Cthulhu Investigation Bureau Exorcist Job
In the humid underground base, fluorescent tubes flickered in the green slime, and the Cthulhu runes on the walls squirmed like damp gummy candies. Xiaodou emerged from the central pool of slime, its tentacles wrapped around a half-melted Cthulhu statue—the Bureau's recently completed altar, its base surprisingly made from chocolate meteorites from the StarCraft arc.
"This base has a cocoa content of at least 72%." Xiaodou wiped the slime from the corners of his mouth with his tentacles, his eyes turning into spirals from absorbing Cthulhu elements. "But the bitter taste mixed with octopus ink... bad review."
"Alert! The altar has been damaged by rodents!"
Investigator A, wearing a gas mask, rushed in, holding a gun. Hanging from the barrel was a peace charm from the ancient Chinese novel (a foreshadowing in Volume 9). Xiaodou retreated hastily, his tentacles entwined in a slime tube hanging from the ceiling, dangling upside down in mid-air, a fragment of a sword tassel from the world of cultivation clinging to his tail (a foreshadowing in Volume 5).
"Wait! It's eating Cthulhu energy!" The director pushed open the laboratory door, and the breathing valve on the gas mask blew out the milk tea steam from the campus chapter (a foreshadowing of Volume 7). "Take it to the interrogation room. We need an exorcist who can eat fear."
In the interrogation room, Investigator B huddled in a metal chair, the fear seeping from his forehead transformed into a tap-dancing octopus, leaving sticky footprints in the slime on the wall. Azuki was chained to the remains of the Cthulhu altar in the center, his tentacles tapping the ground impatiently, creating a cyberpunk-like sound of gears grinding (a foreshadowing of Volume 14).
"Eat his nightmares, and you can stay." The director handed over a glass bottle filled with black mist, "Otherwise, I'll throw you into the time and space turbulence to feed the Shoggoth."
Xiaodou rolled her eyes and stabbed the glass bottle with her tentacle. The black mist instantly transformed into a giant pudding in a wedding dress, brandishing a butter knife and chasing Investigator B. She opened her mouth and inhaled the mist. From her stomach came the electronic voice of a mechanical cat (foreshadowing in Volume 3): "Sanity replenishing. Current sanity: 75/100."
“Gurgle——”
When the nightmare was fully digested, Xiaodou spat out a ball of rainbow-colored marshmallows, atop which crouched a Cthulhu larvae wearing a top hat. Investigator B paused for a moment, then suddenly broke into a smirk. "I dreamed I was having a party on a cloud, and all the puddings were dancing to 'Love Cycle'..."
"Unbelievable." The director took off his gas mask, revealing the profile of the school idol from the modern campus chapter (a foreshadowing in Volume 7). "Not only can it devour fear, but it can also create healing illusions?"
Three days later, Xiaodou officially became a non-staff exorcist at the Bureau, working in the tea room—because her tentacles were best at stirring coffee. At that moment, she was using three tentacles to simultaneously operate the coffee machine, toaster, and microwave, while the fourth tentacle was rolling up a Cthulhu version of "Coffee Latte Art."
"Enjoy your meal! This is your tentacle cappuccino." She handed the coffee to Investigator C, using mucus to draw a Cthulhu smiley face pattern on the foam. "Bonus Cthulhu joke: Why doesn't Cthulhu play hide-and-seek? Because it's always found on the bottom of R'lyeh—plop!"
Investigator C's San value dropped by 5 points, but he couldn't help but smile. Investigator D at the next table suddenly pointed at Xiaodou's tail and exclaimed, "What's that writing on its tail?"
Everyone looked closer and saw Xiaodou's tail drawing a simple picture on the slime on the table: "Trying to steal the director's interstellar nutrients." The director (the school idol) coughed and tossed out a can of energy canned food marked "No. 001" from the drawer (a foreshadowing of Volume 11). "After eating, we'll get to work. We're going to the Deep Sea Library today."
During lunch break, the Bureau received an anonymous package. The brown paper wrapper was printed with "Lin Shen Veterinary Clinic - Special Biology Line" (a foreshadowing of Volume 7). Xiaodou tore open the package with his tentacles, and out fell a bottle of disinfectant and a note:
"I heard you're in the Cthulhu world. Sending you some disinfectant to prevent infection—from a real friend."
"Reality?" Xiaodou muttered, his claw heart rune flashing across the blurry silhouette of Lin Shen from the modern era. The director suddenly reached for the note and tucked it into his white coat pocket. "Never mind that. Gather your gear. We're going to solve the ancient god's whispering puzzle."
As everyone turned around, Xiaodou noticed a corner of the Robocat's energy chip sticking out of the director's pocket (a foreshadowing of Volume 3). She secretly used her tentacles to scoop up the disinfectant and discovered that the bottom of the bottle was engraved with "Guardian No. 003"—the GM (Robocat)'s number.
The entrance to the Deep Sea Library lay hidden beneath the boiling sea. Xiaodou lay on the submarine's porthole, watching winged sharks and squids that could recite Shakespeare swim by. The director's voice came over the intercom:
"Remember, every book in the library has the danger of devouring your sanity. Xiaodou, you will be responsible for chewing the puzzle slate, and we will be responsible for covering it."
"Got it," Xiaodou made an OK sign with his tentacles, and suddenly caught a glimpse of a group of Cthulhu larvae in tuxedos swimming over in the distance, holding signs that read: "Welcome to the Feast of Hunger!"
Her San value dropped by 10 points instantly, but her stomach rumbled with excitement - the placards in the hands of those young creatures looked very much like the candied cakes in ancient Chinese stories.
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