Chapter 38 "You don't understand what love is at all."...
Shen Mi lowered her eyes gently and clenched the handkerchief in her hand.
Especially at this moment, she needed to remain calm and absolutely not let Gu Zhan see any flaws.
Having made up her mind, she whispered, "Your Highness and I have been married for nearly two years. To be frank, I have always regarded Your Highness as one with myself, and thus I have developed feelings of love for you. I have never harbored such a rebellious thought."
Shen Mi knew that Gu Zhan was suspicious by nature. Since he had already asked such a question, he would not dispel his doubts with just a few words. This was not his style. So she picked up the wine pot again, poured herself another cup, and drank it all in one gulp to prove to Gu Zhan what she had just said.
Fortunately, she only took the opportunity to sprinkle a sleeping potion into Gu Zhan's cup; the wine in the pot was perfectly fine.
However, the wine was quite spicy, and she was not good at drinking. She choked and coughed repeatedly after drinking it all in one go.
Gu Zhan watched her movements without stopping her, calmly and slowly swirling the cup in his hand.
Shen Mi didn't notice the half-smile on his lips when he curled them up. After regaining her composure with the handkerchief, she looked at Gu Zhan with wet eyes and asked, "Your Highness, can you believe what I said?"
Then she saw those dark, inky eyes scan her face, finally seeming to land on her lips.
That look in his eyes was like someone surveying their own territory.
Just thinking about this metaphor made Shen Mi's back break out in a cold sweat, even in the sweltering heat.
But she has already proven herself in this way, surely Gu Zhan wouldn't not believe her?
She waited anxiously for Gu Zhan's reply.
After an unknown amount of time, Shen Mi finally heard Gu Zhan chuckle softly, "Even if you want to prove your innocence, there's no need to drink so fast. I think you don't have the guts to poison this wine."
Shen Mi breathed a sigh of relief. "Your Highness is wise."
“What you said earlier is correct. You and I are husband and wife, one body. Since we are one body, then have a couple of drinks with me.” Gu Zhan said, pouring a glass of wine into the empty glass beside him.
Seeing that he seemed to have no other thoughts, Shen Mi felt relieved for the time being. To avoid arousing his suspicion again, Shen Mi went along with him and said, "Mm."
However, Gu Zhan slowly poured a glass of wine into the empty glass, but switched the two glasses, handing the glass that Shen Mi had originally poured for him back to Shen Mi.
Shen Mi's pupils contracted sharply, and she hesitated as she took the wine glass. Even while sitting, her legs felt weak.
Gu Zhan took in her every move but didn't expose her. "Zhi Niang, you promised to have a couple of drinks with me. Why are you hesitating?"
His tone was so gentle that if you ignored the context and the fact that the drink had been drugged, it would really sound like an ordinary husband talking to his wife.
Shen Mi held the wine cup and said softly, "Suddenly, I don't feel like drinking. I have a very low alcohol tolerance, and I'm worried about losing my composure in front of Your Highness..."
"What are you afraid of? I don't care about these things. If you really pass out drunk, I'll just carry you back." Gu Zhan glanced at her.
Shen Mi hesitated for a moment.
Then Gu Zhan placed his hand over hers. "Or is there really something in this wine?"
Shen Mi's heart skipped a beat as she watched Gu Zhan's smile gradually turn cold.
Before she could react, she only managed to utter "Your Highness" before the man grabbed her hand, pressed the wine cup to her lips, and forced her to drink it, just as he had done many times before when he had forced medicine into her mouth.
The cold liquid slid down her throat and flowed into her stomach.
To facilitate her escape, she had Cuiwei find a highly concentrated sleeping potion; just a small amount was enough to make someone faint instantly.
Sure enough, the moment the cup fell to the ground, she felt a dizzy sensation in her head and her vision began to blur. She saw Gu Zhan's lips moving, but she didn't hear what he said.
When she opened her eyes again and saw the familiar top of the bed curtains, she knew that she had not succeeded. The fatigue in her body seemed to have not yet faded. She blinked gently, and two lines of tears slid down her cheeks.
She heard the man's cold voice: "Should I be glad that you only gave me a sleeping potion, not poison?"
Shen Mi turned her head and saw Gu Zhan standing condescendingly at the head of her bed.
Gu Zhan glanced at her and said, “I was wondering why you are usually so quiet and rarely mention the past to me, but you told me everything that day; why you were so resistant to getting close to me; why you said you missed your mother, but today you seem absent-minded; you were just going to Fanlou for a meal, but you deliberately hinted that I shouldn’t bring so many people up; you used to be so proper in your every move, but today you made such a low mistake as spilling a wine glass; it turns out that a single cup of wine can reveal your true intentions.”
He snorted coldly: "So eager to leave the East Palace, so eager to leave me, to elope with Su Xingjian?"
Shen Mi initially didn't want to pay him any attention, but after hearing the last sentence, she found his words really grating, so she sat up and slowly climbed off the couch.
She sat on the couch, and Gu Zhan stood in front of her. The two faced each other silently, with only a ray of light shining through the window, splitting the corner where they were.
Shen Mi lost count of how long Gu Zhan had stood there looking down at her like that. In that instant, many things from their two years of marriage flashed through her mind like a revolving lantern.
On their wedding night, Gu Zhan stood in the same spot and used the scale bar beside him to lift the veil on her headdress. However, she only coughed lightly, and Gu Zhan frowned and pushed her away. He then left Qingluan Palace and did not come to Qingluan Palace for a whole month afterward.
There were so many things that were overlooked, such as soup, sachets, and cloaks specially delivered on snowy nights.
Later, she was falsely accused of faking a pregnancy. Gu Zhan refused to listen to her explanations, believing that she would do anything to win his favor. He left without listening to any of her explanations. How similar this situation is!
Every time she thought about it, her heart ached more, as if the person in front of her was holding a dagger, slowly digging her heart out, inch by inch, leaving it riddled with holes.
Seeing that the woman remained silent, only staring at him quietly, Gu Zhan stepped forward, grabbed her chin, and forced her to raise her face. "I'm giving you a chance to explain. Why? What's so good about Su Xingjian that makes you go to such lengths for him?"
Even now, Gu Zhan still believes that she did all this because of Su Xingjian.
Shen Mi also laughed out loud, but her eyes were full of sorrow. She turned her head away forcefully, breaking free from Gu Zhan's grasp.
Gu Zhan looked at his free hand, his eyes darkening. "Shen Mi, you've grown quite capable, and you've learned to resist me. Very good. How many times have you exchanged glances with Su Xingjian in front of me? If you were in my shoes, wouldn't you feel resentful?"
Shen Mi took a deep breath, looked at Gu Zhan again, and said, "Your Highness has been blaming Su Zhanshi for the tragedy of our marriage, but have you ever thought about your own situation even a little bit?"
Gu Zhan's eyes remained completely calm. "Have I ever treated you badly?"
Shen Mi chuckled, "Yes, Your Highness treats me extremely well! Ever since I married into the Eastern Palace, Your Highness has only been indifferent. On New Year's Eve two years ago, when Your Highness and I entered the palace together, I knew Your Highness wouldn't wait for me, so I hurriedly chased after you as soon as I got off the carriage. However, I accidentally twisted my ankle. When I fell to the ground and called out to Your Highness, you didn't even turn your head once. That night, I met Your Highness outside and went back to get your clothes. When I arrived at the Moon-Viewing Pavilion, I witnessed Your Highness chatting and laughing with Miss Su. But when Your Highness treated me, you were only indifferent. In front of outsiders, Your Highness wouldn't even pretend to be indifferent to me?"
Gu Zhan moved his lips, his tone as if explaining, "You fell and called for me, but I didn't hear you."
Later, seeing that she was unharmed, he assumed she was alright.
Shen Mi knew he would say this, so she wasn't surprised. She continued, "Of course Your Highness wouldn't have heard it, because at that time, it was Miss Su who spoke in unison with me. And everyone in the capital knows that Your Highness and Miss Su are childhood sweethearts and have always had close ties with the Su family. As for me, you had no choice but to marry you because of the imperial decree."
Gu Zhan did not deny this statement.
He was indeed forced to marry Shen Mi back then.
“So you care about Miss Su, so during the spring hunt, when I saw a snake grabbing your sleeve, you didn’t hesitate to shake me off and protect her. If it weren’t for Su Zhanshi’s timely intervention, I don’t know if I would still be alive to speak to you today,” Shen Mi sniffed and said, “Gu Zhan, she’s afraid of snakes, and so am I. You know what she likes and what she’s afraid of, but you’ve always ignored me. Your so-called kindness towards me is nothing more than because of the child, because I still have value to you.”
Gu Zhan looked at her, a hint of doubt appearing in his eyes. "I never intended to use you."
Shen Mi shook her head. "Gu Zhan, you can't lie to me. The night I came back from the spring hunt, I brought you some stewed pear soup and overheard your conversation with that Yang Ping. He said he wanted to give my future child to Miss Su to raise. You didn't refuse. You've said more than once that you don't want an illegitimate eldest son. So, your final plan is to get rid of the mother and keep the child, isn't that right?"
When Gu Zhan heard her say that, he narrowed his eyes and said, "I never thought that way."
After all, he himself had been separated from his birth mother for so many years because of the government's decision to keep the child and remove the mother. He would never allow such a thing to happen to him. The reason he did not immediately refuse Yang Ping that night was because he always thought that Yang Ping was his uncle, so he did not think of how to refuse him for a moment.
But he didn't want Shen Mi to know about his background, at least not now.
He wouldn't discuss things he wasn't sure about with anyone, not even Shen Mi.
Shen Mi did not believe his obviously weak explanation. "I won't believe it, Gu Zhan, because you've been planning to marry Miss Su for a long time. You had this idea when I was pregnant last year."
"Who told you that?"
"I discovered it myself. Later, when I was looking through the items in the storeroom, I saw a crown with nine flowers recorded. A crown with nine flowers is a crown that can only be used when the Crown Princess and the Crown Prince get married. So from that time on, you had the idea that Yang Ping mentioned about leaving the child and discarding the mother. You thought that after I gave birth to that child, you would give the child to Su Yu to raise. After all, childbirth is a life-or-death situation for a woman. It's normal for something to go wrong. Am I right?" Shen Mi's eyes were filled with tears. She forced herself to hold back and not shed tears in front of Gu Zhan.
The girl sitting on the bed was dressed in thin clothes, but her back was very straight. Her eyes were red from tears, and Gu Zhan could hardly see what kind of look she had. He could only hear the weariness and sorrow in her voice.
He felt a sudden pang in his heart and wanted to raise his hand to cup her face and wipe away her tears, but the girl slapped his hand away.
"Don't touch me."
Gu Zhan frowned, took two steps closer to her, and lowered his voice for once, “Zhi Niang, I have never had any romantic feelings for her. After marrying you, I never thought of marrying her. I have been tolerant of her in the past only because of Prime Minister Su. I need Prime Minister Su’s support. Only if Prime Minister Su thinks that I will do this will he support me without reservation.”
If these words had been spoken to her in the past, Shen Mi might have softened, been moved, and thrown herself into Gu Zhan's arms. But now, none of this has happened. Now, she feels only disappointment towards the man before her.
Especially knowing that Su Yuzhao's beloved was her sworn brother, Song Zhaohuai.
She looked at Gu Zhan and said, "Gu Zhan, don't you think your behavior is shameless?"
"Shameless?" Gu Zhan curled his lips slightly. "In a power struggle, if I wanted to be a gentleman, I would have been dead long ago."
"So in your view, love, hate, anger, and infatuation can all become your bargaining chips to manipulate people's hearts. Love is nothing more than the most inconspicuous piece on your huge chessboard. For power, you can act out loving someone to the fullest extent."
Shen Mi finally couldn't hold back the tears welling up in her eyes, as if making a silent accusation. She raised her hand to wipe away the tears on her face, "Gu Zhan, a cold-hearted person like you doesn't understand what love is at all."
Gu Zhan choked up, then gave a self-deprecating laugh.
He tolerated Shen Mi calling him by his full name time and time again; he didn't understand what love was.
"If I didn't understand what love is, I wouldn't have prepared those nine flower crowns for you, nor would I have thought of submitting a memorial to elevate you to the position of principal wife after you gave birth to your child."
He didn't want an illegitimate eldest son, but he could elevate the status of the child's birth mother.
Shen Mi was already heartbroken. She said, "If you care about Miss Su's performances for ten years, how can I be sure that what you are saying now is not a delaying tactic, or that you are not lying to me?"
Gu Zhan never tolerated his authority being challenged. "Shen Mi, I intend to elevate you to the position of my principal wife, and you actually think I'm lying to you?"
Shen Mi had said a lot, and her throat was a little sore, but she still looked at Gu Zhan and said firmly, "You think you married me because of the imperial decree, but if my father and brothers hadn't sacrificed themselves for the country, if I hadn't had no one to rely on, I could have chosen a good husband and lived a loving and harmonious life with him. And you, isn't that why you've bullied me in all sorts of ways?"
Gu Zhan slowly clenched his fist. "If I were to bully you, I would not grant you the position of Crown Princess."
"Then I'll tell you today, I don't care about the position of Crown Princess." She used the most desolate tone she had ever used in her life.
Upon hearing her words, Gu Zhan's initial tenderness vanished. He suppressed all his emotions and sneered, "You don't care?"
"Yes, if I had a choice, I would never marry you."
As she said this, a subtle, persistent pain welled up in her heart.
She truly had feelings for Gu Zhan, felt soft-hearted towards him, and genuinely wanted to grow old with him.
But now it seems that it's impossible.
Gu Zhan chuckled lightly, then turned his back. A palace servant's voice came through, indifferent: "Shen Shi has been disobedient and resentful. From this day forward, she shall be imprisoned in Qingluan Palace. Without my permission, she shall never be released."
He didn't see it either; Shen Mi was in tears.
-----------------------
Author's note: Mei Bao is completely heartbroken; she'll fake her death in the next chapter.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
