However, Zhang You still overestimated himself.
She thought she could handle it all.
But I ignored whether I could do it or not.
Zhang You’s major is clinical medicine.
During her freshman year, she fainted from shock during anatomy class. It was then that she realized she couldn't stand such gory scenes.
She thought she could save people.
She thought that she could be the one who could save others when they encountered similar situations as her.
But fate played a joke on her.
That day, Zhang You collapsed.
She was in the school infirmary, crying like a baby.
Ever since she was rescued from the earthquake that year, she wanted to become a doctor. She wanted to save tragedy. She wanted to save herself and every family in this world.
In the end, she found out that she was not qualified.
That disaster had a profound impact on her. Whenever she held the knife to perform an autopsy, her mind would flash back to the horribly mutilated bodies of the disaster, including her parents. She felt like she had fallen into the depths of the ocean. She couldn't hear the teacher's voice in the classroom anymore, instead hearing a constant buzzing sound that made her head ache. All she could see were those bloody scenes, and even her hands were shaking.
Zhang You's situation quickly reached the faculty. She had excellent grades, achieving first place in every subject except practicals. Given her situation, the counselor suggested she change her major.
So that year, with the help of her teacher, she changed her major, but my aunt didn't know about it.
After college, Zhang You rarely contacted her aunt. At first, she would video call and chat with her aunt three or four times a week. Gradually, they had no common topics to chat, and they just said as usual: "How are you doing recently?" "Fine", "Take care of yourself". Later, three times a week became once a week, once a month, and finally, they would only contact each other when they remembered each other.
Her roommates would talk to their families regularly every weekend night, and she could only listen to their conversations and pretend to have something to do. In fact, her mind was full of wild imaginations. If her parents were still alive, would they also care about her every day like they did, and ask her every week if she had encountered any problems.
Over the past few years, Zhang You has changed a lot. She's been hiding a lot of things, always unwilling to reveal her true thoughts. Years of living under someone else's roof have shaped her into this kind of character. So if her aunt doesn't ask, she won't say anything, let alone reveal her scars.
Therefore, only she herself knows what changing her major means to her.
During the summer vacation after her freshman year, Zhang You did not go back home. Because of the sudden change of major, she could not keep up with the courses in the new major and fell behind a lot. She did not want to be the last one, so she worked extra hard and stayed in school. By the way, she continued to work part-time as a tutor to earn a living and rented a room off campus.
After more than half a year of hard work, she finally caught up with her classmates in her sophomore year, even surpassing most of them. She could finally return home contentedly with good grades, and no longer have to embarrass her aunt during the Chinese New Year.
However, she had to hear their disgust once again with her own ears.
No matter how well she studies, no matter how noncompetitive she is, she still cannot erase the prejudice of some people, and in the end, she is still an outsider.
"I've already told you, that little girl is already an adult. You raised her safely and soundly, so why should you be sorry for your sister? Do you really have to stay with us? Are you still planning on using my son's money to subsidize her? She's already in college, why would she need anything?"
"Mom! What you said is so biased! Xiaoyou is my niece no matter what! And she has hardly ever asked me for living expenses since she went to college. Instead, it's your eldest grandson who asks his father for money every now and then. I already owe her so much, what else do you want? She has no home, and I am her only relative. If she doesn't come back here during the holidays, where else is she going to go?"
"Mom, this is really your fault. Xiaoyou is too old to start her own family. Where are you going to send her? It's New Year's Day, so don't bring up this kind of thing again!"
"Great! I've raised an ungrateful bastard! Who am I thinking of? I think you've married a wife and forgotten your mother! Every day you help your wife bully your mother! Ugh!"
"Mom! What are you talking about! How have we ever done anything wrong to you? I'm only saying this because you've been targeting Xiaoyou!"
"Alright, alright, stop arguing! It's giving me a headache!"
…
Zhang You had just returned to the door after picking up a package when she overheard their quarrel. It seemed that every time they argued, she would be mentioned in the conversation, as if she was the culprit who destroyed their family harmony. Even she believed that.
Zhang You, in her soul form, looked at herself who had grown up, and stood blankly at the door holding the New Year gifts she had bought for them. After listening to the quarrel, she tactfully went downstairs and sat down by the flower bed in the community. She looked lonely, holding the phone with a dim screen in her hand, not knowing what she was thinking.
Zhang Youfu was so moved that she recalled the days when she first arrived at Qiao Siyuan and spent time with Chunhua, Qiuyue, and the others. Back then, they had believed she had been sold by her parents and were disheartened. They went out of their way to comfort her, saying, "That's their fault, not yours. So what if I'm a woman? Am I inherently inferior to men? That's just their prejudice!"
Zhang You looked at herself sitting by the flower bed, her eyes suddenly softened, and she said lightly: "This is not your fault. Their quarrel is due to their discord. You are just an excuse for them to vent. It was never your fault.
Rather than staying with grievance, it is better to end it early to avoid heartbreak and lung damage in the end. If they hate you, it means that every breath and every movement you make is wrong. They will not give up and drive you away, so why bother asking for trouble?
My aunt loves you, but how long can she sustain the status of my sister's orphan? Can any love you have for me outweigh the years of trivial annoyance? No matter how much family affection there is, it will eventually disappear. After a long time, love will turn into disgust...
Don’t be silly…”
If I could really understand this truth at that time, I would not have been trapped in the cage of so-called family affection for many years.
Zhang You, who had just listened to their argument, sat there quietly. She figured it was almost time, so she returned with her gifts, pretending nothing had happened. During the quiet moment, she had calmed down and persuaded herself to be patient. After all, she still remembered her aunt's kindness to her, and she was still attached to that face that resembled her mother's.
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