Chapter 41: Heart dead as ash, body like a dead tree
The rain in late autumn was lingering and chilly, and a thin layer of moisture accumulated on the green tiles of the side courtyard. The wind, wrapped in raindrops, penetrated through the window cracks, making the candlelight flicker and casting a gray, dead air on everything in the room.
Yun Zhi lay in bed, covered by a thick quilt, yet it felt like she was immersed in ice water, even her fingertips were cold. Her eyes were open, fixed on the lotus pattern on the ceiling, their gaze as empty as a dry well, without a single ripple. Three days had passed since the miscarriage, and the pain in her abdomen still lingered intermittently. But compared to the dead silence in her heart, that pain was nothing.
"Miss, it's time to take your medicine." Qingzhu walked in with the medicine bowl, her voice soft as if she wasn't afraid to disturb anything. The medicine was for replenishing Qi and blood. Xiao Jin had it delivered, but Yunzhi had never taken it before. Qingzhu placed the bowl on the small table by the bed and reached out to help her up. As soon as his fingers touched her arm, Yunzhi unconsciously avoided him.
She remained the same, silent, unresponsive, and unresponsive, like a soulless puppet. Qingzhu stared at her pale, transparent face, the unwavering darkness in her eyes, and couldn't help but burst into tears again. "Girl, drink a little, or your body will collapse... Even if not for yourself, think about it..."
Qingzhu didn't dare say the rest of the words out loud—she thought about the child she had lost, but she was afraid that mentioning the child would only irritate Yunzhi further. She could only pick up the medicine bowl, scoop up a spoonful of medicine with a spoon, and pass it to Yunzhi's mouth: "Miss, just drink a sip, okay?"
The medicine was steaming and bitter, but Yunzhi didn't even open her mouth, her eyes fixed on the ceiling, as if everything around her had nothing to do with her. Qingzhu froze the spoon in her hand in mid-air, and her tears dripped into the medicine bowl, splashing tiny ripples.
Just then, heavy footsteps were heard outside the yard, carrying a familiar sense of oppression - it was Xiao Jin coming.
Qingzhu's heart tightened, and she quickly placed the medicine bowl on the small table. She wiped her tears and went out to greet him: "Your Highness."
Xiao Jin grumbled, "Hmm," and walked straight into the room without stopping. As soon as he entered, a lingering chill washed over him, colder than the autumn rain outside. He looked toward the bed. Yun Zhi lay motionless, not even glancing at him as he entered. Her deathly silence was like a thorn, piercing his heart and making him feel strangely uneasy.
"How is she?" Xiao Jin's voice was as cold as ice, his eyes fixed on the untouched bowl of medicine on the small table.
"The young lady still refuses to take medicine or eat," Qingzhu lowered her head, her voice filled with grievance, "no matter how much I persuade her, she won't speak... Your Majesty, please try to persuade the young lady. If she continues like this, she won't be able to bear it."
Xiao Jin said nothing, walking to the bedside and looking down at Yun Zhi. Her face was as pale as paper, her lips were bloodless, and her long eyelashes drooped, hiding the emotion in her eyes. But that lifeless look annoyed him more than crying or making a fuss.
"Get up and take the medicine." Xiao Jin spoke, his tone commanding, as cold and hard as before.
Yun Zhi didn't move, as if she didn't hear anything.
"I told you to get up and take the medicine!" Xiao Jin's voice rose a few notches, a hint of barely perceptible anger lingering in it. He hated this feeling, hated Yun Zhi's indifference to him, hated the way she looked, as if her soul had been sucked out of her—as if nothing he had done had stirred the slightest ripple in her heart.
But Yunzhi still didn't react, not even her eyelashes trembled.
Xiao Jin's patience was completely exhausted. He bent down, grabbed Yun Zhi's wrist, and forcibly pulled her off the bed. Yun Zhi's body was very light, as light as a feather. When he pulled her up, she didn't even have the strength to resist. She just leaned softly in his arms, her eyes still staring blankly ahead.
"What do you want?" Xiao Jin stared into her eyes, his voice filled with irritation and anger. "Who are you pretending to be for? Are you trying to gain sympathy with this? Or do you want me to regret it? Yunzhi, don't think I'll be soft-hearted just because of this!"
He thought Yun Zhi was pretending, taking revenge on him this way. But he didn't see that when he grabbed her wrist, Yun Zhi's fingertips trembled slightly, not because of fear or anger, but because the familiar touch reminded her of the night when she was forced to drink drugs, the severe pain in her abdomen, and the child who didn't have time to see the world.
But these emotions were quickly drowned out by the dead silence in her heart. She looked at Xiao Jin, her eyes devoid of hatred, resentment, or even a trace of emotion, as if she were looking at a stranger.
"Let go." After a long time, Yun Zhi slowly spoke, her voice hoarse as if it had been rubbed by sandpaper, without a trace of warmth.
This was the first time she spoke to Xiao Jin since the miscarriage. Xiao Jin was stunned for a moment, and his grip on her wrist subconsciously loosened a little, but he still insisted, "You're finally willing to talk? If you had just been so obedient earlier, why would you have to endure all this pain?"
"Let go." Yun Zhi repeated it again, her tone still calm, but with an unquestionable determination.
Xiao Jin's rage flared up again. Instead of letting go, he held on tighter. "Do you think I'll let you go? You killed your own child, and you still want to stay out of this? Yun Zhi, you'll never leave the palace again!"
"Child..." Yun Zhi repeated these two words in a low voice, and a faint ripple of extreme sadness finally appeared in her eyes. "You killed him."
"You are the one who is not clear about the situation and got pregnant with a bastard!" Xiao Jin retorted, but his voice was not so righteous. He avoided Yun Zhi's gaze, not daring to see the sadness in her eyes, "I killed him to clean up the family!"
"Clean up the house..." Yun Zhi suddenly laughed. It was a light laugh, but it was filled with endless mockery and despair. "Xiao Jin, you are so pathetic."
Pathetic? Xiao Jin looked at her suddenly, his eyes filled with incredible anger: "Who are you calling pathetic?"
"I'm talking about you." Yun Zhi looked at him, her eyes still empty, yet filled with a kind of indifference that saw through everything. "You were blinded by hatred, used as a tool by others, and killed your own child with your own hands, and you still think you're right... If you're not pathetic, what is?"
Her words were like a sharp knife, piercing Xiao Jin's sore spot precisely. He wanted to retort, to roar, but seeing Yun Zhi's dead silence, the coldness in her eyes devoid of a trace of warmth, all the words got stuck in his throat, leaving only a heart full of irritation and inexplicable panic.
He suddenly released Yun Zhi's wrist. Yun Zhi lost her support and fell back onto the bed like a dead leaf, without even struggling. Xiao Jin looked at her, his chest heaving violently, but he could no longer utter a harsh word.
"You'll have to take care of yourself." Xiao Jin finally said only this before turning and walking away. He was afraid that if he stayed any longer, Yun Zhi's behavior would drive him crazy, and he would be forced to admit his mistakes.
The door slammed shut, and the room fell silent again. Qingzhu hurried over and helped Yunzhi up. Looking at the red scratches on her wrists, she burst into tears. "Miss, are you okay? How could the prince do this to you..."
Yun Zhi didn't say anything, just lay there quietly. After a long time, Qing Zhu thought she had returned to her previous state. Just as she was about to get up to clean up the medicine bowl, she saw a tear slowly sliding down the corner of Yun Zhi's dry eyes.
The teardrop was light, falling silently on the pillow, but like a stone, it caused a faint ripple in the dead lake of her heart. Her fingers unconsciously clenched the bedding beneath her, her knuckles turning white, but she had no strength to loosen them.
She hadn't forgotten, nor had she let it go. The abortion drug she'd been forced to drink, the excruciating pain in her abdomen, the child who hadn't even had time to form, and Xiao Jin's hurtful words, were all like marks etched in her bones and blood, never to be erased.
But now, she doesn't have the energy to hate or take revenge. She needs time, strength, and a chance.
Xiao Jin, who was outside the door, hadn't gone far. He leaned against the pillar, listening to the silence in the room, his irritation growing. He remembered the dead silence in Yun Zhi's eyes, her words, "You're so pathetic," the red marks on her wrists, and the sharp pain in his heart surged back.
He took out a handkerchief and wiped the fingers that had just grasped Yun Zhi's wrist, as if her warmth still lingered there. But that warmth was as cold as ice, making his fingertips tremble.
For the first time, he began to doubt whether his original decision was the right one. Was that child really Xie Heng's? Was Yun Zhi really just pretending?
These questions, like vines, entangled in his heart, making it hard for him to breathe. But he didn't dare to think too deeply, nor did he dare to investigate - he was afraid that the truth he found would make him completely collapse.
The rain continued to fall, and the chilly wind, wrapped in the raindrops, chilled Xiao Jin's entire body. He didn't know that this rain had not only soaked the green tiles of the side courtyard, but also soaked Yun Zhi's last bit of affection, and even foreshadowed the coming of a bigger storm.
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