back to Shen Yanzhou. Although she didn't speak, her meaning was clear.
Shen Yanzhou stood by the bed and looked at him for a few seconds, then sighed silently. He didn't try to persuade him anymore, but just lay down quietly on the empty side of the small bed.
The small bed was too narrow, and one side of Chen Yanzhou's body was dangling in the air. He turned to the side, wanting to pull Yu Pan into his arms.
Yu Pan noticed his movement, his body stiffened for a moment, and he twisted his body to try to break free, but his strength was no match for Shen Yanzhou's. After struggling for a few moments, he was eventually drawn into that familiar embrace.
He struggled for a while, but ran out of strength. His body remained tense, and he refused to look at Chen Yanzhou.
Shen Yanzhou didn't force him, but just hugged him from behind, resting his chin on the top of his head, and they spent another sleepless night.
This awkward sharing of the same bed lasted for three days. Yu Pan realized that no matter how cold she was or how silent she was, Shen Yanzhou still didn't change his mind.
On the morning of the fourth day, Shen Yanzhou prepared breakfast. Yu Pan sat at the table, stirring the porridge in her bowl with a spoon, but she didn't put it in her mouth.
"Panpan, why aren't you eating?" Shen Yanzhou looked at him, his brows furrowed slightly.
Yu Pan put down her spoon and said, "I don't want to eat."
After saying that, he ran into the study and locked the door.
The situation remained the same at noon. No matter how much Shen Yanzhou tried to persuade her from outside or how much he knocked on the door, Yu Pan refused to open it.
Shen Yanzhou stood outside the study door, listening for any sound from inside. Finally, he took the spare key and opened the door. He saw Yu Pan, just like the other night, curled up in the corner of the bed with her knees drawn up to her chest.
Hearing the door open, Yu Pan looked up, revealing her eyes, which were red, swollen, and bloodshot from continuous crying and lack of sleep.
"Panpan, time to eat." Shen Yanzhou carried the food to the bedside.
Yu Pan turned her head and looked out the window. "I'm not eating."
"You'll starve."
“It was never good to begin with, so it’s broken,” Yu Pan said. “Anyway… you don’t want me anymore.”
These words were like a dagger piercing Shen Yanzhou's heart, causing him so much pain that he could hardly breathe. He closed his eyes, forcibly suppressing his surging emotions, and placed the food on the desk. "The porridge is here. Eat some if you want, okay?"
Just like with reading, Yu Pan has an amazing stubbornness in her bones. If she says she won't eat, she really won't eat a single bite.
That evening, when Shen Yanzhou brought dinner back into the study, he immediately saw the schoolbag that had been thrown into the trash can.
"Panpan?" Shen Yanzhou picked up the schoolbag. "Why did you throw the schoolbag in the trash can?"
Yu Pan was completely covered by the blanket, and a weak voice came from under the covers, "I...I don't want to go to school anymore."
Chen Yanzhou paused, "Why not go?"
The blanket was suddenly thrown off, and Yu Pan sat up, his pale face still streaked with tears. He shouted hoarsely at Chen Yanzhou, "I'm not going to school! Is it okay if I don't go to school? If I don't go to school, I won't have to stay in Lanzhou! I want to go to Qingyu with you, is that not enough?!"
Yu Pan shouted with all his might, until his voice was hoarse. He just didn't want to be separated from Shen Yanzhou. Was it that hard...?
Shen Yanzhou looked at Yu Pan, at the person he had cherished and loved for so many years, who was now expressing her dissatisfaction with him in this way.
He stepped forward, ignoring Yu Pan's pounding and crying, and hugged him tightly in his arms with a force that seemed to want to meld him into his own bones. "Panpan... don't do this... don't force your brother like this..."
Yu Pan was stunned for a moment and forgot to struggle. He had never heard Shen Yanzhou speak in such a voice before.
Shen Yanzhou didn't let go, but continued to stroke Yu Pan's back repeatedly. Time passed in their silent embrace, and Yu Pan's cries turned into intermittent sobs.
Feeling Yu Pan's body gradually relax, Shen Yanzhou loosened his grip slightly, lowered his head and touched Yu Pan's sweaty forehead with his lips, "Let's not go to school for now, I'll ask for leave for you, but you have to eat, okay?"
Yu Pan did not answer, but she did not resist any further.
Shen Yanzhou carried Yu Pan to the dining room, placed him on a chair, then went to the kitchen to get the chicken porridge and side dishes that had been kept warm. He sat down next to Yu Pan, scooped a spoonful of porridge, and fed it to him.
Yu Pan looked at the spoon at her lips, then glanced at Shen Yanzhou's bloodshot eyes. Her lips moved, and finally she opened her mouth.
Seeing that he was eating, Shen Yanzhou felt a little relieved. He patiently fed him spoonful by spoonful, and Yu Pan ate bite by bite, seemingly without tasting anything.
In the following days, Yu Pan stopped his hunger strike and started going to school with his schoolbag. He got up on time, changed his clothes, washed up, ate his meals, and was taken to school by Shen Yanzhou. He was picked up after school.
He no longer rushed over to Shen Yanzhou with his eyes lit up as before, nor did he chatter on and on about school with Shen Yanzhou, and he no longer asked Shen Yanzhou to teach him his homework.
He became very quiet, and most of the time he would stare blankly at one spot.
This suffocatingly low pressure lasted for two days, and even Ling Luo, who was heartbroken over love, sensed that something was wrong.
During self-study, after the teacher left, Ling Luo leaned over and asked in a low voice, "Hey, what's wrong with you these past few days? You seem distracted."
Yu Pan lay on the table, buried her face in her arms, and mumbled, "It's nothing."
"You call this nothing?" Ling Luo pulled him up, looking at Yu Pan's dark circles. He didn't look like he was alright at all.
After a long while, Yu Pan said in an almost inaudible voice, "My brother... he's going to work in a very far place, and he's not taking me with him."
Ling Luo was stunned for a moment, then suddenly realized: "So, the transfer you mentioned before was this?"
"Hmm." Yu Pan leaned back on the table. "I thought he would take me with him."
“Tsk, what’s the big deal?” Ling Luo patted his shoulder. “It’s just a business trip. My family members go on business trips all the time.”
“It’s different,” Yu Pan turned to look at him, “It’s not a business trip, it’s a trip there for a year or two.”
"So long!?" Ling Luo was also startled. Seeing Yu Pan looking like she was about to break down, he scratched his head. "But... your brother must have his reasons for not taking you, right? Adults are all like that, always thinking it's for our own good."
Yu Pan listened intently, without saying a word.
Ling Luo suddenly sighed and said in a mature tone, "Actually, I think they have it pretty tough sometimes. Last time I took you to a tavern and my brother threw you into the countryside, didn't he? I hate him so much."
"But I later found out that he was doing it for my own good." Ling Luo sighed again, not wanting to talk about her own affairs anymore. "Your brother loves you so much, so making this decision suddenly must have been even more painful for him than for you."
Yes... Yu Pan thought absentmindedly, Shen Yanzhou loved him so much, he must be feeling bad too, but since he was feeling bad, why couldn't he just take him with him?
This problem is like a dead end. Yu Pan keeps going around in circles, but he can't find a way out. He thinks about it every day and tries to get out of this dead end.
Yu Pan's current silent and dazed state was more painful for Shen Yanzhou than his previous crying and hunger strike. He even wondered more than once if his decision not to take him away was really the right one.
The nearest high school to Qingyu is a three- or four-hour drive away. If Yu Pan transfers there, he can buy a small house there, settle him down, and perhaps... he can squeeze out some time to spend with him every week.
The moment the idea surfaced, it clung to him like a vine. Shen Yanzhou sat in his study, looking at the map of Qingyu, when Tan Ming called again, asking when he would be coming over.
Shen Yanzhou told Tan Ming about his plan. On the other end of the phone, Tan Ming was so shocked that he raised his voice: "No way, Shen Yanzhou? Are you crazy? You mean you're going to take Yu Pan with you?"
"Hmm." Shen Yanzhou rubbed his throbbing temples. "I'm just... thinking about it."
"What are you considering?" Tan Ming began to analyze urgently. "Don't you know what the situation is like here? It's a remote, impoverished area! Even if you bring him here, will you have time to take care of him? You've seen the school before; it's crammed full of students. Can the teachers manage to keep up? Can it compare to Lanzhou?"
At this point, Tan Ming paused, "I've been so busy for the past two weeks that I haven't had a proper meal, and this is just the beginning! Yu Pan is coming over, but he's unfamiliar with the place. Are you going to leave him alone in the house? Can you guarantee you'll go over every week?"
Shen Yanzhou held the receiver. Yes, his original intention was to hope that Panpan could stay in Lanzhou, enjoy the best resources, live in a stable home, be taken care of, and allow him to work hard without any worries.
Yu Pan relies on him so much, and has finally gotten used to her current school and made friends. Am I really going to take her to an even worse place?
Tan Ming said a lot more, but seeing that Shen Yanzhou remained silent, and thinking of Yu Pan's situation, he also sighed deeply, "You should calm down and think about it again. I'll take care of things here for now."
After hanging up the phone, Shen Yanzhou sat in the study for a long time before returning to his room.
Although Yu Pan has stopped insisting on sleeping in separate beds these past few days, he always curls up on the other side of the bed, far away from him. Shen Yanzhou can only carefully pull him back into his arms after he falls asleep.
What he didn't know was that when he was in his study, Yu Pan would stand at the top of the stairs and wait for any noise from downstairs, then run back to her room and pretend to be asleep.
Although Shen Yanzhou lowered his voice while talking on the phone in his study tonight, it could still be faintly heard. Yu Pan took off her shoes and quietly walked to the door to listen.
Yu Pan had always thought that Shen Yanzhou was omnipotent, but when he heard what Tan Ming said, he realized how much pressure and risk Shen Yanzhou had borne alone.
Going to Qingyu was not a business trip or job transfer as usual. This time, Shen Yanzhou and his team had staked everything they had, with no way out.
Instead of becoming an ally to Shen Yanzhou, he used self-torture and cold war tactics to force Shen Yanzhou to comply, becoming his biggest burden.
How could this be... Yu Pan couldn't understand. He just didn't want to be separated from Shen Yanzhou, so why did it become a burden for him... Ling Luo was right, Shen Yanzhou must be feeling even worse than him.
This realization brought tears to Yu Pan's eyes, but he tried his best to hold them back and just sniffed lightly.
But this slight noise still disturbed Shen Yanzhou, who was not a heavy sleeper.
"Still not asleep?" Shen Yanzhou turned on the bedside lamp, shifted his body down, and looked at Yu Pan, seeing his teary eyes. "Why are you secretly crying again?"
When people are feeling wronged and sad, they can't stand being cared for. Shen Yanzhou's words were like flipping a switch, and Yu Pan's emotions, which she had been holding back for the past few days, burst forth instantly.
He suddenly hugged Shen Yanzhou's neck and burst into tears. Shen Yanzhou was startled by his sudden outburst and patted his back, gently comforting him.
He cried for an unknown amount of time, until his voice was hoarse, before slowly stopping. He rubbed his face against Shen Yanzhou's clothes and said with difficulty, "Brother, go ahead."
Shen Yanzhou almost thought he had misheard.
Yu Pan tried to keep her voice steady, but tears still welled up in her eyes, forming small puddles on her nose. "I will stay in Lanzhou... study hard, get extra help, I will be fine... so you won't worry."
"Yes." Shen Yanzhou wiped away Yu Pan's tears that kept flowing. "Brother believes in you."
Yu Pan buried her face in Shen Yanzhou's chest again, her arms tightly wrapped around his waist. "You have to keep your word... come back to see me every month, and call me every day..."
“Okay.” Shen Yanzhou agreed without hesitation, “I promise.”
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm absolutely not lying to you."
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Author's Note: Panpan: I've gone on a hunger strike, skipped two meals [shy]
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