Chapter 85: The truth is complete, heartbreaking
The west wing of Prince Duan's mansion was already overgrown with weeds, spiderwebs adorning the window frames. Only the old osmanthus tree in the corner remained stubbornly alive, though it could no longer produce the lush blossoms it once had. Xiao Jin stood in the center of the courtyard, his feet treading on the withered, yellow leaves, making a soft, crunching sound that mimicked his own heartbeat.
He spent three days finding out all the people involved in the "Yun Family Case" - from the cook who cooked the abortion soup for Yun Zhi, to the guard who delivered the abortion medicine, to the housekeeper who "gifted" Yun Zhi to the Northern Di envoy. Each person brought a bloody truth that he had never known.
"Your Highness, back then... back then, Miss Chen asked me to make that bowl of sterilization soup. She said... she said that if Miss Yun got pregnant with your child, it would threaten her position." The cook knelt on the ground, her voice trembling as she pulled out a yellowed prescription from her bosom. "This is the prescription from back then. I've been hiding it and dared not throw it away... The 'Achyranthes bidentata' and 'Trifoliate Ganoderma' on it are both strong abortion drugs. If you drink them for a long time, you'll never get pregnant again..."
Xiao Jin reached out to take the prescription, his fingertips rubbing against the blurred handwriting, his fingertips feeling cold. He remembered how Yun Zhi, when she first entered the palace, would always drink a bowl of "tonic soup" before every meal. At the time, he'd simply thought Shen Qingyue was being thoughtful, but now he knew that bowl of soup held such a sinister plot. And Yun Zhi, having been drinking it for so long, hadn't she already known this? Did she secretly shed tears every time she drank it?
"And... and that bowl of abortion medicine." The guard who delivered the medicine also knelt down, his head bowed. "It was Prime Minister Shen who ordered me to give the medicine to Miss Yun, and he also said... he also said that if Miss Yun didn't drink it, she would be forced to drink it. I saw Miss Yun hold on to the wall and vomit for a long time after drinking the medicine, even vomiting blood... She even asked me, 'Is this child so annoying?'"
"Is it really that annoying..." Xiao Jin muttered, his heart feeling like it was being gripped tightly by an invisible hand, the pain so intense that he could barely breathe. He recalled Yun Zhi's pale face the night the abortion drug was given, the despair in her eyes as she leaned against the wall toward him, and his cold words, "You're not worthy of bearing my child." What had he done to her?
What broke him the most was the butler's testimony.
"Your Highness, it was Prime Minister Shen and Miss Shen who suggested giving Miss Yun to the Northern Di envoy." The housekeeper knelt on the ground, his voice tinged with tears. "When Miss Yun found out, she knelt at the gate of the palace and begged you for three days and three nights, but you refused to see her. When she was finally forced into the carriage, she was still holding the jade hairpin you gave her and said...'Your Highness, I'll wait for you to come back'..."
"I'll wait for you to come back..." Xiao Jin clutched his chest, a mouthful of blood spurting out, splashing onto the withered yellow leaves like a mournful flower. He thought of the jade hairpin—the one he had casually given her back then, which had later shattered when Shen Qingyue broke it. Yun Zhi had secretly picked up the pieces and kept wearing them. It turned out that when she was sent away, she was still waiting for him, still believing he would return to save her.
And what about him? He was accompanying Shen Qingyue to appreciate the flowers, listening to Shen Qingyue say "Yun Zhi doesn't know what's good for her, she deserves to be sent away", and turning a blind eye to her pleas for help.
"Hahaha..." Xiao Jin suddenly chuckled, his laughter filled with self-mockery, a mixture of blood and tears. He stumbled over to the room where Yun Zhi had once lived and pushed open the creaking wooden door. The room was covered in dust. On the dressing table still stood the bronze mirror she had used. The mirror had long since faded, but it still vaguely reflected his current appearance—his eyes were bloodshot, his face was pale, and blood stained the corners of his mouth. He looked like a madman.
He walked over to the bed, sat down, and ran his fingers over the cold board. This was where she had slept; this was where she had secretly cried all night when she learned she could no longer have a child; this was where she had curled up in pain all night after being forced to drink abortion drugs.
Every corner hides her pain and his cruelty.
"Zhi'er... I was wrong..." Xiao Jin's voice was filled with tears. He couldn't help but let his tears fall. They hit the bed and left a small wet mark. "I shouldn't have believed Shen Qingyue's words. I shouldn't have been so cruel to you. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have let you suffer so much..."
He pulled out the broken jade hairpin from his bosom, which he had retrieved from the housekeeper. The broken edge of the hairpin was still sharp, cutting his finger, and blood dripped onto the hairpin, looking very much like Yun Zhi's tears back then.
He sat by the bed, facing the empty room, confessing over and over again, recalling the past. From the light in her eyes when they first met, to her cautiousness when she was pregnant, to her despair when she was sent away... Every scene was like a knife, repeatedly cutting his heart.
The moon slowly rose outside the window, its cool light filtering through the shabby window onto him. He sat there, motionless, like a statue. Only when the sky began to turn pale and the first rays of morning light shone into the room did he slowly raise his head.
The guards outside the courtyard were shocked to see him emerge—in just one night, Xiao Jin's hair had turned completely white! Its white hair shone with a silvery frost in the morning light, making his face appear even paler. The bloodshot in his eyes was like burnt-out charcoal, leaving only ash-like despair.
"Your Highness...you..." The guard's voice trembled, and he couldn't believe his eyes.
Xiao Jin didn't say anything, but slowly raised his hand and looked at his white hair. He reached out and touched it, and when his fingertips touched the cold hair, he suddenly smiled - a smile that was uglier than crying.
Turn white overnight.
It turns out that some people really turn their hair white overnight.
He finally understood that the pain Yun Zhi endured back then was ten thousand times greater than what he felt now. She had lost her child, her family, her dignity, and all hope of living, yet she had struggled through three years in despair, just to clear the Yun family's name.
And he, the culprit, only learned the truth and began to repent three years later. This confession came too late, too cheap, and too ridiculous.
"Prepare the horses." Xiao Jin's voice was hoarse as if it had been rubbed with sandpaper, but it carried an unquestionable command. "Go to Yun Zhi's villa."
He wanted to see her and tell her in person that he knew the whole truth and what a jerk he was. He wanted to kneel before her and beg for her forgiveness, even if she beat him, scolded him, even if she asked him to die.
But he didn't know that some injuries, once done, can never be repaired; some truths, once known, will only bring deeper despair. His gray hair, his confession, are still worthless in the face of Yun Zhi's pain.
The guard didn't dare ask any more questions and hurried to prepare the horses. Xiao Jin stood under the osmanthus tree in the corner of the courtyard, looking up at the bare branches, remembering the time Yun Zhi brewed tea for him beneath the tree. Back then, the osmanthus blossoms had fallen to the ground, their fragrance intoxicating. Now, all that was left was the desolate courtyard and his head of white hair.
He slowly closed his eyes, the last thing that flashed through his mind was Yun Zhi holding the jade hairpin as she was forced into the carriage. Her eyes held despair, reluctance, and a faint hint of anticipation.
But in the end, he still failed to live up to that expectation.
This sin, this regret, will accompany him for the rest of his life until he is completely consumed by despair.
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