My name is Pei Qingsong. My life has only one synonym: hard work will pay off!
For a long time, I thought I was the biological child of this family, and as the eldest brother, I had to serve as a role model for my younger brothers.
People say that my parents favor me, but I have been able to help with housework since I was five years old. When I was nine years old, there was a school in the village. There was a very old teacher who taught us reading, Chinese, and arithmetic.
After school, I would either help to plow the soil and weed in my private plot, or catch insects to feed the chickens at home.
In short, although everyone says that I am favored, I have been working since I was young. Children in rural areas are favored, but they just get to eat more.
At that time, I couldn't understand it. It was just a little more food, so why did my brothers act like I was taking advantage of them? I was also the only child in the family who could help my parents get work points. I could reduce the pressure and burden on the family, so shouldn't I eat more?
For a long time, I always felt that the second brother's personality was most similar to mine. We both worked very hard, we didn't talk much, and we would always smile even if we suffered a little loss.
But the third child is different. There is a big age gap between him and the second child. When the fourth child was not around, the whole family doted on him. He was so timid that he wouldn't even help if an oil bottle fell over.
Later, the fourth child came. I actually have no memory of how he came to our house. I only remember that during the time when the fourth child came to our house, the second child fell seriously ill. My parents were so worried about the second child’s illness that they didn’t even take care of the third child.
That was probably the only time in my life that I saw my mother so nervous about my second child.
After the second child recovered, the fourth child came. My father said that my mother went to the health center to give birth to my younger brother.
I didn't doubt anything. It seemed that I really hadn't cared about my mother's health for a long time. I felt a little guilty, so I worked harder.
I feel like I have been born with supernatural powers. Even work that others think is very hard and tiring can be done very easily by me.
When I reached junior high school, I no longer attended classes in the village school. I had to travel a very long way to attend a junior high school in a commune very close to the county town, and I could only go home once a month.
Every time I went home, I had to carry back rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes and other food, as well as pickles from home as food for a month's school.
I got full work points since I was fourteen. At that time, I had just graduated from junior high school, and everyone in the village praised me for my work.
No, no matter what I do, people in the village praise me.
My second brother graduated two years later than me and started earning work points like me after graduation. He is younger than me, so it is normal that he does not earn as much as me.
But I don’t know why my mother always compares my second child with me, saying that my second child doesn’t eat as much as I do, and doesn’t gain as many centimeters as I do.
At first I was very nervous, fearing that the second child would have something against me. But after a while, I found that the second child was really honest, hardworking and never complained about anything.
I gradually relaxed and didn't think too much about it. I just thought that after all, we are brothers, so why would he care so much?
With my second son and I earning work points, and my parents being capable, life became much better for a while. We became the first family to borrow grain from when some families in the village were short of food before the grain payment deadline.
Because my father is an honest and simple man, no matter who comes, as long as they say a few nice words, he will soften his heart and agree.
I often make my mother angry.
But my father seemed to have no temper at all. He would coax my mother when she was angry. He would not fight back or resist when my mother hit him. He would always follow us when we ran out.
From childhood to adulthood, it seems that there is only one thing that has made my father angry.
One night when I got up to get out of the bathroom, I heard my mother telling my father that they wanted to send the fourth child away. My father got angry and said that people would talk behind our backs.
I couldn't understand why my mother wanted to send the fourth child away when our family was living such a good life, better than most families in the village?
Those families out there that have four brothers are so prestigious.
After that night, I felt a subtle change in the atmosphere at home.
My mother started throwing and hitting some things, and my father didn't go to comfort her. Every time my mother got angry, my father would sit aside in silence. When my mother got really angry, my father would sigh.
I will never cling to you and coax you like I used to.
The second and third child didn't know why, but they also noticed that the atmosphere was not right. Even the most mischievous third child behaved well during that time, for fear of accidentally angering their mother and getting beaten up.
My mother really knew how to beat me, and she beat me very hard, but I don’t think I’ve ever been beaten much since I was a child. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t very naughty.
In the end, my father was soft-hearted and my mother was so angry that she felt heartbroken. He couldn't help but try to coax her, but in the end he didn't agree to send the fourth child away.
Since then, I feel that the relationship between my parents is not as good as it used to be. Even when my mother is angry, my father will still coax her, but he is not as active and enthusiastic as before that incident.
My father seemed to have aged ten years overnight. He didn't work as hard as before. Occasionally he would bring back some liquor to drink, and if he drank too much he would get drunk and become crazy.
Every time he got drunk, my mother would ignore him and let him sleep wherever he fell drunk.
From then on, my father's health became worse and worse. He didn't take good care of himself and passed away before he was fifty.
He woke up for a while before he left, and kept calling my name. My mother didn't let me go, but he was my father, and he might have something to tell me before he left, so how could I not go?
I broke free from my mother and rushed over, lying on the head of my father's bed, crying and calling him.
I heard the sound of phlegm in my father's throat. He seemed to want to sigh, but couldn't. He stretched out his hand in front of me, and I quickly held it.
"Follow the second brother. Third brother, okay, take good care of fourth brother." After he said this, his hands dropped.
When my father passed away, most of the families in the village came. They had all received his kindness in one way or another, and many of them saw him off with tears in their eyes.
The elders in the tribe told me that I should learn from my father and be a good person so that I can gain everyone’s respect.
I was very young at the time and didn’t quite understand what was going on, but I remembered what the elders said, that I should be a good person like my father.
But when my mother found out, her face fell. She said to me behind the elders' backs, "Don't listen to those old guys. What's good about being a good person? Your father died early because he was a good person."
I didn’t understand what she meant at the time, nor did I understand what my father’s early death had to do with being a good person.
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