Chapter 252

"Are they all crazy?"

The child I picked up from outside asked me.

"Maybe. I don't know. I haven't opened their heads to check this kind of thing, and usually this kind of thing is not allowed by law.

You can’t do that if you want to follow social order.”

I said to the child.

"Will you love me forever?"

The child asked.

"I hate you and I don't like kids. But if you weren't like these other guys, maybe I could try to love you.

I don't think it's necessary, but if you need it."

I said to him.

"Do you hate me?"

The child asked.

"I have no idea."

I answered him.

"There used to be a lot of kids here, didn't they?"

The child asked me.

"Yes, there were many in the past, but they are all gone now."

I nodded and replied with a smile.

"Who are they? Will they come back?"

The child looked at me.

"They were all abandoned by others. Will they come back? I don't know. Maybe they will, maybe they won't, but it doesn't make any difference to me. I will just live my life here."

I answered him.

"So do you like those people?"

The child asked.

"I don't know, but I don't think so. Because now I can hardly remember what they look like. How can I like them if I don't even remember what they look like?"

I answered him.

"Will you remember me in the future?"

The child asked.

"I don't know, but probably not. If I do remember, that's another matter. I hope you don't get your hopes up about this, because I'm only going to get worse."

I answered him.

"You are a robot. Robots are supposed to be immortal. How come you are like this?"

He asked me.

“Because I am old, very old, the machines are worn out, the parts are broken, no one comes to repair them, and I don’t have the money to replace them, so I have to do this.

I still have my eyes open, which is good enough.”

I answered him.

"I want to be with you forever, is that too much?"

He asked me.

"It's nothing to take too seriously, it's fine, I mean, if it makes you happy to think that way, then go for it."

I answered him.

He nodded and went to school. When he came back from school, he started digging holes at home.

I went over to see, and it turned out that he had planted flower seeds in the soil in the backyard of the church, but later a cabbage grew there, and I don't know who gave him the seeds.

He said the person who gave him the seeds said that they would definitely grow into beautiful flowers, but unfortunately they didn't.

But Chinese cabbage is also very good because you can pull it out, wash it, add water to cook it and eat it, so you won’t be hungry.

Lately, supplies have become increasingly scarce, and it seems as if everyone is about to die.

This is what happens when you are overwhelmed.

But I can't care about other people's affairs. It is almost impossible for me to leave this church, so I can only stay here.

I am a robot, and half a robot. I may not have been a robot before, but because of one thing, I became what I am now.

I don't remember what it was.

Because it seemed like a long time ago, and sometimes when I think back it seems like it was a lifetime ago.

I don't remember anything before that.

It's better not to remember. If you don't remember sad things, you won't be sad. As for happy things, I don't remember them either.

But that’s okay, because even just remembering the happy things drains my energy.

I don't have much money to buy new batteries, even for gasoline, I don't have that much money to buy it, and I can't be that happy.

If I use up too much energy because I'm too happy, I'll shut down, and when I restart, I'll be even weaker.

I have a core of energy inside of me that keeps me awake and alive day by day.

Although humans don't think I'm alive this way, and robots don't think I'm alive this way either, I think I can still live like this.

Because I am not dead yet, or maybe because I still have a child like this by my side.

But one day he suddenly disappeared.

I recalled that the last time I saw him, he was still a primary school student.

Carrying a blue schoolbag.

There was a black pencil case inside with a red four-petal flower sewn on it with thread. The stamens were round. It was not new because I didn't have money to buy him a new one.

So when I handed it to him, the flowers made with thread already had rough edges and felt a little prickly to the touch.

But there was no needle in it, so it wouldn't hurt him, and he needed it, so I gave it to him.

I don’t remember anything after that. It seemed like I just slept and a long time had passed.

I went to the backyard to see the flowers, and then I remembered that there were no flowers planted here. I followed my memory and looked at the hole where the children had planted flowers, and there were no cabbages there, nothing at all.

There is only soil that is plain and undifferentiated.

Just like before when there was no one.

I withdrew my gaze and felt a little sleepy. I wanted to rest, but I suddenly remembered something. It seemed that the child had gone to the town to pick up something and had not come back yet. I had to wait for him.

I waited at the door of the church for a while. When I couldn't hold on any longer and was about to fall asleep, the door opened and a child ran in. He was not an elementary school student, but a middle school student.

He looks a bit like the kid, but I'm afraid I had some prosopagnosia before I became what I am now, and it hasn't gotten any better. I thought everyone in the world looked a bit alike.

I wasn't sure who the person in front of me was, but because he had some similarities with the person in my memory, I had a certain goodwill towards him.

He saw me and was talking to himself. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but he seemed to notice me. He took two steps forward and said to me, "Nice to see me."

It's like we're meeting for the first time today.

I thought maybe, we really were just meeting for the first time and I had never met him before, so it was normal for him to speak to me like that.

I just felt a little disappointed, like I was hoping he was someone I'd met who could tell me what was going on.

But today is our first meeting, he won't tell me those things, and if I ask a lot of questions it will take more energy.

I'm already too sleepy. If I continue asking questions, I will fall asleep in the middle of the question. I can't do that. I still have to wait for someone.

Although I no longer remember what the person I'm waiting for looks like, he will come back.

I thought, as if he had promised me something, and I tried to remember if he had said that or something similar, but I couldn't remember, it was as if he had never said it.

Maybe I remembered it wrong.

It didn't have any impact because I didn't say anything extra.

This middle school student didn't dislike me. After he gave me his opening remarks, he was silent for a while, walked two steps towards me, and stood next to my chair, as if he had stood here before.

It would be strange if he had been standing here before, because I remember there was no one next to my chair.

Not even a false sculpture.

How does he get used to standing here?

I looked at him and he smiled at me.

"The war has started outside, supplies are even more scarce, and life is more difficult than before. However, there are still people alive, and there are still machines alive, so I think we can still get by.

We can all live long enough to see the day when everyone is safe. That day won’t be far away, but we still have to wait a little longer.

Are you more interested in robots or humans?"

he asked me suddenly.

"I have no interest in any of them. I just want to spend my life in my church, and it would be better if these times could be more interesting and longer.

But my life so far has been long and boring."

I answered him.

“I usually hand out flyers or grow flowers, but the flowers I grow are not pretty enough.

I always feel like there's something missing from those things, like robots without humans or humans without robots.

Do you feel that way?

He asked me again.

"I don't know. I don't grow flowers."

I answered him as briefly as possible.

He smiled at me and looked like a sunny and cheerful boy, but he looked completely unlike the person I knew.

Although I had no recollection of knowing him, he did not resemble any of the vague silhouettes I had in mind.

I suddenly felt a little more disappointed.

It was like I was shot and a doctor wanted to save me, so he used a knife to open the wound.

I had a vague feeling that this was a good thing, but my brain couldn't trust my feelings.

I was getting more and more sleepy, but I still hadn't seen the person I was waiting for. Suddenly, the door was opened and a group of students rushed in. They were about the same age as the one standing next to me.

I suddenly wanted to ask something, so I asked the person next to me.

"Do you want to pick up the stuff now or go to town?"

I asked him.

As I spoke, my vision became blurry. Many colors became blurred blocks that connected together like a spider twisting in the sea, turning into a mess.

I heard him answer me, but I no longer know what he said.

I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up again, it was a sunny morning. I thought it was a good sign, so I stood up from my chair and prepared to loosen the soil in the backyard, even though I didn't have any seeds to plant.

But the soil in the backyard is part of the church, and taking care of the church is part of my job.

All my life and all my memories are in this church, and everything I do should exist to make this church better.

I walked to the backyard, picked up a shovel, and prepared to loosen the soil. Suddenly, I heard some noisy noises outside, like someone was arguing, then someone was running, and then they started fighting.

I was stunned for a moment.