Before I died, I never thought my life would be so short.
I have been learning quotations from great men and receiving education from excellent teachers since I was young. I have always been full of enthusiasm because I have been guided in a positive direction by my parents.
As far as I can remember, there have been educated youth going to the countryside to support rural construction. In fact, I really envy those educated youth who went to the countryside, with their sincere loyalty to the motherland, to realize their ideals in the vast rural land.
But every time I talked about this ideal of mine, my father would always frown and look unhappy, and my mother would also lecture me.
The content of the sermons was nothing more than how hard life was in the countryside, and how a girl like me would have a hard time surviving there for several months.
I don't accept it.
What's wrong with a girl like me? Our teachers always say that the country's hope lies in us, the younger generation. We are now full of energy and courage, and we need to make greater contributions to the country.
At that time, there was actually no quota for me to go to the countryside because my mother was planning to retire and give the job to me.
The conditions for not being forced to go to the countryside are very simple: either find a job or get married.
My best friend at the time, Chen Panpan, came from an average family. It was impossible for her family to find her a job. She also didn’t want to be sold out by her parents, so she hastily chose the person she wanted to live with for the rest of her life.
So she chose to go to the countryside.
I was very hesitant, even though I often argued with my parents, saying that I wanted to go to the countryside to realize my life ideals and ambitions.
But my parents had told me so much about how hard life was in the countryside, so when I really faced this choice, I was still a little undecided for a moment.
When Chen Panpan came to see me, she said, "Niannian, you can't live under the protection of your parents all your life. Besides, I don't think your parents are protecting you. They just want to control you. They want a good daughter who listens to them. We are all educated in the same way. Do you think this is right?"
At first I was not convinced by her. I even thought she was weird. She would never say these words before, but in order to get me to go to the countryside with her, she seemed to say everything.
I went home that same day and told my parents what she had said to me.
We had been arguing about this for some time at that time.
My father has a quick temper and gets easily angry if he disagrees with something. Moreover, the reason for our dispute has a long history. As soon as he heard me talk about what Chen Panpan said, he immediately got furious.
"Chen Panpan, Chen Panpan, how many times have I told you? This Chen Panpan is not a good person. You don't care at all about how much she has cheated you of. Is our family some kind of wealthy family?"
As soon as he lost his temper, my attitude, which had been serious about talking to them, changed.
I don’t have many friends, and Chen Panpan is one of the ones with whom I have the best relationship. But my father always dislikes her and says all kinds of bad things about her in front of me.
He was angry, and I was angry too. I also shouted at him, "You are judging others by your own standards. Chen Panpan never said anything bad about you in front of me. She always told me to go home and talk to you nicely. But you, at such an old age, say bad things about my friends every day. I think what Chen Panpan said is right. You are just trying to control me."
As soon as I said this, my father could no longer control his anger. He raised his hand and slapped me in the face.
We all stood there in a daze for a long time, unable to believe this slap.
Although they often educated me since I was a child and my father often scolded me, he never hit me. This is the first time since I can remember.
"I……"
He seemed to want to say something, and I thought he would apologize to me, but he didn't. He just turned around, opened the door and left home.
Mom sighed and touched my face. "Nianbao, don't hate your dad. Your dad is doing this for your own good. Mom will boil an egg for you to roll around and reduce the swelling."
You beat me, but is it for my own good?
My thoughts were stuck in a dead end at the time. I thought that if he really loved me, he would never hit me. It would be different if he hit me, and he didn't love me at all.
When I was eighteen, I was stubborn and had my own ideas.
By the time my mother finished cooking the egg, I was no longer at home. I went to find Chen Panpan and signed up with her to go to the countryside.
Since it has been proven that my parents don't love me, there is no need for me to stay at home. I want to stay away from them and live my own life.
During that time I lived in Chen Panpan's house. His family was very nice to me. In fact, they were not very nice to Chen Panpan. It might be because of my parents' work, but they treated me very well, much better than their youngest son.
Her family didn't object at all to my plan to live in their house. They even told me to stay longer and treat their house as my own.
Before I went to the countryside, I lived in her house. I felt a little guilty about it because it was not my own home, so I often found ways to buy meat and vegetables for them as snacks.
After my parents found out that I had signed up to go to the countryside, I don’t know whether they were angry or anxious, but they tried their best to persuade me to go home with them.
Even Chen Panpan told me to go back and pack some things. After all, we were going to live in another place, and there were quite a lot of things we needed to bring with us.
I was very grateful to her. I followed my parents back home and let them clean up for me. I could hear my mother's nagging in my ears.
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