Let them see who I am not clear with for a moment...
You can't rely on me, nor am I worthy of your love.
This sentence not only failed to comfort Wen Zichuan, but made him cry even harder, as if he wanted to vent all the emotions that had been pent up for a long time.
After all, the world is so big, but there is no place safer than Cheng Sizhou's arms. He stumbled all the way here and finally found a harbor where he could anchor.
So he was greedy and unwilling to let go, and even more unwilling to hand it over to others.
Tired, hungry, and crying too much, Wen Zichuan suddenly lost his strength and almost fell down.
Cheng Sizhou carried him to the bed, leaned over and kissed away his tears: "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat something?"
If he said "I want to eat", Brother Zhou would go out and buy it immediately, but he only had one night and he couldn't waste it.
"If you're not hungry, don't leave."
"I won't leave. I'll stay with you."
"Don't leave tonight, okay?"
"……good."
Wen Zichuan didn't want to delve into the issue of "first come, first served" anymore. The person he loved was right beside him at the moment, and they still had a long time to be together, one year, two years, three years... It would always be longer than the time he and Liu Shixing spent together in college.
He may not be his first, but he wants to be his last.
"Brother Zhou." Wen Zichuan grabbed his hand, rubbing the faint bite marks on his palm. "You are mine."
Cheng Sizhou smiled helplessly, ruffled his hair, and kissed him between the eyebrows: "I am yours."
His actions were full of tenderness, but Wen Zichuan didn't want such tenderness anymore.
He grabbed Cheng Sizhou's collar, pulled him towards him, and kissed him stubbornly and awkwardly, like a thirsty traveler in the desert who encountered ice instead of water, impatient and without any rules.
“It’s okay… Um, Zichuan…!”
"No, don't hide, I want to..."
"What are you going to do?!"
"Make up lessons."
Cheng Sizhou's face turned red with embarrassment. He had never been forced in this regard in his life.
But then again, how much does Zichuan care about his past? The word "make-up lessons" is clearly only used when studying.
"Stop making trouble! It will hurt if you don't prepare anything." Cheng Sizhou "regained his masculine authority" and pressed him into the white and soft pillow.
"You have to endure the pain and not scream, otherwise if others hear you, it will be confirmed."
"Do you have any self-awareness at all? Can't you tell who's on top and who's on the bottom?" Cheng Sizhou might not be a tough guy, but he's definitely a tough one. "Tell me, what did you prove?"
"It's confirmed that Teacher Wen has a chaotic private life. During training, she hooked up with men, sold her body, and sought money."
The dim yellow light made everything look ambiguous. In the semi-brightness, Wen Zichuan's self-deprecating expression was almost charming.
The flames and smoke rose again, and Cheng Sizhou covered them to block his words.
If you have to do something to help him completely escape from his sadness, you might as well burn yourself to light the way for him to escape from the cage.
"Brother Zhou, I'm not afraid of pain."
"…If you feel uncomfortable, you have to say it."
"So many painful things have passed, but if it's because of you, I am willing to accept it."
Wen Zichuan raised his face, and between breaths, he could no longer bear to part.
They each broke themselves down, only to better reach and connect with each other. His obsession dissolved his weakness, his scheming replaced his past, his grievances collided with his reluctance, his honesty enveloped his forbearance... Their bodies and minds merged here, and even if the world turned upside down and the rivers and seas turned upside down, they had no regrets.
Cheng Sizhou's hand stopped at the side of Wen Zichuan's face, and he couldn't help but touch his extremely beautiful brow bones and jaw.
Wen Zichuan thought that his hands must have touched countless precious porcelain heirlooms. How could he be so worthy as to receive the same treatment as the national treasures?
"Brother Zhou, I... want your hand..."
He found that he particularly enjoyed the feeling of being caressed. Indeed, he was full of holes and fragments. Only a skilled hand like Cheng Sizhou could piece him together through caressing, let him heal, and then paint him with just the right beautiful colors.
The two embraced each other tacitly and fell into despair together, driven by affection.
At that moment, there was a sudden commotion outside the door; perhaps another student had returned. The hotel's soundproofing was even worse than the old house on Willow Bank, and the sound of footsteps and laughter was so dense that it felt like rolling over my head.
Wen Zichuan had to use up a little of his rationality and bite his lips tightly to block out the sound that shouldn't be made.
Cheng Sizhou also heard it, so he slowed down, from a violent storm to a gentle rain.
"Did you hear that Teacher Mu Cen is so generous? The end-of-course bonus includes a set of equipment worth tens of thousands of dollars!"
"Don't dream! You can only get it if you rank first in the final course. Can you compare with him?"
"Who is it? Wen Zichuan? He's pretty good, but he's not necessarily number one, right?"
"Look at how much Teacher Mu Cen takes care of him. Maybe he's already been selected."
As they were talking, another group of people came over with their friends and joined the chat.
"Hey, do you guys know about that gossip? The one about Yaya's mumbling?"
"Everyone in the industry knows this. There's even a video. Oh my god, he and the boss lady are so close."
"Really? Really? Did you save it? Send it out and take a look."
"No, the links have been deleted. They signed the second time. Will the company ignore this kind of thing?"
The students became more and more excited as they talked. Wen Zichuan didn't say anything, just smiled. He really wanted to hear how far those rumors could spread.
"You said, he has no shortage of business and fans, why would he sign up for a class?"
"Who knew? He's so awesome, yet he still comes to compete with us. That's outrageous."
"Is it possible that he was deliberately trying to show off in front of Teacher Mu Cen? Do you remember that every time the teacher demonstrated a scene himself, he would call him to act with him. It was obvious that they had a good relationship."
"...You don't mean to say that he even wants to hook up with Teacher Mu Cen, do you?"
"Hahaha, you're too harsh! Teacher Mu Cen is old enough to be his father."
A group of people laughed and joked. Even though they knew that these things were purely imaginary, they still treated them as jokes and spoke them out loud without restraint.
Feeling Wen Zichuan move, Cheng Sizhou lowered his eyes and saw a tear sliding down the corner of his eye.
The two of them didn't say anything else. They just closed their eyes and immersed themselves in each other, trying to create an illusion with each other's breath to isolate themselves from the cruelty and coldness of reality.
Finally, the conversation outside the door gradually became blurred and faded away with the footsteps.
"Brother Zhou." Wen Zichuan called him in a hoarse voice, with the last syllable carrying a soft and moist sound.
"I'm here." Cheng Sizhou understood what he meant and bent down to kiss the corner of his lips.
"Tell me, am I crazy? I actually wanted to open the door and let them take a good look at who I'm hooking up with and who I have an unclear relationship with..."
"Tomorrow we'll both be trending on the internet: the extraordinary romance between a voice actor and a cultural relic restorer."
"Then I was fired from the company, and Dengbo didn't want you anymore, so we...went on the road together."
"Are we the only ones still wandering? How about this, I'll be in charge of wandering, and you'll be in charge of splashing."
"Which stream are you in charge of? The gangster stream?"
Cheng Sizhou chuckled softly. He was often criticized for being talkative, but at the critical moment, isn't it nice to make a joke or two?
"Brother Zhou, are you going back tomorrow?"
"Well, I'll catch the train early in the morning. After I get home, I'll clean the house and wait for you."
"Put me in your suitcase and take me back with you."
Cheng Sizhou knew that this was just a way of acting coquettishly. The reason why Zichuan made himself so tired was because he would give his all to anything he was determined to do.
"Zichuan, although I don't know much about your past, I want to say that for those who hurt you with their rude words, you don't have to just tolerate it. Don't be so wronged."
"I don't want to embarrass Teacher Mu Cen, and I don't want to embarrass you either."
"No, no one is born to be humble to others. You can argue, you can appeal, you can fight back, you can resist all the injustices imposed on you."
"Brother Zhou..."
"Brother Zhou hopes that you will not live in the eyes of others, that you can cry when you want to cry, laugh when you want to laugh, and be able to be yourself freely and calmly."
Wen Zichuan closed his eyes and hugged him even tighter, wishing that their flesh and blood could be embedded into each other, so that the two of them could become one.
The feeling of being strangled made Cheng Sizhou lose his mind for a moment, and in a trance, he saw the white seagull again.
He sped up his pace, mobilizing the resilience of his blood and muscles, and climbed the mountain ahead with Wen Zichuan.
“Buzz buzz buzz—!!”
There was a violent vibration, and Wen Zichuan had no time to think about anything else. It took him a long time to realize that the phone was stuck in the gap at the head of the bed, causing the bed board and the wall to resonate together.
Seeing that he couldn't reach his arm, Cheng Sizhou helped him take out his phone.
"It's Mu Cen."
"Don't answer..."
Why did Teacher Mu Cen call at this time? He asked for leave, and Mu Cen agreed.
"Do you want to hang up or call back?"
"No, I'm like this..."
Wen Zichuan couldn't even catch his breath. Mu Cen wouldn't think that he was still practicing his breathing and acting skills in private, right?
"Let's talk about it tomorrow."
"Um."
Wen Zichuan didn't want to pay attention to Mu Cen, just as Cheng Sizhou abandoned Zou Yillong and the others. On such a beautiful night, they didn't intend to care about other people and other things, but only wanted to focus on hugging, kissing and cuddling.
It was late at night, and the two came back from taking a shower. Cheng Sizhou watched Wen Zichuan, who was almost exhausted, fall asleep.
Just go to sleep, but you insist on holding my arm and resting your forehead on my shoulder.
This position was definitely not comfortable, but Zichuan was very stubborn, as if he was afraid that he would quietly leave after he fell asleep.
The next day, Cheng Sizhou set off at dawn. Before leaving, he kissed Wen Zichuan on the side of his face and said, "I'll wait for you to come home."
Wen Zichuan was half asleep and wanted to get up to see him off, but he was coaxed and tricked into getting back into bed.
Cheng Sizhou didn't want to be seen by the students in the training class, so he walked quickly. Otherwise, if he had come out of Wen Zichuan's room early in the morning, who knows how much trouble it would have caused him.
In the elevator car, he looked at himself in the mirror and thought it was absurd and funny that meeting his lover, whom he liked, turned out to be no different from having an affair.
He has been disciplined to this point by worldly prejudices, and his only hope is to protect Zichuan and not let him experience the pain he has experienced again.
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