Chapter 36. She regretted marrying Gu Zhan.
These days, Shen Mi doesn't really want to see Gu Zhan anymore, but she doesn't dare to fall out with him, so she can only hide and avoid him. She even misses the days when Gu Zhan kept her under house arrest in Qingluan Palace, at least she didn't have to see him.
Only when he let go of her and spoke with the official she didn't know did Shen Mi finally feel like she could breathe some fresh air.
However, upon hearing that familiar voice, she felt that almost suffocating feeling return.
Su Xingjian and Su Yuzhao turned around and bowed to Gu Zhan, but Gu Zhan only said "Rise".
He watched as the girl standing by the Taiye Pond slowly turned around, bowed her head, lowered her eyes, and respectfully greeted him.
He waited for the girl to come closer obediently as usual, but she didn't come. So he calmly commanded, "Come here."
The girl hesitated for a moment, but eventually moved towards him, stood beside him, and said softly, "Your Highness."
Gu Zhan reached out and pulled her into his arms, glanced at Su Xingjian, and asked her, "I saw you smiling very happily just now?"
If you answer this question directly, it seems like whatever you say will be wrong.
If she said she was happy, Gu Zhan would think she was joking with Su Xingjian; if she said she was unhappy, Gu Zhan would think she was unhappy because she saw him.
But if she wanted to escape, she would have to go along with Gu Zhan's temperament first, so that she could plan what would happen next.
Shen Mi pursed her lips and finally nodded gently: "Yes, feed the carp in Taiye Pond, it will make me happy."
"Oh," Gu Zhan looked at her empty hands, "you finished feeding the fish so quickly?"
Shen Mi then briefly recounted to Gu Zhan how she had almost slipped and fallen into the Taiye Pool, and how Su Yuzhao had come to her rescue in time.
Gu Zhan glanced at Su Yuzhao.
Su Yuzhao felt that His Highness the Crown Prince had become much stranger lately. He used to be as cold as ice, but now he seemed to be too fond of Consort Shen, which made her feel a chill down her spine.
But since it was a matter between the two of them as husband and wife, she couldn't say much. She just felt uncomfortable staying there, so she bowed to Gu Zhanfu and said, "Your Highness, my brother and I will take our leave first."
Gu Zhan nodded, his hand gently stroking the inside of Shen Mi's wrist without saying a word.
Before long, the Dragon Boat Festival banquet officially began. This time, Gu Zhan actually let Shen Mi sit directly next to him, and told the Empress and the Emperor that he still had lingering fears about what happened at last year's Celebration Banquet.
The Empress understood him, and seeing that Shen Mi indeed looked timid and silent, she assumed that she had not yet recovered from what happened last year, and nodded in agreement.
Gu Zhan showed great concern for Shen Mi at the banquet, and Shen Mi dared not refuse his "kindness" and could only accept it all.
However, in the eyes of the Emperor and Empress, this was a picture of harmony and love between the two.
Shen Mi had thought that Gu Zhan would blame her or be suspicious if he saw her laughing and talking with Su Yuzhao and Su Xingjian by Taiye Pond, but it seemed that he did not. He only asked a couple of questions and did not make things difficult for her openly.
But she felt no relief; on the contrary, she felt somewhat terrified.
The calmer Gu Zhan became, the more frightened she became.
Halfway through the banquet, her face grew paler and paler, and she found the food Gu Zhan offered tasteless.
Gu Zhan took in her expression and changes, and then took the initiative to say to the Emperor and Empress, "She has just recovered from a serious illness, and Cheng Lin told her to take care of herself and rest after examining her."
The Empress and the Emperor exchanged a glance and granted Gu Zhan's request: "Since it's the same songs and dances every year, if Xiao Mi is unwell, you should accompany her back to the East Palace as soon as possible."
Gu Zhan smiled and thanked the Empress, but after turning away from his seat with Shen Mi in his arms, the smile on his lips and the look in his eyes immediately vanished.
Shen Mi was stuffed into the sedan chair to return to the East Palace, without uttering a single word throughout the entire journey.
As expected, as soon as she returned to the East Palace, Gu Zhan dragged her into the Qingluan Palace without saying a word, and all the servants were dismissed.
Gu Zhan sat on the soft couch, told Shen Mi to stand in front of him, tapped the table lightly with his fingertips, and said in a deep voice, "Tell me."
Shen Mi clutched her sleeve. "I don't know what to say."
Since Gu Zhan released her from Qingluan Palace, she has found herself increasingly unable to understand Gu Zhan's thoughts. Or rather, she has never been able to figure out what Gu Zhan is thinking. Now that the previous admiration and expectation are gone, this uncertainty has left only fear.
She really didn't know what Gu Zhan wanted to ask or what he wanted to hear.
Gu Zhan sneered: "Don't know? Then I'll ask, and you answer."
"yes."
"You were very happy to see Su Xingjian today?" Gu Zhan twirled the jade thumb ring on his thumb, seemingly casually. "You're like a block of wood in front of me, but you can smile as soon as you see Su Xingjian?"
Shen Mi shook her head: "No, I am not happy because I saw Su Zhanshi."
"Shen Mi, do you really think that I didn't hear or see anything?" Gu Zhan lifted his eyelids and glanced at her.
Shen Mi's heart skipped a beat, but because she hadn't seen Su Xingjian for many days and Su Yuzhao was also there, she and Su Xingjian weren't as familiar as before.
So she replied, "My business with Su Zhan today was just a few pleasantries."
"A few pleasantries? How could the conversation turn to marriage?" Gu Zhan's gaze suddenly turned cold, his eyes like they were covered in ice. "I only mentioned it to you casually earlier. He was preparing to discuss marriage at the time and asked if you would be willing to go to his wedding banquet with me if he got married. I haven't mentioned it since, but you remember it clearly."
He slowly stood up as he spoke, "Or is it that your eagerness to know about his marriage is because you're thinking of eloping with him?"
Shen Mi looked up at Gu Zhan with a blank expression. She and Su Xingjian regarded each other as friends, a friendship between gentlemen. She had never thought of marrying Su Xingjian.
Gu Zhan's words are utter nonsense.
Seeing her astonished expression, Gu Zhan took half a step forward and looked down at her.
Shen Mi felt as if she were shrouded in a thick shadow, with a mountain of the Five Elements pressing down on her head.
She said, "I have no such intention. I hope Your Highness will understand and not tarnish the purity of both of us at the same time."
“At this time, you’re still concerned about Su Xingjian’s reputation,” Gu Zhan stared at her. “Shen Mi, you can’t lie at all.”
Despite her extreme fear, Shen Mi tried her best to remain calm. "Your Highness, I did not lie."
"No?" Gu Zhan reached out, grabbed her wrist, lifted it up, and looked at the twisted jade bracelet on it. "Do you really think I don't know anything? This bracelet was a gift from him, wasn't it?"
Shen Mi was suddenly struck dumb.
It was as if no sound could be heard at all; even the cicadas, which usually loved to chirp in the shade, fell silent at this moment.
How did Gu Zhan find out? And when?
This jade bracelet was personally handed to her by Su Yuzhao, so Su Yuzhao would never put her own brother in such a predicament.
But no matter what, she couldn't admit it.
Before she could think of an excuse, Gu Zhan said, "You told me that this was part of your dowry that you could bring from home. But I checked your dowry list one by one, and this twisted jade bracelet wasn't on it at all. On the contrary, two months before your birthday, Su Xingjian was looking for the finest jade material. There are only a handful of craftsmen in Bianjing who can make twisted jade bracelets. I only need to have someone investigate a little to find out the origin of this twisted jade bracelet."
Shen Miyue listened with gratitude.
So when she said it was her dowry that day, Gu Zhan had already become suspicious, but he kept quiet until today, leaving her with no way to defend herself?
She has lost a lot of weight recently. Even though she has been eating well, she has not regained her previous physical condition, and her wrists have also become thinner.
Therefore, Gu Zhan easily slipped his index finger through her wrist and onto the tip of the jade bracelet, while his thumb and index finger pinched the jade bracelet.
He suddenly laughed: "I haven't given you many things, and I haven't seen you like them much. On the contrary, you treasure this jade bracelet that Su Xingjian gave you. You've worn it on your wrist ever since that day. Or is it that you regret marrying me instead of Su Xingjian?"
Shen Mi looked at his ambiguous smile, and her heart pounded wildly.
She regretted marrying Gu Zhan, regretted marrying such a cold and suspicious man. Yet she had truly fallen for him and fantasized about growing old with him. But she couldn't say these words, because saying them would only bring trouble to Su Xingjian.
After some thought, she finally grabbed Gu Zhan's sleeve with her other hand, looked at him with tears in her eyes, and said, "I did not mean to deceive Your Highness at the time, but I only learned about the origin of this bracelet today."
Although she didn't know whether Gu Zhan would fall for her act.
Gu Zhan looked at her but didn't interrupt.
After taking a deep breath, Shen Mi said, "There were too many people coming and going in Qingluan Palace that day. When His Highness came to find me later and asked about the brocade box on the table, I just thought it was a gift from some female relative and didn't pay much attention. I didn't know what was inside. When I returned in the evening, the box had already been put away by Danju. It wasn't until later that I accidentally rummaged through my dressing case and saw this bracelet. I was reminded of my deceased mother and, overwhelmed by the memory, put it on my wrist."
She felt uneasy; her words were only half true, and she didn't know if Gu Zhan would believe her.
Gu Zhan looked at her with a hint of disbelief: "Your mother?"
Shen Mi nodded and recounted the story of her mother's jade bracelet, her voice choked with tears as she finished speaking, breathing heavily as she finished.
She didn't really want to talk about the past, but she was helpless in the face of Gu Zhan's suspicions.
To her surprise, Gu Zhan actually lifted her face and wiped away her tears with his thumb.
Gu Zhan looked into her eyes and felt a little dazed.
Mother? How long has it been since he last called her that? He himself couldn't quite remember.
He used to think that the Empress was his mother, so he called her "Mother" all the time. But the Empress forbade him to call her that, so he never called her that again when he was young.
It wasn't until he later learned that the Empress was not his biological mother, and that his biological mother was Consort Yang, who had been demoted and sent out of the palace to guard the imperial tombs in her early years, that he secretly changed into the clothes of a eunuch during the autumn sacrifice at the imperial tombs that year, managed to run away to see Consort Yang, and called her "Mother".
He remembered that his mother was crying her eyes out, but he couldn't stay any longer. He could only promise his mother that he would find a way to get her out.
It seems like fourteen years have passed by now.
Seeing the complex look in Gu Zhan's eyes, Shen Mi continued with the lie she had prepared: "Only today, when I met Miss Su by the pond, did I learn that this bracelet was originally a gift from Su Zhan Shi to Miss Su, but Miss Su then gave it to me, which is why it doesn't fit my wrist. However, I didn't see this bracelet on the gift list at first, and assumed it was a gift from His Highness, so I've been wearing it. I thought His Highness pitied my longing for my mother..."
As she spoke, tears streamed down her face again. She gently bit her lip, trying to suppress her sobs.
Shen Mi didn't know which of her words had touched Gu Zhan; it was the first time in months that he had spoken to her gently.
She heard Gu Zhan say, "Don't cry..."
"If Your Highness still minds my misunderstanding of the bracelet's origin, I am willing to take it off to show that I have no ill intentions towards Your Highness." As she spoke, Shen Mi actually went to take off the bracelet.
Gu Zhan stopped her movement and said, "Fine, as long as you behave well and listen to me from now on, and don't make me angry again, you will still be my concubine, and things will be the same between you and me as before."
Shen Mi knew that Gu Zhan believed her, so she nodded gently in agreement. "However, I have another wish. I want to call Cuiwei back to serve me. Besides Your Highness, Cuiwei is the only one I have left."
"Okay." Gu Zhan didn't refuse her.
Seeing her crying with tears streaming down her face, and seeing that she had indeed lowered her head, Gu Zhan finally pulled her into his arms and patiently comforted her for a couple of minutes.
How wonderful that would be! If she were willing to soften her mind, humble herself, and admit her mistakes, how could they not be like before, with a long future ahead of them?
When Shen Mi woke up the next day, she indeed saw Cuiwei. Cuiwei had lost a lot of weight compared to before, and her hands had become much rougher, probably because Gu Zhan had arranged for her to do some rough work.
When she held Cuiwei's hand, her eyes were full of heartache: "Don't be afraid, don't be afraid, now that you're back by my side, we'll be just like before."
Cuiwei looked around and, seeing that there was no one else in the hall, whispered to Shen Mi, "This servant has been assigned to prune some flowers recently and accidentally discovered a secret passage deep in the garden, but it is usually hidden by weeds. If you, Miss, do not wish to be trapped in the East Palace, perhaps—"
Cuiwei's voice grew softer and softer.
Shen Mi quickly made a shushing gesture, "This move is too risky. Unless absolutely necessary, we should not take this risk. Your Highness is the most suspicious person."
But she wasn't entirely against escaping, so she said to Cuiwei, "There's something I need to instruct you to do." She then whispered a few words to Cuiwei, "In a few days, I'll find an opportunity to ask Your Highness to accompany me to the Great Xiangguo Temple to add an everlasting lamp for my mother. At that time..."
Cuiwei kept everything she said in mind and said she would find an opportunity to do it.
What happened on Dragon Boat Festival seems to have really been just a farce and a misunderstanding.
Since then, Gu Zhan has treated her in the same way he did when she had her miscarriage last year. Whenever he has free time, he does everything personally, and she always has a smile on her face, but she doesn't feel any affection for Gu Zhan at all.
Gu Zhan also noticed that something was wrong with her, but he didn't mention Su Xingjian directly. Instead, he asked her, "Why are you suddenly unwilling to be close to me?"
Shen Mi lowered her eyelashes. "I've been thinking about my mother a lot lately. I'd like to go to the Great Xiangguo Temple to add an everlasting lamp for her. I wonder if Your Highness would grant me permission?"
She had never been so nervous before.
Then she heard Gu Zhan say, "Okay, after I'm done with this busy period, but on the condition that you listen to me."
Shen Mi's voice was slightly hoarse as she suppressed her emotions, "I understand."
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Author's Note: The escape countdown has begun! [Let me see...]
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