But at this time, Zhang You's heart had already changed a little.
Zhang You's aunt's words, "She's barely asked me for living expenses since college," stung her heart. She'd assumed her aunt was oblivious, but surprisingly, she'd known all along. She knew, so she feigned ignorance and didn't ask.
At that moment, Zhang You felt a little chilled.
But then she thought again, she was definitely not her aunt's biological child, and it was undeniable that her aunt treated her son better than herself. How could she possibly influence such a natural thing?
She can't force it.
Moreover, she was simply looking for that similar face, hoping to see her mother through her. It was funny to say that there used to be a photo of her mother at her aunt's house, but her grandmother said it was unlucky to have such things in the house, so she threw them away. Zhang You tried to find it, but couldn't find it. She no longer had any photos of them, and all the things they left her were gone. She was almost forgetting what they looked like. Childhood memories were always so vague, she couldn't remember what they looked like, but could only recall their love, tenderness, patience, and meticulousness.
Forget it, as long as I can still see my aunt, I can still remember what my mother looks like.
This is what little Zhang You thought at that time.
And she thought so in the next few years.
So, when grandma deliberately said at the dinner table, "Adults have to be self-reliant!", Zhang You just pretended to be an innocent child, sitting quietly in the corner eating without saying a word.
Grandma punched the cotton ball, very angry, and wanted to continue to vent her anger, but was interrupted by her aunt who used the excuse of picking up some food.
The matter was left unresolved.
After the meal, someone mentioned my brother’s girlfriend, and they happily planned to arrange an engagement party after the New Year, and then arrange the wedding after my brother graduated.
Zhang You sat on the sofa, holding the grown-up doll in her arms. Her eyes were stunned for a moment, but she quickly lowered her eyes so that no one could see her emotions.
Over the years, she had learned to be transparent, keeping her emotions to herself, never letting anyone see them, and never sharing her feelings with anyone.
So she just tactfully concealed her loneliness, stayed quietly on the sofa, and stroked the cat with her right hand from time to time.
During their one year at university, they had plenty of time to send a message or even talk on the phone, but they didn't. No one had ever told her that her brother was already talking about marriage, and even from their words, it seemed that they had already met their future sister-in-law and were very satisfied with her.
No one had asked her, so her opinion probably didn't matter.
Zhang You gently smoothed the doll's fur. Although her face showed a calm expression, she felt very sad inside.
It turns out that I really am an outsider.
She wasn't even entitled to know about the new family joining the family. Her brother and grandmother didn't say anything, Zhang You knew it was because they hated it; her uncle didn't say anything because he didn't care; and her aunt... what was her reason?
Zhang You couldn't control her thoughts. Thousands of ideas flashed through her mind, each one telling her that they were deliberately marginalizing her.
Her heart pounded, and breathing became a little harder. Zhang You felt like crying. She felt like she couldn't hold on any longer. If there was no one in this family who cared about her anymore, then what was the reason for her to stay? For that face that looked like her mother's?
The pain in her heart was like a pair of big hands, trapping her in the ocean of loneliness, making it impossible for her to escape.
But what she wanted most was what she couldn't get.
The sea water poured into her mouth, nose and ears as if it were substantial. She wanted to open her mouth, but just as she opened her lips, her throat seemed to be blocked, and all the words for help were choked in it; their voices in her ears became vague, as if they were very far away.
It's so uncomfortable.
Zhang You's hands twitched nervously twice. She wanted to grab something, just a little bit, to pull her out of this depressing and suffocating space.
A warm and wet touch came from the palm of her hand, very light and itchy, but it pulled her out of her thoughts.
Zhang You came back to her senses and looked down at her palm. She saw that the cloth idol in her arms seemed to have noticed something and was licking her palm carefully.
Zhang You's mind finally became clear. She stared down at the doll in her arms. The pair of clear ice-blue eyes seemed to have magical powers that calmed her troubled mood.
The puppet's fur was soft, and it blinked its big eyes, looking at the person in front of it seriously, as if the person in front of it was the most important person to it. It tilted its head, squinted its eyes, and had a very enjoyable expression. It gently rubbed Zhang You's palm, as if to say, "Don't be unhappy!"
The softness from her palm was like a warm current flowing through her limbs and bones, silently nourishing her heart that was immersed in the cold tide and making it beat again.
She looked at the doll, gently pinched its ears, a gentle smile played on the corner of her mouth, and even her eyes were so gentle that they seemed to be dripping with tears.
She said to it silently in her heart: Thank you, my Xiaobai.
After calming down, Zhang You was no longer agitated when she heard them arranging their engagement.
You could say she was deceiving herself or that she was cowardly and incompetent, she just wanted to stay here, not only because she couldn't bear to leave her aunt, but also because she wanted to repay them for raising her all these years.
At the engagement party, the family was having a great time. Zhang You wanted to interrupt but couldn't, so she could only sit quietly by the side. She watched her aunt's satisfaction and love for her son and daughter-in-law, and ignored the disappointment she felt when they ignored her.
The winter vacation passed quickly, and in the blink of an eye, she had to go back to school.
They had scheduled his brother's wedding for July during the summer break, and Zhang You had already planned to come back to witness their ceremony. Although they weren't particularly close, they had lived under the same roof for so long, so he had to come home to attend.
However, Zhang You still overestimated himself.
May is the busiest time in school. Exam month is approaching and many people start to spend time in the library reviewing. Zhang You is no exception.
It was not until she received the news from her aunt on her way back to the dormitory at night that she learned that her brother's wedding had been moved forward.
The good news came so suddenly that Zhang You could only hastily book a flight back home. She asked for leave from her counselor early the next day and hurried back.
Her brother's wedding was very lively. She rushed back that morning and just caught up with their wedding. She put the gifts she had prepared early on the gift area and found a seat to sit down at random - because there was no special seat arranged for her here.
After the wedding, before she could say a word to her aunt, her aunt was attracted by the relatives coming and going. She could only watch her aunt and uncle-in-law greeting the relatives with a smile on their faces.
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