Zhang You once again experienced the cautiousness of living under someone else's roof, and she always felt sad.
Zhang You suddenly thought: If mom and dad knew that their precious daughter was so cautious and trying to please others, and was so compromising, I wonder how heartbroken they would be?
When she thought of this, she almost couldn't breathe. Her chest felt very tight and the sourness in her nose couldn't be stopped.
It's just a beautiful dream.
One day you will wake up.
Some people and some things will change.
During the first New Year's Eve dinner at her aunt's house, she overheard a quarrel between her aunt and her mother-in-law and husband from behind the door.
Little Zhang You hugged the little doll tightly in his arms, not daring to make a sound.
The source of their quarrel was her.
My aunt's mother-in-law didn't want her son to take in a useless girl, and my uncle-in-law himself was indifferent to the idea of adopting her. But my aunt always argued for her and said firmly that she was Zhang You's only relative in the world and she would never abandon her.
Little Zhang You was crying silently outside the door. It was the first time she knew that her aunt would have to go through so much pressure to take her in. She felt sorry for her aunt and even more sorry for herself.
She heard with her own ears that the grandmother who smiled at her during the day would curse her behind her back as a burden at night, while her uncle-in-law was just trying to smooth things over between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, as if she was insignificant.
Little Zhang You thought angrily: If her parents were still alive, she would never stay here!
But she no longer has a father and a mother...
Little Zhang You didn't want to listen anymore. She turned to leave, but was startled by her brother, who had unknowingly stood behind her. His face was filled with disgust. He gestured disdainfully at her, then lowered his voice and said viciously, "It's all because of you! Mom and Dad are fighting! Grandma was right, you're a burden! You're a bastard!"
Unable to bear his insults, little Zhang You ran back to her room, lay on the bed, and cried breathlessly. The little doll didn't know what was wrong with her, but it sensed little Zhang You's sadness and grievance. It stayed quietly by her side, scratching her hair with its claws again and again.
Little Zhang You raised her head, her eyes misty with tears. As she looked at it, she couldn't help but think of their big ragdoll cat and their past. Memories flooded her heart, and her tears became unstoppable. She cried even harder, tears and snot streaming. But she didn't dare cry loudly, fearing another argument or insult. So she bit her lip tightly, stubbornly suppressing her sadness. She hugged the little ragdoll, as if holding onto everything in the past, as if her parents were still there.
Zhang You stood quietly beside little Zhang You's bed, his eyes dim and his face expressionless as he listened to his younger self. Confined in this small room, he silently vented his grievances, not daring to let others hear.
It's not that she is cruel to herself, but she has experienced all of this and clearly understands that this is just an ordinary part of that painful period. Everything that happens afterwards, every stroke, will be a scar engraved on her heart.
Little Zhang You just naively thought that she was not good enough, so her grandmother disliked her. After crying, she put all her attention on studying and abandoned all the little hobbies she had.
She is very hardworking and smart. After transferring to another school for one year, she went from being unable to keep up with the progress to becoming the top student in the school. Even in her later studies, she always maintained top grades.
She thought that this would win their love, but it actually accelerated her pain.
In her first year of high school, her brother attracted the attention of the whole family because he was about to take the college entrance examination, but he forced her to ask for living in the school dormitory on the grounds that Zhang You was affecting his review.
Her aunt didn't want her to suffer any injustice, but she was considerate and thought about her aunt. She said that living in the school dormitory would allow her to focus more on her studies, so her aunt stopped worrying.
But this stay lasted for three years.
Her high school was very close to home, but she never went back except on weekends. Even when she was sick with a fever, she relied on her roommate to take her to the school clinic. She didn't want her aunt to worry or cause trouble, so she kept it a secret from her.
At the end of my brother's freshman year, the college entrance exams were also over. My aunt and uncle were very happy. They gave him advice, helped him choose a good school for his major, and took him on trips, packing his bags for him.
Those were the few happy memories that Xiao Zhangyou and them had. They did have a warm family relationship, but that was where it ended.
At the start of her second year of high school, Zhang You wanted to move back in, but neither her aunt nor her uncle-in-law would broach the subject, as if their presence or absence didn't matter. So Zhang You hesitated and backed off. She didn't ask and continued living on campus.
Perhaps because she lived on campus during high school, Zhang You could clearly sense her aunt's growing distance from her. Cell phones weren't allowed in high school, so she never reached out to her aunt. And her aunt, in turn, never visited her. On weekends, Zhang You would talk to her about her school days, but she would just listen casually, occasionally nodding her head and making nodding noises. Zhang You could tell she didn't want to hear it, and she never spoke again.
After the college entrance examination, Zhang You did well. When she excitedly took the admission letter to give her aunt a surprise, she was interrupted by her brother who came back from vacation.
Zhang You knew her brother had always been jealous of her excellent grades, not to mention that he hadn't been admitted to a higher school than her. She wanted to announce the good news in front of so many people, but suddenly couldn't speak.
She suddenly remembered the scene when her brother finished the college entrance examination. When he left the examination room, her aunt and uncle would hug him excitedly and wish him "Happy graduation!" They would happily say when her brother's results came out: "You are worthy of being my son!" They would tirelessly find people to consult him on which major and which school are good, and even give him a graduation trip after confirming.
But what about her?
During the college entrance examination, her aunt was busy with work and did not send her off; after the college entrance examination, they only asked her how she did when they remembered.
It's different after all.
Zhang You suppressed her joy and didn't share it with them. Only in the dead of night, she would gently hold her doll and whisper her joy to it. It was as if she was telling her parents through the doll.
Later, when my aunt curiously asked her where she was going to college, she just calmly said, "In City C, an ordinary school."
After hearing this, my aunt just nodded in understanding.
When the university started, she went there alone with her luggage. Fortunately, she had gotten used to being alone during her three years of high school, so going to the university alone was no big deal.
However, the group of parents coming and going at the school gate to see them off still made her feel sad.
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