My name is Zhang Qingguo, and I used to be a farm boy from Hongqi Village.
Back then, I never imagined that one day I would live in a big city and become a complete city dweller.
When I was little, all I thought was that I wanted to grow up quickly so that I could help my older brother and grandpa.
Even after I grew up, I still followed in my brother's footsteps and listened to him.
For me, my brother is like a father figure. As long as I listen to him, I won't go astray or do anything wrong.
So, gradually, I got used to relying on my older brother, to listening to him, to his opinions, and to his commands.
So I never thought about breaking away from my older brother, my family, or living separately from them.
But when my older brother got married, I suddenly realized it.
I suddenly realized that I couldn't live with my older brother and the others forever.
Because my older brother will get married, start a family, have his own children, and have his own little family.
He can't be with me forever.
And I'm the same way; I will get married and have my own children.
At that time, I was actually very anxious, and I didn't know what to do.
The mere thought of being separated from my older brother fills me with unease and fear.
Because I had no idea what I should do without my older brother directing me.
I don't know what I should do.
Therefore, I have always had a conflicted feeling.
On one hand, she wanted her older brother to be happy. On the other hand, she also thought, "I wish my older brother could stay single forever."
Amidst this conflicting state of mind, I welcomed my sister-in-law, Song Lili.
The age gap between her and her older brother is quite large; she's even a little younger than me, so I don't quite understand it.
Brother, why did you choose to marry a girl like that?
I observed her nervously for a while and found that this woman was actually very easy to get along with.
She's just like the person I knew before they got married; she's good to me, to my father, and to my sister.
He would cook delicious meals for the family, and together with his older brother, he would take care of their great-grandfather. He also showed great love and care for his two younger brothers and sisters.
Gradually, I stopped being afraid, because I knew that even with my sister-in-law, my life wouldn't change at all.
I can still follow my older brother and my great-uncle; whatever they do, I will do too.
As long as I leave early and return late every day, I can continue living the same life as before.
It was from that moment that I truly accepted my sister-in-law's existence from the bottom of my heart.
I stopped resisting her. We gradually became friends, and sometimes I would tell my sister-in-law things that I wouldn't tell my older brother, treating her as my confidante.
My sister-in-law has never told my brother about what we talked about.
So I felt even more at ease, and I felt especially happy living like this.
Because I have family and friends at home, I want my life to continue like this.
Later, I got married to Lin Xue, and our whole family still lived together.
I thought our lives would remain unchanged, just like before.
But slowly I realized I was wrong, and my life could never go back to the way it was before.
I would hear Lin Xue talk about some trivial things at home, and sometimes I would hear her complain about her sister-in-law and her father-in-law.
But I never took these things to heart.
Because I know that what Lin Xue said are all trivial matters, things that will pass and there's no need to remember them.
So I'll continue living my life as before.
I will also comfort Lin Xue and encourage him to get along well with his sister-in-law, because we are a family, and family members should live together in harmony.
And things unfolded exactly as I had hoped.
Our family truly lives together in harmony.
Although life is tough, I am very happy.
But then, I don't know when it started, everything changed.
It must have been after we went to the capital that our family's life was completely disrupted.
I got into university, which should be a happy thing for everyone.
Not only my father, but everyone in the village felt incredibly proud because three members of our family had suddenly gone on to university.
Later, my sister-in-law rented a house outside the school and started a business with Lin Xue. It was around that time that my life gradually went astray and drifted further and further away.
Lin Xue began to have his own income. His thinking also underwent a significant change.
Actually, I support his continued progress.
As the books say, one should never stop learning, so I teach him to read and study, hoping that my husband and I can both improve together.
Lin Xue did indeed make progress; he learned to recognize characters, read newspapers, and even do accounting.
His life gradually aligned with that of city dwellers, and he slowly transformed into one.
But in places I didn't notice, Lin Xue's mindset had also transformed into that of a city dweller.
He forgot where he came from and forgot his original intentions.
Our relationship gradually changed. We started having conflicts and disagreements.
Later on, we gradually started arguing and giving each other the silent treatment. Sometimes she would even hit me.
At that time, I wanted to resolve the conflict between us.
Because I also want to live a life like my older brother and sister-in-law, with a loving husband and a harmonious family.
So I always gave in to Lin Xue and tried various ways to communicate with him.
But in the end, it still failed.
If only one person in a couple puts in the effort, they will not achieve any results.
My efforts only pushed Lin Xue further away from me.
The conflict between us escalated completely when her family heard that he had made money and came to him for help.
From that moment on, the two of us were on opposite sides.
Whenever this issue comes up, we argue. Conflicts arise.
I would never deny that Lin Xue wanted to help his family.
Lin Xue went too far; in order to help her family, she completely disregarded her own family.
It was as if he had no home of his own, and his life consisted only of his maternal family.
He arranged for his wife's family to work in his shop and gave them a portion of his earnings.
Sometimes, they would even let their children suffer for the sake of their maternal family.
My children are my bottom line; I simply cannot tolerate them being wronged.
Therefore, there is no longer any affection between us. Our feelings have been slowly worn away by so many years of arguments.
All that remained was exhaustion and disgust.
So in the end, I decided to get a divorce. Since there was no way to salvage the relationship, let's separate, let go of each other, and stop torturing each other.
Perhaps, letting each other go is the ending we should ultimately get.
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