Chapter 84: Self-destruction to atone for sins, the prince commits suicide
The cold rain of the night began to fall again, hitting the bluestone slabs with a soft "tick-tick" sound, like someone sobbing softly in the dark. Xiao Jin had been standing outside the vermilion lacquer door of Yunzhi Villa for nearly an hour.
His black brocade robe had long been soaked through by the rain and clung tightly to his body, outlining his thin shoulders. He had hardly eaten in the past few days, and his eye sockets were sunken. The dark circles under his eyes were as heavy as if they were painted with ink. Only the scarlet under his eyes was frighteningly bright in the dim light.
The image of Yun Zhi protecting Xie Heng during the day pierced his heart like needles. "If you hurt him in the slightest, I'll die before you." The determination in those words, sharper than any knife, shattered his last shred of hope. He couldn't understand why his heartfelt attempts to atone for his sins were met with such indifference, she wouldn't even glance at him; why Xie Heng could so easily gain her trust, even to the point of risking her life to protect him.
The raindrops grew heavier, dripping down his hair. The cold touch made him shiver. Suddenly, as if making a resolution, he slowly raised his hand and pulled out a small dagger from his waist. It was a birthday gift from Yun Zhi. She had said, "The prince often went to the military camp, so he carried a dagger for self-defense." Now, it had become a tool for him to "atone for his sins."
The dagger's cold light flashed in the rainy night. Xiao Jin's hand trembled slightly as he held the dagger, but he didn't hesitate. He raised his left arm, and the blade touched the skin of his forearm, slashing it down fiercely!
"Swish—" The sound of a sharp blade slicing through flesh was particularly clear amidst the sound of the rain. Blood instantly gushed out, flowing down his arm and dripping onto the bluestone slabs, creating small splashes that were quickly washed away by the rain, leaving a faint red mark on the ground.
"Your Highness!" The guards standing nearby were terrified upon seeing this and rushed over to grab the dagger. "What are you doing? Put the dagger down!"
"Don't touch me!" Xiao Jin violently shook off the guard's hand, his eyes frantic. He clutched the dagger tightly in his other hand and slashed his arm a second time. "I owe Zhi'er this! I owe the Yun family this! Shedding this little bit of blood is no way to atone for my sins!"
Blood trickled down his forearm, soaking through his cuffs and staining his dark brocade robe dark brown. The pain was so intense that cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and his lips turned pale, yet he seemed to feel nothing. He simply stared at the gate of the villa and roared, "Zhi'er! I know I was wrong! I will atone with my blood! Can you please come out and see me? Just one look!"
His roar echoed through the rainy night, startling the maids in the other courtyard. A young maid in pajamas rubbed her eyes and came out to investigate. Seeing Xiao Jin covered in blood outside the door, she screamed in fear and ran back to the main house: "Miss! This is bad! The prince is hurting himself outside! He's bleeding so much!"
In the main room, Yun Zhi was still awake. She sat at the table, holding a half-read book in her hands, the candlelight casting a faint shadow on her face. Hearing the maid's scream, she paused turning the pages, but didn't get up immediately. Instead, she asked calmly, "Is he seriously injured?"
"It's serious! There are two big cuts on the forearm, and the blood is flowing to the ground! The guards can't stop it even if they want to!" The maid's voice was filled with tears. "Miss, should we call the imperial physician? If this goes on, the prince will be in danger!"
Yun Zhi closed the book and looked out the window. Raindrops pattered against the window frame, and Xiao Jin's muffled roar could be heard faintly. Her eyes remained calm, neither worried nor disgusted. "No need. If he wants to harm himself, it's his own business. It has nothing to do with me."
"But..." The maid wanted to persuade her, but was interrupted by Yun Zhi.
"Go, get a bucket of water and pour it on the door." Yun Zhi's voice was still calm, but it carried an unquestionable command. "His blood is dripping on my doorstep and staining my ground. Rinse it clean and don't let this filth pollute my yard."
The maid was stunned, unable to believe her ears. The prince was nearly bleeding to death, and the young lady wasn't worried at all, but was actually going to wash his blood away with water? But seeing Yun Zhi's cold eyes, she didn't dare say another word. She could only nod and go to the kitchen to fetch some water.
Soon, the maid came out with a bucket of cold water and poured it down on the bloodstains at the door. The cold water mixed with rainwater instantly washed away the bloodstains on the bluestone slab, leaving only a wet stain, as if the tragic suicide had never happened.
Xiao Jin watched this scene, and it felt as if all the blood in his body froze instantly. He froze in place, the wound on his arm still bleeding, the pain so severe that he could barely stand. But this little pain was nothing compared to the excruciating pain in his heart.
He thought his blood could move her even slightly; that his self-harm would remind her of their past love; that even if she hated him, she would at least care whether he lived or died. But he was wrong, utterly wrong—not only did she not care, she even thought his blood was "dirty," and she would immediately wash away any traces of him.
With a thud, Xiao Jin could no longer support himself and fell heavily to his knees on the bluestone slab. Rainwater mixed with the blood from his arm flowed down his trouser legs, staining the ground around him a dark red. His hand, gripping the dagger, drooped weakly, and the dagger fell to the ground with a clang, splashing a few drops of rainwater.
"It's dirty...my land..." He murmured, repeating Yun Zhi's words, his voice hoarse as if it had been rubbed by sandpaper. Tears mixed with rain and blood fell together, "Zhi'er...am I so unbearable in your heart? Even my blood has dirty your land..."
The guards felt bad seeing him like this, but they didn't dare to approach him. They knew that any comfort at this moment would only make him crazier; any dissuasion would only make him more desperate.
In the main room, Yun Zhi stood by the window, looking at Xiao Jin, who sat slumped in the rain outside. Her fingers gently brushed against the window frame, their tips cold, just like her current mood.
It wasn't that she didn't feel pain, or hate. It was just that the pain of so many years had already worn her heart into stone. Xiao Jin's blood couldn't wash away the injustice of the 173 members of the Yun family; his self-harm couldn't bring back her dead child; his atonement couldn't make up for the torture she had endured for the past three years.
Rather than being indifferent, it would be better to say she had long been numb. She only felt one thing about Xiao Jin's actions: annoyance. She was annoyed by his nagging, his self-admiration, and his extreme attempts to brand her "heartless."
The rain continued to fall, and Xiao Jin knelt in it, like an abandoned statue. The wound on his arm was still bleeding, but he no longer felt the pain. The hollow in his heart grew larger, filled with cold rain and endless despair, swallowing him bit by bit.
He finally understood that some sins cannot be redeemed by bloodshed; some people, once completely disappointed, can never come back.
His self-destructive atonement ultimately earned him only the words "You've soiled my floor" and a bucket of ice-cold water. This was more painful than any knife wound, more cruel than any humiliation, and completely crushed the last bit of strength he had left to support himself.
As the night deepened, the rain grew heavier, enveloping Xiao Jin in a damp darkness. He lowered his head, his shoulders trembling slightly, not knowing if it was from the cold, the pain, or perhaps the collapse of utter despair.
The lights in the courtyard quickly went out, as if everything outside the door had nothing to do with the people inside.
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