Chapter 89 Chapter 89 Have you forgotten who you are?
At this point, things couldn't be clearer.
She had to kill him.
Before she knew it, she had already fallen off the swing into the water. The water was icy cold, drowning her entire body. She sank numbly. It wasn't really just sinking, but exhaustion, so much so that even the water was trying to cling to her.
Wu Dao grinned grimly and disappeared.
She closed her eyes, the lake water tearing at her limbs.
It’s so cold. When Gu Huaijin saw it, he was so angry.
Gu Huaijin.
She didn't know why she was so sad. She had known this ending since the first day she met him, so why was she still sad now?
Didn’t you know this a long time ago?
The lake water was so cold that her whole body ached and her head felt numb. She tilted her head back and slowly exhaled.
A little white frost in the night.
She didn't dare to think about anything else. There was only one road left before her, and she had to walk it even if it meant blindfolding her, even if it hurt like hell.
What else? Death?
Most of the time, the last thing she wanted to think about was death.
Her life was not easy. She knew best how she had to grit her teeth and bleed every step of the way.
Why should she give up her life for others?
but.
Why must she live and he must die?
What bad things did these two do in their previous lives that they have to suffer such retribution in this life?
She slowly leaned back in the water, her body numb from the cold. She closed her eyes drowsily and heard her heart beating rapidly.
Push her. Urge her. Even her heart must now urge her.
Why? Why on earth?
The lake water flooded her nose and she suddenly choked. The water was so cold that it not only made her nasal cavity sore, but also icyly went down her nose into her head.
Even her tongue gradually became numb from the cold, and her lips began to tremble uncontrollably. In the moonlight, she tilted her head back and exhaled heavily as if she was almost suffocating.
So tired. After so many years, she is really tired.
When will this kind of thing, this—this kind of shit, ever end? When will we—ever stop killing people?
She was afraid that Wu Dao would notice her crying, so she took a deep breath and dived into the lake.
The moonlight could not illuminate the water clearly, and it was pitch black under the water.
Darkness is good. Let it get darker and darker, until it gets darker and darker, until you can't see anything.
The sun never rises, and she just floats in the water, never waking up.
——Why do you think about death again?
She was in the water, slowly, slowly, closing her eyes.
On the shore, A Jin was holding a large stack of documents and was about to deliver them to Mingyue Pavilion. With a glimpse of the corner of his eye, he saw a vague human figure in the lake with flickering light under the full moon.
He squinted his eyes and looked carefully.
She was an exceptionally beautiful person, with pearl flowers specially selected by the young master, her hair tied in a bun by the young master himself that morning, and clothes made of snow silk satin specially made for her by the young master.
The young master treasures that lady very much.
He was so scared that his eyes almost popped out.
"Madam! Madam!" He hurriedly piled the documents at his feet, rolled up his sleeves, and dove into the lake. After a few splashes, he was beside her. "Madam, how did you fall into the water? Madam! Madam!"
Ah Jin was timid and his voice was hoarse. After she shouted at him twice, he regained his composure. She asked, "What's wrong..."
"Help! Save Madam! Liusu!!!"
Nan Qiong Shuang: ...
She had no choice but to swim twice and drift to the shore: "Don't panic, I can swim."
Ah Jin continued to roar: "Ah!! Liu Su!! Save the lady!!!"
She really had no choice, and Ah Jin's two shouts pulled her out of her emotions. She helped Ah Jin get ashore.
When he reached the shore, he was almost broken.
Only then did she realize, despite being in the icy water for so long, that when she reached the shore, she felt numb. Her waist couldn't support her upper body, and her knees couldn't support her legs. She watched helplessly as gravel and gravel drew closer. Ah Jin grabbed her and prevented her from falling to the ground.
She knelt on the ground, her hair dripping with water, and rested for a long time.
Liu Su ran to get her coat and wrapped it around her, she was so scared that she burst into tears.
"Madam, are you frightened? I will send someone downstairs to report the news."
"Don't go." She held up her collar. "He'll definitely come back after hearing about it. It's just a small matter."
Liu Su was young and didn't dare to talk back. She looked at A Jin hesitantly.
"Then, I will help Madam to take a bath in Hibiscus Spring. If Madam gets frozen by such cold water..." She blinked with tears in her eyes and did not dare to continue.
Nan Qiong Shuang closed her eyes and said, "No need, I'm fine. Help me go back."
Returning to Mingyue Pavilion, it was even more tormenting.
He put away the calligraphy he had copied this morning, folded it neatly, and placed it under a paperweight.
When she was copying the calligraphy, I heard that she didn't want to go down with him. She was silent and heartbroken, without saying a word, just writing.
The fresh lychees that were just delivered this morning were piled in the fruit plate. I don’t know who peeled them at the time, but they were already slightly yellow.
If he were there, he would know that she didn't like to eat at night and would not peel it at night.
The jade comb he used to comb her hair at night, the palm-leaf fan he used to swat away mosquitoes for her, the mosquito repellent ointment he specially asked Mr. Qu Shu to prepare for her, and the little sweater with a red bottom sewn halfway with sugar were all left intact in their original places.
But no matter how you look at it, it seems different.
Even the annoying cat was brought down the mountain by him.
She asked him to take it away.
When he left, he held the cat by the scruff of its neck and shook his head, "Let's go. Your mother doesn't want you anymore. Only your father wants you."
She closed her eyes.
She was so tired. Although she was still wet and almost convulsing with cold, she didn't want to care about anything else and just wanted to sleep.
Go to sleep. When you wake up from sleep, a day has passed.
Tomorrow I will wake up...
When I wake up tomorrow, the situation will be the same.
Things won't get better. It's been like this since the beginning. This isn't something that can be left to chance.
She was soaked, but she was too lazy to change her wet clothes. She let the cold clothes stick to her body and just got on the bed.
The water from the corner of the clothes hit the floor, dripping.
She curled up numbly.
She shivered, causing the bed curtains to sway and tremble. She lay on the bed's only pillow, biting her index finger and closing her eyes.
But I smelled his scent.
He took her pillow away with him. It was the pillow he usually lay on.
His scent was so familiar to her, reliable, safe, and reassuring.
She had never smelled him before.
Why at this time?
She couldn't bear it any longer. Wu Dao was watching her from some corner. She didn't even dare to breathe quickly. Now she couldn't count on Gu Huaijin to help her anymore. She didn't dare to lie on the pillow anymore. She turned over and got off the couch again.
It was too cold, so she hurried to Hibiscus Spring.
Hibiscus Spring is a medicinal spring on Chaoyao Peak, suitable for recuperation and healing, located near Mingyue Pavilion. Gu Huaijin said she wasn't feeling well and repeatedly asked her to try soaking there, but she didn't take it seriously, thinking he was making a big deal out of nothing.
She went there now, firstly because she was cold, and secondly because this was the only place where Wu Dao would not follow her.
She quickly pushed open the door of the bathtub, peeled off the wet clothes that were stuck to her body in two or three strokes, untied her hair in a hurry, hugged her shoulders, and walked down the stone steps in the pool trembling.
The room was filled with steam, a murky white, and she could hardly see the steps.
Very hot.
But she was too cold, and this kind of heat was just right for her.
The hot springs covered her collarbone and shoulders, then curled around her neck. Her frozen body was instantly enveloped, and her muscles relaxed as if relieved. She grasped the edge of the pool and slowly walked over to lean against it.
He closed his eyes, let out a long breath, and felt exhausted.
It's so quiet. The water drips, and even your breath is wet with water droplets.
The mist was rising, a suffocating warmth.
While soaking in the hot spring, even the body used to the biting cold can't help but relax and stretch out, not wanting to leave.
However, it was still freezing cold outside.
She wondered quietly, was it because she had been living too comfortably these days that she had forgotten her original situation?
Because I have experienced warmth, I can no longer bear the pain and cold.
But……
However, she never belonged to these places where it is spring all year round.
Perhaps she shouldn't have lingered. She didn't belong here in the first place; everything she had was a lie. This kind of spring, for a grass like her, struggling to survive in the cold cracks of the rocks, was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. She should cherish the few moments she had, and there was absolutely no reason to force her to stay.
She shouldn't have lingered.
Have you forgotten who you are?
She covered her face and sobbed.
The mist was hot and chaotic, wrapping her in it, and everything was silent.
Her tears, round, fell one by one into the hot spring water and melted away.
It was her fault. She had forgotten... forgotten who she was.
She forgot her mission, her name, and her self, and willingly deceived herself to play another role.
So, now, we are in this dilemma.
It’s okay to cheat others, but why do you cheat yourself too?
She had never thought of herself as weak, but now she realized that she was just a fool who was greedy for enjoyment.
Love?
Love is the most unreliable thing. Love today, change tomorrow. Even Gu Huaijin can't tell. When he doesn't love you anymore...
Nature would abandon her, just like all the other men in the world.
Even if he said that he loved her now.
But, is it really her that he loves?
She had never revealed her true self to him. He had never seen even a glimpse of Nan Qiong Shuang's hatred and determination, her resoluteness and pride, her open-mindedness and inviolability.
As for the things he fell in love with, her tenderness, her tears, her dependence and timidity...
It's all acted out.
Gu Huaijin, he had no idea who Nan Qiongshuang was.
She didn't know if there really was a Chu Jiaojiao in this world.
But one thing is certain, she, Nan Qiong Shuang, has nothing to do with the delicate and pitiful Chu Jiaojiao.
She is not herself.
If Gu Huaijin really loved Chu Jiaojiao so much, then he would never love Nan Qiongshuang.
She hugged her shoulders and burst into tears.
Suddenly, red agate-like water drops fell into the water one by one and turned into wisps of smoke in the water.
She was stunned.
Small red round drops of water fell one after another, and her slender white hands, trembling, touched her cheeks.
Touched his eyelashes.
There are a few bright red streaks on the fingertips.
She was panting, and suddenly she felt something unusually hot in her nostrils. The hot substance slowly flowed down, dripping, and fell into the water.
It’s also red.
She belatedly grasped the edge of the pool, and the scene in front of her eyes instantly blurred. The outlines of all things overlapped and rippled back and forth, and she felt a tingling sound in her ears.
She is bleeding.
Is it because you were frozen in the lake just now and came to soak in the hot springs right away?
no.
In her head, a tendon was throbbing, pulling at her brain, as if a worm had drilled into her brain and was twitching violently.
A piercing pain.
She had felt this kind of pain before.
She bent down, hugged her shoulders, and saw her reflection in the water, with two rows of hideous bloodstains under her eyes.
It's her poison.
The poison of the seven-wood fragrant wood has recurred.
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