When she opened her eyes again, she was in a dimly lit room. She was lying on the kang (a heated brick bed), the quilt pulled up to her chin. On the kang table next to her was an oil lamp, and an old woman with gray hair was mending socks.
"Awake?" Seeing her open her eyes, the old woman quickly got off the kang (a heated brick bed) and soon brought back a bowl of rice soup.
Little Fish's mom was so hungry that her stomach was practically sticking to her back. The drink wasn't even hot enough to scald her mouth, so she took a big gulp.
"Oh dear, child, you've burned yourself!" The old woman panicked, snatched the food away, scooped it up with a spoon, gently blew on it twice, and fed it to her.
When she was little, she was sick, and this is how her mother took care of her. Little Fish's mother suddenly teared up.
This is the home of an ugly man named Fu Yongnian. He's thirty years old and still a bachelor, living with his widowed mother.
In Aunt Fu's words, her son liked to cause trouble and didn't have a proper job. Girls from good families didn't want him, and he didn't want bad girls either, so things just dragged on like this.
The mother and daughter didn't mention a word about where Xiaoyu's mother was going, only taking meticulous care of her. This put Xiaoyu's mother in a dilemma; she couldn't very well seek death in front of such a kind mother and daughter. If she were to die, she should at least do it far away.
But she walked in a hurry that day and got a lot of blisters on her feet. Even going to the toilet was painful, and she was grimacing. How far could she walk?
And so, she settled down at the Fu family's house.
It seems that although Fu Yongnian doesn't have a formal job, he's doing quite well. His family is still better off than that of working-class families. It's just that Aunt Fu is used to hardship and is reluctant to spend money, so she lives frugally.
Perhaps she was too lonely, so Aunt Fu treated Xiaoyu's mother like a daughter. Fu Yongnian would buy chickens to nourish her body and kill them without nagging about wasting money. He just couldn't bear to eat them himself, so he would heat them up for every meal, and only feel satisfied after feeding Xiaoyu's mother the whole chicken.
Little Fish's mother has lived for 22 years, witnessing both the warmth and ugliness of the world. She is still young, with some vitality still holding her up, yet there is always an invisible force pulling her down, driving her to despair.
Suddenly the road ahead went dark, and she couldn't see a single ray of light. She reached out her hand, but no one caught it.
I later learned that this was called postpartum depression.
At that time, no one knew that she herself was determined to die.
The mother and son were very tacit; they didn't ask her many questions and just lived their ordinary lives. Fu Yongnian often went out, and when he returned, he would bring his mother and Xiaoyu's mother some special little gifts. It might be a handkerchief, a rough gauze scarf, or a small velvet flower, or even a glass hair clip—none of them were very valuable or pretty.
But Aunt Fu always carefully put it away, and Xiaoyu's mother couldn't be negligent, so she asked for a paper box, put it in, and placed it at the end of the kang (a heated brick bed).
What tormented her most was her longing for her daughter. She didn't have the courage to go back; that home was gone forever. She would never dare to face that man's face again.
That means her daughter will never have a mother again.
She lives a life tormented by her conscience, for she abandoned her daughter.
Aunt Fu mended things all day long, some of which she did by taking jobs from the street, earning a few cents for each piece. Little Fish's mother felt bad about eating and drinking for free, so she started doing the work herself.
The weather was nice that day, so the mother and daughter moved to the yard. A gentle breeze was blowing, and the world was peaceful. For a moment, Xiaoyu's mother felt that life wasn't so bad after all.
Just then, Aunt Fu suddenly started humming a song. She sang in a local dialect, from an unknown region, and I couldn't understand it, but it probably meant that she missed her lover.
As Little Fish's mom listened, she unconsciously grinned.
"She smiled! She smiled!" Aunt Fu suddenly stopped and clapped her hands, exclaiming. She hadn't seen Little Fish's mother smile even once in days.
"Oh, Auntie sings so well." Little Fish's mother was startled and said shyly. She lowered her head and sewed the old socks in her hands.
"If you like it, I'll sing it for you!" Encouraged, Aunt Fu actually started singing. Once she started, she couldn't stop. She sang while cooking and washing clothes, until her voice became hoarse.
Little Fish's mother was stunned by what she heard. She sat in the yard, unable to sew up even one stitch, her tears blurring her vision.
She went into the room, lay down on the edge of the kang (a heated brick bed), reached out and touched the cardboard box. She picked it up and saw that it was almost full, filled with small items. She laid them out one by one, covering a large area.
She suddenly wanted to live, to live well with this mother and daughter.
After all, someone had done everything in their power to keep her alive; her life was given to her by this mother and son.
As fate would have it, she married Fu Yongnian a year later, and the following year gave birth to twins. They all looked like their mother, with big eyes and double eyelids—they were incredibly beautiful.
"Oh my, my grandson is so handsome! It's all thanks to him looking like his mother. If he looked like his father, what would he be like!" Aunt Fu was so happy with him that she couldn't stop holding him and looking at him.
Fu Yongnian still had an ugly face, but the more you looked at him, the more pleasing he became. In today's terms, he was "ugly-handsome," probably because he was so kind, and his eyes always carried a kind of compassion.
The mother and son doted on her rotten. When they slept on the same kang (heated brick bed), she slept in the warmest spot, then Fu Yongnian, then Aunt Fu, and then the twins.
The child woke up without crying and was picked up by his grandmother. When both of them started fussing, she kicked the son awake, refusing to let Xiaoyu's mother get up.
After changing the diaper and swaddling the baby properly, the baby was brought to her mother's side for feeding. The mother had to call the baby's name softly, so as not to startle her.
Little Fish's mom always felt she didn't deserve such happiness. But happiness just happened like that, what could she do?
The happier she was, the less she dared to go home.
“I was really selfish. If I had gritted my teeth and gone back then to bring you out, you wouldn’t have suffered so much.” Little Fish’s mother was already crying her eyes out, and Little Fish was no better off, burying her face in her arms, heartbroken.
All the resentment she had felt towards her mother had vanished. She had never intended to abandon her; she was simply powerless to do so.
"Don't cry, you're in your postpartum period! What have I done!" Xiaoyu's mother suddenly realized and hugged Xiaoyu to comfort her, "Don't cry, Mommy will take good care of you from now on and make up for those twenty-odd years."
"Does my stepfather know about my situation?" Qin Xiaoyu knew she had to control her emotions and changed the subject.
"I know. He kept urging me to come see you. He was afraid I wouldn't have the courage, so he sent me here before going back. He's also busy with his business." The expression on Xiaoyu's mother's face when she talked about her stepfather didn't lie; they were very much in love now.
"What about the younger brothers? Are they already working?"
“The eldest son is helping his father manage the business, the second son is abroad, and he will be able to come back this year. You also have a little sister, who is only 16 years old and looks a lot like you.”
"Mom, that's wonderful, you're so lucky." Qin Xiaoyu hugged her mother tightly; this was something she had longed for for so many years.
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