Chapter 39. Farewell, Gu Zhan.
Shen Mi sat on the couch, gazing at that tall and slender figure, yet exuding a cold indifference like snow. In an instant, all sorts of emotions surged into her heart.
Self-deprecation, disappointment, despair, clarity...
The man before her had just said he cared about her and wanted to make her his principal wife, but in the blink of an eye, he could order her to be imprisoned in this Qingluan Palace forever.
It took her two years to see what kind of person Gu Zhan really was, despite his hypocrisy, suspicion, coldness, and selfishness. She even had countless expectations of him, found countless reasons and excuses for him, and convinced herself to tolerate him countless times.
It really is true, the imperial family is the most ruthless place.
Why should she bear the consequences of Gu Zhan's ruthlessness?
Memories of the three months she had been confined to the Qingluan Palace flooded back into her mind.
During those sleepless nights, completely unaware of the outside world, everyone around her, under Gu Zhan's orders, tacitly refused to say a word to her. At that time, she felt like nothing more than a sparrow locked in a beautiful cage.
Gu Zhan had already placed her under house arrest for three months. If she hadn't fallen seriously ill later, Gu Zhan might not have needed to issue a second order to confine her.
It was three months before, but what about this time? A lifetime?
She thought those three months were hard enough, but now, Gu Zhan actually wanted to lock her up in this palace forever. If he was willing to give her some face before, saying that she was recuperating in Qingluan Palace and was under house arrest in Qingluan Palace, now he was directly saying "imprisonment". What difference is there between this and being banished to the cold palace?
Imprisonment. Shen Mi suddenly thought of the fates of many women who had been imprisoned in the deep palace before, such as Empress Chen of Emperor Wu of Han, who died of illness after being imprisoned in Changmen Palace, and Empress Zhen of Emperor Wenzhao, whose face was covered with hair and whose mouth was stuffed with chaff after her death. A sudden sense of panic rose in her heart.
It would be better to just kill her. Once she's dead, she won't have to endure all this anymore, right?
Anyway, she couldn't escape, but she always felt that there were still some things she hadn't gotten answers to from Gu Zhan.
Or rather, it needs a bucket of cold water to extinguish the last sparks.
Just as Gu Zhan's figure was about to disappear behind the screen, Shen Mi called out to him, "Gu Zhan!"
Gu Zhan paused for a moment, but did not turn around. His voice was calm and unwavering. "I will give you only one sentence."
One sentence?
A man like Gu Zhan might kiss her and gently call her "Zhi Niang" when he's passionate in bed, and he might travel thousands of miles to find her only former lover just to celebrate her birthday. But once his interests are threatened, or even just his dignity as the crown prince, he will immediately become the ruthless and aloof Crown Prince.
It felt like there was a wad of waterlogged cotton stuffed in Shen Mi's throat, making it almost impossible for her to breathe.
Gu Zhan had his back to her, neither in a hurry to leave nor urging her, letting the almost suffocating silence spread.
After a long while, Shen Mi stared at that retreating figure. Countless words she wanted to say came out as a weak, feeble sentence: "Gu Zhan, what's the difference between what you're doing and forcing me to my death? Are you only satisfied when I'm dead?"
She wondered if she was too naive, because when she said those words, a thought flashed through her mind: would Gu Zhan turn back because of them? Would he retract his order to lock her up? Would he feel a little bit of heartache because of their past intimacy?
However, all she saw was Gu Zhan's clothes fluttering slightly in the wind, his hand behind his back, showing no sign of emotion.
Shen Mi curled her lips into a bitter smile.
She should have known better. She and Gu Zhan had gone through so much in just a few months, from arguing about divorce to even considering drugging him to escape. Just now, they had completely broken off all ties. How could someone like Gu Zhan, so ruthless and accustomed to life and death, possibly change his mind just because of her words?
Perhaps her death would be a relief for both of them.
She no longer had to endure Gu Zhan's unpredictable personality, his inexplicable suspicions, and his dreary confinement. Gu Zhan could also submit a petition to select someone useful to him to enter the Eastern Palace, take advantage of that woman's infatuation, and utilize the power of her family to build his own lasting empire.
Suddenly, she felt a deep, helpless sorrow for the nameless woman who would soon enter the Eastern Palace.
A long time passed, and Gu Zhan did not answer her. Seeing that she did not speak again, he lifted his leg to leave.
Shen Mi ignored him and didn't wipe away her tears. She leaned forward and knocked over a porcelain bowl on the bedside table.
With a "crack," the porcelain bowl fell to the ground and shattered into countless pieces.
Shen Mi got out of bed barefoot, bent down and picked up a piece of broken porcelain from the floor. Light came in from the window and fell right on the tip of the broken piece. The reflected light was a little dazzling, and she subconsciously moved the broken piece away.
Gu Zhan had already stepped around the screen when he suddenly caught a glimpse of light out of the corner of his eye. He turned his head slightly and saw Shen Mi through the mirror beside him.
The girl knelt on the ground, surrounded by shards of broken porcelain. She held one shard in her hand, stared at it for a while, and then pressed the sharpest point against her slender wrist.
Gu Zhan's breath hitched. Without thinking, he turned and ran towards Shen Mi, grabbing her wrist.
However, it was too late. As she reached for the woman's wrist, the sharp shards of porcelain had already pierced the delicate skin on the inside of her wrist, leaving a thin bloodstain. The shallow bloodstain stretched across her wrist like a red thread wrapped around it.
Fortunately, the shard of porcelain did not completely cut through her skin; it only left a trail of blood on her skin and did not damage her meridians.
Gu Zhan raised his hand and pushed away the broken porcelain she was holding, his breathing trembling slightly.
Thankfully, they managed to stop it.
He never expected that Shen Mi would actually commit suicide in front of him. He thought that if she could do something like drugging herself and then running away, she would never do something as foolish as suicide. He thought that Shen Mi was just saying that in anger.
But when he saw it with his own eyes, he couldn't control his steps as he rushed towards them, and he couldn't stop himself.
The woman looked up at him, her eyes filled with bewilderment and confusion.
She said, "What are you doing now? Have you become so autocratic that you won't even let someone die?"
Gu Zhan saw the weariness that the woman couldn't hide in her eyes, and felt as if the shard of porcelain had not cut her wrist, but pierced his heart.
He glanced at Shen Mi, unsure of what to say.
Shen Mi tried to break free of her uninjured wrist from his grasp, but she couldn't. The force with which the man gripped her wrist caused her wrist bones pain far greater than the pain of broken porcelain cutting her skin.
She gave up resisting, gently turning her eyes away as if unwilling to look at Gu Zhan any longer. "Gu Zhan, don't you think your pretentious act is utterly ridiculously hypocritical?"
When she spoke, there was no hysteria or decisiveness like when she used to say she hated him; only weariness, which seemed to come from her disgust with him.
Upon realizing this, the pity and sympathy that had just arisen in Gu Zhan's heart vanished in an instant.
He had just been thinking that if she were to ask him if she ultimately couldn't bear to see her die, soften her tone, or even get angry with him, he could forget all her disobedience, retract his order to imprison her, and coax her a bit more.
But she didn't. She just lightly mocked herself, even believing that her deepest self-protection was a hypocritical pretense.
Gu Zhan sneered, shoved her away, and then slowly stood up. As he turned around, he glanced at Nie Chenmi and said, "Don't even think about using these suicidal tricks to get my attention. Remember this: you've already married me. Even if you die, it will be me who does it."
This time, he didn't turn back, nor did he look at Shen Mi's expression or reaction.
The wound on Shen Mi's wrist wasn't deep. The blood droplets quickly formed a scab on her wrist, winding along her wrist.
After Gu Zhan left, the door to Qingluan Palace was opened, and Cuiwei was the first to rush in.
Cuiwei ran to her, pulled her into her arms, and asked in a tearful voice, "Miss, are you alright?"
Shen Mi shook her head. "Help me up."
Cuiwei did as she was told.
She had just sat down on the bed, and Cuiwei was about to find her some clean cloud-patterned stockings, when a group of palace servants suddenly rushed in through the door, frantically searching through her room, especially her dressing table.
Cuiwei, disregarding her duty of helping Shen Mi put on her cloud-patterned stockings, immediately rushed towards the palace maids and eunuchs who had just entered. She used her body to block Shen Mi's dressing case and shouted, "What are you doing! These are all Liangdi's things. Who gave you the audacity to rummage through them!"
Shen Mi wanted to get up, but she didn't have the strength.
One of the eunuchs spoke arrogantly to Cuiwei in a high-pitched voice, "Oh, this is His Highness's order. We are just following orders."
Cuiwei objected, "If Your Highness wishes to take away the things bestowed upon us concubines, then so be it. But this also contains our concubines' own dowry, which you cannot touch!"
The eunuch gave a wink to the people next to him, signaling them to hold Cuiwei down, and sneered at her, "This is none of our business. His Highness's intention is to remove all sharp objects from Qingluan Palace. If you have anything to say, go and talk to His Highness."
Shen Mi originally had no objection to the servants taking her hairpins and jewelry. After all, they were gifts from Gu Zhan, and now he wasn't showing her any mercy. Her possessions were just that—possessions—so they could take them if they wanted.
When the eunuch said that Gu Zhan forbade leaving any sharp objects in Qingluan Palace, wasn't it because he didn't want something like what just happened to happen a second time?
Shen Mi suddenly found it ridiculous.
She never imagined that after living for almost twenty years, she would not even have the power to decide her own life or death.
Shen Mi looked at Cui Wei, who was still struggling and hadn't understood Gu Zhan's meaning. She was still trying her best to protect the things in her dressing case and was cursing at the group of eunuchs and palace maids. Suddenly, her eyes welled up with tears.
"Let her go." Her voice wasn't loud, but it still caused the two eunuchs holding Cuiwei to loosen their grip for a moment.
Cuiwei took the opportunity to break free from the two men.
Shen Mi looked at her, her tone softening slightly: "Cuiwei, come back."
“Miss, these are all your things. How can you allow them to trample and destroy them at will?” Cuiwei was not convinced.
Shen Mi felt very tired. She turned her head away and coughed lightly twice, repeating what she had just said, "Come back."
Cuiwei, who always listened to her the most, loosened her wrist and returned to her side, tears welling in her eyes, "Miss..."
Shen Mi patted her hand, "If Gu Zhan wants to do this, neither you nor I can stop him."
In that instant, Cuiwei noticed the scab on her wrist and immediately became anxious and worried: "Miss, Your Highness, has His Highness attacked you?"
Shen Mi withdrew her hand. "It's alright. I did it myself. Gu Zhan wouldn't stoop to getting blood on his hands."
Words that wound the heart and using others to do one's dirty work are what he has always been best at.
Shen Mi did not expect that Gu Zhan not only ordered the palace servants to remove all sharp objects from her bedroom, from large items like scissors and hairpins to small items like silver needles for embroidery, but also removed her teacup and replaced it with a silver one. He even had the palace servants wrap the edges of the tables, chairs, and beds in her bedroom with soft and thick cloth, so that they could not be torn off without scissors.
After doing all this, all the palace servants who originally served in Qingluan Palace were transferred out, leaving only her and Cuiwei in the entire Qingluan Palace. Then, the door lock was locked from the outside, and she couldn't open it from the inside at all.
Shen Mi finally realized that Gu Zhan wouldn't let her leave, nor would he let her die; he wanted to trap her to death in this palace. Without his permission, no one would dare to let her out.
When the palace servants left, Cuiwei went to bang on the palace gate, but it was to no avail.
Shen Mi braced herself and pulled her back, took out some medicine from her dressing case, and gently applied it to Cuiwei's wound.
Cuiwei asked her, "Miss, are we really going to be trapped here forever? How could Your Highness be so heartless?"
Shen Mi paused in her action of applying the medicine.
There was a time when she wondered how Gu Zhan could be so heartless. She couldn't understand it at all. But today, she finally realized that Gu Zhan had always been this kind of person. She had just been blinded by his feigned tenderness and consideration.
Cuiwei realized she had said the wrong thing and lowered her head: "Please forgive me, Miss. I said the wrong thing and made you sad again."
Shen Mi patiently finished applying the medicine for her, then closed the cap of the ointment. "It's alright. I've come to this point, what else is there to cherish?"
The setting sun quickly retreated from the horizon, and for a moment, the ground was covered with the clear moonlight.
Shen Mi propped her head up and sat by the window. Through the lattice window, she saw the full moon and suddenly remembered that today was the Mid-Autumn Festival.
Mid-Autumn Festival is a time for family reunion, but she has had no home since a very long time ago.
When her father and brother died in battle when she was fifteen, she thought she still had her mother. Three years later, her mother also passed away due to serious illness, leaving her all alone in the world.
She braved the wind and snow to return from Yanzhou, thinking that her childhood sweetheart Chen Jun would give her a home. However, because of the decline of her Shen family, Chen Jun turned around and got engaged to the youngest daughter of Prime Minister Li.
Later, an imperial decree betrothed her to Gu Zhan. When she was still a young lady, she had often heard her father and brothers praise Gu Zhan. At that time, she also thought that His Highness the Crown Prince must be an excellent person, and she thought that she had a family now.
Although Gu Zhan treated her coldly when she first entered the Eastern Palace, she tried every possible clumsy method to please him. When Gu Zhan finally returned to Qingluan Palace to sleep a month after their marriage, she thought she had finally moved him a little.
That day, Bianjing had a heavy snowfall.
There's a folk saying that a timely snowfall promises a bumper harvest. Although she doesn't have to work in the fields, she's willing to believe that the heavy snow was a good omen. She thinks that Gu Zhan will gradually overcome his prejudice and estrangement towards her, and that they will develop feelings for each other over time.
Last year during the Mid-Autumn Festival, Gu Zhan spent it with her.
At that time, she had just been pushed into the water and miscarried at the Emperor's birthday banquet. Gu Zhan was very concerned about her and took care of her daily life personally. On the night of the Mid-Autumn Festival, Gu Zhan sat with her in the courtyard of Qingluan Palace, half-embracing her in his arms, and listened to her rambling about the interesting things and experiences she had at home during the Mid-Autumn Festival when she was a child.
She genuinely believed that she and Gu Zhan had a long and bright future ahead of them. She thought that after so many hardships, she finally had a home.
But she forgot that Gu Zhan had said a long, long time ago that he had no interest whatsoever in her boring past.
She was too naive.
Shen Mi sat in the courtyard, looking at the moon hanging high in the sky. Suddenly, she felt that those things had become so distant, so very distant, like a shooting star that quickly streaked across the night sky and soon faded into darkness.
A shooting star streaked across the night sky, completing its life cycle. She sat in the courtyard, recalling those events, which seemed like things from a past life.
Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, and the Emperor is holding a banquet in the palace as is customary.
When the Empress saw Gu Zhan arrive at the banquet alone, she casually asked, "Where is Xiao Mi?"
Gu Zhan paused for a moment, thinking of those sorrowful eyes and that lonely expression, and coughed softly: "She is seriously ill and cannot go out."
The Empress then asked, "Should we summon the imperial physician from the palace to take a look?"
Gu Zhan replied casually, "My son has already asked Cheng Lin to go and check on him."
The Empress remained silent, but the Emperor, who was usually quiet, looked at him with some displeasure: "Since the Mid-Autumn Festival is a day for family reunion, what are you doing leaving Xiao Mi alone in the East Palace? Since she is seriously ill, you should take better care of her. There's no need to stand on ceremony. Drink this cup of wine and then go back."
The Empress followed the Emperor and said, "Your Majesty is absolutely right. With Chiying by our side, it's enough for us. You should go back and be with Xiaomi as soon as possible. After all, she has been your husband for almost two years and has suffered the pain of childbirth for you."
Gu Zhan lowered his head, toasted the Emperor and Empress, and then left the Eastern Palace.
He admitted that for a moment, he had a soft spot and wanted to go to Qingluan Palace to see Shen Mi, but when he thought of what Shen Mi had said to him during the day, he immediately lost the mood.
Except for last year, in previous years after leaving the palace, he would not go directly back to the East Palace, but would instead take a stroll around the streets of Bianjing. This year, he followed the same habit and left the palace.
In this dynasty, there is no curfew and no ban on night markets. During the Mid-Autumn Festival, the streets are even more lively. Gu Zhan stood somewhat aimlessly by the railing of the upper floor of Fanlou.
People were coming and going, but his gaze fell on a family of three—a woman was picking out lanterns at a street stall, her husband was standing beside her, holding their child in his arms, and after picking out the lantern, the woman turned her head to talk and laugh with her husband.
Gu Zhan suddenly felt a stinging sensation in his cheek, and immediately lost his mood, returning to the East Palace.
He subconsciously headed towards the Azure Phoenix Palace, but then stopped and turned back to the Hall of Diligent Governance, immersing himself in official documents.
Qingluan Palace.
Shen Mi sat in the courtyard admiring the moon for a while, but fatigue quickly overwhelmed her. She was about to go back to rest when the haystack next to the courtyard moved, startling her.
When Cuiwei went over to look, she was surprised to find a small hole next to the flower bed. It was less than a foot wide and high, but big enough to let some things out. When Cuiwei picked up the box and brought it to Shen Mi's hand, Shen Mi realized that it contained several exquisite mooncakes.
"Is it poisonous?" Cuiwei was very worried.
"I'm already in this state, who would use such troublesome means to harm me?" Shen Mi said, breaking a mooncake in half.
There was a note tucked inside the mooncake, which read: "Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, Su."
Shen Mi's fingertips trembled, and then she broke open another piece of paper. Inside was another note: "Hearing of your plight, I am heartbroken and helpless. I hope to be able to help you more in the future."
Without much thought, it was obvious that it was Su Xingjian.
This is the Eastern Palace. He actually took such a big risk to deliver something to her. Shen Mi's eyes immediately welled up with tears.
It seems that I am not entirely without options.
Gu Zhan ordered her to be confined to Qingluan Palace, and the palace servants of the East Palace, seeing the wind, cut back on her food and supplies. At first, it was just that the variety of food decreased, and later it was that her appetite decreased. However, Shen Mi had a small appetite, so she did not feel any impact. Until more than a month later, they became more and more outrageous and sent her only cold food.
Fortunately, Su Xingjian had been secretly helping her, which allowed her to live a better life.
But Su Xingjian's help to her was limited to these areas.
The weather gradually turned cold, and winter soon arrived, but the palace servants were slow to bring charcoal. Cuiwei felt wronged and indignant on behalf of Shen Mi.
Shen Mi said, "In the palace, it's common to fawn over the powerful and bully the weak, and it's even more natural to kick someone when they're down." As she spoke, she unfolded the note that Su Xingjian handed her. "The Grand Tutor Su said that he will be transferred to Yangzhou soon and won't be back for two or three years. After that, there will be even fewer places where he can help us."
Cuiwei was even more worried, "What are we going to do? We've been relying on Su Zhanshi's help to survive these days. Winter is coming soon, and without charcoal and hot food, it's hard to say whether we can even get through the winter..."
Shen Mi put away the note, lit it on the lamp, and looked at Cuiwei: "We can't just sit here and wait to die."
Cuiwei was surprised: "Miss, you have a solution?"
Shen Mi nodded gently: "Previously, Su Zhan Shi told me that if we were willing to escape, he could help us find a way."
She had thought that Gu Zhan had taken away all the sharp objects in her palace, so she wouldn't die inside. Now it seemed that she was still harboring delusions about Gu Zhan.
She knew all too well that in Bianjing's winter, without charcoal, one could only wait to die.
When Gu Zhan first locked her up, she did indeed have thoughts of dying. But later, she found a notebook in the hall, left behind by her teacher Lu Lin. Looking at the landscapes Lu Lin described and seeing Su Xingjian risk being discovered by Gu Zhan to help her, she was secretly moved.
So many people want her to live, she's not going to grant Gu Zhan's wish and die in this deep palace.
Gu Zhan will not change his mind just because she has suffered so much.
She understood it very well.
"Even if it were Su Zhanshi, he wouldn't be able to open this door," Cuiwei said, puzzled.
Shen Mi took a deep breath, having made up her mind, "He doesn't have that power, but Gu Zhan does."
She has to take a gamble.
Su Xingjian would help her only if this door was opened; otherwise, nothing would be discussed.
Shen Mi briefly wrote down her plan on a piece of paper, and instructed Cuiwei to guard the hole through which Su Xingjian would pass things to her, and then deliver them to Su Xingjian's people.
Soon, Su Xingjian said that he would arrange everything for Shen Mi, and all Shen Mi needed to do was prepare.
After confirming the route, Shen Mi instructed Cuiwei to shout outside when the palace servants brought them food: "Something terrible has happened! Our concubine has fallen into a well!"
Shen Mi didn't actually jump. When the palace gate slowly opened from the outside, she made a desperate move and jumped into the well.
The icy, bone-chilling well water instantly engulfed her entire body, and she felt as if she was really going to die there.
Fortunately, she was pulled up by the palace servants not long after, but the cold wind blew and she fainted briefly.
When she woke up again, Cuiwei was by her bedside, her eyes red: "Miss, you scared me to death..."
Shen Mi spoke weakly, concerned only with one thing: "Have the palace gates opened?"
Cuiwei nodded through her tears, "It's open. Physician Cheng has already come."
Shen Mi breathed a sigh of relief; it seemed she had won her gamble.
Just then, Cheng Lin came in, saw that she was awake, and greeted her.
Shen Mi's voice was a little hoarse as she asked, "Where is His Highness?"
Cheng Lin paused, then stammered and remained silent.
Shen Mi smiled gently.
Even now that she's in this state, Gu Zhan hasn't set foot in Qingluan Palace. Does this mean that once she recovers, the palace gates will be closed again?
She didn't look at Cheng Lin again and lay back down: "Never mind."
Cheng Lin didn't say anything and left again.
As night fell, Shen Mi changed into light clothes, gathered some gold and silver valuables, and tucked them into her bosom.
She sprinkled hair oil on the curtains in the palace and gently tossed a tinderbox into the air.
"Farewell, Gu Zhan."
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Author's Note: The pre-order novel "After Seeking Refuge with My Deceased Husband's Brother" has a new synopsis, but the core plot remains the same, though it's even more melodramatic? Please add it to your favorites! [pity][pity][pity]
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